I am in a deep dark place!! I am so scared

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I am in a deep dark place!! I am so scared

Postby millymoodoo » Thu Oct 24, 2013 11:13 am

Hi all

I am in such a bad place right now but i can see that glimmer of light at the end of this very long tunnel now i hope!! After my last visit to the pain clinic it was decisded that oxynorm 80mg twice a day slow release and oxycontin 10mg 4 times a day were not controlling my pain and the pain consultant wants me off these drugs and onto morphine 60mg sr to give me better control. The only way for this change to take place means i have had to withdraw from oxynorm and oxycontin with the help of buprenorhine 0.2mcg 3 times a day. I am now down to 20mg of oxynorm once a day but i am still having to take oxycontin as i am in horrendous pain. The withdrawel of this drug has been a complete nightmare with the withdrawel problems and i have since learnt it is much harder to get off these drugs more than any other drug on the market and i post just to warn others.

When i first dropped i could see spiders coming out of the walls and also water running down the walls, constant sweating which is unbearable but as i get to lower doses i feel so anxious hot and cold sweats and only occasionally see the spiders, that usually happens at night now and then i sleep with the light on. Nobody tells you how bad the withdrawel symptoms can be and i have tried to deal with this alone. I have kept away from my family and friends as i was scared they would think i was going mad but Milly my little rescue dog has never faltered she wont leave my side and without Milly i dont think i would be here now as it has been such a dark and scarey journey.

I have asked for a telephone appointment from my gp to see if there is any possibility of increasing the buprenorphine as i just want to get these other drugs out of my system as fast as i can. I fear falling asleep as i dont know what i will see as i am waking up. My gp is fantastic and also wants me off them asap, this is not a drug she would have given me because of the addiction and problems this drug can cause when coming off it. The spiders are so real and it terrifies me when this happens and as much as i try to forget about it i just cant.

I really hope my gp can help me when she rings as my pain level is through the roof but i desperately need to be off these devil drugs. Please, please anybody out there being offered these really think twice if you are offered this drug. I know everyone is different but i have also read horror stories on the internet by just typing in oxycontin withdrawel and i think i am one of the lucky ones getting off this drug as many people are so addicted they fail.

I am sorry to go on about my problems but i know it helps to share your problems and this is the first time in a month i have been able to post.

Thank you for reading
Millyxxxxx
Never look down on anyone unless you are helping them get up!!! When life hands you lemons, make lemonade!!! Everyday is a gift which is why we call it the present
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Re: I am in a deep dark place!! I am so scared

Postby whoami » Thu Oct 24, 2013 11:45 am

Milly.....I hope your Dr can get back to you soon. If not just keep calling the office to get in to see her. Explain how badly you need to see her.

I hope these horrible symptoms go away soon. I am sure everyone's body reacts differently to withdrawel and I am sorry you are having to go through this.

I am glad to hear your little friend is a comfort for you. It is amazing how they know when you are not well and just react in the most appropriate way. I believe they do take on some of our pain.

Milly, I took Oxycontin for a couple of years way back. I can't remember the dose, only that I was taking at least 10 tablets a day. The Dr switched me to Fentanyl, no withdrawel from the Oxycontin, just switched to the patches. He explained that the Fentanyl was 700 times more powerful than morphine and you had to be able to tolerate a lge dose of oxycontin to switch over.

I know if I ever have to stop taking Fentanyl it will not be easy. I have been told it is harder than heroin to withdraw from. I don't think about that though as the benefits from the med is allowing me to function. I have not increase the dose for 7 years, just have something for breakthrough.

Milly, thank you for having the courage to share what is going on right now. Hopefully by reading your post, others will make sure they have a good conversation with either their Dr or pharmacist before starting any new medication.

