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The UKFibromyalgia Forums • View topic - Joke



Joke

Rib ticklers, hobbies and things to do on a rainy day!

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Re: Joke

Postby carrieokay » Fri Apr 29, 2011 12:21 am

Is this any better? :oops:

A very attractive intelligent blonde lady goes up to a bar in a quiet rural pub.

She gestures alluringly to the bartender who comes over immediately. When he arrives, she seductively signals that he should bring his face closer to hers. When he does she begins to gently caress his full beard.

"Are you the manager?" she asks, softly stroking his face with both hands.

"Actually, no," the man replied."

"Can you get him for me? I need to speak to him" she says, running her hands beyond his beard and into his hair.

"I'm afraid I can't," breathes the bartender. "Is there anything I can do?"

"Yes, there is. I need you to give him a message," she continues, running her forefinger across the bartender's lips and slyly popping a couple of her fingers into his mouth and allowing him to suck them gently.

"What should I tell him?" the bartender manages to say.

"Tell him," she whispers, "there is no toilet paper, hand soap, or paper towels in the ladies room."
Carrie

My doctor told me to stop having intimate dinners for four.
Unless there are three other people.
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Re: Joke

Postby budda » Fri Apr 29, 2011 1:02 am

:yikes: Oh my god, that was brill, cant stop laughing, bet the barman was sick after that hehee, think i would need a couple of :wine: :wine: :wine: myself after that :clap:
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Re: Joke

Postby carrieokay » Wed May 18, 2011 12:59 pm

This is only a bit funny.... :oops:

A bloke rings his local chemist.
He asks, "Do you sell incontinence pants?"

"Yes sir," says the chemist.
"Can I ask where you are ringing from?"

"The waist down", replies the man.

I'll get my coat... :penguin:
Carrie

My doctor told me to stop having intimate dinners for four.
Unless there are three other people.
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Re: Joke

Postby budda » Wed May 18, 2011 4:55 pm

:clap: :clap: :clap: that was brill Carrie :lol: :lol: keep them coming. :tongueout:
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Re: Joke

Postby carrieokay » Thu May 19, 2011 11:46 am

Oooookay, you asked for it: :twisted:

Scenario:

You are driving in a car at a constant speed.

On your left side is a deep valley and on your right side is a fire engine travelling at the same speed as you.

In front of you is a galloping pig which is the same size as your car and you cannot overtake it.

Behind you is a helicopter flying at ground level.

Both the giant pig and the helicopter are also travelling at the same speed as you.

What must you do to safely get out of this highly dangerous situation?


\/

\/

\/

\/

\/

Get off the children's "Merry-Go-Round", you're p;ssed.

:crazy:
Carrie

My doctor told me to stop having intimate dinners for four.
Unless there are three other people.
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Re: Joke

Postby FluppyPuffy » Thu May 19, 2011 12:37 pm

Another groaner :clap: :clap: :clap: :lol: :lol: :lol: :cup1: :cup1: :cup1:


If your dog doesn't like someone, then you probably shouldn't either
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Re: Joke

Postby denys » Thu May 19, 2011 8:55 pm

:clap: :clap: :clap: :clap: :clap: :clap: :clap: :clap: :clap: :clap: :clap: :clap: :clap: :clap: :clap: :clap: :crazy: :crazy: :crazy: :crazy: :crazy: :crazy: :crazy:
Denys

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Re: Joke

Postby budda » Fri May 20, 2011 12:00 am

Cant stop laughing Carrie :clap: :clap: any more.
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Re: Joke

Postby carrieokay » Fri May 20, 2011 8:35 pm

running out of clean ones :oops:

Tame one (Tommy Cooper)
"So I was in my car, and I was driving along, and my boss rang up, and he said 'You've been promoted.' And I swerved. And then he rang up a second time and said "You've been promoted again.'
And I swerved again.
He rang up a third time and said 'You're managing director.' And I went into a tree.
And a policeman came up and said 'What happened to you?' And I said 'I careered off the road.'

Less tame :lol: :nono:
"Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other man pulls out his phone and calls emergency services.

He gasps to the operator: "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator in a calm, soothing voice replies: "Take it easy. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead."

There is a silence, then a shot is heard.

Back on the phone, the hunter says, "Ok, now what?"
Carrie

My doctor told me to stop having intimate dinners for four.
Unless there are three other people.
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Re: Joke

Postby budda » Fri May 20, 2011 9:16 pm

:facepalm: :facepalm: Ooooooooo my god they are getting worse, but still laughing :clap: :clap: keep them coming.
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Re: Joke

Postby diane1 » Sun May 22, 2011 5:11 pm

I hope this is allowed here goes;


Whats the definition of burning Love ?

........................
........................


When you getthe K Y Jelly mixed up with your Deep Heat.

:shock: :lol: :roll: :yikes:
Does an elephant with fibro fog ever forget ?
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Re: Joke

Postby carrieokay » Sun May 22, 2011 9:43 pm

Owwwwwwwwch... :yikes: :yikes: :yikes: :crazy:

nice to have you join in... :twodrinking1: any more? :D

(BTW not a joke... actually not at all funny... Do NOT buy that real mint shower gel.... 'nuff said!)

THIS is a joke:

Two elderly ladies are sitting on the front porch, doing nothing.

One lady turns and asks, "Do you still get horny?"

The other replies, "Oh sure I do."

The first old lady asks, "What do you do about it?"

The second old lady replies, "I suck on a lifesaver."

After a few moments, the first old lady asks,

"Who drives you to the beach?"
Carrie

My doctor told me to stop having intimate dinners for four.
Unless there are three other people.
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Re: Joke

Postby diane1 » Sun May 22, 2011 9:58 pm

:lol: :lol: :lol:

I dont think I can compete with yours. I'm demisting the fibro fog brain for more. I have to write hem down first or I end up getting them all mixed up.

Back soon !

Diane

:D
Does an elephant with fibro fog ever forget ?
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Re: Joke

Postby carrieokay » Sun May 22, 2011 11:00 pm

I admit it... I cheat. :twisted:
If anything makes me laugh, copy and paste is my friend :oops:

See you soon, hee hee :clap:
Carrie

My doctor told me to stop having intimate dinners for four.
Unless there are three other people.
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Re: Joke

Postby diane1 » Mon May 23, 2011 2:41 pm

Joke for today folks ;



A man walks into a hamburger shop and orders a regular meal. Later, the waitress brings his meal to him. He takes a bite out of it, and notices there's a small hair in the hamburger. He begins yelling frantically at the waitress, "Waitress, there's a hair in my hamburger! I demand to see what is going on!"

So, the waitress takes him back where the cook is and to his demise, he sees the cook take the meat patty and flatten it under his arm pit. He says, "That's disgusting!"

Then the waitress says, "You think that's disgusting you should see him make donuts."

:lol: :lol: :lol: :shock:
Does an elephant with fibro fog ever forget ?
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