How to knock you when your down :0(

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How to knock you when your down :0(

Postby Di davo » Wed Oct 30, 2013 4:21 pm

Hi all,
I'm so sorry but I don't know where else to go to let all this out :0(

I am so down with all this rubbish, tired of trying to put on a brave face all the time at home to hubby and my boys, they are all so good but I see how much it effects them when I'm suffering.

I've just had a week of not feeling too bad, my husband thinks it's just due to the adrenaline of taking care of my dog whilst she had her pups, I started to believe it was all over, everyone was wrong and I don't have fibro!, but by god I think he was right, Bella is all settled with her pups now and for the past 4 days I've crash big time!, I think from finally have a normalish week first time in 2 years it's really got me down feeling all this pain and feeling stupid again :0(

To top it all off I got asked to go meet the new area manager for my work today, I have been unable to work for the last 5 months due to my job being extremely physical and also mental with money, ( I can't count much anymore) both my store manager and area manager have changed since I have been off and have had no hand over on me, even though I had supplied the others with all info on fibro I had to help them understand, well she was a bxxxx :0( basically I am no good for business and she wants me back at work, I tried to explain that the doctor has made it clear he would like me to see the neurologist and the rheumatologist that I have appointments with in December before he will allow me to try yo come back again as last time it really did knock me right back, her answer was , well I am going to set you up some shifts, and I think we need to look at disaplinery route as your sickness is really bad :0( thanks then!, so extra stress to make me feel that little bit worse!!!!!!!!!!

Sometime I wish this wasn't such an invisible illness, and there was a way you could show people just what you are feeling daily, I'm on pregabalin and topitamate, but they only take the edge of, my husband has told me to tell them I resign as he doesn't think I need the stress of them, but then that stresses me too as I wouldn't be entitled to any help from anywhere if I did :0( I want my old life back, please take me back to my navy days :0(
Last edited by FluppyPuffy on Wed Oct 30, 2013 4:34 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Reason: Made paragraphs clearer for easier reading.
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Re: How to knock you when your down :0(

Postby whoami » Wed Oct 30, 2013 11:37 pm

How nice, cute little puppies you helped to bring into the world.

The adrenaline rush you had when busy with the pups is exactly what gave you less pain, etc. It works the same as excercise. You produce natural endorphines that help kill the pain.

I can relate. Sometimes I just go go go, especially at Christmas, cooking dinner etc. As long as I don't stop I feel quite a bit better. I have to push to get going but then I rule!

Next thing, everything comes to a standstill and all h*** breaks loose. I am back to the new normal me. Sometimes taking weeks to get over what I have done. Sometimes the pain is just worth it though.

Is there no law in the UK about employers not being able to harass their employees when they are sick. That they can't threaten you with job loss. There has to be something.

It seems that your Dr is on top of things and give him credit where due. It is great that he is standing firm on your return to work.

Don't even think of resigning from your job, you are on sick leave for a good reason. If your employer wants you gone then it will have to be done in such a way you are not affected emotionally or financially.

Keep being strong and definately keep your GP, he is one in a million.
[i][b]

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Re: How to knock you when your down :0(

Postby FluppyPuffy » Thu Oct 31, 2013 12:19 am

Are you a member of a union or staff association?? If so, they should be able to advise you where you stand with what your Area Manager is saying will be happening. You might also want to ask for what was said when you met this new Area Manager to be but in writing, I've got a feeling that there might be a bit of back tracking with such a request because then you'll be armed and dangerous with the possible things you could do, esp considering what your GP has said should happen before a return to work is considered. You might also want to think about asking your GP for something in writing about this that you can send in to work and be put on record.

I'm fairly sure that there should be a bit more to say about this, but unfortunately my mind has gone a wandering I'm afraid :oops: :oops: :oops: :oops: :oops: :oops: :oops: :oops:
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Re: How to knock you when your down :0(

Postby fibro-lu » Thu Oct 31, 2013 12:28 pm

hi Di davo,

will try to come back too with a sorted out brain :crazy: :crazy: :crazy:
in lalaland with flup at the moment

so much for now: you don't have to take this
all the best :cow-wave: Lu
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Re: How to knock you when your down :0(

