more guilt and disapointed hubby

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more guilt and disapointed hubby

Postby masonsbarms » Mon Jul 01, 2013 5:09 pm

hi my hubby has been wanting a new car for a while and he found one yesterday that he realy liked and wanted

cant remember what its called but it was a bmw 4x4 type thing, we went to look at it and he had a test drive and had a good trade in deal offered,

he was realy happy until he said for me to get in and have a look and bam i could not get in it was to high and no matter how i tried it hurt to much, i said we could get a step but he wouldnt have it,

i know he realy wanted it and today i feel realy down and guilty as he is so good and helpful and once again i put the damper on things i know its not the end of the world but its getting to the point again that all i feel is that im a burden to my family and i t seems that no matter what i do its not enough the thing always wants more

im sorry that im moaning again but why when you think you are coping somethig reminds you that you are a drain.

take care xx
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Re: more guilt and disapointed hubby

Postby Poseypig » Mon Jul 01, 2013 6:23 pm

I know it can be easier said than done, but try not to let it get you down. The fibro is a hungry beast and no matter how much it is fed it always seems to want more. There are hard times when you feel as if nothing you do will ever be right again, that you are just getting in every ones way. I'm sure your husband will want to have you next to him in a different car than drive alone in the car he saw. it is natural to feel down from time to time, this condition is horrible and it's effects go so far beyond the person who has it. I don't know a single sufferer who doesn't feel guilty at times, I certainly do. When it gets you like that we are all here, you don't ever have to apologies for 'moaning', we all know exactly how you feel. Take care xx
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Re: more guilt and disapointed hubby

Postby denys » Mon Jul 01, 2013 6:34 pm

MB it isnt your fault and your hubby knows that, I know how you feel as it happened to me but my OH has a different car that he loves just as much and when he is home I can get in :-D :-D :-D :-D so try not to feel to bad and hopefully he will find something more suitable that will give him as much pleasure as this other one :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs:
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Re: more guilt and disapointed hubby

Postby Iceskatemum » Mon Jul 01, 2013 7:11 pm

MB As the saying goes there are more fish in the sea but for OH I'm sure we could substitute more cars on the lot.

I have a petrol head of a son and like your OH he had his disappointments about a cars and low and behold there was always another equally nice car to be found some weeks later.

Your OH knows that not being able to get in and out of the car wasn't your fault and you did suggest a very suitable compromise which he rejected (I have a little folding blue stool in my OH car for when anyne can't get in and out , it just hides behind the front seat) so I would suggest there was something else that didn't seem right about the car to him or he would have jumped at your suggestion .

Try not to get too down , we can very easy put all the blame for something on ourselves when if we were feeling OK we would just shrug off as ......life happens .

Take care :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs:
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Re: more guilt and disapointed hubby

Postby lolo73 » Mon Jul 01, 2013 7:44 pm

I am sure your husband would much rather get a practical car that you can get in and out of, rather than something he has taken a liking to. Their are loads of cars out there, I bet he will have fun looking. We have been to see cars that we thought were ideal and then realised there was too little boot space or the driving position was rubbish.

Don't beat yourself up about it, it is much more important to get a car that gets you around safely x
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Re: more guilt and disapointed hubby

Postby bumblebee57 » Mon Jul 01, 2013 8:27 pm

Hi, we havent spoken before, i dont think, but i felt I had to support you in my own small way. Please dont feel guilty about this. Guilt is soul destroying thing and I know, Ive lived with guilt feelings all my life (thanks to my mother,who was always putting me down and making me feel inferior to my older brother, and that if we werent around, she'd have a better life... but thats another story). A car is just a material "thing". Imsure your hubby married you for better or worse, richer or poorer, in sickness and in health and forsaking all cars. Im sure youve had to go without much more than a car because of your illness. Cars arent worth it, YOU ARE. xx
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Re: more guilt and disapointed hubby

Postby Iceskatemum » Tue Jul 02, 2013 12:24 am

MB just re read my post it sounds so cold and hard , it wasn't meant to be honest. I am here any time as I know you have always been there for me.

I was only trying to suggest that you to let go of any guilt surrounding your hubby not getting the car.When we are feeling down with the FM it is so easy to see everything around us as our fault.
In this instance Your hubby (for what ever reason) decided not to go for the car , that was his decision and I guess just shows how much he cares for you. He would rather do without a car cause it is difficult for you to get in and out, than have the car but not your company when out & about .

So please don't feel guilt or sad , he has made the decision not to buy the car , respect his decision and then have fun going to help him choose another car that you both can enjoy..........
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Re: more guilt and disapointed hubby

Postby Flash » Tue Jul 02, 2013 1:20 am

Awww MB All I can do is agree with what has already been said and send you some extra :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :flowers: :flowers: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :flowers: :flowers: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :flowers: :flowers: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs:
Take care.
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Re: more guilt and disapointed hubby

Postby Graciebaby » Tue Jul 02, 2013 10:59 am

I owned a BMW 4x4 during the period that my Fibro became much, much worse.

I thought that my aches and pains would improve with time and eventually I wouldn't struggle to climb in and out of the car anymore and things would get better, so I persevered with the car.
Well of course my pain just got worse as my FM progressed and getting in and out was a nightmare. There were times when I actually cried out and tears would run down my face as I attempted to get into the vehicle.
It didn't end there either, the nature and design of the car means that they have sports style seats which are quite firm.
A journey of any more than 15-20 mins would see me squirming around trying to relieve the pain and pressure on my hips and spine. I even tried sitting on a piece of fluffy sheepskin to see if that would help.
Getting out of the car, even after a short journey was excruciating, even when a family member tried to help me. The pain after sitting on hard seats, the effort of trying to move after seizing up and the difficulty of trying to climb out of a car which was really high off the ground would leave me in agony and unable to actually walk until it eased off a bit.

I had to sell the car and swapped it for a Golf.
I still have pain and discomfort when sitting in, and getting in and out of any car, but not as severe as I experienced with the BMW.

I'm telling you all this because I want you to know that you and your husband absolutely made the right decision not to buy the BMW.
Don't feel guilty about it. Can you imagine how you might have felt if your hubby had bought the car and then been forced to sell it almost immediately?........not to mention the money it would have cost to do so.
They also drink fuel by the way!!

Just feel relieved that you don't have to go through all of that, there are some lovely 4x4 vehicles which don't sit as high off the ground and will hopefully be more suited to your needs :-)

Take care,

G. x
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Re: more guilt and disapointed hubby

Postby blueeyes64 » Tue Jul 02, 2013 11:38 am

Hugs, I know you feel guilty bit it's not your fault Hun X
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Re: more guilt and disapointed hubby

Postby masonsbarms » Tue Jul 02, 2013 4:31 pm

hi, thank you all for your lovely replys, i know in my heart that its not my fault but you all know where im comeing from and this is why i love all of you on here,

its just that he is so good that i felp i had spoiled it for him, he resures me that he dosnt mind,

i know im tired and weary at the moment so i t may be due to this,

ISM i know what you was trying to say in your first post you are never cold or unacaring ,

bumbblebee, i feel for you that you were made to feel so bad by your mum, but it has not made you bitter or uncaring and that is a good thing and i hope that it dose not cause you any prolems still,

again to you all i realy do feel at home on here and dont know how i would have felt if i hadnt found you.

take care xx
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Re: more guilt and disapointed hubby

Postby Iceskatemum » Tue Jul 02, 2013 5:01 pm

:hugs: :hugs: :hugs:
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