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The UKFibromyalgia Forums • View topic - The public toilet



The public toilet

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The public toilet

Postby sugar plum » Wed May 13, 2009 12:21 pm

The Public Toilet

when attending you usually find a line of
>
> >>> women, so you smile politely and take your place. Once it's your turn,
>
> >>> you check for feet under the cubicle doors. Every cubicle is occupied.
>
> > >> Finally, a door opens and you dash in, nearly knocking down the woman
>
> >>> leaving the cubicle. You get in to find the door won't latch. It
>
> >>> doesn't matter, the wait has been so long you are about to wet your
>
> >>> pants!
>
> >>> The dispenser for the modern 'seat covers' (invented by someone's Mum,
>
> >>> no doubt) is handy, but empty. You would hang your bag on the door
>
> >>> hook, if there was one, so you carefully, but quickly drape it around
>
> > >> your neck, (Mum would turn over in her grave if you put it on the
>
> >>> FLOOR!) down with your pants and assume 'The Stance'.
>
> >>> In this position, your aging, toneless, thigh muscles begin to shake.
>
> >>> You'd love to sit down, but having not taken time to wipe the seat or
>
> >>> to lay toilet paper on it, you hold 'The Stance.'
>
> >>> To take your mind off your trembling thighs, you reach for what you
>
> >>> discover to be the empty toilet paper dispenser.
>
> >>> In your mind, you can hear your mother's voice saying, 'Dear, if you
>
> >>> had tried to clean the seat, you would haveKNOWN there was no toilet
>
> >>> paper!' Your thighs shake more.
>
> >>> You remember the tiny tissue that you blew your nose on yesterday -
>
> >>> the one that's still in your bag (the bag around your neck, that now
>
> >>> you have to hold up trying not to strangle yourself at the same time).
>
> > >> That would have to do, so you crumple it in the puffiest way possible.
>
> >>> It's still smaller than your thumbnail.
>
> >>> Someone pushes your door open because the latch doesn't work.
>
> >>> The door hits your bag, which is hanging around your neck in front of
>
> >>> your chest and you and your bag topple backward against the tank of
>
> >>> the toilet.
>
> >>> 'Occupied!' you scream, as you reach for the door, dropping your
>
> >>> precious, tiny, crumpled tissue in a puddle on the floor, while losing
>
> >>> your footing altogether and sliding down directly onto the TOILET SEAT
>
> > >> It is wet of course. You bolt up, knowing all too well that it's too
>
> >>> late. Your bare bottom has made contact with every imaginable germ and
>
> >>> life form on the uncovered seat because YOU never laid down toilet
>
> >>> paper - not that there was any, even if you had taken time to try.
>
> >>> You know that your mother would be utterly appalled if she knew,
>
> >>> because you're certain her bare bottom never touched a public toilet
>
> >>> seat because, frankly, dear, 'You just don'tKNOW what kind of diseases
>
> >>> you could get.
>
> >>> By this time, the automatic sensor on the back of the toilet is so
>
> >>> confused that it flushes, propelling a stream of water like a fire
>
> >>> hose against the inside of the bowl and spraying a fine mist of water
>
> >>> that covers your bum and runs down your legs and into your shoes.
>
> > >> The flush somehow sucks everything down with such force and you grab
>
> >>> onto the empty toilet paper dispenser for fear of being dragged in
>
> >>> too.
>
> >>> At this point, you give up. You're soaked by the spewing water and the
>
> >>> wet toilet seat. You're exhausted. You try to wipe with a sweet
>
> >>> wrapper you found in your pocket and then slink out inconspicuously to
>
> > >> the sinks.
>
> >>> You can't figure out how to operate the taps with the automatic
>
> >>> sensors, so you wipe your hands with spit and a dry paper towel and
>
> >>> walk past the line of women still waiting
>
> >>> You are no longer able to smile politely to them. A kind soul at the
>
> >>> very end of the line points out a piece of toilet paper trailing from
>
> >>> your shoe. (Where was that when you NEEDEDit?)
>
> >>> You yank the paper from your shoe, plunk it in the woman's hand and
>
> >>> tell her warmly, 'Here, you just might need this.
> >>> As you exit, you spot your hubby, who has long since
> entered, used and
>
> >>> left the men's toilet. Annoyed, he asks, 'What took you so long and
>
> >>> why is your bag hanging around your neck?
>
> >>> This is dedicated to women everywhere who deal with any public rest
>
> >>> rooms/toilets (rest??? you've GOT to be kidding!!). It finally
>
> >>> explains to the men what really does take us so long. It also answers
>
> >>> that other commonly asked question about why women go to the toilets
>
> >>> in pairs. It's so the other gal can hold the door, hang onto your bag
>
> >>> and hand you Kleenex under the door.
>
> >>> This HAD to be written by a woman! No one else could describe it so
>
> >>> accurately.
sugar plum
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Re: The public toilet

Postby shazq » Wed May 13, 2009 1:06 pm

hahahaha very good :clap: :clap:
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Re: The public toilet

Postby princess » Wed May 13, 2009 9:26 pm

or as in debenhams aberdeen it was filthy!!
And i was desperate and couldnt wait!!! hahahha
princess
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princess
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Re: The public toilet

Postby armanisgirl » Fri May 15, 2009 9:10 pm

:clap: :clap: brilliant......and......oh so true!!!! :lol: :lol: :lol:
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