Unhelpful suggestions

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Unhelpful suggestions

Postby mellabella » Wed Nov 16, 2011 7:38 pm

Hi All,

I haven't written here for a while but i thought id just like to let you all know about great book on fibro i've been reading today. It's called Fibromyalgia and it's by Dr. Chris Jenner,

As i was reading i was thinking i wished my friends and family would take the time to read it and then perhaps they would understand exactly why their 'helpful' suggestions on how i can make myself better, such as. You need to loose weight - why don't you go to the gym or take up more exercise to make your muscles stronger- why don't you go to the gym or take up more exercise to loose weight- why don't you go and do some voluntary work to take your mind off it - you seem very depressed lets go out on the town and have fun - try and get an early night, you'll feel much better- Your not doing enough in the day that's why you can't sleep at night.- You're just dwelling on it to much - you need to get yourself into a routine - Don't worry, If it's important, then you'll remember it - you worry to much, have you tried yoga/vitamins/meditation/courses/classes/writing it all down. If you tried to keep the housework down you'd have more time to go out and do things. Gardening is a good outdoor activity..Why don't you try and find yourself a boyfriend!!!...You're not making the most of yourself, and so on, and so on are actually quite unhelpful suggestions and only make me realise how much I'm no longer able to do.

I'd like them to understand that i am not dismissing their 'helpful' suggestions in favour of wanting to remain disabled for 'fear of getting better' but i am dismissing them because i am just unable to do them any more. simple as that, end of. I'd like them to understand how much it upsets me when they take my rejection of their 'helpful' suggestions as a rejection of them as people. I'd like them to understand that my fibromyalgia is all about how it impacts on my life, and not how it impacts on their life. I'm really sorry if my fibromyalgia upsets you, but you can't fix me. The most helpful thing you could do is read about fibro before making any more 'helpful' suggestions.

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Re: Unhelpful suggestions

Postby Ldyalb » Wed Nov 16, 2011 10:06 pm

My boyfriend's father and mother both work for the NHS, one in management, the other as a medical professional.

Today his father advised me to go private to sort myself out.

I am dirt poor, both parents also disabled and Mum's only just started work again after 15 months off sick.

I have no money for private Drs. They mean well but don't realise my family are much poorer than theirs.

And also I hate the 'you just need to work through the pain' suggestions! :banghead:

It is better than those friends who don't ask how you are anymore, or who just ignore the fact you've been signed off sick for 3 months/been diagnosed with another condition. At least the ones suggesting things are trying to help in their way.
'Think of all the beauty still left around you and be happy' - Anne Frank

TMJ, RLS, HMS, Fibro, Dyspraxia - ASD + Dyscalculia overlap, Eczema + Rosacea + suspected Psoriatic Arthritis.

Being an Adult is nothing like it said in the brochure...!
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Re: Unhelpful suggestions

Postby cherryblossom » Wed Nov 16, 2011 11:10 pm

I know what you mean about 'going private'! Our ds smashed his hands to pieces in a treefelling accident a few years ago :yikes: ( wasn't his fault - was helping a 'friend' fell a tree and it went very wrong!) so last year when his hands were really hurting in the cold weather a very good friend said they'd pay for him to 'go private' and see someone who would be better than an nhs doctor'.

Well, I asked him to tell me who he would be seeing if we agreed. When he came back with a name and was praising him to the hilt saying he was wonderful, better than any nhs doc, knows what he's talking about etc, I told him that we'd rather stay with the nhs doctor :? .

Quite miffed by this he asked why. I explained to him that this so called 'excellent doctor, better than any nhs doctor' was actually the consultant our son had been seeing on the nhs!!! Needless to say he was suddenly very quiet and I felt a little bit smug 8) ! It just goes to show that spending out doesn't always get you treatment any better than anyone else :nono: , maybe a little faster, but not necessessarily any better. Take care all. Cherry x
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