How to have a relationship with FM?

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How to have a relationship with FM?

Postby LoopyLou78 » Fri May 31, 2013 11:39 am

Hi my names Louise, im new here as iv'e just been diagnosed with FM/CFS 2 weeks ago, although iv'e had my symptoms for 2 years now.
Im single and 34 with an amazing 8 year old daughter (who is my rock and life) :-)

Im just starting to think, now iv'e been diagnosed am I ever going to be able to find (as im exhausted and in pain most days and nights) a relationship with someone special?? I don't even know how i'd be able to start the dating game the way I feel most of the time!?

And if I ever do get the energy? How and when do I raise the subject of FM? Iv'e thought about hiding the fact as I don't want it putting a potential partner off, but I cant see how I can hide it for long!!...

All my friends are coupled off and im seriously thinking iv'e missed the boat, and also having a bit off a hard time coming to terms that my old life is over :-? I used to have so much energy and loved my gym, now I feel like a 80 year old woman!!

Any advice or tips in this subject would be really appreciated, at times I feel like im the only person in the world that feels like this, although I no im not, after coming across this wonderfull site. Hugs Lou xxx
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Re: How to have a relationship with FM?

Postby Tunes » Fri May 31, 2013 12:05 pm

Aaahhh dont feel too sad about your life at the mo. You will find someone and it will be when you least expect it. Trust me.
Im married with 3 children and i often think my hubby might leave me cos of my fibro and how difficult things can be but hes alaays telling me that he luvz me for me and if that involves fibro so be it. He deals with it the best he can but i know he finds it very difficult sometines and my children forget constantly but thats kids for you. But please dont give up the gym or e ercise of some degree. Keeping mobile is the key ive found that. Im a member of my gym and go at least twice a week jus swimming. Its not easy but it helps me alot and i definatley notice a difference if i dont go for a while. Hope you feel happier soon. Xx
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Re: How to have a relationship with FM?

Postby FluppyPuffy » Fri May 31, 2013 1:00 pm

:welcome: to our little sanctuary Louise :cow-wave: :cow-wave: :cow-wave: There are a few of us who have been told we have both FM and CFS on here, so you're in good, if slightly :crazy: :crazy: :crazy: company :bear-dancing: :bear-dancing:

It's understandable that you're wondering about what the future could hold for you, esp relationship~wise, as having any long~term illness/condition is going to potentially add some problematic aspects to plans, hopes and dreams. Even with this added element tho, there is still no reason why things can't happen and work out happily for you, it may just take an unusual route for you to find your way there.

The important thing to focus on at the moment is getting your conditions more under your control rather than them trying to be the boss of you. This could take a bit of time and effort, which is why it needs to be the focus of things for you. Once you are starting to make headway with this, then starting to look a little further forward with things becomes a little easier to do and accommodate.

And as Tunes has said, the good ones tend to come along when you're least expecting it, so you could be working on getting things a bit more sorted and manageable, and from out of nowhere your special someone will appear :blowkiss: :blowkiss: :blowkiss: :blowkiss: :blowkiss: :blowkiss:
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Re: How to have a relationship with FM?

Postby shazq » Fri May 31, 2013 2:23 pm

:welcome: loopylou

I can understand how you feel but try to look on the positive side if you are able to get your pain under control your friends might be able to set you up with someone. Or do you have any support groups near you as there are also men out there with fibro looking for relationships as well. ;-)
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Re: How to have a relationship with FM?

Postby ouchiemama » Fri May 31, 2013 3:48 pm

Hey chick, I feel your pain!!

Sorry I dont have any advice but wanted just to say I know how you feel! I am 34 & just recently diagnosed & I have 3 children 12, 10 & 5...I was wondering how I would ever find a man before the diagnosis!! lol. :crazy: :crazy:

So yeh I truly believe that there is someone out there for me & will hopefully come along sometime soon-ish!! & I am sure it will be the same for you! :fingerscrossed: :fingerscrossed:

Hugs.xx
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Re: How to have a relationship with FM?

Postby LoopyLou78 » Fri May 31, 2013 11:49 pm

Aww!! Thanks everyone for your kind words and advice!! It's just what I needed!! This site is amazing for support, im so glad I found it!! When you think you're alone and then suddenly you find all these amazing people with the same condition as you! Itt makes me realise im not the only one with FM and I really feel for everyone else and what I know they have to put up with!
Im certainly going to try swimming a few times a week as I keep reading that keeping mobile helps, and I may find that dishy lifeguard!! Arf Arf!!! :lol:

Would like to find local support groups but will have to research this...... ;-)

In the mean time, im gonna turn my frown upside down thanks to you lovely peps!!!

Thanks and hugs xxx
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Re: How to have a relationship with FM?

Postby LoopyLou78 » Fri May 31, 2013 11:59 pm

Im also a type 1 insulin dependent Diabetic (have been since I was 18) And was just feeling why me? double whammy, 2 incurable illnesses!! But hey ho, what don't kill me can only make me stronger! Im feeling a lot more positive now, and I know each day is a gift.
My daughter is a gift and im just going to enjoy her and whatever follows is just a bonus!

Thanks all xxx :-)
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Re: How to have a relationship with FM?

Postby TracyDiane » Sun Jun 02, 2013 9:46 pm

Hi i have fm and osteo arthritis of spine, nearly 40 and have a partner, we love each other very much but i can see how my moaning about the constant pain wears on him. its still possible to have a relationship you just have to be sensible with things. some times i get angry and down because he is worried that touh will hurt me and so this stops at times. but generally it good
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Re: How to have a relationship with FM?

