It has become too much now!

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Re: It has become too much now!

Postby bookworm » Tue Nov 24, 2009 8:12 pm

Here , here Harley :)

Both my husband and I have always been available for people to basically walk all over, even though we had so many stresses and strains of our own when the children were young. We were never supported by anyone, yet were expected to support everyone else. I managed to keep my mouth shut for a number of years - a miracle for me I'm telling you - and then I told everyone in no uncertain terms what I thought of them.

Now I think of my hubby, myself and my boys first - standing in the car park of a childrens hospital with tears running down your face, whilst on the telephone trying to explain to the grandmother of your son that it is highly likely that he will die and her telling you that she didn't want to listen as it may upset her before she went to bed, makes you a little tougher somehow.

Never ever be scared of telling people what you are thinking or feeling, it's better out than in - no matter who is causing you the issue.

Hugs and peace to all
xx
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Re: It has become too much now!

Postby BoveySusie » Tue Nov 24, 2009 9:04 pm

Special hugs to Dee & Lisa :hugs: please take everyone's advice and get some help - I'm sure we all know where you're coming from... I lost my dearest sis 10 years ago this Christmas - she had severe depression and didn't have enough professional help to get her through - it's only since I have had fibro that I have begun to understand a tiny bit of what she was going through - so please - there is much more help out there now, and you have many friends on this forum wishing you well... :hugs:
Sue x
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Re: It has become too much now!

Postby Fibrodee » Wed Nov 25, 2009 12:53 am

:wave:

What a lot of support I have had on here. I was actually looking forward to posting this evening. It makes such a difference when someone can identify with what you are going through and therefore offer true feelings of support. Thank you so much. Although I do not know any of you...I say with honesty....What on earth would I have done without you all ??

I have been to my GP who was a little concerned and spoke with the crisis team, who I had never heard of before....does this mean I am officially bonkers? :crazy: :crazy: A community mental health nurse came to the surgery and spoke with me for quite a while and I think it helped. I have another appointment tomorrow.

I said I felt like I was trapped in this downward spirral with no way out. I felt so alone and desperate and felt like running and running but to where I could not say. It was like I was in a box...just like Lisa said hitting that wall...with no way through. I am full of guilt and I am sick of this pain, constant, when I breathe, turn over in bed, stand up, sit down, stretch, lift my arms, walk...forget running that's a no no. So it is a feeling of being trapped in this mind and body at present. It's frightening.

I have written all this because I want everyone to feel it's ok to say how they feel without worrying what others are thinking....it is so important to let it out....Shaz :)

Depression is horrendous the trouble is people do not want to know about it so we try to hide it...or it is easy for people to say pull yourself together.....now wouldn't that be wonderful if that's all it took. I'd love to pull myself together right now but I cannot :crazy:

I've read all the commets and I think we are all in agreement that it is better not to bottle everything up. Bookworm that sounds so sad...I agree it is best put you and your family first.

Gill thanks for the advise offer of pm support :hugs:
Lisa I can really identify with ALL those feelings and they are pretty awful. I hope you are feeling better...it doesn't help when you are surrounded by insensitive people. That's why I am so grateful for the support here, because I am surrounded by insensitive people at home too. :hugs:

Thank iddm, Sue and anne for your kind words also.

So I think I am feeling better...not so many tears ATM.

Massive hugs to you all

Dee :grouphug: :grouphug:
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Re: It has become too much now!

Postby Fibrodee » Wed Nov 25, 2009 11:45 am

Hi again,

Been for an assessment this morning...again....I thought that's what happened yesterday. I have been give citalopram 40mgs. They have said I am grieving and seem to be following the grieving process and that in time I will feel better. Combined with having a chronic illness obviously everything became too much. I think they were worried about my mental state and what I was going to do, which is why the crisis team was called.

Do any of you know about the crisis team?

I feel better today and less lost (if you know what I mean) I want to find that positive me again. I am going for a walk as we have lots of sunshine here.

Take care

Dee :hugs:
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Re: It has become too much now!

Postby Mr.A » Wed Nov 25, 2009 11:55 am

Enlighten me, what's a crises team?
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Re: It has become too much now!

Postby bookworm » Wed Nov 25, 2009 12:39 pm

Hi Dee,

Glad to hear you are feeling brighter today :) You will find that positive you I promise, just be kind to yourself whilst you are waiting . I've been on the citalopram for 18 months now and find that it does help - I no longer spend 24/7 crying and wishing the world would just swallow me up. I will say that it may make you feel a little sickly initially, but stick with it as this soon passes.

Good luck for the future hun - now go on, get out in that sunshine before it disappears again :) :)
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Re: It has become too much now!

Postby shazq » Wed Nov 25, 2009 3:23 pm

HI Dee
Glad to hear you are feeling better today, the sun does help. :D

Good luck with citalopram, it did not work for me but everything is worth trying.

Enjoy your walk. :wave:
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Re: It has become too much now!

