Feeling Low...

All your fibromyalgia experiences, questions and answers.

Moderators: perseus, *Lisa*, FluppyPuffy

Feeling Low...

Postby JessL » Tue May 21, 2013 5:27 pm

Not been on here for a while as had issues with internet, but desperately feeling like I need someone to talk to!
I find it so hard to talk to people - its 'But you look absolutely fine!' what I find hard to deal with, and so I don't really talk about how I feel much.
I am (aiming to, all being well) going to Glastonbury this year, and as a consequence missing out on the family holiday as they fly out on the Saturday of Glastonbury. I didn't have a problem with this at all - my mum and dad have also made the point it will be easier on my dad's wallet as my older sister also wasn't going to go!! I have just found out (found a note in the kitchen) that my older sister is now going but flying out a few days after them. (I realise how stupid this sounds) She is going on the basis that she 'has had a lot to deal with' recently (partner troubles). My younger sister also has had 'a lot to deal with' (had to have some pre-cancerous cells removed) - all of this I completely understand but sometimes I feel like putting my hand up and asking 'what about me?'. I would have loved to go, but from what they told me flying out at a later date wasn't an option, but now suddenly it is for my sister. It sounds so selfish and I am sorry for that! I also came across a message from my mum to my dad asking if it was mean if she didn't go to a hospital appointment with me to which my dad replied I had to deal with it myself at some point (with their support). This would be fine - but I didn't even ASK my mum if she would go with me!! I never have, and that day in particular I had just said what time I would be leaving, absolutely nothing else about that particular appointment.
It feels like these few things make it so much harder for me to actually talk about stuff, and this little episode (as pathetic as it is) has got me feeling really low. I am also battling a cold (ridiculous in May!) which isn't helping I am sure. Sometimes I just wish that I could really explain how I am feeling despite looking 'normal', but I just don't think I can - and its things like that which don't help and I feel like it makes me struggle more. Sorry for the selfish and pathetic story!
JessL
UKFM Member
 
Posts: 21
Joined: Mon Feb 25, 2013 4:33 pm

Re: Feeling Low...

Postby shazq » Tue May 21, 2013 5:45 pm

Hi Jess

As you feel you cant talk to your parents have you tried writing them a note explaining how you feel?

Why dont you mention to your sister that you found the note saying she is going to join your parents on holiday and say if you knew that you would have gone as well, they might not think you want to go away with them this year as you made other plans.

It sounds like you have been holding a lot of stuff in so try talking to your parents about it if you can or even your sister but if not like i mentioned before maybe writing it down will help. :hugs:

:goodluck1:
As a Public Moderator of this forum my opinions/views expressed are personal and are no more valid than those of other members and not necessarily those of UKFibromyalgia.
Fibromyalgia Awareness Day May 12TH.
User avatar
shazq
UKFM Veteran
 
Posts: 11449
Joined: Wed Feb 11, 2009 8:16 pm
Location: wrapped up under my duvet at home.

Re: Feeling Low...

Postby JessL » Tue May 21, 2013 5:51 pm

Writing it down is a good idea. I will definitely try that - they did know I wanted to go though, never say no to a bit of relaxation!! :) I know it is just so pathetic in the grand scheme of things - and I realise how pathetic that message sounded, but I feel like it is just adding to a list of things which isn't helping me feel like I can talk to them! As a consequence I know I am bottling stuff up, but I don't know how to bring up the subject with them.
JessL
UKFM Member
 
Posts: 21
Joined: Mon Feb 25, 2013 4:33 pm

Re: Feeling Low...

Postby shazq » Tue May 21, 2013 5:56 pm

It`s not pathetic Jess :hugs: If the note is still in the kitchen why not wait until one/both of your parents are in the kitchen and pretend to just come across it and read it out? That way you will have to talk about it.
As a Public Moderator of this forum my opinions/views expressed are personal and are no more valid than those of other members and not necessarily those of UKFibromyalgia.
Fibromyalgia Awareness Day May 12TH.
User avatar
shazq
UKFM Veteran
 
Posts: 11449
Joined: Wed Feb 11, 2009 8:16 pm
Location: wrapped up under my duvet at home.

Re: Feeling Low...

Postby JessL » Tue May 21, 2013 5:59 pm

That's true. I guess in order for the situation to change I actually need to talk about how I feel and doing something like that would force me too. I will take a deep breath and talk about it for a change! Thank you x
JessL
UKFM Member
 
Posts: 21
Joined: Mon Feb 25, 2013 4:33 pm

Re: Feeling Low...

