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The UKFibromyalgia Forums • View topic - short jokes section



short jokes section

Rib ticklers, hobbies and things to do on a rainy day!

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short jokes section

Postby MISS BUNNYPENNY » Fri Jun 06, 2008 1:26 pm

wife says to the husband I want to go somewhere hot . where I havent been before. ........the husband replies try the kitchen :wink:
coventry brittle kid
I LIKE WALKING IN THE RAIN -NO 1 SEES YOUR TEARS
LORD=keep your arm around my shoulder and your hand over my mouth....AMEN
Sarcasm-Its beats killing people/
Just when I was getting used to yesterday,along came today.
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reply

Postby princess » Fri Jun 06, 2008 1:55 pm

good :lol:
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Postby RobG » Fri Jun 06, 2008 7:23 pm

Husband and wife having a big argument over nothing at all as usual husband says okay love your right i'll go cook the dinner you go up satirs and slip into something long and comfortable....like a coma
when I die I want it to be in my sleep like my grandad not screaming and shouting like the passengers on the bus he was driving!
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Postby MISS BUNNYPENNY » Sat Jun 07, 2008 3:25 pm

an englishman,frenchman,american and a mexican
travelling on a plane/when it runs into difficulties.
with only 1 parachute left amongst them ----the englishman
jumps up and shouts REMEMBER THE BATTLE OF HASTING and jumps
the frenchman jumps up and shouts REMEMBER WATERLOO and jumps
the american jumps up and shouts out REMEMBER THE ALAMO and chucks out the mexican :)
coventry brittle kid
I LIKE WALKING IN THE RAIN -NO 1 SEES YOUR TEARS
LORD=keep your arm around my shoulder and your hand over my mouth....AMEN
Sarcasm-Its beats killing people/
Just when I was getting used to yesterday,along came today.
MISS BUNNYPENNY
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Posts: 1176
Joined: Sat May 17, 2008 5:59 pm
Location: COV next to the wheelie bin

Voodoo do you

Postby MISS BUNNYPENNY » Sat Jun 21, 2008 6:20 pm

This was actually said in a court room when a witness was being cross examined

Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo or the
occult:


Ans: we both do

Ques: voodoo

Ans: we do

Ques: you do

Ans: yes voodoo :?
Last edited by MISS BUNNYPENNY on Thu Jun 26, 2008 10:22 am, edited 1 time in total.
coventry brittle kid
I LIKE WALKING IN THE RAIN -NO 1 SEES YOUR TEARS
LORD=keep your arm around my shoulder and your hand over my mouth....AMEN
Sarcasm-Its beats killing people/
Just when I was getting used to yesterday,along came today.
MISS BUNNYPENNY
UKFM Regular
 
Posts: 1176
Joined: Sat May 17, 2008 5:59 pm
Location: COV next to the wheelie bin

Postby gillshutt » Thu Jun 26, 2008 7:47 am

A blog written on the South Wales Argus site by Mervyn James who couldn't think of a topic that day:

1. Phone answering machine message - "...If you want to buy marijuana, press the hash key..."

2. A bloke walks into the psychiatrist wearing only Clingfilm for shorts. The shrink says, "Well, I can clearly see you're nuts."

3. I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn't find any.

4. I went to the butchers the other day and I bet him 50 quid that he couldn't reach the meat off the top shelf. He said, "No, the steaks are too high."

5. My friend drowned in a bowl of muesli. A strong currant pulled him in.

6. A man came round in hospital after a serious accident. He shouted, "Doctor, doctor, I can't feel my legs!" The doctor replied,"I know you can't, I've cut your arms off".

7. I went to a seafood disco last week...and pulled a mussle.

8. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly. They lit a fire in the craft, it sank, proving once and for all that you can't have your kayak and heat it.

9. Our ice cream man was found lying on the floor of his van covered with hundreds and thousands. Police say that he topped himself.

10. Man goes to the doctor, with a strawberry growing out of his head. Doc says "I'll give you some cream to put on it."

11. "Doc I can't stop singing The Green, Green Grass of Home." "That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome. " "Is it common? " "It's not unusual."

12. A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet. "My dog's cross-eyed, is there anything you can do for him? " "Well," says the vet, "let's have a look at him" So he picks the dog up and examines his eyes, then checks his teeth. Finally, he says, "I'm going to have to put him down." "What? Because he's cross-eyed? " "No, because he's really heavy..."

