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Friend's reactions?

PostPosted: Fri Dec 20, 2013 3:47 pm
by Emsy
I've been getting in touch with a few friends recently to let them know about my change in health - lots of people like to get together over the holiday season and I figured I'd tell people what was going on re. me probably having fibro to explain my low energy levels and just that things are a bit different than they were last Christmas.

But, the reaction I've had from people is really weird. Like, I wasn't expecting them to go too over the top but most of the reactions have been something along the lines of "Oh, right, hope that works out for you then." Maybe they don't understand that this is chronic, or that it's something that is effecting my every day life? Maybe I'm overestimating their knowledge? Or maybe they don't care? Maybe they're thinking "why are you telling me this?" and they think I want sympathy? What reaction was I looking for anyway? :(

It kinda confused me I guess. I don't know. Has anyone else had a reaction from their friends that wasn't what they were expecting?

On a more positive note, my husband just got home with coffee for me and the library's entire collection of books on fibro, so at least I'll have some holiday reading! :mrgreen:

Re: Friend's reactions?

PostPosted: Fri Dec 20, 2013 4:58 pm
by whoami
Emsy......first of all, have you been diagnosed with fibro?


I ask for two reasons.... If you have not been diagnosed and are solely going on info you have found, there could be something else going on. Fibro shares many symptoms with quite a few illnesses.

If you tell all your friends and family it is fibro and it turns out to be something else it might put you in an awkward position.

Emsy, if it is diagnosed fibro that you have then all you can do for family or friends is educate them. If they ask then give them the symptoms and how it affects you. What they do with the info will be up to them. Please try not to take it to heart if they don't believe you right away, that is their issue.

Emsy, It doesn't matter if it is fibro that you have or not. Just tell your friends and family members that you are not feeling well. If you think you have to explain then do so. Remember that you do not have to justify the way you are feeling.

Emsy, the response you are getting from your friends could be because they don't understand how you feel. It is very hard to understand how these symptoms affect us. You just go on doing what you need tobdo. Don't worry about what other people are thinking.

Re: Friend's reactions?

PostPosted: Fri Dec 20, 2013 5:10 pm
by Emsy
I've been "provisionally" diagnosed by my doctor, but am waiting for a rheumatologists appt. I haven't told lots of people yet for precisely that reason, and the ones I've been talking to I've said I've "probably" got it, as you're right I wouldn't want to have to re-explain everything.


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Re: Friend's reactions?

PostPosted: Fri Dec 20, 2013 6:43 pm
by denys
Emsy, if you just rang all your friends to tell them what was wrong with you then they may have been a little taken aback. I generally find that it's best waiting till I am asked what is wrong, then I keep it short and sweet. If they are really interested they will ask me further questions.

If you will be going for a special night out then rest up before the event and pace yourself even if it means you dont stay out too late. I dont think their reaction are because they dont care, but there has been a lot of negative publicity regarding Fibro and so we have to re-educate the non-believers and I think that is going to take some time. :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs:

Re: Friend's reactions?

PostPosted: Fri Dec 20, 2013 8:27 pm
by lala1980
Hi emsy I know you care about how your friends are going to react and you have done the hard part by telling then but try not to worry they will come around or if they dont you know where you stand... what is done is done if there good friends you will no it soon.. I have lost alot of of friends over the years only cos I can't keep up with then I have my huddy and my 3 young children we do have lost of couple friends that have busy live so we get to see them every few months and thats all I can manage:)) xxx

Re: Friend's reactions?

PostPosted: Fri Dec 20, 2013 10:08 pm
by *Lisa*
Emsy wrote:On a more positive note, my husband just got home with coffee for me and the library's entire collection of books on fibro, so at least I'll have some holiday reading! :mrgreen:


I would rather the collection of 50 shades of grey to read over the xmas :lol: :lol: :lol: :oops:

Reading up will help, im sure we have all searched for as much info as we could especially when first diagnosed.

Just possibly CBT in chronic pain (book for library) may help. It gives you tips on pacing etc...

In regards to friends.. Sometimes i think they understand until i get a message wanting sympathy cause they have had a cold for 3 week!! :crazy: :crazy: :crazy: im afraid my answer was... try having a chonic illness , would swop that for a cold any day :tongueout:

In fact the only ones who do fully understand and are still friends are the ones living with illnesses themselves all the rest constantly need reminding :crazy:

Re: Friend's reactions?

PostPosted: Fri Dec 20, 2013 10:23 pm
by Emsy
denys wrote:Emsy, if you just rang all your friends to tell them what was wrong with you then they may have been a little taken aback.


Aha! Yes that would be a little weird...it just came up in conversation while we were sorting Christmas plans, really. But yeah, I don't know what I was expecting them to say anyway! It's fine, I guess from an outsider perspective there's not a lot they can do really is there? I need to learn how to manage it and how to manage other people around it.

Thanks for the replies, guys :-) I appreciate it :-)


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Re: Friend's reactions?

PostPosted: Sat Dec 21, 2013 12:56 pm
by felinefine
I was diagnosed around March after having trouble for a long time, then had a stroke in July. My life has changed dramatically. Planning to go back to work in Jan (not sure if the right thing but money) goes to half pay. I am not sure how my colleagues are going to react, I have to have special equipment.

I have 'lost' friends, these are the ones I used to meet for a drink, I don't any more. They are now rarely in touch. Others are more distant but the ones that count are there. I know if I need them they are there.

My trouble is I have been chatting to a nice sounding guy one of the first things he said was he enjoys dancing and goes ceroc........do I dance? I loved dancing but I can't now. He said about one day going. I've not met him yet. I feel really awkward about telling him and when.....Has any one had to do this??

xx