had enough

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had enough

Postby daddyvic » Sun Feb 02, 2014 3:03 pm

Sorry, but I need to get this out of my system. I feel as if I am messing things up for everyone. I work full time and am in constant pain, I have applied for dla and been refused (got a tribunal in march). They say that because I work I must be ok. I only work to provide for my family is that not the right thing to do? Although I have no time to spend with my wife and kids as all my time at home is spent in bed as I am in so much pain from working. My wife is very supportive but I feel even she is starting to hate me because I'm not much of a husband or father. I feel that if I just disappeared it would make everyone happier and they could get on with their lives without having to put up with such a useless person like me.

Sorry, I know I'm not the only one who feels this way, I just don't know what to do anymore!
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Re: had enough

Postby Eileenb » Sun Feb 02, 2014 3:21 pm

Daddyvic, I hope you get over this bad spell of thoughts very soon. I have no doubt you are a great Dad (your working full time and giving your all to provide for your family, that says you care for a start). I would like to think your wife is understanding enough to support you through your hard times. I'm fortunate in the way that I have no family to support so I only work part time as full time would be out of my reach now anyway. Maybe you already do this but try some exercise; it will help the fibro and will lift your spirits when you do a bit ( a bit sore to start with but it works). Maybe you should also talk to your GP regarding your low mood as they will help. They gave me antidepressants and my mood is much better now. Keep your chin up :-)
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Re: had enough

Postby robbiecramp » Sun Feb 02, 2014 3:23 pm

I can relate to everything you have said regarding benefit the nice medical people who do the medicals you can sit there in pain and they would still say you are ok and can work. I am a Support Worker and I deal with clients who go into supported living some are from residential units and need support out in the community which at moment I can't do as can hardly walk but now waiting on a assessment from occupational health which is being referred through work and physio which has been referred through doctor.
Regarding your family I am sure your wife doesn't really hate you although I am single I have moved back to my father's and I have twin brothers older than me with learning difficulties which take a lot of his time up as they live independently but he helps me and their are times when I think got to try and help but it is to much after 5 minutes have to sit down have applied for PIP as cant apply for DLA and I am sure medical professional is going to say can do half of things I cant
Keep your chin up and ask your employer if you can drop some hours down if you can afford to but your health and family I know will always come first
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Re: had enough

Postby Garyl » Sun Feb 02, 2014 3:26 pm

Daddy Vic do not talk so daft, that is what this Government want. You are breathing so living, i am in 24/7 pain but i keep fighting, so should you. I feel you are a great dad to your kids and a good hubby to your wife.

Just tell yourself like i do the b*****ds are not going to grind me down, Fight and keep fighting.
Last edited by denys on Mon Feb 03, 2014 1:31 am, edited 1 time in total.
Reason: removal of expletive that may have caused offense
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Re: had enough

Postby Jeany » Sun Feb 02, 2014 5:42 pm

Cut your hours and claim Working Family Tax Credits, and Child Tax Credits, and you may find that you are better off financially as well as health wise. You can call Tax Credits and they will give you an idea how much you could get. Also if you win your appeal for DLA you get more Tax Credits, and you may get help with Council Tax.
If you are feeling so low it is time to look into this. Discuss it with your wife, and your work have a duty to help you all they can which includes reducing your hours.
All the best. x
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Re: had enough

Postby debsmith » Wed Feb 05, 2014 11:22 pm

Hia all

I can completly empathize with you, I too have applied 4 pip as I can't do this anymore!!!! I work 27 hrs and I can't cope with pain+working anymore!!!! If I got pip then it would so help! Then I could either stop or if poss reduce hrs 2 less than I am already but job I'm in that's not guna happen!!!! I to cum bk hobble upstairs,medz,that's it 4me I'm very lucky my daughter does all she's amazing but as 4 partner don't think I can call him that tbh long story but he is not there 4me and no young kids so he watches tv and I'm up here! In agony,stressed,peed off+lonely too thank god 4 our zoo!!!! Like u I work to pay the bills but my body is telling me nooooooooo more!! I've been put on oramorph too this week amongst LOTS more with the fibro,slipped disc,burning feet etc then medz its all to much!!! Re: partners sum people r lucky they have support but sum don't either its flippin hard!!! Then weekends I can hardly move then monday starts all over again these pip assesors etc have NO IDEA how people live it needs to b sorted out properly with proper! Trained medical staff who understand "duty of care"! But my guess is they r told to pass only so many and that's just cruel sending hugs 2all xxx
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Re: had enough

Postby FluppyPuffy » Thu Feb 06, 2014 12:20 am

daddyvic, have you spoken to your employer about how working the hours you currently do is impacting on your health, both physical and mental?? If not, it may be something to consider doing as once they are aware of problems you are experiencing, which could well be having an effect on you at work too, they may be able to help with devising a suitable plan that could help make things a little easier for you.

Are you due for a meds review or visit to your GP for other issues at all?? If not, it could be another option to look into, just to be sure you're on the best possible combo of things for you. You might also want to consider something like a TENs machine which you can have on during the day, hidden under clothes (depending on which part of you needs it on at the time) which you can run for a number of cycles whenever needed to try and make things a little more bearable.

And has already been mentioned, you could look into whether you would be eligible to claim tax credits etc, as well as what help might be available if you were to consider reducing the number of hours you work.

I understand all too well how bleak and overwhelming things seem at the moment, having been in a similar place myself far more times than I can remember these days. If you were to put the idea of things being better if you were to disappear to your better half, I have a good idea what her reaction would be, and it would probably involve a frying pan being used in a therapeutic way to get such ideas out of your mind :shock: :shock: :shock:

There does tend to be a way out of most situations, sometimes tho they can take a bit of finding due to how dark everything is.
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