WHY!?.......

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WHY!?.......

Postby kazisedso » Sat Oct 26, 2013 11:51 am

Good morning people,

Bit of a moan about to follow.......

WHY, can't I just get up in the morning and do what I want to do?
I awoke feeling ok and decided its time to take action and get things tidied and organised ready for the 'C' word that is fast approaching!!

Despite aching etc I felt positive enough and started to try and do some chores, tried to strip our bed, it's ready for changing.... Took me a while but I managed it....
Next....

Try and sort out the laundry that needs putting away and hanging up.... Started to do that, twinges in lower back start... Uh-oh slow up take a rest have a cuppa and a sit down.

20 mins later after cuppa try and do a bit more.... 2 mins later sciatic pain in lower back, right bum cheek going down into leg..... Positivity is now dwindling as this bloody pain is stopping me doing what I want to do, and all I have done is get to a standing position and try to fold some more clothes

I just cannot do it, I am trying so hard to continue and feel like I'm doing something rather than sitting on my backside, but I just can't, despite pain killers, tens machine and heat pads and heat rub, my back is having none of it.
I am trying to pace myself and listen to my body, but it's just not happening, once my back starts that's me done for the day, I am so sick of this, annoyed and frustrated with myself and I know this is going to make things worse thinking like this but yet again pain has dragged me down and stopped me

Really sorry for the rant but I needed to get this off my chest, I don't want to take it out on my nearest and dearest and if I don't vent that's what's going to happen.... Think in some way I am envious of them being able to just get up and do what they want without a second thought.....
I spoke to my psychologist on Thursday and he said that he doesn't think I have fully accepted the fact that I have a chronic condition and that I am still grieving for the life that I once had......
He's completely right of course, but I honestly thought I had come to terms with things..... Obviously not.
How long does this grieving last? Do you ever fully accept that things have changed?

Going now as can't see through the tears
I'm off now to dwell in self pity for a while......

Karen
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Re: WHY!?.......

Postby whoami » Sat Oct 26, 2013 2:01 pm

Karen....your psychologist is right, IMO.

Coming to terms with reality is one of the hardest things for people with a chronic illness to do. Our brains are still telling us we are just fine, or at least that is the way we are perceiving it.

I use to think that the more pain pills I took the more I could do. Ha Ha. It took a few years of visits to the psychologist and my exceptional GP for reality to sink in.

Even after 24 years I occasionally think I am wonder woman and cook a meal for 15 and tidy up all by myself. My hubby just shakes his head now, LOL. We both know I will spend the following 2 days either in the bath or bed. I know better but something inside still pushes me to be "normal".

Karen, you will realize, I am sure you have already, that if you push that little bit too much you will pay. We all still do it.

Karen I think it is a good thing that we push, that we are stubborn at times. It raises our self esteem. The bad, there always is a good and bad side, LOL.

The bad is we have to face reality that we are not Wonder women or Spidermen, we are people with a chronic illness that will very quickly make us realize it.

Karen, you know you are not alone in your mind set. You have faced reality . However, like most of us you are not going to totally give in.

Lorraine x
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Re: WHY!?.......

Postby norsworthy » Sat Oct 26, 2013 3:53 pm

hi Karen I have just been diagnosed and thought it was all in my head and I was being lazy I am sitting here looking at my washing wishing it would just magicaly disappear my back and hips are terrible I have been given amitryptiline and co-codamol I also have a heart condition which I take meds for I work nearly full time in a nursey 2-3 year olds don't know if I can keep working im exhausted a lot of the time, I live with my husband and 3 grown children who all work 2 sons have epilepsy and husband has acromegaly so I have a very busy household and iam constantly trying to catch up with things as well as helping my husband I just feel like giving up and don't know what to do this is all new to me sorry Karen joined your rant not much help
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Re: WHY!?.......

