How do you not feel sorry for yourself?

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How do you not feel sorry for yourself?

Postby Picklepudding » Tue Dec 10, 2013 2:43 pm

I know this is going to sounds really pathetic and self pitying, but I am feeling extremely sorry for myself at the moment. My pain is nowhere near as bad as many of you describe but it is enough to interfere with everyday life. It is enough that at the age of 38 I'm having to use crutches if I'm walking for more than a few minutes. It is enough that I walk with a limp. It is enough that I have to avoid doing things because I know it will either exhaust me or leave me in more pain. And it is enough that it makes me wonder whether I can live the rest of my life like this.

I'm so sorry for this post. No-one else understands. I'm forgetting things. I laugh about the fact that I have a brain like a sieve - but inside I don't think it's funny. I laugh about the fact that it's 'one thing after another' - but inside I don't think it's funny. I try to put a brave face on but the brave face is slipping and self-pity is creeping in. I need it to go away.

Any tips as you always all seem so positive and upbeat?
Crohn's, IBS, plantar fasciitis, psoriasis, Vitamin D deficiency, minimal osteoarthritis, possible Hughes Antiphospholipid Syndrome and fibromyalgia...I'm a walking medical encyclopaedia!
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Re: How do you not feel sorry for yourself?

Postby ccat21 » Tue Dec 10, 2013 3:48 pm

Picklepudding,
I to am feeling sorry for myself but am trying to stay positive knowing that I'm not alone feeling that this illness has robbed me of my old life but that there are people who's pain is worse than mine. Sometimes I feel that im a fraud & that if I lost weight & got fitter then I would not be suffering from fibro but the chances are that I would still be in pain only smaller & fitter.
I find that it helps to read the forum just knowing that there is someone out there that feels the same helps so thank you.
Hang in there, talking to other people either in person or on the forum, looking after yourself, changing little things such as writing lists, i have orthotics in my shoes which has helped with my painful feet.
Remember your not alone xx
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Re: How do you not feel sorry for yourself?

Postby moomoos » Tue Dec 10, 2013 4:07 pm

Hiya, I dont know if this well help or not, but I actually consider myself lucky to 'just have FM'.... in the way that its not life threatening. I know its really hard cos we dont have the life that we had before we got FM and when it got bad enough to stop us doing what we used to be able to do. But I just thank God every day that its 'just fibromyalgia' and it could be a lot worse, it could be something life threatening.

This was reiterated to me yesterday when I was in a consultant cardiologists office and feeling terrified cos the results of a test werent normal. I am now worrying about what is wrong with my heart, and wont know until further tests are done. So I can deal with anything thats to do with fibromyalgia, but not other things that I see as terrifying.

I am using a great way to remember things..... i make a numbered list in my head and with each number i think of an item that rhymes with that number, i.e., for me..... 1=Bun (as in cupcake), so then i imagine what ever i have to remember being sprinkled on top of the bun..... 2= Shoe.. I them imagine what ever i have to remember being in a shoe..... 3= Tree,,,, I then imagine what ever i have to remember being hung on the tree branches, like on a christmas tree.......................... and so on and so on, and my memory has been so much better for doing that, especially when I've had a shop or supermarket list, before that i'd stand blankly in the shop wondering what i was there for!!!!

Theres always someone worse off than us, and we have the benefit of having this forum to come to and speak to others who know what we are talking about, again we are so lucky in that. We get answers to our questions on here, and if we dont theres always someone comes along to make you feel better in some small or big way.

Dont know if my ramblings have helped you in any way, but I hope so..... loads of love xx
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Re: How do you not feel sorry for yourself?

