I am very Angry!!!!

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I am very Angry!!!!

Postby cate » Mon May 25, 2015 5:15 pm

I am so b :swear1: fed up with Dr, dwp, family, friends and just about everything. I am in so much b :swear1: pain, so tired, and so b :swear1: synical.

I am ashamed of my state. And totally worn out by the fight to remain positive. I have numerous diagnoses, and been throu the mill in terms of medication. I am sick to death of it!

I am isolated, more often scared, and most of the time dying in agony. Im worn out attending dr appointments, dentists and options. I feel the dr are taking the p :swear1: out of me, and I want to slap them.

What does a very ill person who suffers intense chronic pain need to do to gain some compassion, support and mainly just to be listened too and heard. I am so exhausted with trying to f :swear1: xplain my symptoms. My mouth is so dry, my gums are aching, I am unable to cook, tydy up or just look after myself!! I mean what else do I need to do!!.

I am so f :swear1: sick of the looks I get from my son when he dictates that my state is all my fault!! he is only nice to e when he is getting something out of me. How sad is that?

Please can anyone out there give me some advice cause I am getting really scared that I am going to top myself with all this medication, which does not take the f :swear1: pains away!!!

I am living in one creul world man!! Its so unkind. And im so fed up with saying sorry!! sorry I seem angry, tired, offish. Sorry I missed the appointment. Sorry I can not visit. So I can not go the boot sale and near kill myself lifting and beding etc etc. Sorry I am in so much debt.
So I am not going to say sorry today. I am geeting treated so unfairly, it is abusive.
Last edited by FluppyPuffy on Tue May 26, 2015 9:34 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Reason: Removal of expletives and replacement with emoji.
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Re: I am very Angry!!!!

Postby Gracious » Mon May 25, 2015 11:33 pm

Cate, I can relate to absolutely everything you have written here today and I wont you to know that what your feeling, thinking and experiencing, everyone on this forum will have experienced similar at some point in the past, present and future. What is important for you to realise is your are not alone, and we are all here to listen to you and help and encourage you in finding a way forward with this condition.

Its clear your overwhelmed, tired and frustrated from what you have written. Coming to terms with Fibromyalgia and its constantly changing symptoms takes time, plus all the external factors, of family, friends, work etc. I found for myself the only thing that helped me was seeing a Pain Psychologists. There aim is to help you find ways to work with the condition, in all areas of your life and help you to find ways to deal with all your furstrations with chronic pain and give you the compassionate ear and understanding we so desperately need. They also gives you the psycholgical tools to self manage.

When I realised I was going to have a life of pain I asked to be referred to the pain clinic and specifically a Pain Psychologists. They assessed my needs and started me on ACT therapy to help me. There are all different types of therapy from which they can choose from. ACT suited my needs.

If you have never been referred to a psychologist yet or to the pain clinic programme,I would say its time to ask. The help is there, your not alone. You sound like a fighter, don't give in to this condition or the way you currently feel, you will be stronger than your realise.

I would also recommend you look into seeing if there are any local fibro groups near you and connect with them, even if its just a phone call. Reminding yourself your not alone in this helps.

For now just do something kind for yourself, be it watching a favourite movie, listening to your favourite CD, taking a bath or reading a book, whatever you feel your body and mind can manage, but its about offering yourself a little kindness and care. You deserve to give that to yourself.

With loving kindness
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Re: I am very Angry!!!!

Postby cate » Tue May 26, 2015 1:16 pm

Thankyou very much for your reply, I cried!. I am a fighter!.

Im very tired so will keep this very short.
My saving grace over this long bank holiday was a programme on Netflix called Grace and Frankie... It was so funny I had to lol last night no matter what crap I was feeling.
Been Dr again this morning... upped my steroids and given me some tamazipam for sleep. I intend to rest well over the next few days, eat and watch movies.
Once again thanks for your reply, it meant so much to me xxx
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Re: I am very Angry!!!!

Postby bandj » Tue May 26, 2015 2:54 pm

Oh Cate, I hope you're having a restful day.being overtired cos of not sleeping gets me grumpy. And I think anyone who has to cope with fibro is entitled to feel frustrated, angry and upset . We don't ask for this but we have to live with it and that's not always easy! Please don't yhink of harming yourself, although I will admit I've thought of ways out but I couldn't do that to my wonderful hubby, come on here and let it all out. Letting it out is important and here is a safe place to do that. My adult son took ages to understand what I have to cope with but he does now as he's seen me struggling for myself so I sat him down and gave him all the nitty gritty. After being told there's no cure, he was shocked but at least he understands. I hope your son will come to understand too.
please take things eaxy for a few days and be kind to yourself. Sending you gentle :hugs: :hugs:
There are these three things that remain: faith, hope and love. And the greatest of these is LOVE.
1 Corinthians 13:13
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Re: I am very Angry!!!!

Postby Gracious » Tue May 26, 2015 8:28 pm

Cate I am so pleased you got some help from your doctors and even more that you looked after yourself and allowed yourself time to be unwell and treated yourself kindly.

Netflix can be a wonderful way to distract and laughter is sometimes the best therapy too. The show you mentioned is on my watch list, I've been finishing off watch an other film, but I am now really looking forward to watching Grace and Frankie now. Thanks for letting me know its so good.

Hope you get the rest you need, and keep being kind to yourself, now matter how small.