Postby painprincess1 » Sat Oct 26, 2013 9:28 pm

hay hunnie, first off your not alone smiles.this is one family who will always be around .fibro is abit like your shadow dont always see it but you no its there.heres a tip get a a chair and sit and fold the washing up then ask someone to carry it upstairs for u. then the next day u can put it away. get yourself a high stool its great for cooking u can sit there and watch the pots and pans .also good for doing the veg.can i also put a punt in for a steam iron press ,there great as you can sit down and iron.also and pls dont take this the wrong way but sometimes sitting down can make your back worse ,i no for myself the more i sit down the worse i am for weeks,im not saying right dont sit down .do you think its what your sitting on i no my settee is crap and make my back hurt.so my sweet dont cry chin up xxxx
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Re: WHY!?.......

Postby Carrie Nourse » Sun Oct 27, 2013 1:54 am

Hi Karen, Don't upset yourself over this, we all have our off days as I had one today after doing to much shopping yesterday. I woke up not feeling to bad and got out of bed barely able to walk as the muscles in the back of my legs ( the calf muscles going down to my ankles) and my right hip were so painful and the muscles in my arms hurt as I had to carry a picture plus 2 bags of shopping so I knew then I had done too much. It was all such a struggle to get to the bathroom and by the time I got to the living room I sat down and had 10 mins sleep. There are days when I think to myself why me especially when I think back to my job which was nursing and how I miss it and how active I was with my children but I then think I have to make the best of it and take each day as it comes and only do what you can for that day.
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Re: WHY!?.......

Postby kazisedso » Sun Oct 27, 2013 9:18 am

Morning all, and thank you for the replies,

I just needed to vent.....

I am alternating between sitting and standing, I really don't have much choice as cannot get comfy one way or the other, got wear n tear in bottom of my spine and it blooming hurts.

Seating wise my settee is ok, is a decent height and I do have a back support whilst sitting as I have to have something into my back whilst sitting.

It's just that I can't stand or sit for too long to do anything without my back really hurting, and it's peeing me off now.

This morning I have struggled downstairs and altered a clock on my oven.... Instant pain, I am so trying to work within my limitations but this is just silly, I'm lathered in deep heat and using tens machine to try and alleviate it plus doing stretches etc but unfortunately at the moment my back just won't play the game!!!

I just feel so lazy and angry and to top it off, I have broke out in cold sores which has now spread down my chin and looks like impetigo!!!
Grrrrreeeaaaat!! I look wonderful..... NOT! Lol

Me thinking I must be a bit run down.

I really do appreciate all of your replies as it puts a different perspective on things and it helps to try and see things in a different way.

I am trying to focus on what I have managed to do ( albeit a very small contribution) rather than what I haven't done.... But it is hard to get out of the negative mind set when your house is completely upside down and you are in constant pain, ( messy house, messy mind applies to me big time!)
Anyway enough of my moaning , I hope you all have a great day, we have sunshine in nottinghamshire at the moment, so I am sat having a cuppa and letting the rays get my face through the window ( hope this counts towards my vitamin D lol)

Bye for now and thanks again
Karen xxxx
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Re: WHY!?.......

Postby painprincess1 » Sun Oct 27, 2013 9:58 am

Karen.i am with you 100 persent.with messy house messy mind.it drives me nuts.i get up and within the first 20 mins i have to take my pills if i dont im in a right mess for hours.you no sometimes i think why do i tidy up it just looks the same in the next morning.the only other thing i can think of that might help you is a proper back belt mum got one it big and cover her back from bottom to the ribs .and as she has the same as u and i no it does help her.
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Re: WHY!?.......

