Life is passing me by...

All your fibromyalgia experiences, questions and answers.

Moderators: perseus, *Lisa*, FluppyPuffy

Life is passing me by...

Postby Laus2002 » Fri Mar 15, 2013 9:09 pm

Hello everyone,

Sorry to be a bit doom and gloom but I feel I need to get this off my chest but don't want to upset my partner or family and so I thought I'd post here, I hope that's ok.

I'm 30 years old, it's Friday night and I'm in bed, again. My partner (who is wonderful by the way, I'm very lucky) is in a band and has a gig tonight in Oxford, we were both born there but left 5 years ago. We have friends and family who still live there and most of them are going to the gig tonight. I did a great job of pretending when he left that I wasn't bothered about missing out and made out that what I genuinely wanted to do was get into bed and watch the House box set again when in reality my heart was breaking. It's so unfair. Why can't I be like everyone else? I would give anything to have been able to go. I want to spend ages choosing what to wear, get all my clothes out and then wear the first thing I tried on, I want to put a bit of make up on and do my hair, I want to watch him drum and shout my encouragement, maybe have a drink or two and catch up with everyone. But I can't. It just sometimes feels that life is a party that everyone else is going to but my invite got lost in the post. I am very smiley and optimistic 99% of the time but sometimes, I just want to scream, what on earth did I do to deserve this awful illness? But there are never any answers are there? So I'll do what we all do, put a smile on my face, dig out the biscuits, and wait to hear what a great evening it was and what fun everyone had- yippee. Oh well, at least I've got the gorgeous Dr House to keep me company eh?!

I hope you are all having a relatively pain free evening and thank you for giving me somewhere to vent, I feel slightly better already.

Laura x
Laus2002
UKFM Member
 
Posts: 41
Joined: Tue Nov 15, 2005 3:24 pm
Location: Buckingham

Re: Life is passing me by...

Postby lolo73 » Fri Mar 15, 2013 9:34 pm

I feel your pain, I am 39 now and I have had the symptoms (if not a diagnosis) for 15+ years. Chin up, at least you aren't preventing your partner do what he loves. I guess it is about readjusting and finding pleasure in other things. Your FMS might not always be this bad, I have had much better periods over the years where I have managed big conquests like 2 weeks constant at Disney world, to do that I gradually built up my stamina and took my meds as and when my body required. xx
lolo73
UKFM Member
 
Posts: 156
Joined: Tue Dec 18, 2012 8:49 pm

Re: Life is passing me by...

Postby cookieE » Fri Mar 15, 2013 9:37 pm

hi there, and theres me thinking i was alone!!! thanx for sharing that...i think you are explaining how most of us all feel , at some points...im just dealing with the realisation that life has somewhat changed for me...i see no future at the moment(that will come back)...and taking one day at a time..you sound like me...always making sure others are happy..no bad thing..i hope tomorrow you feel brighter..your my first post and i will remember that..ty x
cookieE
UKFM Newbie
 
Posts: 2
Joined: Fri Mar 15, 2013 8:04 pm

Re: Life is passing me by...

Postby Claros00 » Fri Mar 15, 2013 9:48 pm

I had a lump in my throat reading this.... Mainly because it describes the way I feel. I'm coming up to 30 too and some days it just seems so unfair :( I hope you have a better day tomorrow. Stay strong and remember, you're not alone xx
Claros00
UKFM Newbie
 
Posts: 2
Joined: Fri Mar 15, 2013 9:26 pm

Re: Life is passing me by...

Postby Laus2002 » Fri Mar 15, 2013 9:55 pm

Thank you both so much for replying.

Lolo, it's a very similar situation here actually, I started getting symptoms at 16 and was diagnosed at 23 and like you said, you have to find pleasure in the smallest things and on a good day I could give you a list of how having FM has actually improved my life believe it or not!

Cookie, I feel very honoured that I am your first post! I don't know if this means you are newly diagnosed or just new to the site but just in case its the former please don't think it's all bad, I wouldn't want to scare you! Over the years I've learnt that a lot of the good in my life s actually due to being ill, the most important being time. Time to spend with loved ones (my partner works as a postman so he can be at home to care for me as much as possible and my dad is disabled himself so I get to spend a whole lot of time with my two favourite people!) and a general appreciation of the small things that a lot of healthy people take for granted are all the bonuses of FM and I'm grateful for that. I guess what I'm trying to say in my own fibro-fog way, is that it's just as important to voice the crappy parts of being ill sometimes as much as it is to appreciate the good things, both are healthy. I think you'll have a very bright future! xxxx
Laus2002
UKFM Member
 
Posts: 41
Joined: Tue Nov 15, 2005 3:24 pm
Location: Buckingham

Re: Life is passing me by...

