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The UKFibromyalgia Forums • View topic - short jokes section



short jokes section

Rib ticklers, hobbies and things to do on a rainy day!

Moderators: perseus, *Lisa*, FluppyPuffy

Postby *Tinkerbell* » Wed Aug 06, 2008 8:20 pm

loving the jokes guys :-) made me chuckle hehe.

I'll try find some and post them :-)
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therapy

Postby anne1206 » Mon Aug 11, 2008 5:49 pm

Jacqueline and her husband Marc went for counselling after 25 years of marriage.

When asked what the problem was, Jacqueline went into a passionate, painful tirade listing every problem they had ever had in the 25 years they had been married. She went on and on and on: neglect, lack of intimacy, emptiness, loneliness, feeling unloved and unlovable, an entire laundry list of unmet needs she had endured over the course of their marriage.

Finally, after allowing this to go on for a sufficient length of time, the therapist got up, walked around the desk and, after asking Jacqueline to stand, unbuttoned her blouse, embraced her, put his hands on her breasts, and kissed her passionately as her husband Marc watched with a raised eyebrow.

Jacqueline shut up, buttoned up her blouse, and quietly sat down as though in a daze.

The therapist turned to Marc and said, 'This is what your wife needs at least three times a week. Can you do this?'

Marc thought for a moment and replied, 'Well, I can drop her off here on Mondays and Wednesdays, but on Fridays, I play golf.'
durate et vosmet rebus servate secundis///>Carry on and preserve yourselves for better times
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a glasgow lad in london

Postby anne1206 » Mon Aug 11, 2008 5:51 pm

A Young Glasgow lad moved to London and went to Harrods looking for a job.

> 'Do you have any sales experience?' asked the manager. 'Oh Aye; uff dunna
bitta sales stuff back up eh road anat, an ah'eh barras anat, know?', nodded
the young weegie. ( a name for a person from Glasgow)
> The manager liked the lad, so he gave him the job.
> The young Scot's first day was challenging and busy, but he got through
it.
> After the store was locked up, the manager came down to see how he was
settling in.
> 'So... how many sales did you make today'? He smiled at the boy.
> The weegie said: 'Jist the wan'.
> The manager was immediately disappointed. 'Wh-a-a-t? Just one? Harrods's
sales people average 20 or 30 sales a day!
> Dear me! Oh well, how much was the sale for, anyway'?
> '£101,237.64' said the lad.
> The Harrods manager choked. 'Blimey... One hundred and one thousand, two
hundred and thirty-seven pounds and sixty four pence! What in hell did you
sell him?'
> 'Well, first ah selt him a wee fish hook, then a medium fish hook, and
then ah selt him a new fishing rod. Then ah asked him where he was gawin'
fishing, and he said down at the coast, so I telt him he would need a boat.
We went down to the boat department and I selt him that twin-engined Power
Cat... then he said he didn't think his wee Honda Civic could pull it, so I
took him down to car sales and I selt him a dinky 4x4 Suzuki...'.
>
> The manager was now incredulous. 'Wait a minute; you mean to tell me.... a
guy came in here to buy a small fish hook but you sold him a boat AND a
four-by-four?'
>
> 'Naw naw, big man... he came in tay buy a box of tampons fur hees missus
and Ah said......... 'Well pal, seein' as how yer weekend's f****d you might
as well go fishing...''.
durate et vosmet rebus servate secundis///>Carry on and preserve yourselves for better times
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Postby MISS BUNNYPENNY » Sat Oct 04, 2008 5:27 pm

A good lawyer knows the law.

A great lawyer knows the judge


Old lawyers never die, they just lose their appeal.
coventry brittle kid
I LIKE WALKING IN THE RAIN -NO 1 SEES YOUR TEARS
LORD=keep your arm around my shoulder and your hand over my mouth....AMEN
Sarcasm-Its beats killing people/
Just when I was getting used to yesterday,along came today.
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joke

Postby princess » Sat Oct 04, 2008 6:08 pm

[quote="RobG"]that really cheered me up as I had just heard a friend has been admitted to hospital. He has a drug problem and had a bit of a mix up and snorted a significant amount of curry powder, apparently he will be in a Korma for weeks :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:[/quote]

Now Rob that was definately bad taste, but what the hell :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:
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