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Re: The Spoon Theory

PostPosted: Thu May 28, 2015 8:02 am
by UnderSiege

The spoon theory is a good one.
When I first saw it I was fair gobsmacked. It was pretty much the explanation I'd been using for years (I've had the symptoms of fibro for maybe 9 years but it's only been known to me for less than a month. I've also had arthritis since 18. I'm 38 now)
I didn't use spoons in my reckoning of things, more something along the lines of power points (like a health bar. Yes, I play video games lol) or percentages.
So I went to my mother (she of little faith and much ignorance and obliviousness) and told her about the spoon theory because even after all other attempts to force realisation and understanding into the limited brains of herself and my father and brother I thought it was worth one last try...
I needn't have bothered... cue the inevitable jokes ('look Chris is suffering and clearly inferior, let's all laugh')

Spoon theory? Are you having pudding? You shouldn't, you're getting fat as is...

(btw I'm 5 foot 8 inches and weigh around 12 and a half stone, a bit more than I should be and my belly is a little chubby but I'm not bloody obese and anyway it's their fault for making me miserable and comfort eating)

Spoon theory? Who have you been spooning? Have you got a girl upstairs?

(A point of contention this: as I didn't already have a partner before the latest blow to my health, I'm currently without one and most likely to stay that way... Women don't really go for the jobless, homeless and crippled...)

Spoon theory? They've already been invented mate. You're not going to make money or pull women with that...

And so on... Any waste of their breath to distract from the real issue here: They are the lowest form of a***hole who are slowly killing me with their denial of my obvious condition to the point of prolonging my agony unnecessarily...

Still, it was worth a try right?

Re: The Spoon Theory

PostPosted: Thu May 28, 2015 12:35 pm
by Sarah_89
Undersiege, oh my bleeping god why do so many people on here have such a***hole 'friends' and family? I have lost most friends but compared to all these posts I've been reading, I have a pretty supportive boyfriend & family.

But I always thought they could be more supportive. I'm beginning to feel a bit ungrateful & I'm changing my perspective on how they support me now. I do think that there are probably more supportive boyfriends, friends & families out there with people who've got fibro than my lot, but at the end of the day they've all got busy lives, full-time jobs etc & they're tired.

I think I have to give them more credit than I used to cos they do try & understand, they certainly do not make jokes & do take it seriously now. It took a few years for them to though, I think probably cos you can't 'see' fibro. They do say things like 'you've just got to get on with it Sarah' which I do think is harsh, but I think it's my dad's way of encouraging me to find ways of living with the condition, which is a positive thing, he just doesn't have a great way with words!

I don't really know what to say to you UnderSiege, I just had to reply cos it's just horrific what they're putting you through & I wanted to offer some kind words & support. I hope It's helped in some way. Hugs xx

Re: The Spoon Theory

PostPosted: Thu May 28, 2015 5:18 pm
by Zia2014
UnderSeige, I admire your attempt one more time, but I think you in the same boat as me.

My mum is completely lacking in empathy and I have pretty much come to the conclusion that she doesn't care. Even if she really does, deep deep down, she doesn't/won't show it, and so the effect on me is the same either way. I have tried - and tried, and tried... - but I am at the point of giving up.

It's not worth it, we are just torturing ourselves by expecting them to understand. And so we have to change our reaction to their rejection.

And when I find out how to do that and not by drinking ADs so I can get through the day without drowning in tears, I will let you know ;-)

Re: The Spoon Theory

PostPosted: Thu May 28, 2015 7:50 pm
by UnderSiege
Hi Zia and Sarah.

Cheers for the backup. I think I'm done for the day now.
After a fortnight of almost constant crashing today has actually been pretty good. I've been dead tired but not hurting too much so I've been running the household a bit today but OMG there is so much to do...

I did the cats trays, all four. There's usually only two but mother let it go again and instead of replacing the soiled ones she just chucked new ones in so I've just cleaned up at least 20 kg of wet grit, newspaper and poop, swept up and did water and food but just too late... Toby, our black man cat (and my second son) caught a wild rabbit again (yep, a whole one) and ran off with it still alive and kicking. I tried to mount a rescue but Teddy the puppy thought it a game so chased Toby too far.

Meanwhile, mother sat oblivious, engrossed in her freecycling emails (she's always been a hoarder but in the last 10 years it has taken over everything and left us with only 5 rooms out of 19 in the house even partly clear...) I asked her if we could do something about the cats room as they are crowded out too and it's not fair on them having so little room they have to sleep all piled up... I couldn't get a satisfactory answer.

I also ran the puppy, hoovered everywhere, did everybody's washing up (I get through a plate, a cup and some cutlery each day but somehow everybody else seems to use everything in the house and then just leave it there in a sink of cold, greasy water) did the laundry and pretty much stood watch all day and all this after being up since 2am because I crashed out at 6pm yesterday and couldn't get back to sleep again. Like I've said before now, on a 'good' day it's like I'm superman compared to a 'bad' day and I don't mind contributing but the payoff is truly s****y.

Anyway, my back is starting to pull some nasty ominous twinges so I'm gonna go and lean against the wall in the shower on high heat and go slack jawed for a while before finding some food and then I'm done... and maybe I'll get to play something for a bit, because of all the crashes it's been two weeks since last time I chilled and that is just not good enough.

