The pain that our families suffer; the helplessnes

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The pain that our families suffer; the helplessnes

Postby Kiara » Sat Feb 22, 2014 11:23 am

Having Fibromyalgia for over three years its easy to get lost in my own pain, and sometimes we lose the fact that our loved ones are suffering too . Without them where would we be? yet can you imagine what its like for them to live with Fibro? to watch the one they love be in pain every single day and night, to watch us struggle, yet they have to be brave for us , support us, yet feel so helpless.

Yes families suffer too so just take a minute to think about them, and today just hug them , say that you love them . I'm sure it will make you feel good and it will definitely give the ones who care for you something to smile about . Saying thank-you is much more than mere words. ;-)
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Re: The pain that our families suffer; the helplessnes

Postby Theresa34 » Sat Feb 22, 2014 11:27 am

I agree :-D I make sure my hubby knows I appreciate him as much as I can. I feel this is making a big impact on our relationship. Hes becoming more understanding an tolerant of what I am going through. Fibro impacts a lot on family life. And yes, although we are in a heck of a lot of pain, we have to remember those around us x
I am a fibro fighter not a fibro sufferer. I will keep fighting from the minute I get up til the minute I go to bed.
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Re: The pain that our families suffer; the helplessnes

Postby Kiara » Sat Feb 22, 2014 11:33 am

Its so easy to take them for granted even although we don't mean to, but i have promised myself to make this my daily positive thought, it works both ways doesn't it. Thanks Theresa for you comment. Hugz :-)
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Re: The pain that our families suffer; the helplessnes

Postby dee28 » Sat Feb 22, 2014 11:52 am

Lovely to read that you are all in loving relationships, treasure them as when I was finally diagnosed my partner informed me that he could not live with me any more. So I have had to move and start all over again on my own. I am nearly 60 and I can tell you if it was not for my dog and cat I would not get up in the morning.

So yes tell them every day that you love them and appreciate all there help and support because life is Hell without it. I told my partner but he just could not cope.

Sorry for moan and groan.

Have a nice day enjoy the sun.
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Re: The pain that our families suffer; the helplessnes

Postby Theresa34 » Sat Feb 22, 2014 1:41 pm

dee28 wrote:Lovely to read that you are all in loving relationships, treasure them as when I was finally diagnosed my partner informed me that he could not live with me any more. So I have had to move and start all over again on my own. I am nearly 60 and I can tell you if it was not for my dog and cat I would not get up in the morning.

So yes tell them every day that you love them and appreciate all there help and support because life is Hell without it. I told my partner but he just could not cope.

Sorry for moan and groan.

Have a nice day enjoy the sun.


This is something that does bother me quite a bit. But i am trying to let hubby know that I appreciate what he does. It cant be easy for him either :( I am sorry youve had to start again later in your life. It must be extremely difficult. I have two dogs and its great having them around. Although i have three children they are like my kids too :)
I am a fibro fighter not a fibro sufferer. I will keep fighting from the minute I get up til the minute I go to bed.
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Re: The pain that our families suffer; the helplessnes

Postby Kiara » Sat Feb 22, 2014 2:29 pm

Dee i'm saddened to hear your story, this is a fear of so many of us , i am the other way as i keep trying to find reasons to let my husband go , i feel so guilty that he is now in the role of carer and we are no longer in the role of husband and wife. We love each other dearly and he keeps reassuring me that he's going nowhere but deep down although i believe what he tells me, i'm scared incase he does eventually leave. This is the story of a few of my friends already and i can't imagine how you coped without him. A marriage break-up is bad enough but when you are vulnerable and ill it must be a million times worse. I too will be 60 in June . Take care and feel free to write to me anytime , hugs :-|
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Re: The pain that our families suffer; the helplessnes

Postby KatVin » Sat Feb 22, 2014 5:27 pm

I've been diagnoised for six weeks and yesterday my partner of 11 years left me with my two toddlers as I have let myself go. I tried so hard to hide the pain and paint a smile on my face and seriously dont know how im going to cope on my own with the little ones.
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Re: The pain that our families suffer; the helplessnes

Postby Theresa34 » Sat Feb 22, 2014 6:19 pm

KatVin wrote:I've been diagnoised for six weeks and yesterday my partner of 11 years left me with my two toddlers as I have let myself go. I tried so hard to hide the pain and paint a smile on my face and seriously dont know how im going to cope on my own with the little ones.


