Fibromyalgia Stages of Grief

All your fibromyalgia experiences, questions and answers.

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Re: Fibromyalgia Stages of Grief

Postby FluppyPuffy » Wed Apr 04, 2012 11:55 am

I think it is possible to have things jumbling around thru each day. When I was initially dx'd, I'd go thru various stages during each day, and every day :facepalm: :facepalm: This only started to ease off when I started to very slowly accept little bits about life as it is now with FM :-? :-? :-?
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Re: Fibromyalgia Stages of Grief

Postby Dookie » Tue Jun 05, 2012 7:43 pm

I was in the denial stage for ages ... I was one of those people who didn't believe in fibro even though I had been diagnosed with it. I tried to ignore it and carry on as normal, and it made me a virtual cripple for ten years, I did nothing but sleep, cry (with the pain) and take codeine.
For me the depression comes and goes, but now I have pretty much accepted that the old 'me' who used to be on the go from dawn til dusk (and beyond), run half marathons, ride horses etc, has gone. I have learned to roll with it and just rest up when I have to (I do a LOT of reading!!). Music has helped me a lot also. As have my 2 little dogs and 3 cats .... on days when I don't want to get up I HAVE to ... to feed them and walk the dogs :-)
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Re: Fibromyalgia Stages of Grief

Postby MelanieB » Fri Jun 08, 2012 8:38 pm

Thanks for a great post. Today I am depressed and angry. I want to cry today at how awful I feel and then I get angry at myself for being so useless. It is so difficult to put into words all the feelings I'm having. I understand the movement through the stages, but when it's you going through it, its hard. I am a very conscientious worker and feel like a skiver at work as I find it so hard to get through a full days work and then the struggle with feeling nobody beleives you is awful.

I am finding it very hard to leave the old me behind and find it difficult to accept I will never be that person again, although I've always known, even before diagnosis, that I wouldn't be. I been through so much in the last seven years, its a lucky dip at what my trigger was.

My grandma died, then a year later my mom died. Six months after that my husband of 10 years left me. I eventually met a wonderful man and am now remarried, but in the last three years I've had an awful and painful sterilisation, a very traumatic hemi-thyroidectomy and a kidney stone. So its no wonder I now have FM and am struggling with all the stages. I very often wonder what the point in sometimes. I've been on and off anti-d's and have been takine Citalipram for 12 months for anxiety which has helped.

I'm just now working towards acceptance with FM, but definately feel its a long way off. I don't think I can accept it until I feel my loved ones believe and accept it, and don't think i'm just a wuss.

I just want gentle hugs and understanding and for people just to say, it's ok, we will look after you and we understand, but I suppose nobody can understand unless you are a FM sufferer, just like any other illness.

Thank you everybody on this forum for all your comments and posts that help me feel like i'm not alone and all the feelings I have are normal.

OK, waffled enough now. Off to mooch and feel sorry for myself some more. xxx
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Re: Fibromyalgia Stages of Grief

Postby Jojo73 » Thu Jun 21, 2012 9:32 am

I think I am in denial as I keep over doing things and suffering for a couple of days after it!!..also I think my friends think I am a pain as I keep moaning that I am ill.. :cry:
Brilliant post Shaz xxx
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Re: Fibromyalgia Stages of Grief

Postby soprano » Wed Jun 27, 2012 11:19 pm

Most people I talk to have never heard about fibro which means I am still in denial. I still try and walk at the same speed as my friends but I know I can.t, as I end up in so much pain. I play with my grand child and end up suffering. I keep saying to myself that I must accept and deal with the consequences of my actions, trouble is my brain is so full of fibro fog I don't hear myself. :-)
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Re: Fibromyalgia Stages of Grief

Postby Happycroc » Thu Jun 28, 2012 12:20 pm

A great post... But fours yrs on, and i feel everyday is a new day in the hope i will not have some form of pain..... I have gone from stage one to acceptance in the course of a day... Then theres the Meds... when I have felt great for a few weeks I have gone cold turkey..stopped all the Medication just to make sure the pain, fatique, lack on memory, lack of sleep, and IBS was not a figment of my own imagination... :-o However, I know in my heart and my head that i am not the person i was....
Even the word in our house is not used, Not because no-one believes or has empathy but because its so final... I now understand if i have a hard day in the veg garden (allotment) take a fancy to decorate a bedroom..... then i know I will be in bed or on the sofa for a 1/4 days.... thats how i cope... I do still get days not so often now .. but i get days where I sit in tears today is a tears day for me... But tomorrow is a new day :-D
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Re: Fibromyalgia Stages of Grief

Postby Iceskatemum » Fri Jul 27, 2012 1:08 am

Like many other I found this very helpful. I at the moment am a little bit of anger/denial and so far away from acceptance it doesn't even figure. I was diagnosed earlier in the year , tried to carry on and then collapsed early June. I have been off work since and am slowly getting into some new sense of normal although I still grieve for my past life and what might have been, as does all the family. It is very hurtful when you teen in thier anger tell you ,you are fat, lazy and making it all up to get attension - Oh that I was. my main biggy is trying to get back to work to help ease some of the financial burdens this has placed on us. Not sure when acceptance will come it does seem to be letting go and caving in. logically I guess thats the point by accepting the new me I will be able to guage this new life until there are not the same flare ups and down time and I will be more like the tortosie ..slow & steady rather than the Hare fast & furious and never actually getting anywhere.
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Re: Fibromyalgia Stages of Grief

Postby Angel777 » Tue Aug 07, 2012 11:51 am

This is a really good post. There is definitely grief at each stage.