Postby shazq » Tue May 21, 2013 6:15 pm

:goodluck1: hope things work out. Dont be scared to approach your parents. :hugs:

Are you close to your sister? you could also have a talk to her and approach your parents together about the holiday.xx
As a Public Moderator of this forum my opinions/views expressed are personal and are no more valid than those of other members and not necessarily those of UKFibromyalgia.
Fibromyalgia Awareness Day May 12TH.
User avatar
shazq
UKFM Veteran
 
Posts: 11449
Joined: Wed Feb 11, 2009 8:16 pm
Location: wrapped up under my duvet at home.

Re: Feeling Low...

Postby JessL » Tue May 21, 2013 7:32 pm

I don't think I'm scared as such, it's just aside from my partner I don't really talk to anyone about it, talking about myself is something I am not very good at - especially when it comes to something like FM.

Yes, my family are all really close, which is I think what makes it harder in some sense. Because they are normally so supportive, but when it comes to FM and me they don't really seem to get it or understand. I have tried talking to them, but so far I don't feel like I have got anywhere and as a consequence I have given up trying to talk to them.

It's not actually the holiday thing which has upset me I don't think, it's just the realisation that actually they don't understand FM. It's also difficult because whenever something happens to my sisters it's all 'oh poor you' to them - I don't want sympathy at all - I'm not asking for it, and actually I count myself very lucky in what I can do and the fact I can still carry on with my hobby (horse riding) etc. I am actually a very positive person but sometimes I just wish they would understand and make it clear that I actually can talk to them about it without them making me feel like I'm exaggerating how I feel if that makes sense? X
JessL
UKFM Member
 
Posts: 21
Joined: Mon Feb 25, 2013 4:33 pm

Re: Feeling Low...

Postby whoami » Tue May 21, 2013 8:31 pm

Jess.....I really can hear your pain in the words you write. As others have suggested, write down you feelings. All your feelings, don't hold back anything.

I would suggest an intervention of sorts. Not for you but your family. Have them sit around the table and read your letter to them all. After, ask each of them to respond to you. Explain it is not sympathy you need but understanding. Like I said don't hold back on anything.

Good luck hun and keep us posted.
[i][b]

Expect the worst in life you won't be disapointed and you'll be prepared!
whoami
UKFM Regular
 
Posts: 1537
Joined: Wed Jan 23, 2013 9:22 pm
Location: Ontario, Canada

Re: Feeling Low...

Postby JessL » Tue May 21, 2013 10:39 pm

Thank you. I had never thought of writing it down, you often don't think of the simplest things! I am going to do that. You are right though, I definitely don't want sympathy, after all I am very lucky to be able to still live my live relatively normally. It is just understanding as I need to know that they appreciate what exactly FM entails and everything that goes with it. Thank you! I am very glad I came across this forum :-D x
JessL
UKFM Member
 
Posts: 21
Joined: Mon Feb 25, 2013 4:33 pm

Re: Feeling Low...

Postby denys » Tue May 21, 2013 10:56 pm

Hi Jess, it doesnt sound stupid or selfish, do you think the note was left there for you to find or would your parents be upset that you had found out that way :?: :?: :?: :?: you would have found out your sister was going at some point :?: :?: :?: :?:

It is difficult for anyone to understand this condition, have you printed out a copy of one for the non believers and given it them to read in an attempt to explain it :?: :?: :?: :?: I'm not saying they dont believe but sometimes we do look fine while on the inside we are falling apart its just the way it is and if the position was reversed and you didnt have it but maybe another member of the family had, I think you might have problems understanding too.

I'm not excusing anything, its just I get that phrase, 'oh you look really well' constantly and I think the worse I've had is 'you look really tired' well yes I am thanks for noticing :lol: :lol: :lol: dont stop communicating with your parents or sisters cos that road leads to unhappiness all round. If I were you I would go for the suggestion from Shaz and 'find' the note when one or both of your parents are there and see what they say and just think of the peace you'll have if they all go and you dont :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs:

As for the appointment, maybe you can say to your mum, 'by the way it seems a bit of a waste of your time coming to this appointment with me, I'll go on my own and give you a day off' then you all save face without any tension

:fingerscrossed: :fingerscrossed: :fingerscrossed: :fingerscrossed: its all sorted out amicably and you can feel a bit happier about everything :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :flowers: :flowers: :flowers:
Denys

As a Public Moderator of this forum my opinions/views expressed are personal and are no more valid than those of other members and not necessarily those of UKFibromyalgia.
User avatar
denys
UKFM Veteran
 
Posts: 11901
Joined: Tue Feb 09, 2010 10:05 pm

Re: Feeling Low...

