Fibromyalgia Stages of Grief

All your fibromyalgia experiences, questions and answers.

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Re: Fibromyalgia Stages of Grief

Postby annyhern » Sun Feb 02, 2014 12:28 am

I have just had to cut my hours down at work. As I am the main breadwinner in family, now feeling guilty, worried bt money etc. I try n keep smiling, but sometimes you just can't. Am trying to get the strength to cope with the minefield that is benefits. Warm soft hugs to everyone xxxxx

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Re: Fibromyalgia Stages of Grief

Postby suziepooh » Mon Feb 03, 2014 5:12 pm


I finally got my diagnosis last year. It was a relief to know what it is even if there is no cure. However, I'm at the depressed stage and have shut myself off massively from friends and family. I have other major stresses too which are not helping the situation.

I feel like the doctor should be the one who understands the most, yet only 1 doctor at my surgery seems to have any understanding of Fibro. It is hard to get to see her though and can take several weeks for an appointment.

I know I should come clean with the doctor about my depression, but just cannot seem to do it yet. I suffered a major depression back in the 90's and feel like it will be just like that again if I openly admit it to anyone in the medical profession. Tears are pouring as I write now.

I became self-employed after falling victim to the credit crunch and being unable to find work. Since then, the fibro has progressed to a stage whereby I couldn't do a part-time job if I tried. I've always been self-sufficient and headstrong in that sense, choosing not to have children so I didn't have to rely on anyone else or the state. However, I make very little money, cannot pay my debts from before I lost my job, and can't get help from the government as my husband works full-time and earns more than the minimum wage.

I admire all you guys out there who struggle, yet cope. You really are fantastic.

This is SO hard and what REALLY bugs me are some of the people I know. They think, because they may know someone else with Fibro who still manage to work and do lots of other things, that should be the same for me and we all know we all suffer in different ways. They just don't seem to understand that not every disability is visible.

Not going to say any more now, worn out. :cry:
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Re: Fibromyalgia Stages of Grief

Postby whoami » Mon Feb 03, 2014 5:54 pm

Suzie.....First of all get yourself to the Dr and discuss the fibro. I know you said you prefer a certain Dr because she understands better but maybe if you told the other Dr's everything they would be able to treat you better.

My Dr, who I have a great relationship with once set me straight. I was seeing specialists in regard to my disability pensions and they didn't understand. I tend to keep things to myself and my Dr said how could they help me if I don't tell them everything!

Suzie, I have been suffering from depression for years. A lot of us with fibro do. It is nothing to be ashamed of or to keep quiet about. My hubby is bi polar also. Wow, it wouldn't have been that long ago that people did not talk about or admit to being bi polar

The point is Suzie, you are not alone with this. We will hold your hand through the tough times, we will listen and understand.

Suzie, so many have fallen in to hard times financially due to the economy. I am sorry that you are one. Hubby and myself have had our issues over the years and now we feel that we do not have control of many things and try not to get too upset. If you have serious debt and due to the situation have you considered debt counselling? They do not only teach you about not having debt to begin. Every family has some debt no matter what their income. The councillors can also help you resolve debt.

Sue, I hope you feel better soon. I don't know about your previous depression but you need to take care of yourself.

Expect the worst in life you won't be disapointed and you'll be prepared!
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Re: Fibromyalgia Stages of Grief

Postby sarah1966 » Sun Feb 09, 2014 1:31 pm

I'm new to this site and after reading how nice and understanding you all are it has gave me hope to carry on,
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Re: Fibromyalgia Stages of Grief

Postby denys » Sun Feb 09, 2014 9:43 pm

Glad to hear it Sarah :-D :-D :-D :-D :-D hopefully we can continue to so so and to offer you support when you need it :-D :-D

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Re: Fibromyalgia Stages of Grief

