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The UKFibromyalgia Forums • View topic - life just gets worse help



life just gets worse help

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life just gets worse help

Postby Taz » Sun Sep 02, 2012 6:00 pm

well havn't been here for a while but need to have a rant,
5 months ago my wife left me and my 12yo son, he has now become a young carer which I hate but he does it out of his love for me,
then the last month I get the dreaded ESA 50 form as I am on incapacity benefit, now as well as the FM i suffer heart disease (heart attack and fitted with stents) hiatus hernia, reflux disease, diabetes insulin controlled, plus a few other problems, I take over 350 tablets a week plus 3 injections a day plus oramorph for the the pain, sometimes large amounts of morphine, then to add insult to injury I have been sent another DLA form ? now last year i renewed my dla and was also put under investigation after someone made a false accusation about me, I passed both and continue to get my DLA at middle rate care and higher rate mobility, I asked why they have sent me another DLA form as this will be the 3rd one I have had to fill in in 10 months :yikes: nothing has changed except life has got a bit harder, my son is a massive help and does most of what his mum did before she left and together we have learned to cope..........just, I am worried now, very worried about being kicked off one or more of my benefits as we couldn't manage without them :cry: it's bad enough loosing my wife who left because she no longer loves me (now i'm disabled) after 14 years together and the extra pressure has me in tears all the time, I feel victimised and scarred, and don't know who to turn too ? :?:
NEVER EVER GIVE UP OR IT'S ALL OVER
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Re: life just gets worse help

Postby babajane32 » Sun Sep 02, 2012 6:18 pm

Wow you have had far more than your fair share to contend with! Maybe first port of call for some help with the forms and the befits issues would be CAB. Also theres a group called action for young carers who can help give your son a bit of extra attention and perks and who can also put into place things for when he goes out etc.. they may well be able to giv u names addresses phone numbers or organisations or people who can help you with forms etc. Each area has it's own young carers section and they can be really good, even help out with a small holiday for you and your son in one of their caravans and they do have adapted vans is needed.
With regards to the forms and debate on esa transfer /dla etc...I've been fighting for years and got nowhere, i had to pretty much be at the point of meltdown before i even got doc to refer me to correct peopl or even fill a form out properly! even esa dont know what they're doing properly! its a time of toal uncertainly for us all i think, so if you can ring cab and try and get some help to steer you through the mindfield it cant do any harm at all!.....also note..if you live alone (no partner) and are on mid or high rate dla and no one claims carers allowance for you esa carriers a premium of £50+ a week , but that may depend on income/contributions etc, but well worth knowing about.
Hope you get sorted, loads of soft hugs
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Re: life just gets worse help

Postby Taz » Sun Sep 02, 2012 6:53 pm

Thanks for that quick reply, the problem is the form ESA50 is due back tomorow 3rd september, but with everything that's been going on I have left it too late to see cab, I can however see CAB about the DLA form as they helped last year so have a record of it and nothing has changed except my carer has gone from my wife to my son, friends and family, I do intend to find another carer when I get chance but it's hard, I am still devastated about loosing my wife and youngest son who is 6yo and lives with his mum as I could not physically manage to look after him full time :( Dla told me that the reason I had to fill in another form was a new group who where choosing people at random to prepare for the change in DLA to a new benefit name :?: much like ESA is taking over from Incapacity benefit.
I have read that filling in the ESA form should be thought of as a "work related" set of questions i.e. can you do the tasks repeatedly or over a fair amount of time as you would if you where working :?: my Doctor gp has told me I am not fit for work and my medication alone would make me unemployable :?: but the horror stories I have heard about ATOS has me scarred and worried. My life is falling apart and I feel lost, my Kids keep me going though and I have not fallen with depression like I did last time I went through such a tough time which is the one good thing, but iv'e been on the edge a few times and my Doctor has acknowledged the extra stress caused by the benefit forms lark.
I don't understand why the benefits people can't just contact my Doctor and ask him ? he is a tough love type of Doctor but knows full well how bad I am and accepts that I am genuine and deserve the DLA and benefits I get, Iv'e paid into the system all my life, it's not my fault i'm sick ? it's destroyed my life, stopped most of my hobbies and interests and left me with a crap life.
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Re: life just gets worse help

Postby FluppyPuffy » Sun Sep 02, 2012 6:57 pm

I'm sorry to hear what you've been thru over the past few months. I wish I could conjure up some words that would make things better for you.

