It's the way I tell 'em

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It's the way I tell 'em

Postby janham » Sat Nov 01, 2008 5:33 pm

First thanks to all those who have contributed to Make Me Laugh. This should really be alongside Gill's Fibro Cafe so you can have a giggle with your chocolate cake and G&T. You have been doing a stirling job and I am pleased to see there is still a place for a bit of Happy Hour Humor.

Now try this one

Subject: FW: this should be on prescription!

Do you have feelings of inadequacy?

Do you suffer from shyness?

Do you sometimes wish you were more assertive?

If you answered yes to any of these questions, ask your doctor or
pharmacist about White Wine.

White Wine is the safe, natural way to feel better and more confident
about yourself and your actions. White Wine can help ease you out of your shyness and let you tell the world that you're ready and willing to do
just about anything.

You will notice the benefits of White Wine almost immediately and with a
regimen of regular doses you can overcome any obstacles that prevent you from living the life you want to live.

Shyness and awkwardness will be a thing of the past and you will
discover many talents you never knew you had. Stop hiding and start
living, with White Wine. White Wine may not be right for everyone. Women who are pregnant or nursing should not use White Wine. However, women who wouldn't mind nursing or becoming pregnant are encouraged to try it.

Side effects may include dizziness, nausea, vomiting, incarceration,
erotic lustfulness, loss of motor control, loss of clothing, loss of
money, loss of virginity, delusions of grandeur, table dancing,
headache, dehydration, dry mouth, and a desire to sing Karaoke and play
all-night rounds of Strip Poker, Truth Or Dare, and Naked Twister.


The consumption of White Wine may make you think you are whispering when you are not.



The consumption of White Wine may cause you to tell your friends over and over again that you love them.



The consumption of White Wine may cause you to think you can sing.



The consumption of White Wine may lead you to believe that ex-lovers are really dying for you to telephone them at four in the morning.



The consumption of White Wine may make you think you can logically
converse with members of the opposite sex without spitting.



The consumption of White Wine may create the illusion that you are
tougher, smarter, faster and better looking than most people




Hello, and welcome to the Mental Health Hotline:

If you are obsessive-compulsive, press 1 repeatedly.

If your are co-dependant, please ask someone to press 2 for you.

If you have multiple personalities, press 3, 4, 5, and 6.

If you are paranoid, we know who you are, and what you want, stay on the line so we can trace your call.

If you are delusional, press 7, and your call will be transferred to the mother ship.

If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a small voice will tell you which number to press.

If you are manic-depressive, it doesn't matter which number you press, no one will answer.

If you are dyslexic, press 9 6 9 6 9 6 9 6 9 6 9 6 9 6 9.

If you have a nervous disorder, please fidget with the pound key until a representative comes on the line.

If you have anmnesia, press 8 and state your name, address, telephone number, date of birth, blood type, Social Security number, and your mothers' maiden name.

If you have post-tramatic disorder, s-l-o-w-l-y and C-a-r-e-f-u-l-l-y press 000.

If you have bipolar disorder, please leave a message after the beep, or before the beep, or after the beep. Please wait for the beep.

If you have short-term memory loss, press 9. If you have short-term memory loss, press 9. If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.

If you have low self esteem, please hang up. All operators are too busy to talk to you.


Trying to get into the spirit of things, look at this

Tequila Christmas Cake

You will need the following:

1-cup water
1-tsp. Baking soda
1-cup sugar
1-tsp. Salt
1-cup of brown sugar
Lemon Juice
4 large eggs
1 bottle Tequila
2-cups dried fruit

Sample the Tequila to check quality. {I already sampled it....several times to check the quality}

Take a large bowl, check the Tequila again. To be sure it is of the highest quality, pour one level cup and drink.


Turn on the electric mixer.

Beat on cup of butter in a large fluffy bowl.

Add one teaspoon of sugar. Beat again.

At this point, it's best to make sure the Tequila is still OK. Try another cup....just in case.

Turn off the mixer thingy.

Break 2 leggs and add to the bowl and chuck in the cup of dried fruit.

Pick the frigging fruit up off the floor.

Mix on the turner.

If the fried druit gets stuck in the beaterers, just pry it loose with a drewscriver.

Sample the Tequila to check for tonsisticity.

Next, sift two cups of salt. Or something.

Check the Tequila.

Now shift the lemon juice and strain your nuts.

Add one table.

Add a spoon of sugar, or somefing...whatever you can find.

Greash the oven.

Turn the cake tin 360 degrees and try not to fall over.

Don't forget to beat off the turner.

Finally, throw the bowl through the window.

Finish the Tequila, and wipe the counter with the cat.


Thank you, and have a great day!! Now it is your turn again? Janham
UKFM Member
Posts: 59
Joined: Thu Jan 12, 2006 1:50 pm
Location: Chichester West Sussex

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