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The UKFibromyalgia Forums • View topic - Friends ?? long one sorry



Friends ?? long one sorry

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Friends ?? long one sorry

Postby welshmel » Wed Aug 17, 2011 9:57 am

I have had fm for about 5 years been dx 2 years
I don't go out very often now with friends as I just find I cannot cope with the noise, the constant pain etc etc
However, I really made the effort to go out with a gang of ladies but I only really knew two of them well.
My Friend my best friend , introduced me as i walked into the pub, " This is mel shes a hypocondriac! :yikes: omg i didnt know what to do, so I just said hello. Twice later on in the evening she referred to me as this and i felt absolutely gutted!! I got my other half to pick me up and I broke my heart all night crying in disbelief. as she knows what im going thru x
:fingerscrossed:
My Partner said i should tell her how she upset me but i felt i couldnt speak to her whilst i was in such a state, so i waited until i had calmed down and sent her an email saying in a nice way how she upset me. Well she denied it all! now I dont drink alcohol and she drinks lots and lots every day but i still thought it was in my head and got very confused.
Anyway the following day one of our friends died suddenly, we were all shocked at saddened and my friend was in a right mess about it so i went down to her house and gave her a hug and we cried etc . I told her to forget the email and lifes too short to worry about petty stuff when our friend aged 44 had dropped dead! Anyway since then i have tried to talk to her, and she just answers with one word and she really isnt interested in being my friend anymore so we could lose our friendship after 40 years i just dont get it??? this is playing on my mind and i would like somebody elses advice on what to do please xxx :facepalm:
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Re: Friends ?? long one sorry

Postby denys » Wed Aug 17, 2011 10:05 am

Mel I'm so sorry to hear about your friend dying so suddenly, your other friend obviously doesnt sound like a very nice person, she obviously only wanted to be your friend when she could belittle you and lord it over you, has she always been like that??????

I know it must hurt, but stop texting or contacting her and I bit she will eventually come to you sending you :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: and :flowers: :flowers: :flowers: :flowers: :flowers: :flowers: :flowers: :flowers: :flowers: :flowers: :flowers: :flowers: :flowers: :flowers: :blowkiss: :blowkiss: :blowkiss: :blowkiss:
Denys

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Re: Friends ?? long one sorry

Postby welshmel » Wed Aug 17, 2011 10:14 am

i know ur right but i just needed someone else outside my circle to tell me that x thanks so much x :D
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Re: Friends ?? long one sorry

Postby FluppyPuffy » Wed Aug 17, 2011 10:33 am

I was going to give you the same sort of advice as denys, mel :grouphug: :grouphug: Since developing FM I've found out thru situations like you had who my true friends are. I know it's sad and hard after such a long time, but she really isn't worth bothering with any more :facepalm: :facepalm: She's finally shown you her true colours and sadly there is no way back from that :facepalm: :facepalm: :nono: :nono:


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Re: Friends ?? long one sorry

Postby holmess » Wed Aug 17, 2011 1:08 pm

Hi Mel :wave:
Unfortunately it's at times like these when you find who your true friends are...It would be good if things could be patched up especially as you have both just tragically lost a close friend, unfortunate;y it's the same old story..unless people have had this illness they can't fully understand the way it ruins your life. I do hope things get better between you.
Here's a hug from one hypochondriact to another :lol: :hugs: :hugs:

Take care
Sharon ....
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Re: Friends ?? long one sorry

Postby shazq » Wed Aug 17, 2011 9:14 pm

Hi
It would be a shame to lose your friendship after 40yrs but she should be more understanding towards your illness and your feelings. :hugs:

As you are both grieving for your friend why not let things die down and get back in touch in a couple of weeks time to see how she treats you. :dunno: if she is still off..ish with you then at least you know you have tried and then she is not the friend you thought she was. :dunno: :goodluck1:
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Re: Friends ?? long one sorry

Postby cherryblossom » Wed Aug 17, 2011 11:15 pm

Hi Mel. Firstly I'm so sorry about the death of your friend. That is so tragic when she is so young and obviously a big shock to you all. As for your friend, I'm not taking sides but she may be in shock and trying to work all this out. But my thoughts are the same as the others, with this illness you soon find out who your friends are, I certainly have in the last year!