Postby fibro-lu » Thu Oct 31, 2013 1:08 pm

hi again

in my mumbled head I think I do best copy and paste

went through my "view your posts" and copied the linkies where your topic was discussed over the latest past,
this will also show you the people who are going through the same as you at the moment
you might like to contact them,
but not all of them stay in regular contact

not all threads might be 100% related

the threads will hopefully give you a lot of background reading, some of the info is repetative,

mods: if that all is not a good idea please accept my appology and delete

here they go:

viewtopic.php?f=2&t=18153

viewtopic.php?f=11&t=18286

viewtopic.php?f=27&t=18289

viewtopic.php?f=11&t=18268

viewtopic.php?f=11&t=18221

viewtopic.php?f=11&t=18242

viewtopic.php?f=11&t=18091

viewtopic.php?f=27&t=17754

viewtopic.php?f=27&t=17805

and the last one is one of my own threads, in between was no other, so as you can see the latest from the above were quite recent with the last reply on the thread below from mid august of this year

viewtopic.php?f=27&t=12182
all the best :cow-wave: Lu
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Re: How to knock you when your down :0(

Postby FluppyPuffy » Thu Oct 31, 2013 2:44 pm

fibro-lu wrote::
in lalaland with flup at the moment

Think you managed to escape before me Lu :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:
fibro-lu wrote:mods: if that all is not a good idea please accept my appology and delete

Absolutely nothing nothing wrong with doing this Lu, I was going to do something similar until my head imploded on me last night :pull-hair: :pull-hair: :pull-hair: :pull-hair: :pull-hair: :pull-hair:
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Re: How to knock you when your down :0(

Postby Di davo » Fri Nov 01, 2013 1:27 pm

Thank you all so much :0)
I had my planned appointment today with my doctor who is really not happy now, as I am doing everything him and the specialists are asking me to do, he seems to think works next step would be to ask to contact him, and has advised me to check with citizens advice,
I need to try and calm down now as this has really sent me down hill :0(
So a do nothing weekend has been ordered by my hubby and kids, then hopefully Monday I can look at it with a clearer head,
I'm now worring about handing in my new sick note :0(

Thank you so much I will come back to your feeds on Monday
Hope you are all doing ok big hugs xx
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Re: How to knock you when your down :0(

Postby denys » Fri Nov 01, 2013 2:53 pm

Dont let her bully you, you are off sick as your doc does not believe you are fit for work. I agree with the poster who said get the content of the meeting down on paper and get that advice from CAB

I have moved you into tis board as it seems more appropriate :-D :-D :-D
Denys

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Re: How to knock you when your down :0(

Postby fibro-lu » Fri Nov 01, 2013 3:20 pm

wishing you a relaxing weekend

when thoughts keep coming into your mind
write them down and put them aside til Monday :easter3:
thou your "brain" knows that these thoughts will not be lost, just dealt with a little bit later (on Monday)
and then it is easier for you to relaxxxxx :sleep:

regards sick note
make a copy for yourself
send in original (you could also additionally scan it in and send via email plus a liitle bit of writing, see below)
and forget about it :bear-dancing: :bear-dancing: :bear-dancing:

decide in your "head" that nobody has the right to bully you :waiting:

only accept written notes, not said nonsense like: :nono:
" ... well I am going to set you up some shifts, and I think we need to look at disaplinery route as your sickness is really bad ..."
and let her know that you only accept statements in official writing, not verbally :!:
and that such (spoken) statement only aggrivate your symptoms and make them flare up and overall makes you worse :puke:
and that you don't react well to such undue pressure which makes your stress levels go up etc :crazy:
and that you will involve (or thinking/considering to involve) your union rep (regardless if you are already in a union or not, or even not thinking of joining etc)
this should make her tread a little bit more careful around you :face-slap:

but for now:
enjoy your weekend
:blowkiss:
:flowers:
all the best :cow-wave: Lu
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Re: How to knock you when your down :0(

Postby fluffyjoy » Fri Nov 01, 2013 4:17 pm

Just to chuck in a bit from a managers point of view.

The person who said this to you plainly has no training and if your employers found out you have been verbally threatened they would be on a sticky wicket indeed.

