Fibromyalgia Stages of Grief

All your fibromyalgia experiences, questions and answers.

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Re: Fibromyalgia Stages of Grief

Postby Loz23McG » Thu Aug 25, 2011 8:00 pm

FluppyPuffy wrote:The counselling itself, before the therapy sessions, was done on a general sort of approach, working on building ways to things that happen and need dealing with. I'd try and deal with everything head on, which was the wrong approach...The idea was to get to a point where I'd think my way thru things, but even now I still find using a sheet where I can write things down far more effective in dealing with things :D :D :D


Thanks FluffyPuppy, that sounds really interesting. My few attempts to get help from therapists have been nothing like your description and have ended in tears (mine, obviously! ;) ) so I am now sceptical of whether they can help me at all. I will talk to my Consultant next week and see if she can find me a similar course to yours. Thanks again! :)


Rather reassuringly (especially for me) Elisabeth Kübler-Ross, the psychiatrist that initially came up with the “five stages of grief", apparently did not intend them to apply for everyone: “They were never meant to help tuck messy emotions into neat packages. They are responses to loss that many people have, but there is not a typical response to loss, as there is no typical loss. Our grieving is as individual as our lives.”
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Re: Fibromyalgia Stages of Grief

Postby FluppyPuffy » Thu Aug 25, 2011 8:56 pm

Loz23McG wrote:Thanks FluffyPuppy, that sounds really interesting. My few attempts to get help from therapists have been nothing like your description and have ended in tears (mine, obviously! ;) ) so I am now sceptical of whether they can help me at all. I will talk to my Consultant next week and see if she can find me a similar course to yours. Thanks again! :)


Rather reassuringly (especially for me) Elisabeth Kübler-Ross, the psychiatrist that initially came up with the “five stages of grief", apparently did not intend them to apply for everyone: “They were never meant to help tuck messy emotions into neat packages. They are responses to loss that many people have, but there is not a typical response to loss, as there is no typical loss. Our grieving is as individual as our lives.”


With counselling and therapy, it's important to feel comfortable with the person you're seeing as you'll probably be sharing some very personal and upsetting things with them. I was told that if I didn't start to feel settled with the people I saw after 3-4 sessions, I needed to let them know and they would try to find someone else for me to see instead. Thankfully I had good people from the outset.

Availability of counselling/talking therapies seems to vary from place to place, just like all treatments seem to do at the moment :facepalm: :facepalm: And, even tho more people are being referred for their services, there is a shortage of therapists and counsellors, hence there being such long waiting times for a lot of people :( :( I had to wait 18 months after my initial referral before I got to my assessment.

“They were never meant to help tuck messy emotions into neat packages. They are responses to loss that many people have, but there is not a typical response to loss, as there is no typical loss. Our grieving is as individual as our lives.”
I think this applies to FM beautifully, just as it does to grief. FM is not typical in any way, shape or form. Altho we share a range of symptoms, we are all affected by it so uniquely that it would be impossible to get it into a large and messy package, let alone a neat one :facepalm: :facepalm: We each have to pick our way thru what it throws at us to find the right path out of it :? :?
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Re: Fibromyalgia Stages of Grief

Postby steve3 » Wed Sep 07, 2011 11:58 pm

Have to admit I bounce between everything except shock. Been suffering for years without any diagnosis until mention of it recently. I even have moments of acceptance, but spend most of my time between anger/depression and occasionally between looking for answers/acceptance. I think the Aspie part of my brain gets hung up on trying to analyse the impossible.
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Re: Fibromyalgia Stages of Grief

Postby RooRoo » Wed Sep 14, 2011 5:42 pm

Hi, my name is cindy, i am 56yr and after many many years of suffering, i have finaly got the answer FM, i just wondered if any-one has been on the 6 sessions that the doctor is refering me on, "how to live with FM" i carnt seem to find any write up about them and wondered if any-one could enlighten me a little? :?
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Re: Fibromyalgia Stages of Grief

Postby Lubilou » Wed Sep 14, 2011 7:28 pm

6 session is a cognitive behavioral therapy.
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Re: Fibromyalgia Stages of Grief

Postby Jan42 » Sat Sep 24, 2011 11:24 pm

animalhouse wrote:i think its very hard to step into acceptance mode permanently when we still have all the battles with esa/dla, doctors appointment, physios etc.

i think when we can finally be left alone and stop fighting everyone to believe us it will enable us to accept this condition ourselves, as we are constantly questioning ourselvers anyway, without others doing it as well.

we also loop in the denial/anger mode for a long time as we continue to live our lives, especially in our family unit. i think acceptance involves your whole family unit/friendship circles as the hard part is not accepting yourself but having the dailly battle of others believing you when they see one day you are up and about and the next few days you are recoverin g being knocked for 6.

the family dynamics arfe changed and everyone has to evolve into new positions (sorry brain getting tired) or take on new roles.

what i am basically saying is great postg thanks and well done. (got bored of my own rangint).