Postby KAREN WESTLEY » Sun Oct 27, 2013 10:29 pm

Hi Karen

I am so with you on this. I have had a lower back problem for years and have bilatrol sciatica. Drives me mad. If it's not my back its my shoulders, if its not my shoulders it's my elbows. I thought to myself my husband is about to retire at 67 and here i am at 51 already relying on him to do things for me. He asked me this morning how i was feeling and i said"hurting, sore , fed up and feel b***dy useless" he said i talk rubbish and i said you asked how i feel , that's how i feel ! Have i really got this everyday for goodness knows when? what has happened ? I was always out there and now i can't wait to get in and collapse in a heap on the sofa. Great!!

Kazie Booboo
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Re: WHY!?.......

Postby Taz » Fri Nov 01, 2013 3:12 pm

Hi Karen,
my name is Keith, i'm 52, right now i'm in the kitchen looking at the mess from this week, I live with my oldest son who is 13yo and have my other son 7yo 4 nights a week, since last Friday we have all had a sickness bug, apart from the Fibro I have, diabetes and a few other health issues, my wife walked out on me and my 13yo son almost 18 months ago due to my health, she has been a real evil sod since and makes my life hard whenever she can ? she is always dumping our 7yo son on me so she can have men round or do her part time job.

I have been so ill this last week with the sickness bug i was virtually bed ridden for 2 days with my oldest son looking after his brother and me, so I accept all the washing up i'm staring at, but it looks like it will take me a month to tidy up, i hate mess as well, I used to be super fit adrenalin junkie and built electricity pylons for 20 years before having to retire due to illness.

I used to be quite a good looking bloke with a fit body, i' am also very good at diy and practical stuff, i refurbished my own house, i used to do survival courses, hunting , shooting, fishing, ride motorbikes etc, I made furniture from scratch, even built my own conservatory and I mean built it not just assembled it, i made the wood work the lot ! now I have days when I struggle to change a plug ?

I am stubborn though and quite tough, but that leads to serious days of extreme pain, i will never get used to this Fibro crap, I sit in tears some days because I can't cope with the pain or I can't play football with my boys, I have virtually no friends left, just a few good ones, looking after 2 young boys is tough for a healthy single parent let alone someone with my problems, some days I cope some days I don't, iv'e lost 97% of my social life and 98% of my leisure and hobbies, how anyone can "get used too" that is beyond my comprehension, the only thing that keeps me going are my 2 lovely boys, they are my life, my whole world is devoted to them, the pain i go through for them is ridiculous sometimes but i do it because I love them so much and they me.

and that is my point iv'e almost given up with other people, trying to explain what's wrong with me etc, even my own wife of 12 years didn't understand and she saw my pain until in the end she just didn't wan't a disabled husband, iv'e had my life torn apart and lost everything that meant anything to me except the boys, so i use all my efforts for them now, iv'e pretty much given up on my own life so I can concentrate everything on my boys, it gives me a focal point and the courage i need but just doing everything for them is what keeps ME going, I miss having a partner someone to hold me when I feel like I can't carry on, or just a hug and a kiss, I get seriously lonely sometimes but I know that it's unlikely any women would wan't me anymore.

OK i'm still not ugly and everyone tells me I look 40 not 52, I suppose the only chance I might have is from someone who also has Fibro so understands and we can help each other, so if you still have your family together that's a big plus, look at them every day and take some comfort from their love for you, as they say there is always someone worse of than you ! do what you can on the days you can but limit yourself and remember 1 play day = 2-3 pay days (WITH PAIN) so use the good days carefully if your really bad with Fibro like me the play days can be few and far between. take care and god bless you :grouphug:
Last edited by FluppyPuffy on Fri Nov 01, 2013 4:09 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Reason: Made paragraphs clearer for easier reading.
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Re: WHY!?.......

Postby whoami » Sat Nov 02, 2013 3:31 am

Karen....enjoy that sunshine.

Will we ever learn to sit back and enjoy the good things we have and not let fibro ruin it? Maybe! Most likely we will think gee today I feel pretty good why don't I just run my butt off and see what I can accomplish. Not even thinking that we will be in a downward spiral for doing so. :pull-hair:

It seems so unfair our brain is pulling one way but our body is crazy glued to not move...heavy on the crazy, LOL



Keith...Think of the days your ex dumps your younger son as a blessing. Our kids and grandchildren can make us feel a whole lot better when they are around.