Milly, you are almost there, hang on. Lorraine x
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Re: I am in a deep dark place!! I am so scared

Postby fibro-lu » Thu Oct 24, 2013 11:56 am

hi Milly,

hope you come through very soon

You are covered with the precious blood of Jesus
and I pray to God Almighty, the great Healer and Deliverer,
to bring you through and to deliver you from those image and other side effects
and this we pray through Jesus Christs.
Amen
:hugs:
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Re: I am in a deep dark place!! I am so scared

Postby Davemetta » Thu Oct 24, 2013 1:45 pm

Hi Milly,
I will write a reply to you over the weekend and explain what I do, without any medication whatsoever.
There is light at the end of the tunnel ( and it`s not a train! )
Davemetta

Hi again, have just sent long reply but can`t find it. Does it take time to appear? D
Last edited by Davemetta on Thu Oct 24, 2013 9:26 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: I am in a deep dark place!! I am so scared

Postby millymoodoo » Thu Oct 24, 2013 2:35 pm

Hi Lorraine

Thank you so much for your reply and your understanding. I have been on such a high dose now for the last couple of years previous to that i was on Fentanyl 100mcg patches but as i sweat a lot i had to come off them as i was getting 3 days worth of the drug in 2 days and the 3rd day was a complete nightmare with pain so i had to come off Fentanyl and though the withdrawels were bad, i have never felt this bad. It sounds like your pain is under control with Fentanyl especially since you havnt had an increase in all those years - that is so good to hear and i am hoping the morphine gets mine to some controlled level.

My gp called me back and has told me i can increase the buprenorphine to 2 tablets 3 times a day but i will try and keep these as low as i can at least i know there is something in place and in the meantime my gp has given me another prescription for the extra which is such a relief. :blowkiss:


Hi fibro lou

Thank you so much for your prayers i am a christian but sometimes fo forget the power there is in prayer when you hurt so much. Thank you for your kindness. :blowkiss:


Davemetta

I would be very interested to hear what to do without any medication as long as its legal lol!!! Thank you so much for your reply!! :blowkiss:

Thank you all for your kindness, i wish i had posted sooner!!! I will be so pleased when this is all over!!

Milly :blowkiss: :blowkiss: :blowkiss:
Never look down on anyone unless you are helping them get up!!! When life hands you lemons, make lemonade!!! Everyday is a gift which is why we call it the present
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Re: I am in a deep dark place!! I am so scared

Postby FluppyPuffy » Thu Oct 24, 2013 8:11 pm

Milly, ma mumsie iz senderinz a flemail tu yur mumsie. Evry time shee haz bin tryerinz tu reed wot yur mumsie haz writterd, shee'z nott bin ablez tu do stopperinz ovv herr leeky~eyez :cry: :cry: :cry: :cry: :cry: :cry:

Wee duz bee senderinz sum eggsta speshul powerfulz furry~duzt an hugglez an luffz an :teddy-bear: :teddy-bear: :teddy-bear: :teddy-bear: :teddy-bear: :teddy-bear: :teddy-bear: :teddy-bear: :teddy-bear: :teddy-bear: :teddy-bear: :teddy-bear: :teddy-bear: :teddy-bear: :teddy-bear: :teddy-bear: :teddy-bear: :teddy-bear: orl warinz lotz ovv furry~duzt fur mekkin orl thoze nasty~pasty medisunz leef yur mumsie'z boddie sew shee wil be startinz tu bee feelerinz a bitz betterz soonz :blowkiss: :blowkiss: :blowkiss: :blowkiss: :blowkiss: :blowkiss: :blowkiss: :blowkiss: :blowkiss: :blowkiss: :blowkiss:

Yur furryend

DeeDee ~ doodoos :blowkiss: :blowkiss: :blowkiss: :blowkiss: :blowkiss: :blowkiss: :flowers: :flowers: :flowers: :flowers: :flowers: :flowers: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug:
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Re: I am in a deep dark place!! I am so scared

Postby fibro-lu » Fri Oct 25, 2013 9:46 am

Hi Miily,

you might also like "Footprints in the Sand"


One night I dreamed I was walking along the beach with the Lord.
Many scenes from my life flashed across the sky.
In each scene I noticed footprints in the sand.
Sometimes there were two sets of footprints,
other times there were one set of footprints.

This bothered me because I noticed
that during the low periods of my life,
when I was suffering from
anguish, sorrow or defeat,
I could see only one set of footprints.

So I said to the Lord,
"You promised me Lord,
that if I followed you,
you would walk with me always.
But I have noticed that during
the most trying periods of my life
there have only been one
set of footprints in the sand.
Why, when I needed you most,
you have not been there for me?"