Postby painprincess1 » Tue Dec 10, 2013 4:32 pm

Guess what love,you can feel sad cross and stamp your feet sometimes that's what we need to do.letting go and having a bloody good cry can do wonders .
Yes pp, are right we are lucky we're not dieing , but sometimes you can't see that you can't see the wood for the trees,I've felt very very down to and like u I think omg what will it be like next year.but we got to stop that you know, next year next month next week isn't here so let's just try to live today best we can.
But you have a good old cry love apart from a banging headache I'm sure your feel better xxxx
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Re: How do you not feel sorry for yourself?

Postby whoami » Tue Dec 10, 2013 4:47 pm

Picklepudding.....you are human!

You are being true to yourself by acknowledging these feelings. It is perfectly normal to have these feelings. It is what you do with these feelings that matters the most.

Picklepudding.... Don't dismiss your pain as being any less than others. We all have pain and we all can tolerate different levels of pain. Your pain is yours, nothing like anyone else's, no more or less than others. Pain is pain!

Picklepudding.....I am sure by just saying out loud, writing down how you feel, has actually made you feel somewhat better.

Picklepudding......Laughter is a tool many of us use to cover our pain. Those who know you well will see right through your laughter. My GP once said to me, behind that always smiling, always positive face is a very sad and unhappy person. He knew. He also said that as much as covering up my feelings I had to be true to myself and let them out.

Picklepudding.....Now that you have acknowledged your feelings, given yourself permission, that it is ok to feel this way...what are you going to do next. You can do nothing and sink into depression or you could tell yourself, Yes I am in pain, yes my life sucks and yes I really wonder if I can do this but !!!!! I am still me, I can still love, I can still give to others, I can still enjoy life. Yes it is going to take some work, to adjust but you are still you. Fibromyalgia is not everything you are, it does not define you. You are much more than fibro.

Picklepudding,.....you may not realize right now all the great things in your life and all the great things you put into that life. It is there. You need to and can feel sorry for yourself at times. It makes you realize, if you look, your life is not all that bad.

Picklepudding......I hope you find peace to your heart, Lorraine
[i][b]

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Re: How do you not feel sorry for yourself?

Postby FluppyPuffy » Tue Dec 10, 2013 5:21 pm

I think we all have times like this, I know I have over the years, many many times :( :( :( But it's fine to do so, as it's all part of our FMQuest, to find our way thru this part of our lives. At times those trees are so dense that we can't see anything else but them, but then there are the days when the foliage just seems to open up and lets all the brightness in, meaning we can see an awful lot more, sometimes more than we ever anticipated.

Our journeys thru FM are sometimes bumpy, a bit like today, but to go with the bumpyness there is usually some nice and even bits with lots of lovely things to see and experience, so just try to take each day as it comes, and keep looking out for those brighter bits.
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Re: How do you not feel sorry for yourself?

Postby Crisky00 » Tue Dec 10, 2013 5:40 pm

Hi iv just got myself a dog so i know i have to get up and take her out its the best thing iv done shes only small so i dnt get pulled about x
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Re: How do you not feel sorry for yourself?

Postby sdragunas » Tue Dec 10, 2013 6:16 pm

Hiya,

I understand how you feel! I've just had a few days of feeling exactly the same, sorry for myself and losing hope.
I just let myself grieve - because that's what it is, grieving for all you have lost. I cried, I shouted, I bargained, I denied, I sulked and Then I had to pick myself up and start again. My lovely sister sent me this....

you must feel like you’ve got no job / career, no partner and limited chance of meeting one, lost a lot of friends, can’t have a social life, can’t do day to day things that people take for granted. Various doctors tell you different things, you can be helped, you can’t be helped, you’re being pulled all over the place. All that on top of living in such constant pain. and you wake every morning and have to convince yourself that you can get through the day, that ur worth getting through the day. I don’t know how you do it. Could I do it? how would I handle it? I honestly don’t know. And I would NEVER say these things before to you, that would be like admitting defeat.