Keith, you sound like a really good dad and that you were a great husband. I hope your ex recognises her loss. There may be someone out there that you see every day and don't even realize that the person is the one. Isn't there a song called " someone out there"?

Keith you can only do what you can and it seems like you are doing a lot , raising your kids. Try not to look back at the old Keith, look at who you are, you are still you, the same person but happens to have a pain in the ass chronic illness. Look at the positive things you do now not at what you did.

Even if we didn't have this illness there would be things we say...I use to do this or that. Let go of the past. Enjoy all the positive things you bring to your children and all they bring to you.
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Re: WHY!?.......

Postby whoami » Sat Nov 02, 2013 3:31 am

Karen....enjoy that sunshine.

Will we ever learn to sit back and enjoy the good things we have and not let fibro ruin it? Maybe! Most likely we will think gee today I feel pretty good why don't I just run my butt off and see what I can accomplish. Not even thinking that we will be in a downward spiral for doing so. :pull-hair:

It seems so unfair our brain is pulling one way but our body is crazy glued to not move...heavy on the crazy, LOL



Keith...Think of the days your ex dumps your younger son as a blessing. Our kids and grandchildren can make us feel a whole lot better when they are around.

Keith, you sound like a really good dad and that you were a great husband. I hope your ex recognises her loss. There may be someone out there that you see every day and don't even realize that the person is the one. Isn't there a song called " someone out there"?

Keith you can only do what you can and it seems like you are doing a lot , raising your kids. Try not to look back at the old Keith, look at who you are, you are still you, the same person but happens to have a pain in the ass chronic illness. Look at the positive things you do now not at what you did.

Even if we didn't have this illness there would be things we say...I use to do this or that. Let go of the past. Enjoy all the positive things you bring to your children and all they bring to you.
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Re: WHY!?.......

Postby debsmith » Sun Nov 03, 2013 3:43 pm

Hia karen firstly :hugs: i feel your pain bless you hun and every one on here its so frustrating having this s@@t fibro! like u i also suffer badly with my back slipped l5/s1 + siatica everyone here has bad days and realli bad!!!! days! what medication are you on? may be if ur gp a "nice" undertanding doc could have a look at ur medz? worth a try? my brain also wants to do things but i soon find out i cant i get cross then and could screem i still work at min but its getting to point where im thinking of stopping even tho i love job gutting but like all of us im stubborn too and a determined person well i was!!! im very lucky i have a amazing 18yr old daughter who is trying soooooo hard to get a job but for now she does all the things i cant do and it make me feel so guilty!!!! im at work 27hrs a week it kills me to do it "but"! i enjoy it and hurt all at same time.... my other half on the other hand i have so much resentment towards him! he has no empathy or anything his 15yr old kid lives here too it was great at start but bit by bit b4 fibro each time he was naughty partner undermined me constantly!!! it has driven a massive wedge between us much to point where either child goes bk with mum or they both go! stress doesnt help fibro yet partner still doesnt get it his child is a manipulator big time sad but true! just cannot get threw to him so ive completly given up i stay out the way when at home its more comftable in my room i showed him a booklet where it says de-stress family issues yet still have to much! jeeeeezzzzzzzz got of track sum how sorri karen xx today i thought id clean fridge oh god why did i do that! owwwwwwww! i havent found a thing that helps my back exept epidural injection but doesnt last long enough! if i didnt have butrans patches i dont think id get out of bed! sorri everyone got carried away with myself only people who understand is my mum,daughter and u guys sending love 2u all and and keith u have ur lovely children to love and adore bless them as for ur ex her loss u will find love when u least expect it dont give up hope! every 1 deserves to be happy and cherished debbie xxxxx :grouphug: :crazy: :crazy: :crazy: :crazy: :crazy:
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Re: WHY!?.......