The Lord replied,
"The times when you have
seen only one set of footprints,
is when I carried you."


Milly, you are safe in His hands
:blowkiss:
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all the best :cow-wave: Lu
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Re: I am in a deep dark place!! I am so scared

Postby painprincess1 » Fri Oct 25, 2013 10:04 am

well done darling. you are nearly there now and soon will be off these bloody drugs.you just keep cuddling that little doglet of yours and telling yourself that you are doing the right thing for your body.
there are better pills to help. a little pain is always better then no pain as it helps u not over do things .ty for telling us all as i no wikl make sure i never take these pills if i were offered.were all here for you day or night.pm me if u need a chat anytime hugs u tightxxxx
smiles and the world smiles with you. cry and you cry alone.
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Re: I am in a deep dark place!! I am so scared

Postby pops » Fri Oct 25, 2013 12:35 pm

Millie sending you a hug.xx

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Re: I am in a deep dark place!! I am so scared

Postby moomoos » Fri Oct 25, 2013 10:47 pm

Loads of love and hugs from me, Bumphrey and Whomassy.... thinking of you and sending Healing thoughts xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
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Re: I am in a deep dark place!! I am so scared

Postby denys » Fri Oct 25, 2013 11:23 pm

Thinking of you and sending some very gentle :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: you are being very brave and very strong and as some of the others have said, you are nearly there. We are here with that rope ready to help you if you need us. Never apologise about posting your problems that is what we are here for.

:hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: and :welldone: :welldone: :welldone: :welldone: :welldone: :welldone:
Denys

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Re: I am in a deep dark place!! I am so scared

Postby Flash » Fri Oct 25, 2013 11:34 pm

Me and Shay are sending lots of hugs and luffings to you. Milly is your rock, I know that. My Shay is the same, always there and good reason to stay strong and carry on.

Well done so far and the best of luck with the change over.

Love and healing coming your way. Sue and Shay.XXXXXXXXXXXXXX
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Re: I am in a deep dark place!! I am so scared

Postby whoami » Sat Oct 26, 2013 3:10 am

As Denys said...we are here with a rope if you need a little extra tug. x

Milly.........You are such an inspiration to me right now. I am so proud of your ability to go through this and fight off the
demons so well.

If I ever need to stop taking Fentanyl, I will be sending you an airline ticket to here. I would want you to be
close so you can help me gather the strength you have right now. x
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Re: I am in a deep dark place!! I am so scared

Postby millymoodoo » Sat Oct 26, 2013 9:35 am

Hi

Thank you all for your kind messages of support. Just to give you the latest update!! I didnt have any of the oxy meds at all yesterday and to date i havnt had any, i am using the buprenorphine to get through the rest of this as i was only on a small dose and with all your support i decided to let the devil drugs go. No more oxy meds!!! I feel better today than i did yesterday without and the images are getting less.

Lorraine i would gladly help you when the time comes for you to come off fentanyl lol!!!

Will keep in touch even if my message is only short, thank you my friends for all your help, understanding and support!!

Lots of love to my Humphrey bumphrey, Deedee doodoo's, Shay, Belle, Whomassey and all me furyends
Julie andy Milly :blowkiss: :blowkiss: :blowkiss: :blowkiss:
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Re: I am in a deep dark place!! I am so scared

Postby Flash » Sat Oct 26, 2013 11:22 am

:grouphug: :flowers: :grouphug: :flowers: :grouphug: :flowers: :grouphug: :flowers: :grouphug: :flowers: :grouphug: :flowers: :grouphug: :flowers: :grouphug: :flowers: :grouphug: :flowers: :grouphug: :flowers: :grouphug: :flowers: :grouphug: :flowers:

All for millymoodoo Yeah!!!! No more devil drugs!! :welldone: :welldone: :chicken-dance: :chicken-dance: :bear-dancing: :bear-dancing:

You really are coming out the other side now darling, Keep going. We're always here for you. :blowkiss: :blowkiss: And Milly too!
:dogrun1: :dogrun1:
Sue and Shay. XXXXXXXXXXXXXX
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