But that doesn’t mean I have given in to defeat or you not having a life or not having anything to fight for. I am determined that you will have your life, you will live under better conditions (managing the pain) and you will meet someone wonderful who will turn your life around. I am utterly convinced of it. it is already laid out for you. So I will not give up, I will get angry and upset at times, I will flit from being positive to negative, to understanding to matter of fact. But I will always be there for you, every step of the way, I will never give up. I can’t give up your my sister, you’re amazing. its not my choice, it’s a given, a given that I respect and want. you’re part of my life path don’t forget.


She is currently pregnant with my first nephew / niece and remembering that and listening to her saying don't give up to defeat made me feel stronger again. I am strong and I will not give in to defeat!

I picked myself up and started again, this time with more acceptance of my condition. Find a way, your way and don't give up, no matter what you do and don't forget you are not alone.

Sam
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Re: How do you not feel sorry for yourself?

Postby denys » Tue Dec 10, 2013 7:11 pm

It is true we all go through similar feelings, I think occasionally you have to just go through it and then pick yourself up and give thanks for the things you do have. Pain is personal so you cant say whether yours is less than someone elses, its how it affects you not the intensity.

We are here with that rope to help you climb out of the black hole, you just have to shout. Sending you some gentle :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs:
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Re: How do you not feel sorry for yourself?

Postby SchroedingersCat » Tue Dec 10, 2013 9:47 pm

How? Sheer bloody mindedness. I sliced my fingers wide open last week when my hand slipped (FM fumble, oh the joy) so I told the world what a pillock i was for doing it when I know my hands are unreliable, work colleagues and friends are still taking the pee. But I'm remembering to slice and chop properly now. I'm feeling a bit down today, as I'm bored at work, my OH has an employment tribunal looming, and hes away on business next week so im on my own, but tomorrow I will pick myself up becauee the alternative is giving in to the alien infesting my body, and I wont do that.
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Re: How do you not feel sorry for yourself?

Postby becbob » Tue Dec 10, 2013 10:58 pm

Hi picklepudding and all. I experienced this last week. I was very down , gave up all hope of having a normal life and spent the week in tears. I told myself at first that I was being silly but then I thought sod it, I can be silly if I like, I can cry if I like. I cried myself out. And things got better. I feel better. I'm sure I will go through it again. This week I have felt good in myself. Pain is still a big issue but I do have lots to be grateful for. I have 3 beautiful daughters, one is 18 on Sat. My youngest daughter is 4 and is an angel in her nativity and just listening to her practice her lines fills me with so much joy.
I'm sorry that you are feeling really low but just know that it's ok. You will feel better at times and at other times you will feel awful. Having FMs for me is very painful and it doesn't let up but it's what mind set I am in each day that can make the difference between an awful day and a good day. I'm still new to all this and learning all the time. I don't think I will ever get this illness under control. You just have to try to go with the flow.
Never judge on looks alone. Real beauty comes from with in.
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Re: How do you not feel sorry for yourself?

Postby Zeberdi » Wed Dec 11, 2013 1:25 pm

Believe me feeling sorry for yourself is very normal. I saw my Dad fight diabetes for the whole time I was alive. Saw him battle against disability, heart by passes and so much. I was right next to my husband when he was diagnosed with cancer, when he had his treatment, operation, his re diagnosis and his very horrible and traumatic death. I have seen pain and uncaring like I never thought could ever exist in a so called caring profession.

I have had fibro so many years now. Lost my job, my independence and many of my abilities. My once sharp and decisive mind if often so dull it is a parody of the 'real' me. I will even admit to sitting with a bottle of scotch and a load of tablets and was only stopped by my then three year old waking up and crying for Mommy. Only Mommy would do. That's me.

I thought I was a burden to my family. A noose around their neck who made life harder and constantly let them down. My daughter would be better with a Dad with more free time and all my families attention and my husband did not deserve to have to look after me for all those long years. I realised that 'Mommy' was not what I did it was a part of who I was and was needed.

Had I decided I should leave them to it my husband would have gone through cancer on his own and my daughter would have been an orphan at 15.

