Fibromyalgia Stages of Grief

All your fibromyalgia experiences, questions and answers.

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Fibromyalgia Stages of Grief

Postby shazq » Sat Aug 20, 2011 7:39 pm

Fibro like many other long illness can hit us hard, it is life changing and its something we can not control.
Fibro is a disability and you will grief for your old life just like the stages you would grief the loss of a loved one.

Shock- This is the initial paralysis, as our life as we knew it has now gone.
This stage is short-lived and should pass quickly.

Anger- Lashing out, mood swings.
I think we all go through this stage, we get angry at ourselves for our bodies letting us down, at our partners because they dont understand, at our friends because they get fed up with us complaining we are always ill. Anger at your Gp for not being able to cure
us. This stage is not good for us as it brings on stress. Stress is a known trigger to bring on a flare so try to stay as stress free as
possible.


Denial- Trying to deny we have fibro.
I think we all try to deny we have a long-term syndrome, no one wants to be told they have a disability, it's a normal reaction for
us. Some people can cope better than others but the sooner we deal with it the better.


Looking for answers- Almost out of desperation we will try anything in the hope it will just go away, medications, tests.
We will try anything to make ourselves better, go to our GP`S ask for all the latest drugs & tests, troll the net to
to find the latest "cure", rush to the chemist to buy up the vitamins, look through the health magazines. Sadly there
is no answer and no cure, we just have to keep living in hope that one day they will find us a cure.

Depression -When it hits you this is for real and it's not going to go away.
It`s normal to feel depressed for a long while, you have to mourn the loss of your old life and learn how to live with your new life.
Your body has gone through so many changes, what you took for granted last week is now going to be more of a challenge
for you this week.
Depression is a serious illness and you should always seek your GP`s advice as with help you can get past this by meds or
counselling or both dont isolate or withdraw yourself, there is help out there.

Acceptance- we have no choice this is our life and we have to make the most of it.
We can learn more about fibro, find out what will and wont help us, gather as much info on fibro as you can. Make changes
that will give us an easier life.Try to stay positive. With the help and support from family/friends/forums we can make this
happen. :grouphug: :flowers:
As a Public Moderator of this forum my opinions/views expressed are personal and are no more valid than those of other members and not necessarily those of UKFibromyalgia.
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Re: Fibromyalgia Stages of Grief

Postby xxfibeexx » Sat Aug 20, 2011 8:05 pm

Brilliant post.

Think I seem to have stalled somewhere between anger and denial....

I know that scrubbing (literally) bathroom ceiling to floor will hurt, will probably cripple me for a day, perhaps two. But by God I'll do it anyway, bringing to the fore all my bloody mindedness and swearing my way through the worst bits.

The idea of acceptance seem like such a relief, but also sometimes feels like giving up. I know it isn't, don't mean to suggest for a moment that it is.....just still in those first stages I guess.

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Re: Fibromyalgia Stages of Grief

Postby FluppyPuffy » Sat Aug 20, 2011 8:52 pm

This is a fantastic post shaz. It's something that has an affect on all of us in some way or another. Altho it gets mentioned on places like here, there is nothing said about it by the various medical bods we see. I think that if there was something said about it to prepare people for what could happen, it would make things just that little bit easier to manage.

I've made visits to each of the stages on more than one occasion since being dx'd. As it went on and on the worse it became until I eventually hit the absolute bottom. I finally found a way to accept just how my life has changed with a mix of anti-ds and counselling and therapy.

Now I know it will always be with me, lurking and waiting to bite me in the bum, but it's not quite as obsessively in my mind as it used to be. I still have times like fibee where I'll carry on doing something, even tho I know full well that I should have stopped ages ago, that's when it pounces and gets me, usually after letting me think I might not be as bad as I thought :facepalm: :facepalm:

I can understand why acceptance could be seen as giving in as you're no longer fighting to get back to the life you originally had and desperately wanted again. However, there are always changes in lives which either need accepting or fighting against. With the changes FM brings, it's still the same decisions to be faced, and the only way to deal with them is to decide which is the best option out of the possibilites available. Altho worries and stresses will still happen with acceptance, hopefully they won't be quite as bad as what spending all the time fighting against it would be.
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Re: Fibromyalgia Stages of Grief

Postby Loz23McG » Sat Aug 20, 2011 9:37 pm

Great post, thanks shazq.

Fibee, I know what you mean - I've also been stuck in a kind-of loop, bouncing from one to the other but never reaching Acceptance.

