I Don't like Going to Bed at Night .... (poem)

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I Don't like Going to Bed at Night .... (poem)

Postby PennyBlack » Sun Jul 12, 2009 6:41 pm

I Don’t like Going to Bed at Night

I don’t like going to bed at night
Or putting out the light
I cannot sleep just lay awake
Sometimes until dawn breaks

I don’t like going to bed at night
As thoughts begin to fight
I have this voice inside my head
Who comes with me to bed

This ‘voice’ is known by many names
You’ve heard of them I’m sure
Terror, pain and panic games
Are what he does and more

I can’t remember when he moved in
Or when did it all begin
I only know he’s here to stay
And just won’t go away

My bed should be a sacred place
Where once I’ve lain my face
Upon my pillow soft and warm
A place that’s safe from harm

Yet the moment my eyes close
Is when he strikes his pose
“Hello I’ve brought you yet more pain
Do you want to play the game?”

“Oh please god no, not you again”
I whisper through my pain
“Just go away leave me in peace
To have one night’s release”

Pain is first what fills my body
Real or not, such tricks are shoddy
And that ‘voice’? He’s only just begun
Mind games next to continue his fun

And so the nightly process starts
One thought or pain like darts
Until the tears of fear flow
And make me feel so low

I don’t like going to bed at night
Every minute is such a fight
So quiet yet the silence screams
I wish they were only dreams

I don’t like going to bed at night
Clutching bedding with fingernails white
He won’t shut up till his job is done
A Panic Attack is his gift of fun

I don’t like going to bed at night
As a child I had no light
I slept right through till the morning sun
And a new day had begun

I’m older, wiser know more now
And realise the whys and how
Yes it may all be just tricks of mind
But again there may be more to find

I don’t like going to bed at night
I’m tired of having to fight
The pain is real and that’s for sure
But the mind games make it more

My life’s not mine to control you see
Something else has taken over ‘me’
And with it came that cruel small voice
No longer am I to make a choice

And so the fear and pain rage on
Minutes into hours, never to be gone
Until in desperation I rise, get up
To pace around with tea in cup

The doctor knows I’ve told her all
Embarrassment makes me feel so small
I’m like a child alone and scared
I shake as my soul to her I’ve bared

Take these pills she says to me
They will help to set you free
Of worry, pain and anxiety
Of panic, fears - that ‘other’ me

If only that were true I think
I’ve tried the pills and drunk the drink
But side effects make my body ill
Sick and dizzy with cramps they fill

Nothing seems to work for me
I’m hypersensitive to meds you see
Fibromyalgia is the cause of that
I think I’ll leave now where’s my hat?

But there’s nowhere I can run or hide
This chattering voice always by my side
Forever to stay a part of me
There’s no cure so I’ll never be set free

(written by me early one morning after such a night and the days aren't much better either but at least there's LIGHT)
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PennyBlack
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Re: I Don't like Going to Bed at Night .... (poem)

Postby anne1206 » Sun Jul 12, 2009 7:29 pm

Hi, pennyblack, that was lovely and speaks for all us fibromites

Welcome to the forum :wave: :wave: :wave:
:hugs:
durate et vosmet rebus servate secundis///>Carry on and preserve yourselves for better times
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Re: I Don't like Going to Bed at Night .... (poem)

Postby little nutter » Sun Jul 12, 2009 7:54 pm

Hi Penny Black,
This is my first post but Itotally understand. I dread going to bed as well and have tried all the tips suggested. If I can get three hours without waking up I feel like I'm doing well.
I hope it gets better soon.
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Re: I Don't like Going to Bed at Night .... (poem)

Postby princess » Sun Jul 12, 2009 9:33 pm

Wonderful and so true PennyBlack :clap: :clap:
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