WRT the benefits forms, as has already been said, CAB could well be the best place to start with them. They can help with completing them, and with your change in circumstances may be able to advise you of other things you may be eligible for, as well as other people who may be able to help you.

If you don't have a local CAB, your local council may well be able to give you details of organisations in your area who can try to help you.

Your son sounds like a very special boy, so I hope you can start getting things sorted out very soon so you can both start living your lives without these extra worries.


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Re: life just gets worse help

Postby Lemonzest2012 » Sun Sep 02, 2012 7:13 pm

I really hate that when it happens, what happend to "For Richer or Poorer, In Sickness and in Health" Seems they only sick around the the Rich and Healthy parts :(
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Re: life just gets worse help

Postby Taz » Sun Sep 02, 2012 8:34 pm

quite,
the problem with my wife leaving came as a shock even though I new she wasn't totally happy she never told me how bad things where :roll:
she now tells me she wanted out 2 years ago, but a week before she left she was declaring her never ending love for me and how she would never leave me and stick by her wedding vows :roll: I offered her several times that I would move to my mums to give her some space and everytime she begged me to stay, I tried everything to make her happy and got badly into debt as a result, I have dealt with the debt.
As for the benefits lark it's stopping me and my son trying to move on and has brought our life to a halt, my son is a true diamond and I love both my sons more than life itself. in fact they are my life now I have stopped nearly all my hobbies they are what keeps me going.
I have been depressed before and will not let myself sink into that state again although it would be very easy right now when nothing I do seems to go right. :( My Son has allways been a "daddys boy" and to me he remains totally loyal, he has seen what my x wife has done and he wants nothing to do with her, i find this sad and have tried not to influence him in any way but he's no fool. my 6yo son wants to live with me as well but I cant manage him and this brings me to tears, the only good thing is that my wife has found a house just down the rd so I see him every few days. My health has suffered though as we all know stress makes the Fibro worse and so more pain, I suffer from highly advanced Fibro in that it no longer goes in stages, it's more constant now with pain virtually all the time, the level of pain fluctuates a bit but not much and the meds only offer a slight help. I feel victimised being asked to fill in a 3rd DLA form in 10 months, iv'e even been through a thourough investigation in which I was cleared of any wrong doing and awarded my DLA without further question.
can they now turn round and say because my wife has left i dont get as much help and reduce my DLA as a result ? I am looking for a carer but it's a personal thing and I dont want just any stranger in my house ? social services just sent me a list but they are all expensive and I dont like the look of these agencies ? I do feel as though I am being punished but for what, everyone I know says I am one of the good guys in life ? I certainly dont feel it :cry: my son hates to see me cry but iv'e been doing a lot of that recently, I feel very lonely and i dread the postman comming every day in case it's more bad news
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Re: life just gets worse help

Postby C4thy » Sun Sep 02, 2012 9:31 pm

Taz, your post has really struck a chord with me. I'm not really sure what to say but feel that I want to say something supportive.

I found myself in the same position nearly 3 years ago when my ex-hubby left out of the blue after 14 years, leaving me to bring up my 3 year daughter on my own. It was the most stressful time of my life. My heart breaks to hear that you are trying to cope with the same sort of thing. My daughter is now 5 and also my rock. Life is hard for her with me being different but we are so much closer because of it at the same time. She is growing into a compassionate little girl and I'm very proud of her. You obviously feel the same about your son.

I'm trying hard to think of things that might help you sort the finances out. I don't know where you are and things might be different in your area. I'm in Wales. I found CAB were brilliant and surprisingly I've also got a really good adviser at the job centre. CAB were able to help with grants etc from utility companies as well as things like form filling for DWP. It might still be worth seeing them to see if you can shave anything off your household bills. Mine are reduced by a few hundred pounds per year through being on unadvertised tariffs for the disabled and chronically sick. CAB will know what's in your area for you to apply for.

As for DWP, it sounds like you've got a good GP behind you. I'm about to go through the ESA forms as I'm coming off income support so I too am dreading the whole thing. My GP advised to be ready for the assessment to say fit for work and then to see him immediately and he would help me have it overturned. But one step at a time, you haven't been turned down yet. Tackle that when and if it happens. If you still have problems afterwards you could try seeing your local MP, preferably a Labour MP as they are more likely to back you as the opposition party.