13. Guy goes into the doctor's. "Doc, I've got a cricket ball stuck up my bum." "How's that?" "Don't you start."

14. Two elephants walk off a cliff...boom, boom!

15. What do you call a fish with no eyes? fsh.

16. So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me "Can you give me a lift?" I said "Sure, you look great, the world's your oyster, go for it.'

17. Apparently, 1 in 5 people in the world are Chinese. There are 5 people in my family, so it must be one of them. It's either my mum or my dad. Or my older brother Colin. Or my younger brother Ho-Cha-Chu. But I think it's Colin.

18. Two fat blokes in a pub, one says to the other "Your round." The other one says "You're no Twiggy yourself..!"

19. Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one, and let the other one off.

20. "You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note on the windscreen. It said, 'Parking Fine.' So that was nice of them."

21. A man walked into the doctors, he said, "I've hurt my arm in several places" The doctor said, "Well don't go there any more"

22. Ireland's worst air disaster occurred early this morning when a small two-seater Cessna plane crashed into a cemetery. Irish search and rescue workers have recovered 1826 bodies so far and expect that number to climb as digging continues into the night.
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Postby MISS BUNNYPENNY » Thu Jun 26, 2008 10:24 am

:D :lol: :lol: :lol: I love Tommy Cooper jokes my fav comic
coventry brittle kid
I LIKE WALKING IN THE RAIN -NO 1 SEES YOUR TEARS
LORD=keep your arm around my shoulder and your hand over my mouth....AMEN
Sarcasm-Its beats killing people/
Just when I was getting used to yesterday,along came today.
MISS BUNNYPENNY
UKFM Regular
 
Posts: 1176
Joined: Sat May 17, 2008 5:59 pm
Location: COV next to the wheelie bin

Postby RobG » Thu Jun 26, 2008 10:57 am

that really cheered me up as I had just heard a friend has been admitted to hospital. He has a drug problem and had a bit of a mix up and snorted a significant amount of curry powder, apparently he will be in a Korma for weeks :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:
when I die I want it to be in my sleep like my grandad not screaming and shouting like the passengers on the bus he was driving!
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sorry ladies

Postby MISS BUNNYPENNY » Sun Jun 29, 2008 8:20 pm

[One for the boys]
Yesterday, scientists have revealed that beer contains small traces of female hormones.
To prove their theory, they fed one hundred men 12 pints of beer and observed that 100% of them started talking nonsense and couldn't drive
coventry brittle kid
I LIKE WALKING IN THE RAIN -NO 1 SEES YOUR TEARS
LORD=keep your arm around my shoulder and your hand over my mouth....AMEN
Sarcasm-Its beats killing people/
Just when I was getting used to yesterday,along came today.
MISS BUNNYPENNY
UKFM Regular
 
Posts: 1176
Joined: Sat May 17, 2008 5:59 pm
Location: COV next to the wheelie bin

Postby RobG » Tue Jul 01, 2008 10:25 am

when I die I want it to be in my sleep like my grandad not screaming and shouting like the passengers on the bus he was driving!
RobG
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Posts: 275
Joined: Wed May 28, 2008 6:27 pm
Location: Thurrock

Postby MISS BUNNYPENNY » Sat Jul 12, 2008 1:05 pm

coventry brittle kid
I LIKE WALKING IN THE RAIN -NO 1 SEES YOUR TEARS
LORD=keep your arm around my shoulder and your hand over my mouth....AMEN
Sarcasm-Its beats killing people/
Just when I was getting used to yesterday,along came today.
MISS BUNNYPENNY
UKFM Regular
 
Posts: 1176
Joined: Sat May 17, 2008 5:59 pm
Location: COV next to the wheelie bin

Postby gillshutt » Tue Jul 15, 2008 12:20 pm

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Postby gillshutt » Sat Jul 26, 2008 10:07 am

Red meat isn't bad for you... green, fuzzy meat is bad for you. :shock:
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Postby ddg1 » Sun Aug 03, 2008 4:39 pm

What do you call a one eyed dinosaur?

A Doyouthinkhesawus. :roll:
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jokes

Postby princess » Sun Aug 03, 2008 6:37 pm

They get worse as they go on - but oh my goodness :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:
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