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The UKFibromyalgia Forums • View topic - It has become too much now!



It has become too much now!

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It has become too much now!

Postby Fibrodee » Mon Nov 23, 2009 8:39 pm

Hello everyone

Have not logged in for a while because life has been rather crap and when I joined I was feeling quite positive and was hoping that frame of mind would continue. But I suppose that's the unpredictability of FM and moods that go with them.

I lost someone close to me recently, she died quite unexpected of cancer. At first I was deeply shocked and thought I'd never get over it. Then I became really positive and felt that life was too short, and life is for living...etc....etc... but that is not so easy now. I miss her so much she was my best friend, and since she passed away my fm has become so much worse. I am constantly fatigued, in constant pain and really feel like giving up. I have become soooo depressed I feel like joining her. Then the guilt sets in....she had no choice..I do...I just cannot cope with the pain and anxiety anymore. I lie down and feel like I have ton weight on my chest and feel I cannot breathe. I have never suffered with anxiety before and never felt so depressed before.

Please help I just do not know what to do. I do not want to depress people either, I feel so lonely and lost right now.

Dee
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Re: It has become too much now!

Postby bookworm » Mon Nov 23, 2009 8:58 pm

Hi Dee,

Losing someone close is always hard and often it doesn't really hit us until later. That said, I think you should have a wprd with your gp regarding your feelings at the moment and see what they can offer.
The fm will flare when you are under stress, be that emotional, physical or mental and the depression and anxiety will do nothing but worsen it further. Yes you feel rotten, yes your pain feels more, yrs you may feel like giving in.............but you are not going to!
You will get through this and you will come out the other side feeling stronger and proud of yourself for doing so.
Think of your friend and cry if it is necessary, if that helps you release the pain and grief, but also smile when you think of her. Each day offer her a smile from your heart, just as she offers one to you from hers.

Sending you positive vibes and lots of :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: at this time.
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Re: It has become too much now!

Postby Fibrodee » Tue Nov 24, 2009 12:16 am

Thanks bookworm and Lisa. I'm grateful for your replies and hugs.

Bookworm, it has just really hit me now she died 4 months ago and it seems like only now I am beginning to grieve. I suppose it will take time. I think the stress has exacerbated the FM as it has always been managable until now.

Lisa how horrible for you to lose two friends in a year. That must be extremely hard for you...are you beginning to feel better now? I too just keep sobbing.

I know I must sound so depressing, it's just that I have NEVER felt so depressed. It's very frightening. If I can get through tonight I'll go to my GP tomorrow. I just do not know what to do with myself right now, I dont know whether to go to bed, or go for a walk.....I'm just feeling very scared right now.

Dee
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Re: It has become too much now!

Postby Fibrodee » Tue Nov 24, 2009 1:22 am

Sending hugs your way Lisa :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs:

I can see I'm not alone with these feelings, I'm just not used to feeling so out of control.

Let's see how we feel in the morning....I'm sure we'll be feeling much better. I think opening up to how you feel is the right thing to do because sometimes just writing it down helps to clear your mind. People wont be scared off, I'm sure they've all felt this way at some stage in their lives. (Haven't you?!! :crazy: )

As for the Vodka :nono: :wink:

Hope we feel better tomorrow Lisa.... :hugs:

Dee
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Re: It has become too much now!

Postby tiredofmoaning » Tue Nov 24, 2009 2:21 am

bless you honey dont never feel you cant have a little moan on here we all understand this feeling you have every right to mourn the loss of your freind but also try to celebrate her life, i always think that this world we live in is hell, but we have to stay until our time is right but i strongly beleive we go to a better place. hope you feel better tomorow is another day. will be thinking of you. :hugs: :grouphug: :wave: .anne
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Re: It has become too much now!

Postby iddm » Tue Nov 24, 2009 3:06 am

Grief is an awful thing to live through but its essential that all the stages are gone through well. It all takes time, but its helpful to remember that it is a process which will end and we can move into a difference space. I'll never forget my Father who died 3 years ago, but its not so raw now...he is still in my life because I choose for him to still be a part of it. I hear him in my thoughts and see him in photos, dreams and memories

I think we are all grieving... Grieving the healthy life we were supposed to have had. Grieving the person we were, and grieving the relationships we thought we'd have with our loved ones, should we not have had this illness to deal with. Grieving the jobs and positions we've lost when we lost our health, and grieving our independance. etc. Grief is a process we should recognise in all our losses. Its difficult to not to get lost in the depression. Poeple can get stuck there and never move onto eventual acceptance, but serenity lies in the acceptance. I strive daily for serenity in my life.

I belong to a 12 step group which teaches me skills to deal with lifes hard times and when I can't stay positive.
I use the serenity prayer a lot

God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change
Courage to change the things I can
And the wisdom the know the difference

They also say Fake it till you make it

Its good to feel feelings and recognise them, but when it comes to faith its difficult when it is unfamiliar or not something you choose to have. I have found it such a help though. So they say whether you believe in anything or not, just accept that there is something there that is bigger than you, or pretend if you have to...... and pray anyway.

It really does help!!!!


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Re: It has become too much now!

Postby Harley » Tue Nov 24, 2009 10:16 am

I think depression can be one of life's hardest battles and I also think talking about it, be it with a friend/family member/complete stranger or on a forum is the best thing to do because bottling it up just makes things worse. Don't worry what people think because it's like Lisa has said if they don't want to read it that's fine but you will always get supportive reply's and I think it's knowing someone understands that can make all the difference.

