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The UKFibromyalgia Forums • View topic - Other people



Other people

Enjoy general conversation with other members

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Other people

Postby mamax9 » Wed May 23, 2007 12:31 am

Is it just me or does anyone else get fed up of people who say they 'know how you feel'. My OH has a back problem and is constantly telling me that because he is in pain from that he knows how I feel. No he doesn't ...he doesn't know what it feels like to be exhausted all the time but not able to sleep...his pain is limited to his back and sometimes his leg when mine is all over...he doesn't have all the other wonderful symptoms like an irritable bowel and bladder or headaches or foot pain or fibro fog...so he doesn't know how it feels....OK Rant over....sorry about that but it really annoys me.
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Postby melj39 » Wed May 23, 2007 10:00 am

Hi there...
it IS so very annoying... :x i know how you feel :wink: the worst is when your feeling really really rubbish and they say "oh you look fine to me!" GRRRRR! never mind you rant all you want, it helps sometimes. to be honest theyve not got a clue about the way we are feeling, they wont ever unless they face it themselves! and i wouldnt wish this fibro-curse on my worst enemy! im mel btw, a newbie... i said in my post i like to listen, so you rant as much as you like, after all if we cant rant to each other why are we here? take no notice of the "normals" its not really their fault they cant see what we have to live with, although sometimes they could TRY to be a little more understanding... take care hunni... :D
Gentle huggs xxxx Mel xxxx
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Postby mamax9 » Wed May 23, 2007 8:29 pm

Thanks....I am new here too. I know what you mean about not wishing it on your worst enemy but sometimes I wish people could feel what it is like just for an hour or two so they would know how awful we feel even though we may look OK....Take care of yourself
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Postby Ally » Tue May 29, 2007 7:40 pm

I think its takes a really rare and special kind of person who truly tries to get inside the problems and experiences of another. Unfortunately i have found that personal experience is the only true way in which we humans gain insight and can sympathise fully with another.
My partner has chronic pain syndrome, i thought i knew how he felt till this kicked in fully but i now i realise how little i did really know.
I think another problem is that people simply do not know what to say and the only way they can even try is by drawing on their own aches and pains or those of someone they know.
Very often when we need someone to pour our moans and groans onto we end up listening to theirs and this can leave you feeling empty and totally fed up.
I suppose in some ways we all display this characteristic, thats part of the human condition but it doesnt help with the range of emotions we feel when it happens to us.
At least in this forum there is the opportunity to stamp our feet and moan a little but it seems that there is a lot of support here and that cant be bad.
Ally x
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Postby pauline » Wed May 30, 2007 1:02 pm

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Postby louiseb » Thu May 31, 2007 5:37 pm

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Postby pauline » Sat Jun 02, 2007 7:43 am

Louise wonder if she tried looking it up in a trade directory when she got home. Mmmm glass of wine, may try one or two of those later today when I'm sat in the garden with my feet up. Shouldn't do really it's not on my diet for today but what the heck I'll cut back tomorrow. ..................Pauline
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hi

Postby claire edwards » Sat Jun 02, 2007 7:43 pm

Hello all,
Cant wait till i can try the "im a fibromite", thats a great line and i can already imagine some peoples faces when i say it so thanks for that.
You are right, no-one knows what we are going through and its a real pain that we all look the picture of health...the irony is not lost on us im sure?
The sun is out though so thats something, if only it could be out all year round, my vitamin d levels might rise then
take care all
claire
Diagnosed with fibromyalgia, it would be good to hear from people as a form of support and to support.
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Postby Ally » Sun Jun 03, 2007 8:04 pm

Have u found though, many people ask u about ur health etc and before uve even got the first sentence out they have glazed over lol but more commonly their question is just the intro for you to listen to their health problems and more.
I think this is why on the odd ocasion when we meet someone who actually listens and seems to want to listen we are often overwhelmed.
Regards
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Postby louiseb » Tue Jun 05, 2007 9:17 pm

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Postby Teresa » Wed Jun 06, 2007 12:34 pm

I have been really bad for a while now. I went to my doctor a few months ago feeling depressed and in a lot of pain. One of the things she suggested was referring me to the councellor because of my depression and sense of loss, i.e. because of this illness I have lost my job, which led to losing my house, I have lost my independence, confidence and a lot more.

I also have arthritis and diabetes and it's the whole life changing experience of having to adjust that I cannot come to terms with or accept and I keep thinking this is a mistake and it will go away!

Anyway I got my first appointment yesterday and would like to share one of the things she suggested with you as it could help others to understand us a little better.

She suggested that I make a chart or write in a diary each day which symptoms I am experiencing and how I feel i.e. pain all over, really p****d off, tired etc. Also put in colums; one for me, my husband (especially as he is my carer) and my daughter to write in how they are feeling as a result of how I am.

She said this may help others to understand better if they can see it in black and white and also not forgetting that the way we are feeling also has an effect on our family, especially if we are down, ratty or tired etc. This also gives them a voice for us to understand how we are effecting them and in turn help our relationships with others. To 'air' our feelings as in write it down and then move on, instead of dwelling on them because we are having a bad day.

This could also help with any patterns that develop, and then I could plan things for the 'good' or better days. Another bonus is when we go to see our consultants/doctor/rheumatologist we can show them the chart so they can see how we are effected by the illness.

I am going to try it and will let you know how it goes. Let me know if you want to try it too and we can compare results.
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Postby louiseb » Wed Jun 06, 2007 12:57 pm

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Others

Postby AnnieD » Fri Jun 22, 2007 5:48 am

Hi all, :D
I am new to the Forum
but not to FM.
I know exactly what you mean about 'other people'
I am extremely lucky in my other half, he is very understanding and luckily will listen to my moans & groans.
He can also empathise as he is not too well himself.
My Daughter also, is very sympathetic but she stays quite far away from me and we don't see each other too often but she also listens to me.
I think it really helps to have Husbands, Wives and Partners who can be sympathetic to our 'syndrome'. Even if they don't exactly know.
Apart from the pain we are all in, the FOG and tiredness, makes me very dopey. I don't sleep either, which some people might think well, if you're so tired, SLEEP, of course we cannot do that either.
'You Look So Well' really gets me down.
I get that all the time.
Sometimes you feel that when you can summon up the energy and enough tablets to go out, you should walk around like a 'bag-lady' and then people might just realise that you are not right.
Had to get that off my chest,
Annie :oops:
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Postby pauline » Fri Jun 22, 2007 12:00 pm

Those of us who are lucky enough to have supportive friends and family are truly blessed. This morning for me is a case in point. I woke ate 7 feeling like I hadn't slept and a steam roller had driven over me. My husband gently closed the bedroom door and left me to rest. He started breakfast, brought me the pain killers I needed just to get out of bed, he helped me to the toilet, gave me tea and sympathy, he even cut the top off my boiled egg for me, and what did he get in return, moans, groans and a short tempered answer to any question he asked. As the pain killers kicked in and I became more approachable he bent down and kissed me and told me he loved me. I say again, I am truly blessed.
..................pauline
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Other People

Postby AnnieD » Fri Jun 22, 2007 1:45 pm

Hi Pauline,
that was lovely, your husband sounds very like mine.
Mind you I wish I could stay in bed long enough to get a cuppa. LOL.
Still mine is very good. Unfortunately he gets up about an hour after me to keep me company, which is silly as he needs to sleep and he doesn't because he worries about me, so there we are two daft folk up at 3 am, hahaha.
Hope you are feeling better, I am a bit exhaustd & Very Very sore with no sleep last night but never mind you have to smile don't you?
Keep well
Annie
:)
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