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and we thought we had it bad.....

PostPosted: Fri Feb 06, 2009 9:53 pm
by smoky
just thought id tell you this to remind you how lucky we really are

I was called up to a french fibro forum that i am a member of as they were having problems talking to someone with limited french; when I logged on and began to talk i was appalled by his situation

He is married to a lady who was diagnosed with fibro a year ago after the death of their 7 year old daughter and whilst pregnant with their twins...
she is now so depressed she cant touch the twins, wont take any meds and wont talk to her 6 yr old son.

Her husband has almost no french although he lives in france and has lixed english as he grew up in holland. he is struggling to cope with children, wife who the docs want to commit to a pyschiatric institute and guilt over his daughter's death.

I was in tears talking to him and am trying very hard to find him help, although I live over 600 miles away!!

It is situations like this which make you realise how lucky you are no matter how bad the pain :oops:


PostPosted: Fri Feb 06, 2009 11:12 pm
by star
Too true, smoky.
We have lots of things to be thankful for (this site for 1!)and you are right, things could be an awful lot worse.
I don't envy you trying to somehow help this poor man who is in an impossible situation. Its a big ask!
What an appalling state of affairs for one person to find himself in. I have no idea how that man copes! :shock: I have reared twin boys myself and it is really hard work on its own, without another child, an ill wife and the grief of bereavement - in a foreign country. He must be completely exhausted and at his wits end.
I have racked my brains but I can't think of anything that could help you out on this one. I can only make some obvious suggestions which you have probably already thought of.
I know nothing about the French legal infrastructure but I would hazard an obvious guess that some formal body exists which is the equivalent of our Social Work Department. Perhaps the school the wee boy attends could recommend a way of accessing some practical help and support for the family. Or a local church group could be of assistance
It seems as though the doctor has only offered one remedy - to get the wife sectioned. Its a huge decision to take. Horrific as this outcome would be, the thought of a poor rejected 6 year old, feeling unloved and unable to understand the reason why, is particularly upsetting and potentially damaging too.
There is nothing simple about this man's options.
Hard decisions all round.
Good luck with this, smoky. I hope someone else can be more helpful than me (it wouldn't be hard) but I just wanted you to know that I had read your post and sympathise with your predicament.

PostPosted: Fri Feb 06, 2009 11:59 pm
by jennylegal
Hi Smoky

just read your topic, made me cry too.

Afraid i cannot offer any solutions, are there any other family members, in laws/parents who could help with the twins, i agree with Star that poor little boy needs extra love and attention, he will not understand what is happening at all, and the poor father who blames himself for the loss of his daughter must be at breaking point, another worry is that if the wife is sectioned, there could be a possibility of the new twins being put into care, if not all three children.

As i said i have no solutions but wanted to let you know your post is being read, and we can always find someone worse off than ourselves.

i was having a really bad day, and feeling sorry for myself, now i feel selfish.

bigs hugs to all


PostPosted: Sat Feb 07, 2009 10:34 am
by velvet
if the twins have only just been born it sounds awfully like post natal depression. whilst this an awful disease the good news is if treated it does go away - is cured if you like. i appreciate that one of the problems with it can be a patient that refuses treatment - however it is a time where enforced treatment works fully.

obviously again there is the problem of the foreign country but in this country we have the health visitors geared up to deal with this and on its own it would never be a case for putting children into permanent care and with a good father they wouldnt even think about temporarary.

my advice would be to do everything to get this womans depression treated - including temporary sectioning if necessary. there is a huge probability that if the depression is treated all the other problems will be massively reduced and some may even disappear. i appreciate that there has been a massive loss and grief is playing a part but post natal depression can make problems that were handleable turn into insurmountable obstacles and i would say the first step must be treating the condition that is understood and known to arise from temporary changes to brain chemistry that responds well to medication.

PostPosted: Sat Feb 07, 2009 12:31 pm
by smoky
just a quick update; the poor lady overdosed last night and is now hospitalised; luckily a neighbour has come in to help him, although communicating seems tricky
I have also been able to find someone on an expat site who is willing to help him if he wants and who lives very close
the french fibro forum has been excellent and is keeping him monitored as best they can

and we thought we had it bad

PostPosted: Sat Feb 07, 2009 5:51 pm
by jeannie45
hi smoky .what a situation to be in the poor heart goes out to them :(

PostPosted: Sun Feb 08, 2009 11:50 pm
by star
Hi, smoky,
Hope you are bearing up, with all the worry you have had, regarding this couple's awful problems, on top of your own poor health.
It looks like fate has intervened and in a terribly unfortunate manner has somehow sort of 'helped' a seemingly impossible situation. I hope and pray that this poor woman regains her health and gets the all the help she desperately needs to resume her life with her remaining family.
At least the husband will be at peace with his conscience, because he didn't actually force his wife to be hospitalised through his own actions. At her lowest, she unwittingly took that decision herself.
It will be a cold comfort for him just now, but it means he doesn't need to worry about being responsible for looking after her too or monitoring her condition everyday.
Hope things work out with the neighbour. Take care.