Postby whoami » Sun Jun 02, 2013 11:54 pm

Hi! I was married 6 months when I got fibro. I asked my hubby if he wanted a divorce. He laughed and said why, he married me not fibromyalgia. He said and it is true...YOU ARE NOT FIBROMYALGIA, FIBROMYALGIA DOES NOT CONTROL YOU

For 23 years we have thought that way. We have not had a normal life due to many medical issues. We, live, laugh and love!

If you go thinking that fibromyalgia is what defines you then you are doomed. You are not fibromyalgia. Bring it up the same way as if you had diabetes or you were bi polar. You will know when, when it feels normal to.
If you treat fibro as the end alll in your life then you will be seen as a person who has fibro and there is nothing else.

When you are ready date exactly as you would without fibromyalgia. Best wishes.

I am sorry if this sounds harsh but we are not fibromyalgia.
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Re: How to have a relationship with FM?

Postby LouLou » Mon Jun 03, 2013 11:44 am

Hi Loopy Lou

First off, Welcome to the fourm. Secondly I LOVE your name. My name's Louise too and Loopy Lou was the name my favourite Grandparents used to call me growing up.

Relationships are hard enough without adding anything extra into the mix. I've been with my OH for 9 years this year and he knew me before FM. We have hit rough patches, had ups and downs and all sorts trying to continue living our lives with FM. We have had to make adjustments, things have changed but through it all we have stuck together.

It's not easy, and I don't have a clue how to go about "dating" as I've been out of the game for 9 years now lol but I just wanted to give you hope. It is so so true what the others have said on here in that you always meet someone when you least expect it - it happened to me and it will happen for you too.

The one for you will stick by you regardless, support you and love you for who you are not what you have, and if the ones in between don't stick around then you know they are not worth your time or energy.

Your daughter sounds like an absolute gem and I'm glad you have her to support you.

Good Luck and look forward to chatting with you on here

xx
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Re: How to have a relationship with FM?

Postby Pete » Mon Jun 03, 2013 5:46 pm

Hi Louise welcome to our family. :-D

As it seams that only our female members seam to be give you advise so far so i would like to give you a more of a male perspective on life with fibro and relationships first of all you just need to take time to come to terms with fibro and what it all intails and how its affecting you so you can start to move forward and be positive about the future and keep as active as you can and as you say you have someone special in your life now that's your daughter she will keep you active and happy for the future.


And there's no hurry and there's plenty of fish in the sea and plenty will swim past and what i find if you go looking too hard
you will never find the right one!

what i am saying is that the right one will come along when you least expect it and your friends being coupled off and you feeling you have missed the boat i would think of it more as your boat has not come into port yet and your day will come and get everything you want in your life and a real man will see you for who you are and not what you are so to speak! and there are good men out there you just have to cast away the bad ones and reel in the good ones lol :-D :-D . (sorry bad pun)

Also as others have said here i echo there comments regarding your health and future relationships just take your time and try and enjoy the life ahead of you.

Pete x :-) :-)
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Re: How to have a relationship with FM?

Postby painprincess1 » Mon Jun 03, 2013 9:20 pm

aww hun your not alone . i have a one year old and am 41 and single.sadly ,but what pete says is right more u look the less u see, im now going to put some horse blinkers on and see if pete is right :lol:
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Re: How to have a relationship with FM?

Postby LoopyLou78 » Tue Jun 04, 2013 2:26 am

Thanks guys and girls for the comments! Pete - you made me LOL!! You sound a wise man and I am defo taking all your advice on board (the boat) Lots of fishy pun going on in this convo iv'e noticed!lol :-D

Funny LouLou- That's what my dad called me all my life!! I wanted that name on here but it said I cant have it - already in use!! ha, nice to meet you now!! hehe :-D So had to think up another silly one!! haha xx

"Whoami" I totally understand where you're coming from, I don't want to be defined as Fibromyalgia, Just at the time of diagnosis that's all I could think off! Im sure in a wee while I will just treat it as my Diabetes, I have it, it doesn't have me......I really needed someone to tell me that I think!! Snap me out of my self pity!!! I went swimming for the first time today in years, as iv'e been reading all the advice about gradual exercise, I just turned around basically like a wind up frog in the bath LOL for 20 mins as advised( and was even knackered from that!) Im now so paranoid about waking up in crippling pain...I shall see in the morn I guess!!! Gone are the days I did 40 lengths in 40 mins....Still at least im learning how to pace now. Sites like this are so helpful....

Ohh.. and Pain princess.....Horse blinkers!!! LOL loving it!!! xxx Might take me rose tinted once off once in a while too! might do me some good!!!!!lol Thanks for all your support it means so much to me right now, not to feel alone.
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Re: How to have a relationship with FM?

Postby LouLou » Thu Jun 06, 2013 10:14 am

LoopyLou78 wrote:Funny LouLou- That's what my dad called me all my life!! I wanted that name on here but it said I cant have it - already in use!! ha, nice to meet you now!! hehe So had to think up another silly one!! haha xx


Lol it's lovely to meet a fellow Lou on here lol.

Just wanted to wish you luck. Take your time, have fun going on dates and meeting new people and as the others have said, the right one will be worth the wait and will stick around no matter what.

I have everything crossed for you
xx
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Re: How to have a relationship with FM?

Postby whoami » Thu Jun 06, 2013 2:12 pm

LoopyLou........you will be ok and do just fine. Like you said try to think of fibro like you being diabetic.

My hubby is diabetic, heart condition and bi polar. Myself along with fibro have numerous arthiritis, sleep apnea, degenerative disks, had a stroke, cancer, I could go on. We know we have medical issues. They have changed our lives. These issues do not define or own us.

Our lives have changed.....not ended!


You may find the right one, you may not. However fibro or any other illness will not be making that decision.....You will and I am sure you will. Take your time, take care of yourself and don't set unrealistic goals. Xx
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