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The UKFibromyalgia Forums • View topic - my empty nest!



my empty nest!

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my empty nest!

Postby cherryblossom » Mon Sep 19, 2011 1:06 am

Hi All, :wave: As some of you know our ds has finally moved out. He and his partner were offered and agricultural tied cottage (with the job) and finally decided to take it. There has been alot of decorating to do (rooms purple from floor to ceiling (included!) and orange bedrooms?) :crazy: :crazy: :yikes: but we somehow managed to get most of it done between us all and their various jobs etc. It has been really hard work.

Well, on saturday his partner's parents came over with their stockbox loaded with furniture for them so she asked them to come to ours and pick up everything else as ds is just dithering about now! Well, they kindly obliged so we loaded them up then told ds he has actually moved out, bed gone, the lot. Well, it's been lovely helping them set up their first home but after tonight up there I couldn't help but wonder that kids these days seem to manage to want/need more than we ever did when we set up our first home.

For example they wanted a microwave, a toaster, a colour tv, new crockery and cutlery, as much furniture as possible and no 'making do's' When we set up we had a little portable black and white tv, tea chests as coffee tables and bedside tables, second hand kitchen things including crokery etc, any duvet sets we could find etc, we just made do with whatever we could. DS and partner as soon as they heard they had the place they bought a whole matching kitchen service i.e cups, teapot, oven gloves, utensils, toaster, saucepans, and loads more. Also wanted a colour tv, they already had nice bedroom furniture, internet was a must, and the list goes on!

What a difference I've noticed in how kids now set up their new homes. Is it that they are better off nowadays or are things cheaper? I don't know. But I do know that our house is very quiet. 2 dogs have gone, the ferrets have gone, our sitting room tv has gone along with our cottage suite (we do have other sofas etc) their bedroom is empty completely, there's no cheeky chit chat from him, no walking remonders from her, it's all quiet :( :cry: . They've grown up from such vulnerable little people to strong independant people with their own lives and minds. Perhaps this is where we sit back and think our job is done as they walk out hand in hand to face the big wide world? Where did all that time go to? :( :hugs:
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Re: my empty nest!

Postby animalhouse » Mon Sep 19, 2011 8:10 am

cherry i am not at that stage as my eldest is only 15 but, there are various times in our life when we wish we had them and then sometimes not. :crazy:

you must be so proud that they have grown into such a strong, independant couple - credit to you. once they have settled in you will see they need you as evert to advise on this and that or entertain the pets for them.

look at this as a new begiinning for both of you not the end of another chapter, you are bound to feel like this.

:hugs: :hugs: :hugs:

hugs and [chocolate] [chocolate] yodeserve a little treat to perk you up.
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Re: my empty nest!

Postby denys » Mon Sep 19, 2011 10:57 am

They'll be back for visits etc. Cherry and he hasnt gone far you can visit, my eldest is in London and my youngest has just moved to Dundee :yikes: :yikes: :yikes: :yikes: both boys, but my girls are still around one living with me and one about to have her 3rd child living not far from me. I miss them like crazy but when they all come home the noise is enough to bring the house down :crazy: :crazy: :crazy: :crazy: :crazy: :crazy:
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Re: my empty nest!

Postby tnissan38 » Mon Sep 19, 2011 4:32 pm

i have two sons one who is 24 lives with his fience and her 3 year old . they are expecting a baby together end of november . but its not a very stable relationship he loves them to bits but she comes with a very unstable background of a not very good mother who brought her up very badly . and has much has would like the relationship to work i have big doughts and worries . my second son is 21 and lives at home and his girlfriend spends nearly all time here too . they have just found out they too are expecting a baby about april time . the worry i have with them is she has not been able to get work my son is in employment now after 7 months unemployed and saw how difficult it was to get that job . the thing is her parents have said that once the baby born could only stay there 2 weeks . i can never understand parents like that , i have told them they very welcome to stay here till financially able to afford to rent . thing is now because her parents has said that his partner is full steam ahead carnt wait to rent somewhere when baby due . under no cercumstances on my son wages would they be able to do it . they think i being pocessive and dont want them to move on and try, but cannot get my son to see that i worry and know that they will not be able to manage all the bills that come with a house . i would love my sons to settle down in there own homes cause i would but cannot see it and they too young to understand :( xxx tracey
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Re: my empty nest!

Postby cherryblossom » Tue Sep 20, 2011 12:47 am

Hi. Thanks for your replies guys, I was having a selfish sorry moment! Denys, I can sympathise how you feel - we moved from our 'native' sussex to somerset and all our family live in sussex (well, all my side do, oh has a sister and brother here now) but my mum has phoned every day for over 15 yrs now, bless her! We all miss each other but I wouldn't change it.

Tracey, I'm with you, I can't understand parents like that either - our house ahs always been an open house for anyone who needs it and we always try to make everyone welcome, perhaps a bit too much as now our son and daughter's friends pop in to see US now and often stay for dinner, sometimes a weekend. It really is lovely and I love having people around and 'fussing' as my mother puts it! Our house rule is that you make everyone welcome and make them feel tha they are no trouble at all to have. I would hate for people to feel uncomfortable here.
You sound like me as I have helped various partners of our kids and always offered them somewhere to stay til they sort themslves out, it just comes naturally. I share your worries about their relationships, I always worry about if things are going ok or not and have felt for them when hearts have been broken. But you have alot on your plate at the moment, I hope you have some support for you as well. I hope things work out well for you all one way or the other. Take care, my thoughts are with you. Cherry :hugs: :blowkiss:
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Re: my empty nest!

Postby tnissan38 » Wed Sep 21, 2011 3:29 am

thanks for that cherry . Yes i have lots of support and my husband is fantastic . But like everyone you read about on here because its something you cannot really see sometimes you cannot explain how painful your body is . Most people say i look pale and not well but dont think fully understand . my hubby is great and know a lot on here dont have that . And like you prob make too welcome but thats me i love having them here . its just the persistant of the girlfrind about getting house soon has baby born , i think i will have to have a long sit down talk with them very soon that not has simple has if cannot pay a bill one day , move out more to it . it is very difficult for the young ones now no jobs about and housing worse than ever . But i will never stop being a worried parent just has my mum was bless her . SOME MOTHERS THOUGH ? . Anyway sorry for going on a bit xxxx tracey hope you take it easy too
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Re: my empty nest!

Postby FluppyPuffy » Wed Sep 21, 2011 11:16 am

Tracey, all you do is give your youngest son and his OH the best advice you can, let them try things to find out what life is like with their own place, then be there for them and let them know there is a place for them with you if they find it a struggle :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: It sounds like you've done a good job in nurturing an independent spirit in him, hopefully he'll take on some of what you've said and help his OH realise that it may not be the best thing for them to do at the moment :fingerscrossed: :fingerscrossed:


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