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The UKFibromyalgia Forums • View topic - Update on dates :(



Update on dates :(

Rib ticklers, hobbies and things to do on a rainy day!

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Update on dates :(

Postby felinefine » Thu Jan 16, 2014 9:04 pm

Hi all,

I asked the new man if wanted to come over here to visit, it was agreed that he'd eat before coming over, He then rang to say he was in Marks and sparks and he'[d bought a meal deal, a duck dinner an a bot of wine.................On our last day I said I was veggie (for 30 years!!!!) and I can't drink, and wine is the worst.................. I felt bad as he seemed to be making an effort so I said bring it anyway and he could have it, I'd eaten toast and wasn't hungry. Any one that knows me would know how much of a sacrifice that is for me, I have strong beliefs on meat eating and DUCK! Any how he came I put the meal in the oven and as it was cooking the smell was making me feel sick. We did have a laugh about it as he had really tried to be nice. But why did he not just eat at home first???

It was even worse as he was eating it, I felt awful the whole time and worked up. We chatted and he asked about being in a relationship blah blah, I couldn't look at him and started crying.......what the.... I cried, in front of this man I'd only met twice before!
He was so nice about it, left shortly after, txt me twice this morn and called, I said I couldn't talk, was still upset. He doesn't have that spark though and I couldn't bear the meat issue again, its just who I am

I feel with all my health needs, and every thing else about me I'll never find anyone, I'm crying all the time when I'm alone, and feel a failure xx
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Re: Update on dates :(

Postby Katie Louise » Thu Jan 16, 2014 9:37 pm

Just because there is no spark doesn't mean you will be on your own there is someone out there for everyone you just have to have faith I know it can be difficult to see the positive sometimes but you're not alone we are all here for you x:-)

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Re: Update on dates :(

Postby whoami » Thu Jan 16, 2014 9:42 pm

Hun listen and listen well....You are not a failure....He failed you. He did not listen or maybe hear that you only ate veggie and no alcohol.

It was very inconsiderate that he brought and suggested you eat with him. I have a feeling he could be a very needy man and doesn't hear what others are saying. He could be an, it's all about me kind of guy, we don't know.

This is not the end for you. This is too bad for him, it sounds like the end for him.

Hun, you have not been in the dating scene for a while. I am going to be honest here. I think that you expected,
wanted or needed this relationship to work. That is why it is so devastating for you right now. We all have felt that way at some point. Even though you are a mature woman this would have felt like a first date. Hun, I feel for you and am sending hugs.

There can be other relationships for you. There can be the man for you. Don't give up. You are too nice of a person to settle and I am so proud of you that you didn't.

Now, when you are ready take the step again. Remember slow steps, no expectations at the beginning, get to know the person like you just did. He obviously wasn't for you.

Lorraine :hugs: xx
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Re: Update on dates :(

Postby Iceskatemum » Fri Jan 17, 2014 4:02 am

Hi there FF, Sorry things didn't work out with this guy but please please just because they didn't don't give yourself labels and blame yourself for it not working out. Thats not a true reflection of how things seemed to be.

I think you have been very brave taking the first steps into dating again . This guy obviously didn't listen to anything you said about yourself and as such proved he wasn't the right person for you at this moment. Think back to when you were younger , you didn't expect every person to "be the one " chalk this attempt at dating as all part of life experiences and move on . Hopefully the next person will be more on your wavelength and have more outlooks and interests you can share.

gentle hugs :hugs:
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Re: Update on dates :(

Postby felinefine » Fri Jan 17, 2014 12:45 pm

OMG girls you made me well up. I hadn't really thought about him not listening to me, I always make excuses for people and blame myself for being 'different' and quirky but you are right.

He has text me about being friends still so I perhaps will stay in touch. I think he is desperate to find a partner and would be expecting it to develop still. He did give me a hug when I was upset but it felt creepy and needy your so right.

So back to my self healing....and concentrate again on my spiritual path, I want to move forward on my reikara healing

I love this forum, thank you so much xxx
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Re: Update on dates :(

Postby LouLou » Fri Jan 17, 2014 1:03 pm

Hi feline

I'm so sorry things didn't work out but to mirror what the others have said I think you are so brave putting yourself out there and trying and you should be proud of yourself.

You were honest with this guy and told him things about you like being a veggie etc and this clearly either didn't sink in with him/he chose to ignore it/or was not listening to you. And you don't want someone like that in your life.

Maybe you should just take some time for yourself and think about whether he is the kind of person you want to be friends with in the future? As you say you get these feelings about him being needy/creepy when he hugged you and giving out that desperate to find a partner vibe I wouldn't want you to be in a position where you are friends yet he is trying to pressure you into something more.

Hope that makes sense to you. And trust me when you spark with a person you will know and it will feel right and that person is worth waiting for.

Sending you some :hugs: :cake: and a nice :cup1:
What doesn't kill you will only make you stronger ;-)
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Re: Update on dates :(

Postby FluppyPuffy » Fri Jan 17, 2014 2:25 pm



If your dog doesn't like someone, then you probably shouldn't either
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Re: Update on dates :(

Postby fibro-lu » Fri Jan 17, 2014 4:41 pm

agree with the others, you are not a failure

he would not have brought meat into my house and I would not have put that into my oven either :nono:
I wonder how much this Barry guy has taken in in what you said

I am a gluten free vegan

(long time ago) when I had a boyfriend all he had at my house was some milk for his tea (his house was a different story) and he used the same cup every time
when we were cooking etc at mine he ate what I ate, and at his, I preferred a "ready meal micro wave" thing and/or brought my own food etc

don't give up, there are plenty of other men out there
all the best :cow-wave: Lu
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Re: Update on dates :(

Postby felinefine » Sat Jan 18, 2014 9:34 pm

Thank you fluppypuffy, you are right, I need to spend some more time on myself, I have so much going on at the mo with work troubles etc. I really don't feel myself anymore, I'm not sure if its the meds or just my adapting to this condition. I just need to see if the relationship thing happens with anyone. Barry has txt me a few times and says about 'friends' but I think he is quite needy as someone said on here, but he is a nice guy too. Also you are right we are all unique, I'm just more unique than other hee hee :crazy:

fibro-lu .....yes I know :nono: I feel like I really compromised on my beliefs by letting that happen with the duck. I wouldn't usually do that! Every day you learn something, sometimes things about yourself, and I won't do that again. o you are no longer with that boyfriend?

I don't know why I have this fight with myself all the time in being happy and independent, doing as I please to feeling like I need someone special in my life, am I not special enough???? I think disregarding the meat incident I felt Barry was trying to get into my territory and it scared me.

Time for me I think, thanks to you all for your support in this xxx
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Re: Update on dates :(

Postby fibro-lu » Sun Jan 19, 2014 5:00 pm

all the best :cow-wave: Lu
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Re: Update on dates :(

Postby bandj » Thu Jan 23, 2014 9:42 pm

Don't let this guy knock you back, he wouldn't have got near me with duck! How thoughtless of him.
I kissed a few frogs before I found my handsome prince. We fit so well together that we finish each other's sentances. :-D you will find your handsome prince someday. I really believe that. I'd given up hope of dver having a special someone when hubby wandered into my life. :lol:
1 Corinthians 13:13
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Re: Update on dates :(

Postby felinefine » Fri Jan 24, 2014 12:26 am

Thank you, I am still in touch with Barry, but don't feel he is the one.

I'm pleased you have your hubby xx
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