Postby LouLou » Wed May 22, 2013 10:00 am

Hi Jess

The good old "but you look ok" issue crops up again. I'm not sure how I can look normal when I'm in agony but my face somehow manages to separate itself from my body and apart from hobbling alone you wouldn't be able to tell I'm in pain.

So many people don't fully understand FM and when you don't understand something you find it hard to relate.

What the others have posted about writing things down is such a good idea. Sometimes just putting pen to paper can be theraputic, so even if you can't show anyone what you write straight away, no matter how big or small you may think it is just write it all down instead of bottling it up.

You don't sound selfish or stupid at all Jess. Just look forward to Glastonbury, I hope you have a fab time!
What doesn't kill you will only make you stronger ;-)
User avatar
LouLou
UKFM Regular
 
Posts: 1009
Joined: Thu Oct 06, 2011 10:40 am

Re: Feeling Low...

Postby JessL » Wed May 22, 2013 8:04 pm

Well I managed to do it! I had got to stage where I mentioned the holiday thing to my mum, and just couldnt stop myself bursting into tears. And because of that I was actually able to explain exactly how I am feeling and actually talk to her. I think it had just built up so much it just needed to come out. So, many tears later, I actually feel like they may understand how I feel now. Having a cold at the moment has really brought me down and I have definitely crashed because of a mixture of things, and it just all came out today. Fighting this cold has been the end to a really tough couple of weeks, and I think I have overstretched myself - but now that my mum and dad know hopefully things will be on the up from now! I actually work for my mum and she has made it clear that when I feel like this I need to communicate to her in order for her to help me through it. So quite a tough day emotionally, and I feel completely drained now but a positive outcome I think :-D

Thank you so much to everyone who has replied, you have all helped me with this. I really feel like I have found somewhere and people I can turn too when it gets really tough! xx
JessL
UKFM Member
 
Posts: 21
Joined: Mon Feb 25, 2013 4:33 pm

Re: Feeling Low...

Postby FluppyPuffy » Wed May 22, 2013 8:44 pm

Glad you've been able to talk to your mum Jess, getting things out into the open, altho very traumatic and exhausting to do at the time, usually makes a big difference to things. And it definitely sounds like it has make a difference for you :blowkiss: :blowkiss: :blowkiss: :blowkiss:

Now you've managed to get this out, each time you need to do it in the future, it should hopefully get a little easier for you :fingerscrossed: :fingerscrossed: :fingerscrossed:
As a Public Moderator of this forum my opinions/views expressed are personal and are no more valid than those of other members and not necessarily those of UKFibromyalgia.

If your dog doesn't like someone, then you probably shouldn't either
User avatar
FluppyPuffy
SITE ADMIN
 
Posts: 12719
Joined: Mon Jun 08, 2009 11:25 am
Location: Living Life On The Edge.......Of The Norty Step!!!

Re: Feeling Low...

Postby Iceskatemum » Thu May 23, 2013 1:39 am

So glad you managed to talk to your parents Jess, bottling up our emotions & feelings can in my experience have a very negative effect on how we are coping with this illness as FM has a terrible way of feeding on stress and anxiety and showing itelf as a flare up.

Try and use this experience to build in ways to communicate better with your parents as I'm sure given how close your family seems to be they are probably surprised that you felt unable to talk to them about how you are feeling. As a parent myself I know I would like to think that my children no matter at what age could come to me and discuss any of thier problems & worries no matter how small .

I am so glad that although DX with this horrid illness you are still able to carry on most of your activities ,long may it continue :-D

Take care of your self over the next few days as I'm sure you may feel totally wiped after such an emotional day. And although a little way away, enjoy Glastonbury :-D
Iceskatemum
UKFM Regular
 
Posts: 1599
Joined: Thu Jul 12, 2012 4:20 pm

Re: Feeling Low...

Postby denys » Thu May 23, 2013 2:03 am

Brilliant to hear you have had a positive outcome :-D :-D :-D
Denys

As a Public Moderator of this forum my opinions/views expressed are personal and are no more valid than those of other members and not necessarily those of UKFibromyalgia.
User avatar
denys
UKFM Veteran
 
Posts: 11901
Joined: Tue Feb 09, 2010 10:05 pm

Next

Return to Living with Fibromyalgia

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: Majestic-12 [Bot] and 11 guests