Postby Miz3 » Thu Feb 13, 2014 12:48 am

Hi this post is so true but the hardest battle the most hurtful is when friends and family and partners don't understand. Mood swings depression exhaustion fatigue insomnia and then when a close relative or partner days snap out of it or thinks you're being lazy. .........I've tried to explain point then in the directing of info available about it given the leaflets. ... They still don't understand its horrible I just feel no one really cares
So I am very much stuck in the depression stage. ..
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Re: Fibromyalgia Stages of Grief

Postby Kiara » Wed Feb 19, 2014 12:04 pm

This is a fantastic post, I tend to go between loss/grief for my old self and acceptance ( briefly) I think to lose hope of a cure or getting better is to give in and just become invisible, i feel this already. Thanks for sharing :-D
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Re: Fibromyalgia Stages of Grief

Postby Spaced out » Wed Apr 02, 2014 11:30 am

Hi, I am new but am glad I joined, I am angry and grieving all at the same time if that's possible? Had a set to at work yesterday as I had to shorten my hours, because she didnt understand fibro she's made it all about her and I'm afraid I flipped. I have decided that I don't care if she understands or not I have a duty to me not her. So I have had this for 10 whole years and have been fighting all that time. Time to except it and adjust my life to suit me not others . Sorry to rant on xx :lol:
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Re: Fibromyalgia Stages of Grief

Postby denys » Wed Apr 02, 2014 11:55 pm

Hope things work out for you spaced out and that you manage to concentrate on yourself for a while :-D

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Re: Fibromyalgia Stages of Grief

Postby Richard elder » Mon Apr 14, 2014 8:46 am

Hi I'm a stage 1er still very much angry my life was very hard before this illness I have a very ill son and he is totally dependent always will be my wife and I feel more like nurses than mum and dad fibro on top :scream-1:
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Re: Fibromyalgia Stages of Grief

Postby carolad » Mon Apr 14, 2014 12:08 pm

I got my diagnosis of fibromyalgia a couple of months ago and have gone straight to the 'acceptance' stage...BUT...that is because for the past 7 years or so I have been struggling with a back problem and other issues which I thought were related to scoliosis. So I have been through all these stages already in relation to scoliosis...and now I find that at least some of the problems are due to fibromyalgia. But as far as I'm concerned, it makes no difference to my life...I have health problems which can't be cured so I have to find a way to live with it...whether they are caused by scoliosis or fibromyalgia (or a combination of both) is irrelevant really :)
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Re: Fibromyalgia Stages of Grief

Postby Ribbonsrabbit » Fri Apr 25, 2014 10:40 am

shazq wrote:Fibro like many other long illness can hit us hard, it is life changing and its something we can not control.
Fibro is a disability and you will grief for your old life just like the stages you would grief the loss of a loved one.

Shock- This is the initial paralysis, as our life as we knew it has now gone.
This stage is short-lived and should pass quickly.

Anger- Lashing out, mood swings.
I think we all go through this stage, we get angry at ourselves for our bodies letting us down, at our partners because they dont understand, at our friends because they get fed up with us complaining we are always ill. Anger at your Gp for not being able to cure
us. This stage is not good for us as it brings on stress. Stress is a known trigger to bring on a flare so try to stay as stress free as

Denial- Trying to deny we have fibro.
I think we all try to deny we have a long-term syndrome, no one wants to be told they have a disability, it's a normal reaction for
us. Some people can cope better than others but the sooner we deal with it the better.

Looking for answers- Almost out of desperation we will try anything in the hope it will just go away, medications, tests.
We will try anything to make ourselves better, go to our GP`S ask for all the latest drugs & tests, troll the net to
to find the latest "cure", rush to the chemist to buy up the vitamins, look through the health magazines. Sadly there
is no answer and no cure, we just have to keep living in hope that one day they will find us a cure.