The grief, depression and pain I have had in the five years since my husband has died has been over whelming. Had I not had that 'Mommy' moment then when my daughters anger being directed at me, the loss of so many friends who couldn't cope with a widow who didn't fit in might just have meant I gave up.

By fighting through it all I have been able to take the anger and work through with my daughter and now we have a good relationship again. I found a man who can cope with both my illness and my grief and love for a man who he will never meet.

I, despite all my pain, my inability, my muddle headedness and everything else make a difference to the lives of people I love. By not being 'selfish' and stopping my own pain I have eased the pain of those I would suffer anything for and I know I have made a difference. Now on a daily basis that doesn't make it easy to live with fibro but in the long run it does mean I can find true value in my life.

I know that being there for my husband. Seeing the man not the illness. Fighting for him and easing his pain and suffering when no one else could has shown me that those who love me find a value in me that I could not find because my husband let me know that my value to him was as much in how I saw him and how I loved him. The pain of his loss has shown me what I would inflict on those who love me but fail to understand this thing called Fibro.

No man is an Island and for anyone who considers finding an end to this personal suffering, even to make things better for other people, needs to realise they have an intrinsic value to others that no one else can give. If you have to find a reason to carry on suffering then consider those who love you - even pets who depend on us. My dog was my only sanity sometimes when my husband died. We have value. Every day we teach others something and we can choose what we teach them. Every day, just by being we can do more than we think.

It won't stop you feeling sorry for yourself. It hasn't stopped me wanting the 'life I should have' without this or remembering the life it 'could have been'. It does give me a way to find value in my life and to try my best to make a difference in the lives of those I love. There are plenty who have left my life in many ways and some due to this illness BUT that is their problem and I let them go.

I guess in short there are different interpretations of a life worth living and to live this one changing the values you use can be the best way to do that.
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Re: How do you not feel sorry for yourself?

Postby *Lisa* » Wed Dec 11, 2013 5:30 pm

moomoos wrote:Hiya, I dont know if this well help or not, but I actually consider myself lucky to 'just have FM'.... in the way that its not life threatening. I know its really hard cos we dont have the life that we had before we got FM and when it got bad enough to stop us doing what we used to be able to do. But I just thank God every day that its 'just fibromyalgia' and it could be a lot worse, it could be something life threatening.



Fibromyalgia in itself will not kill you but chronic pain is the reason for the highest suicide rate. Not just because of constant dibilitating pain but also the depression of everything surrounding the illness like the dramatic life changes.

A fibro friend of mine took his life as chronic pain had destroyed everything he ever had. A member not long ago on here had a noose around his neck as he couldnt cope no more with how it destroyed his career and coudnt see a future onlt one with pain and suffering.

Everyones circumstances are different which plays a huge part in how we cope with life with a chronic illness.

Feeling sorry for yourself everyone does at some point its normal. I have days were i read up on people going places, having fun, buying nice things and enjoying holidays and seeing friends then look at my own pathetic life and how i cannot do these things as fibro has not only dibilitated my mobility but also its the struggle to finacialy keep afloat and much more which sent me feeling sorry for myself but thats life and something else to live with :roll:
As a Public Moderator & Admin of this forum my opinions/views expressed are personal and are no more valid than those of other members and not necessarily those of UKFibromyalgia...Lisa
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Re: How do you not feel sorry for yourself?

Postby denys » Wed Dec 11, 2013 5:58 pm

A lovely post zeberdi very positive despite what life has chucked at you :hugs: :hugs: :hugs:
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Re: How do you not feel sorry for yourself?

Postby moomoos » Wed Dec 11, 2013 6:12 pm

I do realise what having FM is like as I have it myself and I do realise that constant pain is hard to deal with............... and I did say at the beginning of my post that I didnt know if my post would help or not......... I try to stay positive. I do realise what happens to some people Lisa, but yet again I was trying to be positive in my post, trying to be somehow helpful
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