Losing Friends

All your fibromyalgia experiences, questions and answers.

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Re: Losing Friends

Postby jennthefunkyranger » Tue Jan 22, 2013 10:37 pm

Flash wrote:My life changed dramatically when the place where I volunteered for 10 years decided to get rid of the 'lame duck' and bullied me out..


That's horrible ((hugs)). Working is one thing, as they're paying you to be there, but volunteering isn't the case. I'm a Guide leader, and I'm really grateful that FM isn't an issue, no-one minds that I do what I can. I've just moved to a new unit closer to home to make it easier for me, rather than a 30 min drive, and the other Guider knew about the fibro before I moved there.
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Re: Losing Friends

Postby jennib54 » Tue Jan 22, 2013 11:20 pm

:-) Hi' i lost all my friends when i could'nt work anymore. I have a homehelp who comes for 3 hours a week and i really look forward yo her coming she's been coming so long that she's become a great friend. we chat by texts during the time she doe'nt come. She can't get here this week because of all the snow we've all had.I miss her as its nice to have a girly chat my OH and son usually go out when she's here so we can chat about anything and OH and son get time together.
Hope you do'nt feel quite so lonely with us to help.
i'm a newbie too.
take care. :-)
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Re: Losing Friends

Postby goldenlou » Thu Jan 24, 2013 11:23 pm

I dont think its just through fm that friends abandon you. Although now happily re married, when i got divorced almost 16 years
ago, I couldn't believe the difference in peoples attitudes when I suddenly became 'single'. I got dropped from social events, all
invitations dried up, women worrying that a newly single woman would suddenly 'steal' their husbands. I really got to see the
true side of people when I also had other problems like finances, no one wanted to help in any way. Now my life has changed
and as I am now married again and not a 'threat' to these so called friends, they have started contacting me!! well you can imagine
where I tell them to go. I dont think womens friendships are as strong as mens, we all fall out too easily, and iv'e known
women who have been friends for 30 years stop talking over something trivial. Its not just fm. People are too insular these days
and cant be bothered to make the effort to keep in touch and nurture friendships, thats what I think.
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Re: Losing Friends

Postby Flash » Thu Jan 24, 2013 11:58 pm

Yes there are many reasons that people are abandoned by so called friends, no one would dispute that. F/M is one reason why so many of us on here have lost a lot of friends. We all have different lives and backgrounds but it is a common factor for people suffering with long term conditions ALSO, to be dropped out of the social scene.
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Re: Losing Friends

Postby denys » Fri Jan 25, 2013 12:14 am

goldenlou I think I agree totally with you, there doesnt seem to be the time to make friendships work or other relationships. Everyone is too busy just trying to get to the end of the week, so those of us not able to keep pace get left behind and I've seen women circle the wagons against single's to protect what they have got :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll:

But thankfully there are still some good ones out there who do truly care we just have to meet them :-D :-D :-D :-D :-D
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Re: Losing Friends

Postby Patched » Sun Feb 03, 2013 1:54 pm

Hi everyone. Since I read the string of comments from you all I've woken up to the fact that I think the same pattern is already starting to happen to me. It's a very sad state of affairs when we have to be put through the mill before we find out who our real friends are.
I'm a 56yr old bloke, recently diagnosed with FM after sveral long years of trying to find the cause of my symptoms. Same old story. What I find the most upsetting is that, before I was diagnosed with FM, friends and work colleagues would encourage me to keep going back to my GP until I did get a proper diagnosis. Back then, no one ever seemed to doubt me if I turned up at work with a stonking migraine headache, or muscle pains etc, and when on occasion I had a flare up of symptoms or fatigue everyone seemed really supportive.
I used to believe that once I had a proper diagnosis to explain all of my symptoms, I would find that coping day to day would perhaps be easier for me to deal with, at least psychologically, and that comments such as being all anxiety or stress related, or even Hyperchondria would finally stop.
But instead, the general atitude from most & particularly at work, is that everything is hunky dorey now; and that after my trek in the wilderness searching for answers I've at last got a diagnosis & reached the Promised Land! Whoopie-doo. So, now all I have to apparently do when people ask me how I am (particularly at work) is to say either I'm having a good FM day, or a bad FM day, and then shut up & get on with it. (I wonder what they think a 'good' FM day is?)
I guess I'm fortunate in that I've never been one for needing a large circle of friends, and so if worse comes to worse I can't really lose that many. My wife has always been my very best friend, and I'm blessed for that, but she also has health problems and so the last thing I want to do is keep moaning to her about mine. In fact we have both always tried our best to 'just get on with it' anyway. We often laugh at ourselves and the state of health we are both in, and neither of us are negative people. Our glasses are always half full rather than half empty. And that's what we'll continue to do.
Perhaps the biggest trap I fell into was by considering work colleagues to be 'work friends'. By and large they are not the same thing (although there always some exceptions to the rule). As long as I keep that in the forefront of my mind I think I'll manage just fine.
Best wishes to you all, and thanks for raising my awareness.
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Re: Losing Friends

Postby moomoos » Sun Feb 03, 2013 2:48 pm

It amazes me how you find out who are your true friends when you are the one in need for a change!! Enough said :cry:
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