I know things are hard to cope with and DWP make us all panic. Please try to take things one day at a time and not to dwell on what *might* happen. The stress won't help. See your GP and talk to him. Speak to CAB as well as there are ways to reduce outgoings as well as increase income and they can help.

I wish you all the best and I'll check in to see how you're doing. Take care. xx
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Re: life just gets worse help

Postby *Lisa* » Sun Sep 02, 2012 10:25 pm

Hi,

As said above if your in receipt of MRC and are single and no one claiming carers alowence then you need to ask for a severe disability form to fill in this will be an extra 50 pound plus a week BUT please note mr caMORON is taking this added extra away from people come september when the new unoversal credit comes into play.... another turn around :nono:

You should only get dla forms on renewal :?: unless there is a problem :?:

You must send that ESA form off in time (special delivery) or your benefit will be stopped regardless to your situation.

My friend was assesed by the social services and they granted her a budget to get carers in, maybe ask about this :?: they also helped in other ways as they try to help families who have disabilities.
As a Public Moderator & Admin of this forum my opinions/views expressed are personal and are no more valid than those of other members and not necessarily those of UKFibromyalgia...Lisa
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Re: life just gets worse help

Postby Taz » Sun Sep 02, 2012 11:11 pm

Thanks again for the kind replies,
the debt side of things is under control although my wife left me with debts I have sorted them out with weekly payments so that isn't my big worry, the 3RD DLA form I was told was becuase they are changing DLA to another benefit and getting people at random (i doubt it) to fill in the form again to see if they still qualify, despite when I told them nothing had changed and this was the 3rd form in 10 months they said I still have to fill it in or will loose my DLA. I have filled in the ESA form as best i can and my cousin is droping it off at there offices tomorow so it will be on time :roll: it only says the 3rd sept not what time lol.
I will see cab on tuesday as mine is closed tomotorow, what is MRC ? I recieve incap, tax credits, child benefit and DLA at present but have no one claiming my carers allowance ? so if I can claim anything extra then it all helps :-o
Social services where not much help to be honest, they just sent me a list of carers and told me to ring round, when I asked about help around the house, i.e laundry, cleaning etc they just told me they don't do anything about that and I would have to get a private cleaner in and pay for it myself. :?: I thought the DLA form was another investigation as I have had a few big fall outs with people since the wife ran out on us but there was nothing to say that was the reason (when i had an investigation last year they told me in a letter) this time it was just the form and a letter telling me they needed more information to continue with my claim ? but it's not due untill next september ? that's why I questioned it. they said it was a totally random procedure ? but it seems a bit fishy to me ?
is it any wonder we view these benefits agencies like they are underhand and sneaky and trying to use any method they can to get people off benefits even when they are genuine ? my Doctor told me my medication alone should prove I am genuine, with over 350 tablets a week, high strength morphine in larg ish doses every day and injections every day, plus the fact i have given up nearly all my hobbies ? this alone should prove I am legitimate and genuine, I have a crap life to be honest and all this just brings me to my knees in despair and i just keep ending up in tears, I don't feel like a man I feel like a failure and all this is being caused by the benefit people screwing down the mental pain, my wife always helped me through these times and my son is great but not quite the same understanding or help,
NEVER EVER GIVE UP OR IT'S ALL OVER
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Re: life just gets worse help

Postby zappa20 » Mon Sep 03, 2012 5:22 am

Sorry to hear you are having such a hard time of it at the moment. Although you feel it's a bit suspect receving yet another DLA form to fill in, what you were told is true. The DWP randomly check so many DLA claims each and every year , no matter when or for how long they were awarded. They also do annual random checks on many other benefits. You've just been unlucky in being randomly chosen , and now have to fill out another long form. I've never claimed DLA but have heard it's very long form so hopefully CAB will get you some help with this.

I think the ESA form is supposed to be sent back to ATOS not the DWP, so just to be on the safe side ask your relative who's dropping if off to get a receipt to say it was handed back in. Just to avoid any possible problems . Did you keep a copy of it?