:wave: :wave:


:clap: :clap: :clap: I agree Animalhouse. It would help if we didn't have to fight everone else as well as the battles we have with ourselves.
Shaz thank you so much for this
:flowers: :blowkiss: :blowkiss:
Reading through your list & reading all these posts I realize more and more that my feeling like I'm going :crazy: :crazy: :crazy:swinging from one grief to another then another & then just when I think I've got it all sorted in my head, :hit1: I go through it all again....its normal, I'm not on my own :woot: :woot:
So thank you,thank you,thank you, :flowers: :flowers: :blowkiss: :blowkiss: :blowkiss:

To one and all :grouphug:
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Re: Fibromyalgia Stages of Grief

Postby FluppyPuffy » Sat Sep 24, 2011 11:38 pm

RooRoo wrote:Hi, my name is cindy, i am 56yr and after many many years of suffering, i have finaly got the answer FM, i just wondered if any-one has been on the 6 sessions that the doctor is refering me on, "how to live with FM" i carnt seem to find any write up about them and wondered if any-one could enlighten me a little? :?


Sorry I've not picked up on your post before now Cindy :? :? What you may be going on could be a series of sessions aimed at helping you find out about FM and what can be done to help you manage things as comfortably and effectively as possible. Some health authorities run these schemes, whilst others don't. And each one seems to be different :facepalm: :facepalm:
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Re: Fibromyalgia Stages of Grief

Postby karen42 » Wed Oct 05, 2011 4:34 pm

We do go through the grief of knowing we have fibro.I had a good idea i had it before i was diagnoised with it.When other health problems arrive i try not to think about them because i get so fed up with health problems.
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Re: Fibromyalgia Stages of Grief

Postby denys » Wed Oct 05, 2011 8:22 pm

Hi Max and :welcome: to the forum, pop over to the where to say hello thread is and give a quick intro to yourself if you feel like it, dont worry to much about where you put a post while you are so new thats what us mods are here for. You'll get to grips with things soon :hugs: :hugs: :flowers: :flowers:
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Re: Fibromyalgia Stages of Grief

Postby triciagor » Fri Oct 28, 2011 11:44 pm

Hi shaqz,

I am fighting my way through all the stages you mentioned but I find that - denial, depression, acceptance are the stages I am going through right now. For a long time I tried to convince myself that what was happening to my body just wasnt happening. I just never wanted to come to terms with it. The underlying depression that as come with it, the lact in my ability to do so many things I used to enjoy that I know I can never entertain again is truly upsetting. Unless I can come to terms with these two stages then I will never be able to fully accept all that as changed in my life and the fact that fibromyalgia is here to stay like it or not. I hoped that by joining this forum and talking to others I could go through the stages of grief with moral support from other suffers. I think its too much to offload on my kids, time will tell if I will come accept my lot. :(
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Re: Fibromyalgia Stages of Grief

Postby Helz54 » Sat Oct 29, 2011 6:49 pm

I have had a bad day today, so I feel I have been through all the 'stages of grief' today. I was diagnosed with FMS about nine moths ago, but have only joined the forum today. It is really helpful to find that you are not going through the symptoms alone. I think it is hard for family and friends to understand just how you feel so it's nice to share feelings with others that understand.
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Re: Fibromyalgia Stages of Grief

Postby Jan42 » Sat Oct 29, 2011 7:55 pm

Helz54 wrote:I have had a bad day today, so I feel I have been through all the 'stages of grief' today. I was diagnosed with FMS about nine moths ago, but have only joined the forum today. It is really helpful to find that you are not going through the symptoms alone. I think it is hard for family and friends to understand just how you feel so it's nice to share feelings with others that understand.

Hi :wave:
:welcome:
You are definitely not on your own here :grouphug:
Whenever you feel a little :crazy: rest assured the rest of us are here to help you feel
That :crazy: is the norm :lol: :lol: :lol:
I've had a lot of support from people on here and don't know how I would have coped
Without them. :crazy: :crazy: :crazy:
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Re: Fibromyalgia Stages of Grief

Postby Helz54 » Sat Oct 29, 2011 8:04 pm

Thanks for your support Jan. :fingerscrossed: tomorrow will be a better day.
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Re: Fibromyalgia Stages of Grief

Postby Jan42 » Sat Oct 29, 2011 8:32 pm

Lots of gentle :hugs: Helz
Just think, we have an extra hour in bed tonight that we don't need to account for (Shazq just reminded me :facepalm: )
That should definitely help, especially in this weather :D
Snuggle up with some [chocolate] :cake: a good film & a box of tissues. Don't forget the teddy to cuddle into :hugs:
Hope you feel better soon :flowers: :hugs:
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Re: Fibromyalgia Stages of Grief

Postby FluppyPuffy » Sat Oct 29, 2011 8:33 pm

:welcome: to the forum Helz :wave: :wave:

When you're feeling up to it, if you'd like to tell us about yourself in "Where To Say Hello" it would be nice to "meet" you :wave: :wave:

Like Jan has said, if you need to let anything out, want to know anything or anything, it's not usually long before someone has come along and left you a reply, even if it's just to offer :wine: :wine: [chocolate] [chocolate] :cake: :cake: :hugs: :hugs: And we can sometimes leave a sensible answer if that is what is needed :clap: :clap:

Have a look round as there is a lot of advice and info on here, and you may find some suggestions that help you :cup1: :cup1:
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