Iv' been in a very dark place a few times since my late teens and I know it's not easy staying out of that place, it sounds easy to people who havn't been there, "pull yourself together etc etc" but it isn't that simple and I wish it was. The only person I can talk to atm is the community psyc nurse and she's been a lot more helpful than all the shrinks I'v seen as she just listens and doesn't try to make me go over the why's, it might be worth asking your GP if you can see yours.

The most important thing IMHO is to talk to people, don't bottle it up and don't be scared of talking, loads of people will be only to glad to listen here as most people understand. :)
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Re: It has become too much now!

Postby gillshutt » Tue Nov 24, 2009 11:58 am

You need to see your gp as soon as possible. Explain exactly how you are feeling and get some help. You can pm me anytime for help and advice... always here :) Don't let it get any worse, get some help now and it while be easier to learn to cope with. There's nothing that can help bring your friend back :hugs: but there are things to help you learn to cope, be it tablets and /or counselling.

We are always here for you and there really is no need to apologise... it's what the forum is all about, helping others and receiving help in return :grouphug:
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Re: It has become too much now!

Postby Fibrodee » Tue Nov 24, 2009 2:27 pm

Hi all,

I thought I'd feel better this morning but surprisingly this is not the case. Infact I have a terrible tightness in my stomach and chest.

I agree that I need to see someone asap so I am seeing my gp this afternoon. It is such an awful place to be at the moment.

Thank you for your replies, it's uplifting when someone replies I did not feel so alone. :hugs: for all.

Lisa I do hope you arefeeling better today :hugs:

I'll post later

Dee
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Re: It has become too much now!

Postby shazq » Tue Nov 24, 2009 4:04 pm

Depression is very hard to deal with, i cant really add any more as the others have already given good advice.
IMO you have to hit rock bottom before you can start fighting it. I go through all this as well,i seem to go around in circles.

Here is a big group hug for us all. :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug:



I think talking about it helps.(on forum) i keep my feelings bottled up, wish i could shout it out but i worry to much about what they might think of me. I am a worrier.
As a Public Moderator of this forum my opinions/views expressed are personal and are no more valid than those of other members and not necessarily those of UKFibromyalgia.
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Re: It has become too much now!

Postby Harley » Tue Nov 24, 2009 4:36 pm

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Re: It has become too much now!

Postby iddm » Tue Nov 24, 2009 8:11 pm

Isn't it just amazing that this forum is here for support.
We have a lot to be grateful for.
Its good to know people are listening
iddm
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Re: It has become too much now!

Postby bookworm » Tue Nov 24, 2009 8:12 pm

Here , here Harley :)

Both my husband and I have always been available for people to basically walk all over, even though we had so many stresses and strains of our own when the children were young. We were never supported by anyone, yet were expected to support everyone else. I managed to keep my mouth shut for a number of years - a miracle for me I'm telling you - and then I told everyone in no uncertain terms what I thought of them.

Now I think of my hubby, myself and my boys first - standing in the car park of a childrens hospital with tears running down your face, whilst on the telephone trying to explain to the grandmother of your son that it is highly likely that he will die and her telling you that she didn't want to listen as it may upset her before she went to bed, makes you a little tougher somehow.

Never ever be scared of telling people what you are thinking or feeling, it's better out than in - no matter who is causing you the issue.

Hugs and peace to all
xx
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Re: It has become too much now!

Postby BoveySusie » Tue Nov 24, 2009 9:04 pm

Special hugs to Dee & Lisa :hugs: please take everyone's advice and get some help - I'm sure we all know where you're coming from... I lost my dearest sis 10 years ago this Christmas - she had severe depression and didn't have enough professional help to get her through - it's only since I have had fibro that I have begun to understand a tiny bit of what she was going through - so please - there is much more help out there now, and you have many friends on this forum wishing you well... :hugs:
Sue x
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Re: It has become too much now!

Postby Fibrodee » Wed Nov 25, 2009 12:53 am

:wave:

What a lot of support I have had on here. I was actually looking forward to posting this evening. It makes such a difference when someone can identify with what you are going through and therefore offer true feelings of support. Thank you so much. Although I do not know any of you...I say with honesty....What on earth would I have done without you all ??

I have been to my GP who was a little concerned and spoke with the crisis team, who I had never heard of before....does this mean I am officially bonkers? :crazy: :crazy: A community mental health nurse came to the surgery and spoke with me for quite a while and I think it helped. I have another appointment tomorrow.

I said I felt like I was trapped in this downward spirral with no way out. I felt so alone and desperate and felt like running and running but to where I could not say. It was like I was in a box...just like Lisa said hitting that wall...with no way through. I am full of guilt and I am sick of this pain, constant, when I breathe, turn over in bed, stand up, sit down, stretch, lift my arms, walk...forget running that's a no no. So it is a feeling of being trapped in this mind and body at present. It's frightening.

I have written all this because I want everyone to feel it's ok to say how they feel without worrying what others are thinking....it is so important to let it out....Shaz :)

Depression is horrendous the trouble is people do not want to know about it so we try to hide it...or it is easy for people to say pull yourself together.....now wouldn't that be wonderful if that's all it took. I'd love to pull myself together right now but I cannot :crazy:

I've read all the commets and I think we are all in agreement that it is better not to bottle everything up. Bookworm that sounds so sad...I agree it is best put you and your family first.

Gill thanks for the advise offer of pm support :hugs:
Lisa I can really identify with ALL those feelings and they are pretty awful. I hope you are feeling better...it doesn't help when you are surrounded by insensitive people. That's why I am so grateful for the support here, because I am surrounded by insensitive people at home too. :hugs:

Thank iddm, Sue and anne for your kind words also.

So I think I am feeling better...not so many tears ATM.

Massive hugs to you all

Dee :grouphug: :grouphug:
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