I've been Type 1 diabetic for many years with extensive long term diabetic damage so appreciate it's a real added complication when you're in pain or ill, having to fit in umpteen injections and eat when that's the last thing you feel like doing. But any added stress will play havoc with your blood sugar levels which isn't good for you long term, as well as worsening your Fibro symptoms.

See your GP as soon as you can for some support, and try to take one thing at a time. I wish you well.
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Re: life just gets worse help

Postby Taz » Mon Sep 03, 2012 5:17 pm

Thanks zappo
yes the nurse told me that my blood sugars are all over the place with stress, my cousin took the form into the address listed on the envelope today and the chap told him he would take it up to the office right away, there where security cameras all around him so they can't deny he was there.
I am also waiting for an operation to remove all my teeth any time soon as the diabetes and meds have destroyed them, i'm also very worried about this, I hate the dentist at the best of times but this is a bog operation for me and will be done under a general anastetic then I will have months messing around with dentures etc before it's sorted out properly. My wife was my main support and was my mental rock and she has been really nasty to me since she left, i think it's just her way of not showing any emotion but it's been very hard for me and my son to manage. I feel like a 2nd rate dad most of the time as i can't do all the things with my kids I want to do :cry: I often sit and cry about this and the extra pressure is just the last straw, I am being strong only because I have been to depression hell before and know all the signs plus I know how to get help and how to cope, but I still feel like crap :roll: I saw a counsellor as soon as the wife left and did everything right to pre empt any low feelings that could have led to problems if left unchecked. I don't drink either so i dont need the bottle lol.
I just hate seeing those smug MP's calling us all scroungers when they are the biggest scroungers going with their umpteen houses and massive tax breaks, along with huge expense accounts :-x I mean why do we need 600 Mp's anyway ? it's a joke and they blame everything on benefit reciprients :roll: sorry about the rant but I dont get out much now the wife has gone as she used to take me most places.
the pain has been getting worse for a few weeks now and i'm not sleeping either so i am tired and ratty, i get so frustrated as i used to be able to do almost anything, I virtually rebuilt my first house alone, now if I paint a radiator I am knackered and need an hours rest :(
I will have a few days rest now then go and see CAB, they filled in my last DLA form so should have it on record, it's only about 8 months ago. I also need to see if I can find a carer or helper to help round the house, that would ease the pressure a bit.
I would still like to know about this MRC to see if I am entitled to the extra money, what does MRC mean ? please
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Re: life just gets worse help

Postby Taz » Mon Sep 03, 2012 5:42 pm

ok so does MRC mean Middle rate care of DLA ? if so then I am on that
who do I need to call as no one gets carers allowance for me, when my wife left 6 months ago she stopped claiming it
I phoned dla and dwp to change all the info and no one mentioned me claiming anything else, the arse's why ?
I will be really angry if i find I have missed out on £50 or more a week for the last 6 months :-x
NEVER EVER GIVE UP OR IT'S ALL OVER
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Re: life just gets worse help

Postby *Lisa* » Mon Sep 03, 2012 7:20 pm

As a Public Moderator & Admin of this forum my opinions/views expressed are personal and are no more valid than those of other members and not necessarily those of UKFibromyalgia...Lisa
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Re: life just gets worse help

Postby Taz » Mon Sep 03, 2012 10:07 pm

Thanks Lisa
I'm suffering in a great deal of pain right now, probably down to all the stress of whats going on
coupled with trying to get my Son ready for his first day at high school :roll: that's just cost me £250
I think if schools want the children to wear custom uniforms they should offer some help to people in very low income brackets
all I got was a £30 cheque to help :roll:
I just want to get all this benefits crap behind me so me and my Son can move forward with our lives, it's difficult enough
after loosing my wife without all the other pressure on top :(
I need to start to learn how to manage with just me and my son to live some kind of normal life again, I am a quiet life kind of guy
who just wants to be left to get on with things without having to worry about all this stuff.
I have lost nearly all my hobbies and interests due to illness so to just to find a new interest or maybe to get out and do some photography
which I used to enjoy and I can manage. although gettig out and about is a drag.
I dont want much to just to be left alone and get on with the basic life I had
NEVER EVER GIVE UP OR IT'S ALL OVER
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Re: life just gets worse help

Postby Taz » Sun Sep 23, 2012 10:39 pm

well the good news I got my ESA :-D AND A PAY RISE WITH IT wow
so maybe things are on the up after all
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