With loving kindness
Grace
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Re: I am very Angry!!!!

Postby FluppyPuffy » Tue May 26, 2015 9:52 pm

Cate, I'm sorry to hear how things are for you at the moment, and I more than understand how it is making you feel, having been in a similarly dark place a number of times over the years.

Please do come on here and let it out as you're among many who have been thru it and have managed to find their way thru to the other side where things are somewhat lighter and brighter.

When releasing that pent up frustration tho, please do be mindful of the language you are using. Members are asked not to use unsuitable language in the Basic Rules For Membership. I've gone thru your post and replaced the expletives you used with the angry emoji as it still conveys the feeling of what you are wanting to say without causing any upset.
As a Public Moderator of this forum my opinions/views expressed are personal and are no more valid than those of other members and not necessarily those of UKFibromyalgia.

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Re: I am very Angry!!!!

Postby Sarah_89 » Wed May 27, 2015 3:54 pm

I feel your pain Cate, Believe me I feel your pain!!! I want to hug the *beep* out of you right now! Gentle hugs of course because of all the pain you're in, us fibro sufferers need gentle hugs don't we :-) Your post had me close to tears!

You're right, you are being treated so unfairly and the people in your life sound very abusive. Have you thought about going to your doctor and asking for some counselling? Or finding a support group? There are fibro support groups out there or even a charity or organisation that helps people in need, doesn't necessarily have to be fibro related. A referral to a pain management programme may also help, but there aren't many of them around and the waiting lists are long. You are put in a group of people though who will know how you feel because they feel the same or similar and it could be a chance to make new friends and find some support. It sounds like that's what you need my love. A group of people who care, take the time to listen and want to help. I know you probably feel like you should already be getting that from your existing family and friends and you're right you absolutely should. But I'm afraid it sounds like you may have to go looking for the support you need elsewhere. But believe me it won't be hard to find :-) just google it ;-)

And we're all here to support you on this forum. But I guess support on an online forum can only go so far. It does make me feel less lonely definitely because I know there's people out there who know how I feel, thousands of people. And that's comforting and reassuring to me because I know I'll always find people to talk to on here who understand and I hope it helps you in that way too. But, you really need further support from people face to face and I really hope you find it :-).

Gentle hugs again x
I am a fibro fighter! :-)

Keep fighting guys and gals and stay strong! Gentle hugs

Sarah x
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Re: I am very Angry!!!!

Postby cate » Fri May 29, 2015 8:59 am

heloo girls, thanks for your messages. I remain so ill but relived I manged to get some sleep yesterday. I am so grateful I manged to go to the toilet! Too much info I know but god was I hurting, plus my stomach is so swollen. I have an appointment for rhumy, its been fast tracked...thankgod. I have just been trying to ring the pain clinic in my area but no answer (realised it was 6am lol). But I intend to not stop until I get some real results!! this time.

I have been going around in circles with this pain and disability for 15 years... ive probably given more blood tests than ad hot dinners, honestly. I have fought and fought but if you too see me now, im :yikes: :yikes: :yikes: (im trying to put the little faces on instead of swearing but it aint happenin).

I did realise my swearing was a bit heavy on that last post, sorry. :crazy: Please tell me how to put the faces on, thanks.

Ye know the truth is ive been on this forum for years but always just read... as it calmed me down from pain panics. But I really am at the stage now that I am going to seek the support I need, and keep it, use it. Cause I just aint been getting any!! and ive ad enuff!

I have had a number of councelling sessions but that was really about coming to terms with other issues, last one losing my job because of medically incapable. I think now thou I will request some more. I know it works.

Hope this letter aint to long. Thanks again peeps xxxxx
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Re: I am very Angry!!!!

Postby cate » Fri May 29, 2015 9:02 am

Oh ye and I also practice mindfulness... this helps sometimes too. Im made up cause ive just noticed the little faces are on my last reply .... so I did it hooooray... :lol: :-D :-D :-D :-D :shock: xxxxx
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Re: I am very Angry!!!!

Postby TheHud » Fri May 29, 2015 10:09 am

cate wrote:Oh ye and I also practice mindfulness... this helps sometimes too. Im made up cause ive just noticed the little faces are on my last reply .... so I did it hooooray... :lol: :-D :-D :-D :-D :shock: xxxxx


You go girl :-D

I am out of the closet after years and years of thinking I might prefer to just go, but had others to think about so stayed. Now is my time too and although sad, my M in L who I had nursed for 8 years passed away in Feb. First I hit the floor like a lead balloon, all that hanging on, just surviving one day at a time, whilst caring for someone, intensively at times, and totally physically over the later 6 months. I was completely exhausted and could not even keep my head up and the pain, everything I had shelved as selfish because others were worse of than me, well devastation hit me. Now I am coming out of the fugg and I am determined to fight to get some life back.

NOT TODAY AND NOT WITHOUT A FIGHT 8-)
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Re: I am very Angry!!!!

Postby cate » Sat May 30, 2015 4:50 pm

Hope ur having a better day today the hud. Thanks for your reply x
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Re: I am very Angry!!!!

Postby TheHud » Wed Jun 10, 2015 4:53 pm

cate wrote:Hope ur having a better day today the hud. Thanks for your reply x


Hi Cate

how are you dealing with things now?

I hope there has been some improvement to things and you have your appointment looming, if so write everything down. i say that and forget everytime myself ;-)
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