Have a pleasant and I hope strife free evening yourselves.


Re: The Spoon Theory

PostPosted: Sat May 30, 2015 7:53 pm
by Zia2014
I have to ask - why are you doing all that? Is it just you and your mum in the house? Can no one else lift a finger?

Honestly, you need to draw up some boundaries here. Do you see a therapist at all? I am literally agog at how much you do, I couldn't get through half of it and would be in bed for a week!

Re: The Spoon Theory

PostPosted: Sun May 31, 2015 6:32 pm
by UnderSiege
Hi Zia.
Hope your weekend is a good 'un

No, it's not just mother and I here but father and my brother too.
Father works full time as a builder. Even though he is a complete and utter s*** towards me (been cautioned once for smacking me one when I was 17 and narrowly avoided another caution in Oct 2013 because I hit back for the first time and got arrested instead) and has been for over 20 years. I'm not unsympathetic that his boss is an a*** who has done well off his labours and father at the age of 56 is still doing roofing etc which is killing him... he should be a boss himself, not doing roofing and such by himself while younger colleagues slack off but... not my fault or problem really. He's recently given up on doing much at home except looking after the dogs because he has a major problem with mother's insane hoarding and says he won't do a thing unless she cleans up her act. He also has arthritis and IBS.

My brother is just mouthy, opinionated, nasty, arrogant, unsympathetic and has no empathy. Works full time but says as he does that, he shouldn't be responsible for anything else. Won't help out either with effort or financially and has to conserve his energy for the ladies (who love him for some reason I can't fathom) and for the gym/going to raves so he can keep up with the whole different girl each week thing...

Mother is just a mad hoarder, going out of her way every day to collect literally tons of crap she doesn't need and can't possibly make use of (something to do with her bad childhood though mine was bad too and I can't stand mess) She's filled up this house and at least two others and a number of garages rented from the council (she has several properties and would be laughing all the way to the bank if she sorted her s*** out but is a master of disorganisation, unpreparedness and prevarication)
I have been known to say I would rather she was an alcoholic/drug abuser because I think that would be easier dealt with. I also say she's been possessed because this is not the woman who raised me alone and instilled in me so many good virtues and love of things...

As for how much I get done... I think my case re fibromyalgia is very mild for the most part compared to some. There are folks on here who need sticks and more to aid mobility for example while I've only had to use a stick for two periods (it would have helped a few other times but wasn't an option) I do hurt a lot, more than most chronic pain-less mortals could bear in my humble opinion and run out of beans really quick most days but there really is so much that needs doing. Because of mother's hoarding everything is going to hell (for instance, the toilet doesn't work properly, the central heating is packing up and we've been having electrical issues partly due to the fact that things can't be accessed due to the junkpiles and also because nobody cares) To be honest, the state of things here saps half my energy before I even get started. I just can't deal with the mess!

We have 3 dogs, 5 cats (my surrogate kids) and a load of ducks and chickens that take some effort as well as run of the mill chores, extra duty (like clearing the hoarding fallout whenever I can) and the student lets to deal with. I used to handle much more every day but in the last year my health has taken a hit so I can't do as much now and don't want to a lot of the time to safeguard my health but when I can I go all out I do with spades... and often pay in spades.
If my condition so far is anything to go by, it will steadily get worse but I'm not gonna give up yet though I have been pretty useless the last two weeks, if not sleeping then sitting around chewing my fingertip to distract from the awful discomfort (it's a new behaviour I noticed a couple of days ago after wondering why my finger looks gnawed lol)

Have a good one and be aware of your fingers.

Re: The Spoon Theory

PostPosted: Mon Jun 01, 2015 11:59 am
by Zia2014
Oh my. This is going to sound drastic but can you move out? They do nothing to help you, in fact they are making you a lot worse. I can't see this getting any better because you are enabling all of them - completely understandable given your situation, but it's not helping you.

Re: The Spoon Theory

PostPosted: Tue Jun 23, 2015 1:28 pm
by Jellyhead
Hi :lol: I'm new to this site and one of the first things I read was " The Spoon Theory ". What an amazing way to explain to people just how you are feeling. I think I will probably find it hard at first because like Julie I have hide behind a smile and just get on with it attitude, because I thought making people aware of how I'm actually feeling would in turn make me feel a great amount of guilt having burdened them with how it actually feels to not want to wake up in a morning. I'm actually sat here in bed because my legs decided not to move yesterday when I woke up. I phoned my G.P who has prescribed me diazepam to try and relax the muscles that have seized up. If they are no better tomorrow I have to call him again to reasses the situation. Has any one else ever had this happen to them ?. I hope they haven't given up on me completely :yikes: xxx

Re: The Spoon Theory

PostPosted: Fri Apr 07, 2017 3:42 pm
by Bobby16
Everyones veiws are different. I to but on a brave face. It's insufferable.

Re: The Spoon Theory

PostPosted: Mon Jun 05, 2017 1:05 pm
by nicolabishopx
I've only just found this and found it really interesting and relatable.

Re: The Spoon Theory

PostPosted: Tue Jun 18, 2019 1:58 pm
by Cornish
I'm liking this theory. X