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The UKFibromyalgia Forums • View topic - feeling down & nothing to do with fibro



feeling down & nothing to do with fibro

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feeling down & nothing to do with fibro

Postby armanisgirl » Tue May 05, 2009 10:26 pm

Feeling very down just now, and I know it's nothing to do with the fibro, though my recent flareup hasn't helped my mood.

it's my birthday on Thursday and I've been trying to ignore it, and put everyone off making a fuss about it. It's nothing to do with my age. It's my first birthday without my twin brother :cry:
He died on May 11th last year, he was partying with mates, had a few too many and choked on some food. nobody was aware, and so he was found dead the next morning. But I'm finding it a massive struggle as the days are getting closer to our birthday and the first anniversary of his death :cry:

I don't have family close to me for physical and emotional support, though my oh is usually very good when I'm upset. But having just been an awful cow with the flareup, I feel I can't 'burden' him with my grief as well. And I really don't want to celebrate when there's only me now and not 'the terrible twins' anymore, but nobody seems to be picking up on this, and it's now making me feel ill, like sicky ill, not just fibro ill. I've had a banging headache since oh and a friend started on about my birthday yesterday, and today my little girl (she's 9 in a few days) made a card and stuff, and I feel awful for not being able to appreciate it. She's too young to really understand about grief etc.

Sorry for moaning and it's not even fibro related, but thought it might help to have a moan online, where nobody can 'see' me and where I've finally found a place I feel part of under 'normal' circumstances with the fibro.

:needhug:
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Re: feeling down & nothing to do with fibro

Postby Ruremi » Tue May 05, 2009 10:44 pm

Hi and sorry to hear you are feeling down, :hugs:
I am like that for about a week around my dads birthday and anniversary,
can only imagine what it must be like with a twin :cry:
Maybe people don't want to mention him "incase they upset you" but I think if you mention it to oh he will understand,
and if you explain to your daughter you are a little sad because you miss her uncle I am sure she will too.
Would it help to make a card with her for her uncle and take it to cemetery or just put it up somewhere for him?

My kids 9 - 13 now go with me to cemetery with flowers for their grampa he died 8 yrs ago, they can't actually remember what he was like other than what I tell them, but they do understand mum gets a bit grumpy or sad sometimes and why.

But dont feel alone we are here and if you want you can pm me, sorry I can't give you a real hug but I can listen/read.

Lots of :hugs: :hugs: :hugs:

Moira
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Re: feeling down & nothing to do with fibro

Postby shazq » Wed May 06, 2009 2:37 pm

really sorry to hear about your grief.
I wrote a long reply to you but then lost the link..gggrrr.
understand how you feel. some people just don't know what to say to you just in case they upset you.
I lost my sister, we were very close, i saw her everyday, so know how hard this is going to be for you. :hugs: :hugs:
the 1st anniversary will be hard for you, if you are able to talk about your twin then do so, i bottled everything up, which i now know was not the best choice for me.
i pushed everyone away.all people deal with grief in different ways.
talk about all the good times you shared if you are able to.
sorry i cant remember what i wrote before, but if you want to talk you can pm me.
thinking about you. :hugs: :hugs:
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Re: feeling down & nothing to do with fibro

Postby motherelephant » Wed May 06, 2009 3:10 pm

Have you thought about having berevement councilling,that way you can let your grief out without worrying about upsetting others.Once you have come to terms with your brothers loss you will feel easier about sharing your memories with others.It of course will be a difficult day for you,but remember he would not have wanted you to feel this way same as if it was the other way around you would not have wanted him not to celebrate your birthday.Look on the day as celebrating all the nice times you had together rather than he isnt here.I hope by talking on here it is helping in some way.Takecare Motherelle .xxx :hugs:
Like sunshine in the morning, may this brighten up your day and show you that you're thought of in a warm and loving way.
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Re: feeling down & nothing to do with fibro

Postby anne1206 » Wed May 06, 2009 4:03 pm

Hi, armanigirl, its very hard for others to know how you feel or how to react around you, I too lost my brother and found myself being resentful when people always asked how my parents were coping, think everyone forgot he was my brother, and I was grieving too.
My father and father-in-law passed away within 9 months of each other and the same happened then everyone asking after our mothers, but forgot about us,
The first birthday and anniversary of thier passing is always the hardest I will be thinking of you, but as motherelle says he wouldnt have wanted you to be sad,especially with having to coe with the fibro too.

