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The UKFibromyalgia Forums • View topic - keep smiling ......................



keep smiling ......................

Rib ticklers, hobbies and things to do on a rainy day!

Moderators: perseus, *Lisa*, FluppyPuffy

keep smiling ......................

Postby pauline » Thu Jun 21, 2007 10:47 am

:lol: A man goes to hospital and says to the doctor: "It hurts when I press here" (pressing his side) "And when I press here" (pressing the other side) "And here" (pressing his leg) "And here, here and here" (His other leg and both arms). The doctor examined him all over and finally discovered what was wrong...... "you've got a broken finger !" ha, ha

FUNNY THINGS DOCTORS HAVE WRITTEN ON CHARTS.................

The patient has been depressed ever since she began seeing me in 1993.

Discharge Status:- Alive but without permission

Patient has two teenage children but no other abnormalities.


:lol: Keep smiling........................Pauline
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Postby Birdie » Thu Jun 21, 2007 11:59 am

:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:
Image
Wing and a Prayer
Wild Bird and Owl Haven
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Make me laugh...

Postby janham » Fri Jun 22, 2007 12:10 pm

Thanks Pauline for starting the ball rolling. Try these for laughs.. Janham

Cure for a Coughjavascript:emoticon(':lol:')

The owner of a drugstore walks in to find a guy leaning heavily against a wall with an odd look on his face.

The owner asks the clerk, "What's with that guy over there by the wall?"

The clerk says, "Well, he came in here at 7 A.M. to get something for his cough. I couldn't find the cough syrup, so I gave him an entire bottle of laxatives."

The owner says, "You idiot! You can't treat a cough with laxatives!"

The clerk says, "Oh yeah? Look at him—he's afraid to cough!"

----------
Q: How do you keep your husband from reading your e-mail?
A: Rename the mail folder "Instruction Manuals"
------------

One day my housework-challenged husband decided to wash his sweat- shirt.
Seconds after he stepped into the laundry room, he shouted to me, "What setting do I use on the washing machine?"
"It depends," I replied. "What does it say on your shirt?"
He yelled back, "University of Cape Town"

And they say blondes are dumb...

-------------

"It's just too hot to wear clothes today," Jack says as he stepped out of
the shower, "honey, what do you think the neighbors would think if I mowed
the lawn like this?"
"Probably that I married you for your money," she replied.

----------------
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Postby pauline » Fri Jun 22, 2007 12:15 pm

:D Feeling brighter by the minute, any more...................pauline
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Postby pauline » Fri Jun 22, 2007 12:33 pm

:D A man walks into a Doctors. He has a cucumber up his nose, a carrot in his left ear and a banana in his right ear.

"What's the matter with me?" he asked.

"You're not eating properly." replied the Doctor.

Why do elephants have big ears?
because Noddy wouldn't pay the ransom.

ha ha .................... pauline
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Postby Min » Fri Jun 22, 2007 1:23 pm

Thanks for the laughs janham & Pauline :lol:
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Make me laugh...

Postby janham » Fri Jun 22, 2007 5:03 pm

Hi Pauline

Just love the one about the doctor, the patient not eating properly.

Keep up the good work and keep them coming - I laughed out loud at that one and feel better already.

Did you know a good belly laugh is as good as a good aerobic workout - does that mean I can lie in bed all day and laugh my socks off to get fit...now there is a thought?

Did you also know there is a difference between laughter and humour. You can practice laughing as an exercise - in fact laughing at nothing at all - except perhaps yourself in the mirror - and you can feel better. There are actually Laughter Clubs where people stand in a circle and laugh about nothing and it becomes infectious.. good family fun.....

It is true - laughter is the best medicine - have a spoonful today and look in the kids joke books and laugh yourself better.

OR YOU COULD TRY THIS ONE

Really Bad News
"Yeah, Doc, what's the news?" asked grandpa Sam when his doctor called with his test results. "I have some bad news and some really bad news," said the doctor. "The bad news is that you only have 24 hours to live." "Oh my God," gasped Sam as he dropped to his knees. "What could be worse news than that?" "I couldn't get hold of you yesterday."