Depression -When it hits you this is for real and it's not going to go away.
It`s normal to feel depressed for a long while, you have to mourn the loss of your old life and learn how to live with your new life.
Your body has gone through so many changes, what you took for granted last week is now going to be more of a challenge
for you this week.
Depression is a serious illness and you should always seek your GP`s advice as with help you can get past this by meds or
counselling or both dont isolate or withdraw yourself, there is help out there.

Acceptance- we have no choice this is our life and we have to make the most of it.
We can learn more about fibro, find out what will and wont help us, gather as much info on fibro as you can. Make changes
that will give us an easier life.Try to stay positive. With the help and support from family/friends/forums we can make this
happen. :grouphug: :flowers:

I find a fan of Elizabeth Kubler Ross.
That woman was a remarkable pioneering genius with a compassionate yet most utterly brave heart.
I gave her book, On Death and Dying to my best and closest friend in my whole life when I learned (before she was told) that she was terminal.
I have bought the book on grief and grieving but.... straight up I am no more able to deal with the loss of my best friend, the person who was more a mother than any other and the most professional work colleague I ever had....
I cannot deal with the loss of my career, income, active, energetic and I thought untouchable life a full 7 years after the injury that ended my life as I knew it and the trigger of my FM. I cannot begin to even think of dealing with losing my beloved Lucy. Mother, friend, rock and a person who never ever failed me....
I am caring for my three dogs who I love very much and wont leave but I cant say I will stay after they are gone. I dont have any reason to stay. I do not need sympathy. Or pity or condemnation. I wake up in pain, spend all day in pain and go to bed in pain. I dont want another 40 years of that thanks.
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Re: Fibromyalgia Stages of Grief

Postby Lisa_mulholland » Fri Jul 18, 2014 10:29 am

Thank you for this. It's really good to be able to read through and relate
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Re: Fibromyalgia Stages of Grief

Postby Gingermama » Tue Mar 03, 2015 9:04 pm

Great post and very true!

I feel like I'm swinging from one stage to the other, recently though I am definitely feeling depressed. Depressed and angry/frustrated! I don't want to live like this! I hate it and I hate myself and I just don't have the strength to fight it!

I feel like I'm failing in life, I'm failing as a mother, I can't keep on top of the housework, I'm failing as a wife to support my husband and his career, feel so guilty for putting more strain on him.

How do I move on? I'm on anti depressants and really don't want to up them. I feel like if I just accept this is my life then I'm giving in. I want to do so much with my life, I'm going to uni in September, but Fibro is making me feel like I can't do it. I was always super woman, I used to juggle 4 jobs, go out socialising regularly, have fun etc but kids and fibro has stopped all of that and I just want my life back!

I feel so guilty that Im just not enjoying motherhood and I guess in a way I even blame them for causing my life to change so drastically. Don't get me wrong I love them to bits and wouldn't be without them but traumatic pregnancies is quite probably what caused the fibro...

Sick of the daily toil to just make it thru the day til hubby gets home. It's actually depressing me that I've got the day at home with my youngest tomoro ns I don't know what to do with him! Never have the energy to do nice things with him and I think he's started lashing out at me because of it.

Just don't want to carry on feeling like this! I wish I could just run away to a beach and sleep for a week or two with no distractions just me and hubby and some books to read. Gargh, why am I not rich???

Sorry for the rant, guess I needed to offload!
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Re: Fibromyalgia Stages of Grief

Postby Zia2014 » Thu Mar 05, 2015 2:19 pm

Oh Ginger you are putting an awful lot of pressure on yourself.

Firstly, are you seeing anyone about your fibro? Your GP, a counsellor/psychologist, the pain clinic? You really need to talk to someone as you sound stuck at a point in the stages and can't move in. Which is demonstrated by this comment:

Gingermama wrote: I just want my life back!

We all want to get back to how we were before, but that won't happen because fibro doesn't (usually) disappear. So you need to find a way to cope with all the feelings you have. you are in NO WAY a failure, you have a condition just like we all do, and the battle to acceptance and changing the way we live is I think the hardest thing about it.

Take care x
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