Thoughts and prayers are with you
Take care, Anne :hugs: :hugs: :hugs:
durate et vosmet rebus servate secundis///>Carry on and preserve yourselves for better times
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Re: feeling down & nothing to do with fibro

Postby princess » Wed May 06, 2009 7:03 pm

I dont have the words to convey how i feel - except i am so very sorry
so here is a hug
Princess
:hugs: :hugs: :hugs:
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Re: feeling down & nothing to do with fibro

Postby armanisgirl » Wed May 06, 2009 7:33 pm

Thank you for your support and replies :hugs: and the hugs :grouphug: very much needed! And very much appreciated.

I knew the first anniversary and birthday would be hard, but didn't think it would be as hard as I've been finding it. I do talk about my brother, which I find helps enourmously. When my dad died (I was almost 16), nobody really talked about him, and I had to bottle it all up, which virtually destroyed me, so have made a point of talking about Stuart as and when I feel the need, and it has been a lot easier to cope with. I think part of me kinda feels 'guilty' in respect of my mum, and other family members, knowing they've somehow got to buy just one card this year instead of two and knowing how hard it is for them too. I had tried putting them off and had made the decision not to celebrate this years birthday, to spare them more pain, but the cards the postie brought today shows they've not taken heed to me!

Sadly the funeral was a cremation, so we don't have a grave to visit, and the ashes were scattered in Scotland, so not easy to visit the spot either at the moment. But I don't mind that too much. I have a photo and the sheet with his photo on it from the service where I can see them every day, and most days I look over fondly and remember so much about him, good and bad. Things like the (awful?) swine flu jokes remind me of him - he would laugh off scares like that and giggle like a school boy at the jokes! And I guess you're right - he wouldn't want me NOT to celebrate. Not that I'm much good as a party animal (2 drinks and I'm gone! :lol: ), though he could more than make up for me seeing as he was always in the thick of some party or another! And he'd take great delight in telling everyone what a lightweight I am in the pub! :lol:

So, although there will always be the feeling that 'part' of me is 'missing', I know he's with me in a sense, and by just typing it out on here, I do feel a bit better.

My mum phoned to wish me happy birthday earlier, which I had to laugh at, considering birthday is tomorrow, not today! And there was me thinking it was only us that got fibrofog! Wonder if it's catching, seeing as she hasn't got fibro? :lol:

Thanks again, :grouphug:
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Re: feeling down & nothing to do with fibro

Postby shazq » Wed May 06, 2009 7:37 pm

sending you a big :hugs: :hugs: :hugs:
HAPPY BIRTHDAY
FOR TOMORROW
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Re: feeling down & nothing to do with fibro

Postby armanisgirl » Wed May 06, 2009 7:54 pm

Awwwwwwwww thank you :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: xx
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Re: feeling down & nothing to do with fibro

Postby Lou » Wed May 06, 2009 9:56 pm

:wave: Sending you happy birthay wishes! You are bound to spend a lot of time thinking about your brother but try if you can to remember the good times which will help you get through it.

:hugs: Louise
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Re: feeling down & nothing to do with fibro

Postby shrimp » Wed May 06, 2009 10:44 pm

happy birthday to you for tomorrow and your twin even tho he is isnt here just wanted to wish him aswell......
you must be so sad but would your twin want you to feel like this? probably not.......
i couldnt even understand what you are going thru, but my mum died when i was 8 years old so i do understand in a certain way.

i have non identical twin boys who are just over 2 years old......they push and shove a lot at the moment but i hope they will become great mates as you and your brother did.....

your mum might have got your birthday wrong by a day - my dad can be months late !!!!....

if you want a rant/moan or just wanna put down in words about him - then you can pm me anytime, cant always promise a quick reply as my terrible two keep me busy......

take care
shrimp xxx
I like to make people laugh xxx
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