I agree with the previous poster:
All instructions from the company in writing only (i would advise no text messages)
If they request it, give them your written consent to the GP supplying a report. Stipulate that you want see the report before it is sent, as this gives you 28 extra days to view and ask for alterations (if needed) before it is sent.
Make sure they know that they will have to pay the fee requested by the GP before the report is prepared (I know what I am talking about here as I am a GP practice manager - with the added benefit of fibromyalgia)
If it comes to it, when they have the report - incidentally they must send this to their occupational health advisors - they are highly unlikely to be trained medics themselves and therefore cannot make decisions about your fitness to work - let them take it down the discliplinary route. If they decide to dismiss you on medical grounds, they must do so properly and fairly. This is a long and complex process.
If they do dismiss you medically, then you will be entitled to claim benefits. They do, however, have to pay you whatever you are contracturally entitled to in the meantime, even if it is only SSP. If your SSP entitelement runs out, then they have to provide you with a form explaining this in order for you to make a claim.

I really feel for you.

It is handy for me that I have the HR experience, and the medical experience. However, it does not help me that half of the GPs I work for have difficulty understanding fibromyalgia themselves! Say no more.
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Re: How to knock you when your down :0(

Postby FluppyPuffy » Fri Nov 01, 2013 5:11 pm

Thanks for that bit of inside knowledge fluffyjoy :cow-wave: :cow-wave: :cow-wave: it could be helpful for others who find themselves in a similar position, and also for us to refer to when such questions are asked, as unfortunately it's one of those subjects that keeps rearing it's head :nono: :nono: :nono: :nono:
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Re: How to knock you when your down :0(

Postby Chimelle » Fri Nov 01, 2013 7:10 pm

Hi I'm fairly new and have posted a couple of times but haven't introduced myself but I will get round to that one day soon on a post of my own so not to high jack yours :-D :-D
My son was getting lots of pressure from his employers after he was/is signed off with PTSD. His manager Bernie is useless and gets advice from some person on how to treat staff!!

Anyhow she called a medical meeting for Robert to attend and told him to contact Access to Work to arrange a meeting and get some advice. The stupid woman didn't even know what Access to work did.

Robert called Access to work and gave them all his information etc, and they put him in touch have with 'Remploy' who are brilliant . the lady assigned is amazing. She is there for Robert to make sure under the equality act... He gets all the support needed and that his employer's can't harass him.

But she also goes to see his manager and explains where they are going wrong, who they have to do to support Robert and all of their staff. She has also discussed what they need to do and have to by law. PTSD and Fibro is recognised within the workplace as a disability and staff need to be treated fairly with care and understanding.

Remploy came round today to see Robert he thought he would get bad news but she told him she had met with his managers talked everything through and gone around the office and gym (he's a gymnastics coach) and explained where they as company as a company have gone wrong and have caused Robert more damage and pain, and as a business this is not within the guidelines.

Robert has been told today his job is safe and as soon he is fit to return they will help as much as possible.

We had never heard of Access to work or remploy but they have been brilliant and may be able to help (sorry if I'm talking out of turn) but could help others

Good luck wish you all the best xx
Michelle
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Re: How to knock you when your down :0(

Postby FluppyPuffy » Fri Nov 01, 2013 8:16 pm

Remploy have been around for a long time, helping people with illnesses and disabilities who want to work. Tbh I quite often forget to mention them when people ask about help relating to the workplace :oops: :oops: :oops: :oops: :oops: They did have a number of factories/centres where they employed people with various health issues/disabilities. Unfortunately the factories/centres have mostly been shut down over recent years, but Remploy are saying that they will still be helping the ill and disabled to get into employment, and to stay within their workplace. Here's their Linky.

Access2Work are a newly formed company that
that seeks to find sustainable employment for people from all walks of life and aims to equip people with the necessary skills and motivation to help them return to the work.
Here's their Linky.
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Re: How to knock you when your down :0(

Postby JYB » Fri Nov 01, 2013 9:19 pm

I contacted Access to Work a few years ago and was very impressed. They told my employer what equipment I needed to carry on with my job. My employer provided it and Access to Work paid part towards it. The equipment has helped me to continue to do my job.
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Re: How to knock you when your down :0(

Postby felinefine » Mon Nov 04, 2013 10:20 pm

I have complete numb brain at the mo but wanted to respond as when I an take it in I want to look at the topics that have been posted on a previous reply.

Had one on the worst days so far, I have no heating as it has packed up, I don't think this is helping. In so much pain nearly in tears, my hands are very bad today.

I have been off work since July and scared I'll never cope enough to go back. I think my stroke in July has bought the FMS to be worse. My Manager has said he would phone weekly for an upate but rarely does.

I'm back at the docs Thursday to see what other drugs to try, but I'm not even able to read all your posts at present can't remember anything.

Sorry for hijacking this thread xx
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