I'm so so sorry hun x This post made me really sad x Have you got family to help you? Did your partner tell you why you two couldnt work things out? Were things bad before diagnosis? xxx
I am a fibro fighter not a fibro sufferer. I will keep fighting from the minute I get up til the minute I go to bed.
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Re: The pain that our families suffer; the helplessnes

Postby KatVin » Sat Feb 22, 2014 6:26 pm

Its always stressfull with two little ones but nothing any ordinary family goes through. I just done think hes good at dealing with illness, not everyone is I suppose but the last two days have been really tiring, hopefully little girl with sleep through tonight and I can get an early night. Only have my mum and she works full time in a supermarket so weekends are when shes there. Thanks for replying, means a lot x
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Re: The pain that our families suffer; the helplessnes

Postby Theresa34 » Sat Feb 22, 2014 7:04 pm

KatVin wrote:Its always stressfull with two little ones but nothing any ordinary family goes through. I just done think hes good at dealing with illness, not everyone is I suppose but the last two days have been really tiring, hopefully little girl with sleep through tonight and I can get an early night. Only have my mum and she works full time in a supermarket so weekends are when shes there. Thanks for replying, means a lot x


Its been a struggle to get my husband to understand what I am going through. I am the one who looks after the kids and does the housework, so when i am not well, it impacts a lot on us. My husband works long hours so he gets really stressed out. Its a huge learning curve for both of us. Who knows how we will be in a month or months to come. Its a difficult disease or whatever its called. We didnt ask for it and neither did our loved ones. Its something that can either make you or break you.

xxx
I am a fibro fighter not a fibro sufferer. I will keep fighting from the minute I get up til the minute I go to bed.
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Re: The pain that our families suffer; the helplessnes

Postby bandj » Sat Feb 22, 2014 8:11 pm

I really feel foe those of you left to cope with this awful condition on your own.

My hubby has multiple health conditions and I have been his carer since we got together in 2001. We hsvd never been able to have an intimate relationship but we love each other dearly and are best friends too. Neither of us would leave the other as it's been done to us by previous spouses. We tell each other that we love them every day.

even though hubby is so poorly, he gives fab cuddles so we make sure we have loads of kisses and cuddles. WWithout hubby and our lovely Lukey Lou (our dog) I wouldn't even want to get up.
There are these three things that remain: faith, hope and love. And the greatest of these is LOVE.
1 Corinthians 13:13
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Re: The pain that our families suffer; the helplessnes

Postby Kiara » Sat Feb 22, 2014 10:10 pm

Life has no guarantees but this illness puts tremendous stress on relationships, i feel so sad for you esp as you have two youngsters who also depend on you. Social services can help you so give them a call, they helped me get a disabled flat because i couldn't climb the stairs in my house. My illness got so bad , and they also managed to put me in touch with an occupational therapist who came to the house to assess me and get me aids to help me, eg a bath lift, a raised toilet seat, a wheelchair and a zimmer frame . This wasn't all done at once and it took time before i was able to move to a flat equipped for disabled people eg a wet room . They may be able to arrange home help for you and your babies . I think that its worth a call , you should also go talk to your doctor for he can also help in many areas or refer you on .

You must be going through emotional hell at the moment, for i know that there are days i just can't get out of bed , or i can only be up for a few hours at a time. At least i have my husband to help me. Is our relationship strong? there was a time i would say brick solid, but now we have our own emotions to deal with as well as the strain my illness puts on us as a couple. I feel that we are both 'touchy' at times, and i feel there are times i'm afraid to be open with my feelings for fear of hurting him or of him taking it 'the wrong way' so although we pledge our love to each other our relationship has changed.

Talk to your doctor, or your friends just to let off steam if you need to, or come here and rant if you need to , the emotional side is the easy stuff you can deal with, though don't get me wrong for i'm not saying your husband leaving you is easy for you to deal with but, in time it will get easier , its like a grief process and everything takes time to deal with and finally accept. The other stuff, the physical stuff eg, your health and your need for support, this needs immediate attention . You can't tell if your Fibro will stay the same or get worse and you need support to help you live a good quality of life, or as best as you can.

I feel heartbroken for you and really hope that you get the help you so desperately need. Gentle hugs x
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