Postby Laus2002 » Fri Mar 15, 2013 9:58 pm

Claros, thank you so much for your kind words, sending you gentle hugs xx
Laus2002
UKFM Member
 
Posts: 41
Joined: Tue Nov 15, 2005 3:24 pm
Location: Buckingham

Re: Life is passing me by...

Postby cookieE » Fri Mar 15, 2013 10:16 pm

you hit the nail on the head..have had it for a long time..just diagnosed and now need to learn living with it...this site im sure is going to be so helpful , and you have been too! thank you ...family and friends support fabulous too...just me thats struggling..lol..but i just need to find my stride...allow myself a little time...seek some good advice, make some changes....and Im sure things will seem brighter for me too. night night xx
cookieE
UKFM Newbie
 
Posts: 2
Joined: Fri Mar 15, 2013 8:04 pm

Re: Life is passing me by...

Postby SuperCat007 » Sat Mar 16, 2013 10:01 am

I know exactly how you feel. I got it at 16 and am now 23, I know where I want to get to but experience is always going to hold me back because some people already have 5-6 years! I am buoyed that you got it young and managed to find a partner etc in that time. I've been feeling incredibly lonely and really finding things hard recently. I think the only thing I can say is that I sympathise, but be very grateful for what you have. Everyone I ever knew got fed up with me never being able to go to things, so I know nobody now. You sound as though you have some thoughtful and caring people around you. Best of luck.
SuperCat007
UKFM Member
 
Posts: 77
Joined: Mon Dec 31, 2012 5:09 pm

Re: Life is passing me by...

Postby countyfan » Sat Mar 16, 2013 11:08 am

To Laus2002 and the others who replied to this thread.
I feel exactly the same as you all. In fact I posted on FB last night something like' Bed at 9pm again, My life is sooo exciting.'
However, after reading your posts, it made me realise that I do have a lot to be thankful for. I notice that most of you are under 30 and have had Fibro for a fair while. I realise that I had a lot of years of good health before the FM struck (I'm 54) and I do have grown up children who can help my husband care for me. I had a good career too, although I am going to have to give up work following a spinal fusion for arthritis in my neck.
When I was feeling sorry for myself the other day I actually said to someone that Life has passed me by, but it hasn't and the way you all have to fight and cope, when you are so much younger than me is an inspiration. You all just keep on 'keeping on' and I will try and be a 'Glass half full' rather than a 'Glass half empty' person.
Thanks for you sharing on here and pray that you will all have goals to aspire to, so that when you get to your 50's you can look back and see that life hadn't really passed you by!
Countyfan :-D
countyfan
UKFM Member
 
Posts: 137
Joined: Fri Apr 22, 2011 2:43 pm

Re: Life is passing me by...

Postby painprincess1 » Sat Mar 16, 2013 11:29 am

u no something , i was just thinking,bare with me ok i will get to the point.
my grandma is 90 years old been on hosipital once to have my mum. was married 65 years has more money then she knows what to do with, and she is the nastys most self centered person i no. i call her meme, she never had pain so dont see why other ppl do, she now cant walk and wants everything done for her. she cant walk because she said she wasnt going to anymore btw,

my mum ,she in pain has culuster migrains everyday of her life in and out of hospital nearly died more then once,
shes kind loving caring person who would give u the cloths off her back.
pain might ruin our lifestyle its doesnt ruin us,it makes us more understanding to others and we see things ppl like my grandma could never see .the simple things that dont coast a penny but mean so much.ie a hot water bottle made or someone washing up when u cant face it.
we are all wounderful ppl remember that we DO have lifes ,we live them more then most ppl ever do.
smiles and the world smiles with you. cry and you cry alone.
painprincess1
UKFM Member
 
Posts: 867
Joined: Mon Oct 15, 2012 1:38 pm
Location: near london

Re: Life is passing me by...

Postby countyfan » Sat Mar 16, 2013 11:42 am

Painprincess1,
You so totally hit the nail on the head. That was in effect what I was meaning but you put it so much better! :-o ;-)
countyfan
UKFM Member
 
Posts: 137
Joined: Fri Apr 22, 2011 2:43 pm

Re: Life is passing me by...

Postby evie15 » Sat Mar 16, 2013 12:52 pm

I'm so sorry.

It is exactly how I feel, I cannot do any of the things I loved before and I am constantly exhausted that I cannot even pop out anymore and everything gets put off so much that I cannot bear it.

It's funny you are watching house though, as I used to watch it and I keep thinking still that I don't have this, I have something else and need a doctor like house to uncover what it is and cure me. :oops:

Take care, I'm so glad you clearly have someone understanding as your partner.
evie15
UKFM Member
 
Posts: 82
Joined: Fri Feb 22, 2013 7:23 pm

Re: Life is passing me by...