This condition is very educational isn't it , as we go through the various stages. One thing I have learnt above all others is never ever look back , live in this moment.don't look at what you have lost, look at what you can gain.
Also as it has progressed I have gone through many stages , and now I have decided I would much rather be happy jolly and disabled ,than struggling every day to be enabled and miserable with everyone.
I now have to use my scooter more and more , my legs need the help now, the soft tissue now inflames and swells too much, so why walk and do that to myself , when I can scooter and have fun.
I am home a lot more , but see this as positive as it has enabled me to be however I want to be . I can walk around the garden, the house and rest on the way , I have tools and equipment to make it easier. I can knit, craft when I feel like it , watch the birds in the garden etc. if I take my scooter into the garden I can prune the roses one or two at a time .
It might be once a week or once a month it doesn't matter . I put things on trolleys indoors so I can push it to where I need things and don't lift.
What warriors we are !
Diagnosed with FM 2007 /Also have Osteoarthritis which I have had for many years .
Looking to connect with fellow FM people near me as well as making friends and having support from this forum .
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Re: Fibromyalgia Stages of Grief

Postby jadeevans32 » Tue Aug 14, 2012 10:20 pm

great post....
i have experienced all of these emotions, anger and denial is were i normally spend most of my life, then i'll have day or 3 of acceptance or rather, i have no choice in accepting it because i cant move from the sofa or get out of bed, this is normally after i've given the house a spring clean for example.if i am honest i hate my body and how it reacts to the choices i make. oh well life goes on and all that.
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Re: Fibromyalgia Stages of Grief

Postby maxtomads » Wed Oct 03, 2012 8:49 am

Have just found this - what a relief to see it! My GP referred me to the mental health team for counselling so I could learn to grieve for the life I'd lost & adjust to the new life I had to continue with. I've had the triage interview with them and am now on their lengthy waiting list, but at least I know it'll happen one day. Him Indoors seems to think I should be able to jump straight to acceptance as all the other stages are a waste of time and effort - I'll print this off for him in the hopes it might help him understand.
Thank You!!!
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Re: Fibromyalgia Stages of Grief

Postby LuluAnne » Mon Oct 29, 2012 9:27 pm

I bounce around from anger to denial and depression and back through the whole cycle. I seem to be very quick to anger and be irritated by things that never used to bother me. Don't know if I will ever get to acceptance! :(
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Re: Fibromyalgia Stages of Grief

Postby jazzbabe » Sat Dec 15, 2012 6:05 pm

I'm still angry as my fibro is probably caused by an idiot in a car who thought it would be fun to play silly sods and put me in a ditch at 50 miles an hour, he walked away from it never to be seen again where as I've gradually got worse till 12 years later I've been diagnosed. I've lost a job I loved, the ability to climb hills, ride horses and enjoy the out doors, now I'm losing my love as I'm getting to the point where I can't ride my bike anymore, my bit of freedom is being taken away. I get frustrated when I can't do little things like prepare dinner. I get depressed when I see my house and garden looking a mess because I run out of steam before I can do things. Being in pain and tired all the time gets to me too. I used to be totally independent but now I need help with simple things that I used to take for granted like getting dressed. I am still fighting it because I'm too bloody minded to accept it. I still do things till I break partly because I want to get things done and partly because I haven't found or accepted my limits. I hate what I have become.
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Re: Fibromyalgia Stages of Grief

Postby gw8dnb » Fri Jan 11, 2013 3:03 pm


I have given a brief report of my problems in the Hello forum, sorry to repeat some things.

Two years ago my wife died, the terrible grief is still with me. Three months ago my younger brother died, more grief.
Since these events my FM condition is taking a fast dive.

When diagnosed I didn't believe I had FM, so I was not shocked, I certainly was not angry and am still not, I did occasionally have mild depression but really ignored the FM with painkillers. Now after these recent events and fast deteriation of the condition, together with the associated deep depression, I feel this is load which makes life an unpleasant experience and a waste of time.

My support is my little dog and 2 cats.
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Re: Fibromyalgia Stages of Grief

Postby shazq » Sat Jan 12, 2013 6:58 pm

Sorry to hear about your losses Paul. :grouphug: :grouphug:
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Re: Fibromyalgia Stages of Grief

Postby Leona » Mon Jan 14, 2013 4:40 pm

I'm definately at the anger stage. I feel so cheated. As if having serious mental health illness wasn't enough now I have to deal with pain everyday. I must have been a mass murderer in a previous life and this is karma! But what I keep trying to remember is instead of saying 'why me' I should say 'why not me'? No one deserves this and I'm no one special.
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