Postby *Lisa* » Wed Nov 25, 2009 10:08 pm

Mr.A wrote:Enlighten me, what's a crises team?


There a team that help support people who have severe depression.

My friend used to be called 3 times a day by them to see how she was....

Im glad they are helping you and your getting the support you need :hugs: citelopram is a fab drug and i hope you get on well with them and to feel better...

I have to wait to see the GP til next week but by then i'll be feeling ok as im up & down!...
I have CBT friday, will tell her how bad i was but feeling better as iv just booked to go away for a long weekend next week as am so desperate to get some time to myself...

I will have a meds review with the doc and ask to try a new med and talk about the st johns wort. I have a sensitivity to meds and because of that a fear of them :roll:

I think my last cbt session opened up a can of worms thats why i had a bad few weeks.

She is getting down to my inner feelings and thoughts and it hit me hard just how sad i really am!!... i normally bottle and hide from any emotions and now they have appeared i have let it all out.... maybe thats what i need, a good cry!!

Not sure where i can go from here as i look into what can be done rather then wallow.

I think i will have no choice but to brave it and try new meds as iv had loads a therapies.

:grouphug:
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Re: It has become too much now!

Postby iddm » Thu Nov 26, 2009 1:33 am

hi Lisa. I have given in to a low dose of Amitriptyline this week but mostly I help myself by following the 12 step programme as set out by the Melody Beattie books. I go to groups about it for a different reason but find the steps really help.
It sounds like something you might find interesting because it deals with feeling our own feelings and keeping the focus on ourselves instead of runnings around after everyone all the time.
I can't say I'm always very good at it but it helps to know that when life is unmanageable it is because I have lost the focus on my own needs and started obsessing over other people again. I fell into this programme by accident really but i'm finding it helps in all aspects of my life really. I think its about knowing I have choices.

If you want to know more pm me. I don't want people to think I'm pushing anything or trying to sell it.

Its not a cure of any description. Just a philosophy I suppose. A self help thing.
Not everyone cup of tea though
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Re: It has become too much now!

Postby bookworm » Thu Nov 26, 2009 12:24 pm

IDDM - Any form of self help can be a good thing, don't worry as to whether you think it may not help everyone - nothing helps everyone - but I think with a condition such as fm it is necessary to try to help ourselves in all areas as much as possible.
I'm glad you find that it helps you. :)
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Re: It has become too much now!

Postby Fibrodee » Sat Nov 28, 2009 12:50 am

:wave:

I am feeling less depressed and a little more in control now...but that citalopram has knocked me out and I cannot stop sleeping. Thankfully I have not had any plans this week, otherwise they would not be happening.

I will be having some counselling for a while although not to sure when it will start. That should help. I have found that in the day...apart from when asleep..I can be a little more positive and back to my old self, but it's the evenings and nights when the kids are in bed and OH is out working that it all comes back. The sadness, and feeling so alone seem to take hold for a while. That I do not like. Feel I do not know what to do with myself. I'm a little like that now.

It will get better I'm sure. I too agree that self help is a good thing, although not always easy :?

Have some Christmas activities planned so that should help. We are going to Winter wonderland in hyde park in a couple of weeks, so hopefully that should be fun.

Lisa how are you doing?

Thank you again

Dee x
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Re: It has become too much now!

Postby bookworm » Sat Nov 28, 2009 1:27 am

Dee
lad to hear that you are feeling more positive - the sleepiness from the citalopram will wear off in time, yet the positive effect seems to remain. :)
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Re: It has become too much now!

Postby *Lisa* » Sat Nov 28, 2009 12:58 pm

:wave:

It will take a few weeks before you feel more benefits but so glad its all going the right way & your feeling more positive :hugs:

I am ok... thinking of my break away next weekend which is lifting my spirits...

Im seeing GP Thursday so we'll see what he says.

Funny thing is i has an MS friend as she was very low last week as was a few of her friends... strange :dunno:

:wave:
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Re: It has become too much now!

Postby Fibrodee » Sat Nov 28, 2009 1:45 pm

:wave: :wave:

Bookworm, I already feel a little less sleepy today...she says with a huge yawn..Looking forward to the positive effects remaining as the nights are little tough. It's all looking good though.

Lisa, glad you are feeling better as well. Strange about ALL the low moods last week, I know some people believe that changes in mood is all to to with the moon, but thats beyond me. However there could be something in that, or we were all just a moody bunch :lol:

Thoroughly enjoy your weekend, whatever kind of weekend it is, partying, relaxing, live it to the full. :)

Good luck with your GP. Maybe it's long term therapy such as pychodynamic therapy you need and not short bursts. Just a thought. My friend has been going for sometime now and is beginning to see the benefits. She's been going weekly for around three months and it is just continuing for as long as she needs it.

I am off now with the kids to meet some friends.

Hugs to both of you :hugs: :hugs:

Dee x
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Re: It has become too much now!

Postby red dragon » Sun Feb 07, 2010 7:22 pm

:grouphug: :grouphug: just sending you a big hug hope you get better soon
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