Postby FluppyPuffy » Sat Mar 16, 2013 4:22 pm

Over the years I've had times when it has felt like my life has passed by as well, esp during those darker, bleaker times when I have been thinking over the things I had wanted and/or planned to do and about how I have changed from the person I was then to the person I am now. What I found tho, was that it didn't actually help me with living the life that I now have. If anything it made things worse and dragged me further and further down into the abyss.

The thing that turned me around and started me off towards really living my life with my various conditions/illnesses instead of constantly battling against them, was learning to live in the "NOW".

I only have a limited amount of energy each day, and I found that dwelling on what I wouldn't be able to achieve/do drained it much more quickly than doing something that brings me a little pleasure and cheer in the current moment. So now, when one of those dark moments starts creeping in, I try to change what I am doing for something that I know will help me feel a little lighter and brighter. Altho far from a perfect approach, at least it helps me with managing things a little more effectively. There are still times when the storm clouds manage to take hold, but these times now tend to happen when someone else starts talking about how thing used to be and I can't escape from the situation.

As you get used to how life with FM is for you. and find the little things that help deflect these thoughts and feelings, even just a little, things will become a little easier to manage. I can't say it will help you reach that Holy Grail of Acceptance, but it will help send you in the right direction and hopefully get you a few steps further along the road to it.
As a Public Moderator of this forum my opinions/views expressed are personal and are no more valid than those of other members and not necessarily those of UKFibromyalgia.

If your dog doesn't like someone, then you probably shouldn't either
User avatar
FluppyPuffy
SITE ADMIN
 
Posts: 12719
Joined: Mon Jun 08, 2009 11:25 am
Location: Living Life On The Edge.......Of The Norty Step!!!

Re: Life is passing me by...

Postby LouLou » Mon Mar 18, 2013 2:20 pm

Hi Laus2002

I've not seen you on here before so "Hi there" from me. I'm 30 this year and most of the time I feel about 90! I know what you mean about feeling like life was passing you by and you're not invited to join.

Like Fluppy, when I was first diagnosed I felt the big black hole trying to swallow me up and I just felt like hiding under the duvet. As Fluppy says, we all have a limited amount of energy for the day and this differs from day to day. Now that I have had FM for about 2 years now I have learnt how to plan things around it. It may not be ideal and I may not be able to attend all social events me and OH are invited to, but if I am told in advance I have a much better chance of making sure I have lots of time to rest up before and after so that I can at least attend for a few hours.

Me and my OH used to be really social and go out a lot but now most of the time if he wants to go somehwere and I can't go then I encourage him to go as I don't want what I have to stop him. Plus a night in watching House sounds like heaven to me lol (we not long watched the whole series I adore Hugh Laurie - if only he was a real doctor hey lol)

If we want to socialise with other people we tend to plan a night where either they come to our house or we go to theirs, order some food in and have a good catch up or watch a film. That way I am inside all warm in the winter and I'm resting and not doing too much.

I know what you mean about the effort of getting ready.

Laus2002 wrote:I want to spend ages choosing what to wear, get all my clothes out and then wear the first thing I tried on, I want to put a bit of make up on and do my hair, I want to watch him drum and shout my encouragement, maybe have a drink or two and catch up with everyone


I used to love that part of the evening but now it fills me with dread as it takes up so much energy.

I'm not sure how much my post will help I just wanted to let you know that you aren't the only 30 year old who feels like this. I know it is hard to do all the things others do, but you can still do some parts of it you just have to make a few adjustments. If you can get some date stogether in advance that your OH and his band will be playing then you will be able to plan the week before to make sure you are ready for the night out, and then a day or two after to rest and recover. Plus you don't have to stay out too late at all, just popping in for an hour or two will really help lift your spirits.

Take Care
xx
What doesn't kill you will only make you stronger ;-)
User avatar
LouLou
UKFM Regular
 
Posts: 1009
Joined: Thu Oct 06, 2011 10:40 am

Re: Life is passing me by...

Postby Gromit » Fri Mar 22, 2013 2:32 pm

Hi,

I am another one that is just about to turn 30 and feels like life is what other people get to live. I am constantly in pain, never a good day - always just different degrees of bad! lol

But like you all I have found that there are positive sides to being sick as well - I am always there for people - I get to spend more time with my OH/Steppies/hound :)

I can do crafts - I love card making and felt work and all mannor of crafty things- I have my own little on line shop.

But there are days when I want the world to just go away - or more correctly the Fibro to go away so that I can join the world.

I dont know if any of you are on FB but I am always glad of more Fibro friends - its nice to have people to talk to that know what you are going through.

PM me if you want to exchange FB details :)

Big gentle hugs to everyone - I hope that you are all having good days - I am having a rotten week - its been so hard to keep going.

xxx
Love from Grom :) xxx
Gromit
UKFM Member
 
Posts: 43
Joined: Wed Aug 31, 2011 3:56 pm
Location: Hamp


Return to Living with Fibromyalgia

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 9 guests