-------------------------

OR THIS ONE
How is old Mrs. Kirkland doing?
Worried because they hadn't heard anything for days from the widow in the neighboring apartment, Mrs. Silver said to her son, "Timmy, would you go next door and see how old Mrs. Kirkland is?" A few minutes later, Timmy returned. "Well," asked Mrs. Silver, "is she all right?" "She's fine, except that she's pissed at you." "At me?" the woman exclaimed.
"Whatever for?" "She said 'It's none of your business how old she is,'"
snickered Timmy.

--------------

AND FINALLY

Will you marry me?
There were these two elderly people living in a Florida mobile home park. He was a widower and she a widow. They had known one another for a number of years. Now, one evening there was a community supper in the big activity center. These two were at the same table, across from one another. As the meal went on, he made a few admiring glances at her and finally gathered up his courage to ask her, "Will you marry me?" After about six seconds of careful consideration, she answered. "Yes. Yes, I will." The meal ended and with a few more pleasant exchanges, they went to their respective places. Next morning, he was troubled. "Did she say yes or did she say no?" He couldn't remember. Try as he would, he just could not recall. No even a faint memory. With trepidation, he went to the telephone and called her. First, he explained to her that he didnt remember as well as he used to. Then he reviewed the lovely evening past. As he gained a little more courage, he then inquired of her, "When I asked if you would marry me, did you say Yes or did you say No?" He was delighted to hear her say, "Why, I said, Yes, yes I will and I meant it with all my heart." Then she continued, "And I am so glad that you called, because I couldn't remember who had asked me."

HOPE YOU HAVE HAD A GOOD LAUGH. There are lots more where they came from if you can stand the strain.

Yours in good humour,
Janham
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Postby pauline » Sun Jun 24, 2007 8:57 am

:lol: An older gent had an appointment to see a urologist who shared an office with several other doctors. The waiting room was filled with patients. He approached the receptionist desk. The receptionist was a large imposing woman who looked like a wrestler. He gave her his name.

In a very load voice the receptionist said, "Yes, I see your name here... you want to see the doctor about impotence, right?"

All of the patients in the waiting room snapped their head around to look at the very embarrassed man.

He recovered quickly though, and in an equally loud voice replied, "No, I've come to inquire about a sex change operation...and I'd like the same doctor that did yours!"

Keep them coming..................Pauline
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Make me laugh.....

Postby janham » Tue Aug 21, 2007 12:16 pm

I am pleased to see we have a lot of readers but surely there must be more folk with funny stories.

In the hope of encouraging some more laugh, have a giggle at this one....

Which would u choose? Cake or bed?????


A husband is at home watching a football game when his wife interrupts
'Honey, could you fix the light in the hallway? It's been flickering for weeks now'
He looks at her and says angrily;
'Fix the light, now? Does it look like i have an electricians logo printed on my forehead? I don't think so!'
The wife asks, 'Well then, could you fix the fridge door? It won't close right.'
To which he replied, 'Fix the fridge door? Does it look like I have Hotpoint written on my forehead? I don't think so.'
Fine, she says, 'Then you could at least fix the steps to the front door?' They're about to break.'
'I'm not a damn carpenter and I don't want to fix the steps', he says.
'Does it look like I have Woodies DIY written on my forehead? I don't think so. I've had enough of you. I'm going to the bar!!! '
So he goes to the bar and drinks for a couple of hours.
He starts to feel guilty about how he treated his wife, and decides to go home and help out. As he walks into the house he notices the steps are already fixed.
As he enters the house, he sees the hall light is working.
As he goes to get a beer, he notices the fridge door is fixed.
'Honey', he asks, 'how'd all this get fixed?'
She said, 'Well, when you left I sat outside and cried. Just then a nice young man asked me what was wrong, and I told him. He offered to do all the repairs, and all I had to do was either go to bed with him or bake a cake.'
He said, 'So what kind of cake did you bake him?'
She replied, 'Hellooooo.......do you see Delia Smith written on my forehead? I don't think so!'

* * * * * * *
VERY A-MOO-SING

The only cow in a small town in Arkansas stopped giving milk.