But do just stop all contact with her and see what happens, she'll either decide in the future she needs you or she won't bother. On the other hand she might realise deep down she made a wrong judgment and will be too embarrassed to admit it so may avoid contact with you because of that. But only time will tell. But don't beat yourself up about it, you have to come first otherwise you're going to make yourself worse by stressing out over all this. You're not the one with the problem, she is, and in more ways than one by the sound of it.

Anyway, I hope it all turns out ok for you. Please take care. Loadsa gentle :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :flowers: Cherry :blowkiss:
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Re: Friends ?? long one sorry

Postby shelleydwales » Thu Aug 18, 2011 2:07 am

Hey welsh mel...im welsh shell!!. From one hypochondriac to another,No one should ever make you feel like that!! It dosent matter what the explanation or reason,you should not except being spoken to that way! Relationships end! And this one should!
So sorry to hear about your friend.
Be strong hunny :grouphug:
Shell xxxx

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Re: Friends ?? long one sorry

Postby 954job » Thu Aug 25, 2011 3:06 pm

Hi Mel,

Sorry to hear about the loss of you friend.

I, like yourself, have been suffering with Fibro for 5 years but only diagnosed in April this year. I am having the same problem with one of my so-called friends as well. We have been friends for about 8 years and for the last 18 months, since my illness has really kicked in, she has been a b***ch! She thinks its all in my head and doesn't understand when I am having a "low" day. She thinks I am a moody cow, even though, as a matter of fact, she's the worlds worst! She hasn't spoken to me for about 8 weeks, even though we used to speak to one another almost every day and meet up at least twice a week.
Last week I decided to write a letter to her (coz I was too emotional to ring her) explaining all about Fibro, its symptoms etc, and trying to explain to her that I can't help the way I feel and that I feel like I am going through hell at the moment. I told her that I need support from family and friends and that if she didn't feel like she could do this, then I would have to understand! She spoke to my brother on Saturday and said she hasn't fallen out with me and asking why I had written her a letter! He told her to ring or text me which she did on Tuesday and it was a very unpleasant text! I sent one back to her and repeated some of the stuff that I'd put in the letter and said that I'm having a really tough time at the moment and that I need friends who understand to support me! I haven't heard from her since! I think that is going to be the end of our friendship coz she obviously thinks that I too am a Hypochondriac. I certainly have found out the hard way that she is not the friend I thought she was!

Anyway, take care and don't feel that you're the only one being treated like this. There are a lot of selfish, thoughtless people out there, but there are some good ones too!

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Re: Friends ?? long one sorry

Postby hamstergirl » Fri Aug 26, 2011 7:48 am

Hi

I've only got one friend who understands me but maybe thats because she suffers with depression and know what its like to suffer with an invisible illness.

My friend (well obv not) told me other year it was 'all in my head'. I ignored it. However, we both got disabled siblings and she was telling me when her parents are no longer here she will be having her sister to live with her. She asked me if i would be doing same for my sister, told her i couldnt because i have enough looking after myself and cant wait till kids are independant and have their own house.

She said she'd never let her sister go into an home. who does she think she is telling me what i should and shouldnt do? Fortunately i dont have to see her often (hard not to cos every so often we have a get together with a few friends) but can see in the end i will end up saying something to her.

Trouble is she suffers with Diabetes and Alopecia and thinks theres nothing wrong with me apart from my head.

But then i do kind of understand cos to look at me its hard to think there was anything wrong.

I so wish there was a test for this FM to prove to people but then if they knew us they should know we are not doing it for attention

Take care

Lorraine
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Re: Friends ?? long one sorry

Postby gillshutt » Fri Aug 26, 2011 8:01 am

Can't really add anything except to send hugs ((xx))

Also to add that the drinking may be affecting her too. People who are alcohol dependant tend to be quite self centred and say things which they think funny without realising how it affects others. They don't necessarily mean it, sometimes there is something else behind it all. I know my brother in law once got very drunk and said some very hurtful things... I think it was down to jealousy that his brother had a happy marriage.

Leave it for now and, if she is your friend, she will come back to you. She may well be embarrased about what she has done so can't face you.
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