feeling paranoid and still trying to accept

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feeling paranoid and still trying to accept

Postby xxteeniexx88 » Thu Oct 17, 2013 11:17 pm

Hi
Not sure if i have the right section !
Anyway just feel i need to let of a bit of steam to people that understand.
Currently i am still working as a support worker with major risk assesment in place meaning i cant do a great deal! we had a team meeting today and i just seem to always cry! i use to never cry and was very strong but i just feel like a fool - not sure if this is because im just so tired due to lack of sleep or what? Anyway i feel terrible becuase half the stuff that got brought up in the meeting i cant do and it just makes me feel useless and im sure that people just think i am lazy and are making remarks towards me! they are aware of my FMS i just dont think they quite understand no matter how uch i try to tell them ....i also think this is a problem as i am quite open and say how i am feeling etc and just think they are fed up with hearing my negativity (fair enough but thats just my way of dealing with it) this then makes me more anxious, emotional and feel like s***! They are going to get a perching stool which should help but i just cant seem to stop crying. Especially because before i didnt care how many days i worked or what activities i had to do and if help and covered was needed i would happily help. and its not because i dont want to its the fact i physically cant. The team have been understanding as i have now requested that i only work 2 days before a day off and they need to think about the days of the activities. MAybe it is just guilt because i use to be so flexible and now i cant. maybe im still in the grieving process and only got diagnoised 3 months ago. I try and put a brave face on with oh well s*** happens then suddenly i just cant cope and i then seem to take it to work and cry at anything regarding the FMS and how it has affected my life at work. I hate having to say NO or i cant do that etc etc i no its silly but i just cant help feel like this. And im sure the team understand but i dont feel they do. it just makes me cross that i cant do the job they employed me to do! GRRRRR sorry guys rant over

Thanks :-)
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Re: feeling paranoid and still trying to accept

Postby libbiek30 » Fri Oct 18, 2013 7:07 am

Hi this is a really horrible illness and nobody can really understand. What med are you on. I am on amitriptyline for sleep and pain but only a low does and serterline for anxiety and to help me cope. It really does help. Also has acupuncture for over a year which really helped pain and migraines. It's about managing you symptoms and pacing yourself. Try and get lots of rest and try to convince things for you to help make you feel good. Hope this helps :-D
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Re: feeling paranoid and still trying to accept

Postby JYB » Fri Oct 18, 2013 9:54 am

I know just how you feel. I couldn't talk about my health without crying. I would cry during my meetings at work and GP appointments, it was awful. I think it must be some sort of grieving. My GP was very patient and I got through it but needed medication. That made me cry as well, I didn't want to be this person who needed medication!
Now things are pretty good. Just keep reminding yourself. THINGS WON'T ALWAYS BE LIKE THIS. I know it is difficult for you to even think this at the moment but it is true!
Hang on in there and you will somehow find a way to live with this.
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Re: feeling paranoid and still trying to accept

Postby xxteeniexx88 » Fri Oct 18, 2013 9:28 pm

Hi thanks for the reply! I am on tramadol,amatriptaline but that doesn't seem to help me sleep at all and I feel my sleeping is a lot worse I never use to wake up but now I seem to wake 2/3 times and again to go toilet which is unusual coz I had a strong bladder I am also on sumatriptan for migraines.
I also have been offered acupuncture on nhs so am just waiting! I am feeling bit more positive day as seen a careers advisor and they are willing to help me!
My manager asked me the other day welhen I was very upset and distressed and offered me time off at the time I said no and couldn't ford it but now I'm thinking I may take this opportunity to give my self a break and find away of managing everything but think I need a clear head! I have doctors on Monday so will see what he says!!
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Re: feeling paranoid and still trying to accept

Postby denys » Fri Oct 18, 2013 10:19 pm

Good to see you are feeling a bit more positive, its hard for others to help as they often just dont know what to do as life for them has to go on as before. :fingerscrossed: :fingerscrossed: :fingerscrossed: your doc can help, have you thought about seeing if you can get any benefits to top up your wages if you have to cut your hours a little :?: :?: :?: :?: CAB or a benefits advisor may be able to help you.

The thing with not working is, you can become very isolated and that can cause the negativity to hit big time in the form of depression. (I no longer work and hate the fact I cant do what I used to) BUT and it is a big but you have to weigh up how much effect working is having on your health. So if you can come up with a workable happy medium, were you are still managing to do something but that you were also able to rest up as much as you need to, seems like the best solution.

The other thing about your colleagues not understanding, (or maybe not understanding) have you thought about printing out the 'one for the non-believers' and giving it to them to read, or some information such as that from the NHS website, it might help them to see why you are in tears so much :?: :?: :?: :?: :?: :?:

Anyway wishing you a very happy positive outcome from it all :-D :-D :-D :-D :-D
Denys

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Re: feeling paranoid and still trying to accept

Postby whoami » Sat Oct 19, 2013 2:53 am

I am glad to hear you are seeing your Dr soon.

Like Denyss I am home. It has been 24 years. I was deemed not fit for work and not retrainable for something else so am on 100% disability. I am in Canada, our pension system is different. I wish I could work. It took a long time to come to terms but realize my quality of life would be next to nil if I did.

It must be hard trying to explain things at work. I am under the feeling that we owe no explanation to others. Yes, they need to know about an illness but you do not have to constantly try to make people understand. As suggested, give them info on fibro, educate them with it. What they do with that info is their problem not yours. You have done what was needed, you owe no more.

This is the time for you to look at your life and decide what is best for you. You need to put yourself first and take care of your health. Maybe you can go on a long term illness insurance through work while applying for some sort of benefits.

I hope you will find some peace and comfort soon.
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Re: feeling paranoid and still trying to accept

Postby fibro-lu » Sat Oct 19, 2013 2:20 pm

I say "Amen" to that
all the best :cow-wave: Lu
Mind over Matter: in mind I'm Wonderwoman - in matter, well, - don't mind, doesn't matter
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Re: feeling paranoid and still trying to accept

Postby xxteeniexx88 » Sun Oct 20, 2013 3:35 pm

Hi
Thanks Deny yes I have given colleagues what u said about the other day at the meeting so hopefully they would understand more now.
I could probably drop to 30 hours a week and get a top up with working tax but I am still waiting to see if I get PIP then I can cut my hours even more.
I don't plan to give up work I just need to find a better suitable job for myself as it is too physical and exhausting for me but at the same time at the moment I have no time to do anything to sort what I need to do! so its just the case at looking at different options.
Hopefully volunteering will help me for my future job interest.

I don't think I have any sort of insurance with work like that you mentioned but I have looked at Income insurance but not sure I wold be able to get a policy as I am already diagnosed?

Would like to just thank everyone for their advice and support means a lot. :-)
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Re: feeling paranoid and still trying to accept

Postby denys » Sun Oct 20, 2013 11:49 pm

:fingerscrossed: :fingerscrossed: :fingerscrossed: everything works out :-D :-D :-D
Denys

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