Postby Taz » Sun Nov 03, 2013 8:49 pm

Thanks everyone,
Karen I'm sorry if iv'e taken over your post I never meant to I was just telling you about my story and how I survive, and survive is the right word. I've given up almost on finding someone to love, which is a shame because I have so much love to give, always told I'm a very special and unique man, so different to 99% of men, all my X's mates used to tell her she was lucky to have such a great husband but that obviously didn't matter after I got Fibro ? I just wan't to be part of a family again, going away in the caravan for short breaks with the kids used to make me so happy, i'm also a giver not a taker, i get pleasure giving rather than receiving, I hate this illness so much for what it's taken from me, even though i'm a fighter there are days when I just can't fight, the op's title WHY is so fitting :roll:
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Re: WHY!?.......

Postby FluppyPuffy » Sun Nov 03, 2013 10:33 pm

Taz wrote:Thanks everyone,
I've given up almost on finding someone to love, which is a shame because I have so much love to give, always told I'm a very special and unique man, so different to 99% of men, all my X's mates used to tell her she was lucky to have such a great husband but that obviously didn't matter after I got Fibro ? I just wan't to be part of a family again, going away in the caravan for short breaks with the kids used to make me so happy, i'm also a giver not a taker, i get pleasure giving rather than receiving, I hate this illness so much for what it's taken from me, even though i'm a fighter there are days when I just can't fight, the op's title WHY is so fitting :roll:

Keith, don't give up on finding a special someone. Prior to meeting my OH I was in an horrendous relationship with abuse on every single level possible, and by the time I managed to get out, I was of a similar mindset to where you are at the moment. Then, when I was least expecting it, OH comes wandering into my life :blowkiss: :blowkiss: :blowkiss:

We didn't get off to the most conventional of starts, but got ourselves to where we wanted to be, and have been there since. We have a :yikes: :yikes: :alien: :alien: teenager (he put in a very early and unexpected altho very nappy appearance at the very start of things :teddy-bear: :teddy-bear: :teddy-bear: )

Living with me hasn't been easy, in fact it's pretty much a nightmare at times and I put us both thru hell at times thanks to both the physical and mental delights that FM and my other conditions love to stir up. But even with this, he still does what he can to make life as pleasurable and fun for us as it can be :bear-dancing: :bear-dancing: :bear-dancing: :bear-dancing:

What I think I'm trying to say is that when it is least expected, that special someone will come :penguin: :penguin: :penguin: :penguin: :penguin: along. You won't know when it will happen, or where it will be, so until it is the right time for it to happen to you, try and enjoy the pleasures that come your way. Try not to dwell on how being ill means that every female will run in the opposite direction to which you are going, as it won't be the case with Ms Right. Whatever obstacle comes up, there will be a way to conquer it. It may mean going round it, thru it, or under it rather than over it, but when it is meant to be, then it will :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug:
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Re: WHY!?.......

Postby felinefine » Wed Nov 06, 2013 11:53 am

Hi all

Brain fog has made m forget the name of the original poster.......I also feel so frustrated at what I can't do. I try to feel great about what I can do but it loses its way......

I saw a woman from my HR office yesterday in a supermarket carpark she said 'oh you look so well' eeeeek I was in pain all over but you can't see it can you..... I described it this morning as being in a hamster ball and being thrown down a steep hill then landing in a bed of hot coals......

Keith I share a similar story, I supportd my ex for appros 6 years could have been longer but my memories rubbish, he has bi-polar. He thanked me by running off with a woman only 4 years older than his daughter, and she was a friend........ I've been single for nearly 4 years, a few attempts of relationships since but lets not go there. I'm scared nI will never find another person who will understand me and my health needs, I can't do the 'normal' things any more, sometimes its a lonely place :(

I'm so glad I have found this forum xx
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