The people did some research and found they could buy a cow up in Canton Ohio , for $200.00.

They bought the cow from Ohio and the cow was wonderful.

The cow produced lots of milk all of the time, and the people were pleased and very happy.

They decided to acquire a bull to mate with the cow and produce more cows so they would never have to worr y about their milk supply again.

They bought a bull and put it in the pasture with their beloved cow.

However whenever the bull came close to the cow, the cow would move away.

No matter what approach the bull tried, the cow would move away from the bull and he could not succeed in his quest.

The people we re very upset and decided to ask the Vet, who was very wise, what to do.

They told the Vet what was happening.

"Whenever the bull approaches our cow, she moves away. If he approaches from the back, she moves forward. When he approaches her from the front, she backs off. An approach from the side and she walks away to the other side."

The Vet thinks about this for a minute and asked, "Did you buy this cow in Ohio ?"

The people were dumbfounded, since they had never mentioned where they bought the cow.

"You are truly a wise Vet," they said.

"How did you know we got the cow in Ohio ?"

The Vet replied with a distant look in his eye,
"My wife is from Ohio "

* * * * *

Talk soon
Janham
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Postby pauline » Sat Sep 22, 2007 3:30 pm

:D You know your living in 2007 when.................

1. You accidentally enter your PIN on the microwave.

2. You haven’t played solitaire with real cards in years.

3. You have a list of 15 phone numbers to reach your family of three.

4. You e-mail the person who works at the desk next to you.

5. Your reason for not staying in touch with friends and family is that they don’t have e-mail addresses.

6. You pull up in your own driveway and use your cell phone to see if anyone is home to help you carry in the groceries.

7. Every commercial on television has a web site at the bottom of the screen.

8. Leaving the house without your cell phone, which you didn’t even have the first 20 or 30 (or 60) years of your life, is now a cause for panic and you turn around to go and get it.

10. You get up in the morning and go on line before getting your coffee.

11. You start tilting your head sideways to smile. : )

12. You’re reading this and nodding and laughing.

13. Even worse, you know exactly to whom you are going to forward this message.

14. You are too busy to notice there was no #9 on this list.

15. You actually scrolled back up to check that there wasn’t a #9 on this list.

Recognise any of these?...I did.........................pauline
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Postby Ally » Wed Sep 26, 2007 10:08 pm

recognised most of em lol
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keep smiling......

Postby janham » Fri Sep 28, 2007 10:12 pm

Hi Pauline and Ally

I must have nodded off for a week or two - sorry not been around - surrounded by work.

Pauline I love your latest missive and like Ally I recognise all the signs. Do you think it is only fibromalgics who act this way or are the rest of the people in the world funny too!

Janham
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Postby pauline » Mon Mar 24, 2008 1:38 pm

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Postby pauline » Sun Mar 30, 2008 10:39 am

Go on Have Giggle it's good for you...................Pauline

[/size]

It was mealtime on a British Airways Plane:
"Would you like dinner?" the flight attendant asked the man seated in the front row.
"What are my choices?" the man asked.
"Yes or no," she replied


A flight attendant was stationed at the departure gate to check tickets.
As a man approached, she extended her hand for the ticket and he opened his trench coat and flashed her.

Without blinking an eyelid she said,
"Sir, I need to see your ticket not your stub."



A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the supermarket but she couldn't find one big enough for her family.

She asked a passing assistant, "Do these turkeys get any bigger?"

the assistant replied, "I'm afraid not, they're dead."



The policeman got out of his car and approached the boy racer he stopped for speeding.

I've been waiting for you all day," the bobby said.

The kid replied "Yes, well I got here as fast as I could."

When the policeman finally stopped laughing, he sent the kid on his way.


A lorry driver was driving along a country road.
A sign came up that read LOW BRIDGE AHEAD.

Before he realised it, the bridge was directly ahead and he got stuck under it.

Cars were backed up for miles. Finally, a police man arrived and said to the driver, "Got stuck, eh?"

The lorry driver replied, "No, I was delivering this bridge and I ran out of Petrol!!"
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