FluffyPuppy - If you don't mind me asking, what kind of counselling style did you have? There's so many to choose from nowadays!
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Re: Fibromyalgia Stages of Grief

Postby shazq » Sat Aug 20, 2011 9:42 pm

Hi
I am still trying to reach the Acceptance stage myself :( this fibro is hard work. :yikes:
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Re: Fibromyalgia Stages of Grief

Postby loubie » Sat Aug 20, 2011 10:44 pm

me too shaz :cry: :cry: :cry:

great post :hugs: well done :blowkiss:
loubie xx

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Re: Fibromyalgia Stages of Grief

Postby crystalkaz » Sun Aug 21, 2011 7:15 am

Hi shaz, brilliant post,

I am really stuck in the loop, as i feel out on a limb, waiting to wake up from a nightmare......

Still in shock stage... and ...denial, as I screamed at the doctor as he always says its a syndrome :swear1: :swear1:

Thats no answer is it? Please place this post with SPOON, as anyone just dx will then understand different stages etc...

Even I have learnt such a lot, and now i know it is real and not in my head.....My family think im such a drama queen, when i cant do anything by myself.

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Re: Fibromyalgia Stages of Grief

Postby denys » Sun Aug 21, 2011 10:30 am

Great post Shaz, and you are right it is :swear1: :swear1: hard work :flowers: :flowers: :flowers: :flowers: :flowers: :flowers:
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Re: Fibromyalgia Stages of Grief

Postby FluppyPuffy » Sun Aug 21, 2011 2:41 pm

Loz23McG wrote:FluffyPuppy - If you don't mind me asking, what kind of counselling style did you have? There's so many to choose from nowadays!


The counselling itself, before the therapy sessions, was done on a general sort of approach, working on building ways to things that happen and need dealing with. I'd try and deal with everything head on, which was the wrong approach.

The therapy sessions I had started off with a flexible approach until I was comfortable with the psychologist, then they became very CBT orientated as it's structure and ordered approach just seemed to make sense to me. We used worksheet to break down a problem into smaller and more manageable segments, identify possible ways to approach and solve each segment and then use the solutions from the segments to deal with the original issue. Even now, 3 years after the therapy I still use the same approach to things. The idea was to get to a point where I'd think my way thru things, but even now I still find using a sheet where I can write things down far more effective in dealing with things :D :D :D
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Re: Fibromyalgia Stages of Grief

Postby starlikedolly » Sun Aug 21, 2011 7:03 pm

This is so true. I was diagnosed in October 2009, and it's only now that I've reached acceptance. Your life is not the same after diagnosis, no matter how much you wish it could be. But I think things do get better as time goes on.
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Re: Fibromyalgia Stages of Grief

Postby FluppyPuffy » Sun Aug 21, 2011 7:36 pm

starlikedolly wrote:This is so true. I was diagnosed in October 2009, and it's only now that I've reached acceptance. Your life is not the same after diagnosis, no matter how much you wish it could be. But I think things do get better as time goes on.


It took me 8 years before I could consider acceptance. I'm still working on it today, over 11 years since things started appearing :shock: :shock: :shock: Maybe one day I'll reach that point where I don't need to keep reminding myself that it's with me for life :yikes: :yikes:
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Re: Fibromyalgia Stages of Grief

Postby animalhouse » Wed Aug 24, 2011 9:08 am

i think its very hard to step into acceptance mode permanently when we still have all the battles with esa/dla, doctors appointment, physios etc.

i think when we can finally be left alone and stop fighting everyone to believe us it will enable us to accept this condition ourselves, as we are constantly questioning ourselvers anyway, without others doing it as well.

we also loop in the denial/anger mode for a long time as we continue to live our lives, especially in our family unit. i think acceptance involves your whole family unit/friendship circles as the hard part is not accepting yourself but having the dailly battle of others believing you when they see one day you are up and about and the next few days you are recoverin g being knocked for 6.

the family dynamics arfe changed and everyone has to evolve into new positions (sorry brain getting tired) or take on new roles.

what i am basically saying is great postg thanks and well done. (got bored of my own rangint).

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Re: Fibromyalgia Stages of Grief

Postby denys » Wed Aug 24, 2011 12:00 pm

Well put animalhouse :wave: :wave: :wave:
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Re: Fibromyalgia Stages of Grief

Postby nutty1 » Wed Aug 24, 2011 5:08 pm

:clap: :clap: well done shazq,and flups ,animalhouse .as for acceptance i still haven`t and i had it since early 80s (mind you was wrogly diagnosed ) :facepalm: :swear1: :swear1:
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Re: Fibromyalgia Stages of Grief

Postby Max2 » Wed Aug 24, 2011 9:24 pm

Hi, I'm new to this, have been reading forum for a while and finally I've found I'm not alone in this. I'm still probably hovering between denial and anger. I have had to make some big changes in my lifestyle and I am still struggling to accept some areas that I have had to give up completely. Am week 3 of an 8 week pain management course. A lot of cbt and importance of pacing etc. I would recommend this to anyone who has lost their focus.If there is the funding at the local hospital your gp can refer you.for me it has helped me look more positively at what I can do and less at what I can no longer do. Sorry if this is in the wrong place!
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