being believed by friends and family

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being believed by friends and family

Postby andynev67 » Sat Sep 07, 2013 12:03 pm

the hardest thing ive found is making people see what you are going through. if id lost a leg or arm they would understand. but you try and explain and you get blank expressions.people say things like"oh you will get over it " wtf?. feel like handing out leaflets on it to everyone i talk to. when people dont understand ,it makes you feel so alone and makes you even more depressed.im sure more of you feel this way. thats why im grateful more this forum.
big love to all :-D
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Re: being believed by friends and family

Postby Iceskatemum » Sat Sep 07, 2013 12:42 pm

andynev67 I agree I think being believed is one of the hardest aspects of this illness
The lack of belief by family & friends is very hard to take when ever it occurs, you feel you are always having to prove that you are ill which can be very tiring on top of the actual symptoms. No wonder some of us can feel very depressed and have low mood.

Some people are very lucky and seem to have that support from the off, while others try and educate thier friends and family by showing them info from this forum ( try the non believers thread ) but there are still some who even after trying to keep their family and friends informed are met with blank faces or even hurtfull remarks such as they're lazy , are putting it on seeking attension etc.

Just remember Fibro is a disease as per the World Helath Organisation definitions and those that don't believe are only showing thier ignorance ( I would include some from the medical profession in that as well )

There are others on here who can offer you the support and may be by sharing experiences you might be able to find a way to get through to your own personal non believers.

Good luck
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Re: being believed by friends and family

Postby Carole » Sat Sep 07, 2013 12:44 pm

They don`t call it the invisible illness for nothing, its so frustrating on one hand you want everyone to understand what you are going through but on the other hand you don`t want to become a moaning bore, whose life revolves around their illness. I have lost quite a few friends to cancer and to their relatives I`m sure in the scheme of things FMS comes a poor second because on the whole we look quite healthy which is misleading in itself!! , so all the harder for others to take on board and understand the complexities of it! I know it does nothing to help our problem but as well as them walking in our shoes we need to walk in theirs too because it impedes on their lives too. I don`t have an easy time by any means I get more sympathy from my grown children and friends than anyone else ..and I`ve learned to bite my tongue when asked how I`m feeling usually answering by saying something like `fair to middling could be better` and leave it at that We don`t cope do we ? We just try............
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Re: being believed by friends and family

Postby Foz » Sat Sep 07, 2013 12:50 pm

good morning,

I have the exact same response!! :yikes:

but I am very lucky to have an understanding Mum, who has past experience from her friend who has FM, and also I have a best friend who picked up a book at the car boot for me. she said as she handed it over "read it quick cos I want to read it so I can understand better", love her to bits.
Another friend of mine who we walk our dogs together too also has past experience from a work colleague. another godsend.
So outside of my home, that's it, 3 of the vast family and friends I have.

A distant friend of mine asked if I could do someone's accounts for her, but I turned her down explaining that I recently found out I had FM and needed to re-adjust my life, so she asked "what's that". I didn't reply expecting a true friend to 'google' it ;-)

So a year down the line from the doc switching my diagnosis from RA to FM, I still haven't told the extended family due to the responses so far. In fact none of them have asked hows the RA :-o now that would be an ice breaker :idea:

I read this forum almost everyday to keep my spirits up for the next daft response ;-)

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Re: being believed by friends and family

Postby andynev67 » Sat Sep 07, 2013 12:55 pm

thankyou all so much. its heartening to know im not alone. if we can stick together ,we can through this x
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Re: being believed by friends and family

Postby Denbev » Sat Sep 07, 2013 5:30 pm

hooray not only me who feels like people look@me+think im lazy because ive had to cut my work down drastically,just wish there could be a switch so other people would feel what we feel+then understand or should i say empathise what we have to deal with,my ex-husband has run his business down so he gets away with not paying for kids yet i contantly push myself so i can provide for them,i cant afford not to work as been self employed,but my kids are amazing+keep me going+understand my illness :-D
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Re: being believed by friends and family

Postby debstertigger » Mon Sep 09, 2013 3:28 pm

It really is difficult to share with anyone what is really happening inside our bodies! Sometimes I even look in the mirror and don't believe myself on the good days! :crazy:
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Re: being believed by friends and family

Postby SukiTills » Mon Sep 09, 2013 7:15 pm

I have only just had a diagnosis after 10 yrs and had all the same comments from family and friends over the years - from you must have a low pain threshold, just ignore it or I'm lazy etc etc Once i got a diagnosis though I have noticed a definite change in people's attitudes - now they seem to accept that there is something wrong with me and are more understanding. Have lost so many friends through this - they have all moved on with careers and family and I feel left behind. They obviously dont want to know abt my life and its very hurtful. Now I have only one good friend left apart from my family who actually understands. The others I dont speak to anymore as too hurtful. Completely understand.
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Re: being believed by friends and family

Postby Foz » Thu Nov 07, 2013 12:33 pm

Hi debstertigger

I know exactly what you mean!
maybe our real bodies have been trapped in the mirror and we have a 'body-on-loan' for now!!

wishful thinking :crazy:
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