Terrible mother?

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Terrible mother?

Postby sam4johnny » Tue Feb 18, 2014 10:43 am

So I've had a huge flare up in my legs and hips and hands and of course it's half term so I have two young children at home wishing id take them to the cinema or something and I just can't. I can't even keep the house tidy. Feeling like a terrible mother and feeling so sorry for them as they don't understand why mummy's always in pain and can't play. I hurt so much right now I don't know what to do :(
Mummy to two boys, 4 & 7, FM & Bipolar AND full-time undergraduate student! I must be MAD!!

Everything happens for a reason - just don't know the reason I'm so ill!! :(
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Re: Terrible mother?

Postby Bellatr1x » Tue Feb 18, 2014 11:07 am

Oh love, first of all remove that awful title, you are not a terrible mother!!!! You are a wonderful loving mother who has an evil condition. Yes your children are young but they understand more than you know. Have you any family that can help? Take them out etc. it's not your fault, do not beat yourself up. I'm a mother of 2 amazing children, 1 is 4 the other is 3, I have hashimotos, costochondritis, fm, coeliac disease, arthritis, and 2 mental illnesses lol. I'm not a bad mummy I'm work round it. When I'm well I take them out we do loads if different things, walk dog, go out for lunch, paint etc when I'm ill we snuggle and watch films, I make it a bit special by including popcorn etc. it'll be ok honestly but please don't put yourself down. You didn't ask for this it happened. Hugs xx
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Re: Terrible mother?

Postby Jeany » Tue Feb 18, 2014 11:54 am

if you wee a terrible mother you wouldn't care, so stop running yourself down NOW. Parenthood comes with guilt even without this illness it means we are human and caring people. Yes your kids may want to go out, but they also want a loving mother which I'm sure they do have.

We have to accept our limits when we are ill and not feel guilt for something we have no control over. Plenty of love is by far more valuable to children than ANYTHING else in the world.

May I suggest that you check with a benefits advisor to make sure you are getting everything you are entitled to. Also call Tax credits as you may be able to claim child tax credits, and the childcare element, which would mean you could pay a childminder or child care service to take the kids out a couple of times during the school holidays.

Most important is to be kind to yourself, and instead of concentrating on the negatives please try and take pleasure from the simple things in life, such as your beautiful children.

Take care x x
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Re: Terrible mother?

Postby bandj » Wed Feb 19, 2014 3:40 am

No way are you a terrible mother! Don't even think that. Kids dont remembr cinema trips but thry do remembrr hugs snd love and s mum being therebfor them.

I remember oromising my thrn 4 year old (22 on sunday) a picnic in ghe park.he wss do disappointed to wake up anf find it was raining. So I said we'd still hsve a picnic, right here in the living room! Ee spread ghe bkanket out and played I spy and after lunch we snuggled up and watched thomas the tank engine. He dtill says 'remember when we hsd ou picnic inside'.

Snuggle up with your lovely kids and wstch a film together. Maybd a friend could take them to yhe cinema with their kids?

be kind to yourself, your love fof your children shine s through every word and love is what makss z good mum :hugs:
There are these three things that remain: faith, hope and love. And the greatest of these is LOVE.
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Re: Terrible mother?

Postby FluppyPuffy » Wed Feb 19, 2014 11:15 am

I think most of us mums have thought that we're the most terrible example of motherhood at some point along the way. I know I certainly did, and even do now at times, even tho offspring is now a :yikes: :yikes: :alien: :alien: teenager :facepalm: :facepalm: :facepalm: :oops: :oops: :oops:

As previous posters have said, it's not what you do that sticks in their mind, but how you do that stays with them. You could be doing something fairly normal/routine, then something happens that sends you all into fits and tears of :lol: :lol: :lol: What they would remember from that is just how much you all laughed together :blowkiss: :blowkiss: :blowkiss:

If you're wanting to try and explain to your ickle ones about what it is like for mummy and her pawlynesses, this book might be worth considering Tot's Tale about the Clever Colour System.

There are things you can still do together, you could have movie day/morning/afternoon and watch films that you haven't seen yet, or ones that you absolutely love. Put snacks/nibbles in dishes, cups filled with suitable drinks, then all shnuggle up on the sofa together to watch today's feature presentation.

When :yikes: :yikes: :alien: :alien: teenager was a toddler, we would set ourself up with the sofa as our base. He would bring some things that he wanted to play with or do, and we'd spend time doing things like that. When I could feel that I was starting to tire or flare, I'd tell him it was time to start changing to do something a little less involved/noisy/physical, and that was what we did. It wasn't all perfect, and there were times it all fell apart, but on the whole, we got thru things relatively unscathed and deep down, under all his angst and attitude, :yikes: :yikes: :alien: :alien: teenager is actually pretty good.

I know it's difficult to get things going at first, but if you can find some things to do that makes the kids :lol: :lol: :lol: and enjoy themselves, be you out and about or staying at home, you'll feel a little more :bear-dancing: :bear-dancing: :bear-dancing: (Hopefully :fingerscrossed: :fingerscrossed: :fingerscrossed: )
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Re: Terrible mother?

Postby Itsnotinmyhead » Thu Feb 20, 2014 12:19 am

You are not a terrible mother. You are a good mother with a terrible condition.
A terrible mother wouldn't care.
I agree with fluppypuffy, most mothers think they are terrible at some point. I did too.
But my children are forty, thirty nine, thirty eight and thirty six, and yet I still sometimes worrying I'm getting it wrong!
I agree with the replies here, just do what you can. Being with them is priceless.
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Re: Terrible mother?

Postby painprincess1 » Thu Feb 20, 2014 11:05 am

The fact that you think your a bad mum just shows that your not and you love and care about your kids,sometimes all u can do is keep up the pain killers and do little things,I don't no how old they are but u can make a tent under the kitchen table where they can have there tea take there toys, u can buy some play doh most little ones love this,I have four children so I no what u feel like,once a week I go to a play centre with a ballpoint and ropes and toys, I can sit and have a tea and watch my little girl play.shes only 20months so I do end up running around but even thou I hurt badly it worth it .and don't get me wrong I don't have a car and never feel like it, but for me sometimes moving eases the pains for me for a while.and if I can't do that I get on the floor and play dollies ,getting ups another matter hehe.dont feel bad there's lots of little things they can do with u,
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