End of my tether.

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End of my tether.

Postby Cybermum » Tue Feb 18, 2014 12:45 pm

I cannot remember last time I felt ok, let alone 'good'.
The exhaustion is the most over powering I have ever known. For weeks now I have had no strength at all and just wanted to sleep.
My boy's school is literally a 2 minute walk across the road, yet I have not even been able to do that :(
I suffer a lot with ulcers and sore mouth. I get very dry mouth and dry eyes. I have had an ulcer on my tongue for months now, which affectts the whole side of my tongue, my ear and gland on that side. So now I have been referred to the Maxillofacial consultants at the hospital. I wasn't too bad about it, until the appt letter came with a leaflet about Oral Cancer, which totally freaked me out and made me feel even worse than I did(which I didn't think was possible). People tell me not to worry. But I cannot help it. I am a worrier. I suffer badly with anxiety and panic attacks as it is. I've been warned they will want to take a biopsy. That makes me feel ill when I think of it. Frezing my tongue? No chance. I had a lip biopsy 2 years ago to test for Sjogren's Syndrome. That was bad enough. I won't even let a dentist freeze my mouth. If I could run, I would literally run away screaming. :yikes:

I'm undergoing x-rays and tests for arthritis as my knees have started swelling and causing me terrible problems and pain.
I get a stabbing pain in one part of my spine, this is in my upper back. Literally when I get it, I can actually feel that part of my spine, that part of the bone. It is horrible and the pain can keep me awake at night. I also get god awful back ache when just doing every day things like washing up, cooking etc. That is in my lower back to the right. I have to sit down quickly to try to take some pain away. Even showering causes that pain.

I just feel like my life is slipping away without me. I am 43 years old, but feel 83. I am putting on weight left, right and centre which is depressing me. I try to do my best with my eating, but if I can't get out to exercise, what am I to do?
Sometimes I wish I could just disappear, I feel so useless. I take Fluxotine for depression(been on them since 2008 when my 3rd child passed away), Amitrip and Tramadol and the usual paracetamols. But none of the painkillers even touch the sides.

I can't give up. I have children. But sometimes I wish I could. :needhug:

Sorry for the whinge, but so desperately needed to talk to someone. To cry out to anyone.

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Re: End of my tether.

Postby angie68 » Tue Feb 18, 2014 12:59 pm

awww feel for you i really do!!! why dont you have a trip back to drs and see if he can change ye meds mite need that!!! i send you a hug (((((((()))))))))))
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Re: End of my tether.

Postby Purplepig » Tue Feb 18, 2014 1:23 pm

I’m Sending You
A Hug Today
Sometimes it’s nice
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Simply because you’re you
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These words, don’t think of them
As just words…..
Think of each onehttp://www.ukfibromyalgia.com/forums ... 2&t=19252#
As a hug
For your heart
From mine!
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Re: End of my tether.

Postby humphreys » Tue Feb 18, 2014 2:02 pm

Hi. I do feel for you, I felt like that a while ago, but seem to be doing OK at the moment, (fingers crossed) I take Pregnabalin and paracetamols for my nerve pain, I take Citalopram for my depression, methatrexate for my arthritis, they seem to work, I try to keep myself busy all the time, and know when I need to rest, I didn't think I could get to the point to when I knew to relax, but it does work, although I like to keep busy, I can't anymore. I was like you, wanted to just go into a corner and die, didn't think I had the fight in me, but I did, I live on my own, my two sons married, and not near me at all. You do have the fight, you just haven't found it yet, but you will. My thoughts are with you.
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Re: End of my tether.

Postby Zeberdi » Tue Feb 18, 2014 4:09 pm

You lost a child and part of yourself. The depression is a part of this problem but when you add in such trauma then it is magnified.

I too have a total fear for anything medical. I can hardly make myself got to the Doctors and the last appointment I had I missed because the stress of thinking about going set of irritable bowel and I couldn't leave the bathroom never mid the house!

You have children and you fight against all that for them. They need you.

When I get to tha point of here or not here then I rationalise that I would endure any torture for my daughter. We lost her Dad six years ago and though she is grown and left home I know she still needs a parent, a base, a safety net. I am that. For that reason I endure and I fight.

I sense from what you say it is the same for you.

As for the cancer thing - hey - standard send it out and save the hospital time explaining. In reality they start tests off fir the very worst of things and rule them out one by one. Take account of how many tests they do and how many (as they consider it) serious conditions they find to carry on treating and it is a very small number that come down to cancer.

I think talking to your Doctor about stronger doses or different anti depressants might be helpful and also something for those moments when the panic takes over. I know I could not function without the occasional oxazepam to chill me out and get me through those freaking out moments.

You aren't the only one struggling and feel like you are failing. One throw away post caught my attention on facebook - Whenever I think I can't survive this I realise my success rate to date is 100%
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