Never needed my fibro friends more than NOW!!Suicidal

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Never needed my fibro friends more than NOW!!Suicidal

Postby cocobella » Mon Mar 03, 2014 7:31 pm

Hello all my fibro friends,

For all of you that know me you know I was diagnosed in feb 2013 with fibro, had a thyroidectomy, parathyroidectomy and lymphectomy (all neck surgery) as I had a cancer scare. Since then, 'they' suspect I have Sjogren's or Lupus and am about to undergo more tests for this.
I am now 27 and did work fulltime for the NHS in a job I loved (within I.T). I have worked for the NHS now for 4 years.

I started my most recent NHS job in Sept 2012 and have had 2 long term sick periods a. for fibro b. for thyroidectomy surgery/major fibro flare. Both lasted 3/4 months each. After my thyroidectomy my boss and I discussed at a meeting a temporary reduction in hours until I got better again. I went down to 18 hours. I was then off again over xmas period with a severe chest infection, so much so that I was hospitalised. I have never had anything like it in my life and was convinced I was dying. Had a fever at 39 for 2 days!! My GP and the docs in the hospital felt that I was experiencing low immunity, with everything that is going on with my body (And if i have a second underlying disease). Anyway, I returned to work a week after and pretty much have got on fine. Was happy to be back and doing my 18 hours.

My boss/employer on the other hand stressed to me each week that "this is a fulltime post and it is not being fulfilled because you are only doing 18 hours". There wasn't much I could say. So anyway, I went to Occupational Health who deemed me unfit for fulltime work for atleast 3 months (dated from the beginning of february). My boss wasn't too pleased but he said, once you get going again we can maybe get you up to fulltime. I was rather scared as I thought I would fail again. (Each time I was off long-term it was a mix of thyroid/fibro and exhaustion). Thing is, nobody would think working at a desk doing I.T would exhaust you, however when you are doing brain work, sitting in the same position for hours then returning home in the dark of night you tend to feel terrible (most 'NORMAL' people struggle) never mind someone with a mixture of illness'.

Anyway, last week I had another bout of severe chest infection. Came on rapidly and within hours I was seen at the out of hours service who sent me home and said they may put me to hospital the next day. The next day I decided to stay home and didn't want a second stay in hospital. I was given strong antibiotics and told to rest. So was signed off work sick for another week :-(.

I returned to work today to be told that I have a FORMAL meeting with my boss and HR where a decision will be made on what the next step is. They know I can't do fulltime for another few months. So he basically said it will go down the line of dismissal,OR a strict attendance target alongside a jobshare. He did say they have considered my 'disability' in all of this.

I have a great representative who actually works on tribunal cases etc. He is coming along with me to the meeting next week but I am now terrified. I feel like I am being backed into a corner, if I get dismissed I will be devastated. I won't be able to live off of ESA. :-( and have nobody to help me. My parents do not support me financially and I have no boyfriend/husband/friend that could support me. I am feeling very lonely and since this morning I have actually thought about suicide a few times. :-( I know some people are in a lot worse situations than me, they have cancer etc etc but I feel VERY low. I am not sure what to do now or what to expect?

They made reasonable adjustments by sorting my work station out and also letting me go 18 hours as a temporary measure. Other than that they haven't done anything else. I see a counsellor via Occ Health.

Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Remember I am in Scotland so I think the employment laws are different from the rest of the UK.

Thanks

Coco
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Re: Never needed my fibro friends more than NOW!!Suicidal

Postby HazelB » Mon Mar 03, 2014 7:49 pm

Hi Coco, I'm sorry I can't offer any advice with regards to your work situation, and hopefully someone will be along soon who may be able to.

But I'm more worried that you are feeling so low ... do you have anyone close you can talk to about how you are feeling. If not, then I hope you don't mind me suggesting that if you are feeling this bad, you maybe need to speak to your GP urgently ...and if you need to speak to someone now ...there is an excellent organisation in Scotland called Breathing Space (sorry can't link directly on my phone).

Hugs and hope things work out ok for you xxx

Sent from my GT-N7000 using Tapatalk
(soft hugs)
Hazel xxx
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Re: Never needed my fibro friends more than NOW!!Suicidal

Postby Jeany » Mon Mar 03, 2014 7:58 pm

Stop all suicidal thoughts NOW! You probably have a family who love you very much indeed, and even if you lose your job it is not worth losing your life over. Talk to your GP about these suicidal thoughts TOMORROW ! Please get some help immediately.

We all go through this my love, but you will realise yourself that nothing is worth taking your own life, and taking you away from your loved ones. Never mind work YOU are the most important thing right now. I lost my job after working hard to get where I wanted, but at the end of the day my family and myself are safe and that is the main thing.

If you have to give up work well so be it. You just take care of yourself my love, and think about what you do have to be grateful for. x x x
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Re: Never needed my fibro friends more than NOW!!Suicidal

Postby Librarychick » Mon Mar 03, 2014 7:59 pm

Hi Coco,

I am really sorry to hear that you are feeling so low. Big soft hugs coming your way.x
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Re: Never needed my fibro friends more than NOW!!Suicidal

Postby grannypat » Mon Mar 03, 2014 8:02 pm

Hi I am sorry you are going through all this worry around you work place. I can't help with that but please remember we with fibro are all thinking about you. xxGrannypat.xx
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Re: Never needed my fibro friends more than NOW!!Suicidal

Postby leonaviggs » Mon Mar 03, 2014 8:13 pm

Hi coco, sorry to hear about your job/boss, nothing is worth taking your own life for, please call a friend/relative and talk to them, get them to come over to see you! Soft gentle hugs xx
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Re: Never needed my fibro friends more than NOW!!Suicidal

Postby mugshot66 » Mon Mar 03, 2014 8:19 pm

Hi Coco,
Thank you for having the courage to express how you are feeling.

it sounds like you have reached a very lonely place at the moment and you need someone to talk things through with, which is why you have reached out to your fibro friends.

Fibro can be a very isolating condition, and you have all the other illnesses to cope with as well. Work changes and possible outcomes from the meetings are stressful, which is not good for someone with fibro!

I don't have any answers for you,I wish I did, but what I would ask you is; when you feel suicidal or feel low, have you thought of contacting Samaritans? The service is totally confidential, anonymous and the volunteers do not judge your feelings or thoughts. There is someone available any time 24/7.
I know this isn't the help and advice you were hoping for. Your friends on here too.
Samaritans is 08457 90 90 90 or online if you prefer.
Thinking of you during this difficult time,
Debbie
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Re: Never needed my fibro friends more than NOW!!Suicidal

Postby Iceman13 » Mon Mar 03, 2014 8:21 pm

Hi Coco, I was told in 2011 that i couldn't work anymore because of the different things i suffer from including Fibro, I have worked hard all my life and have done the same hours as a man of 72yrs old that worked 9-5....... I was devestated when i was told i'd have to finish, lost my Mum 6 month's after then a failed marriage in 2012, I have had many thoughts of that kind to end it all, but I have got through it, with help from Support groups around Derbyshire and finding out about what i could claim for!!.
You really have two choices that i see, you either fold!! or Fight, you need to accept you wont be able to work and get help to claim benefits.
E.S.A Support group
DLA
Care component
all these will help you pay and live with your illness, I had to go Bancrupt last year because i couldnt pay my bills and credit cards, best thing i did. Step-change helped me and talked me through everything regarding Debts...... all I can tell you is you only have two choices really and i wouldnt let them make you feel bad because you have bad health, you just need help with your finances and help with you health too. hope this helps and tells you a little about what others go through...
I am getting married this year for the 3rd time!! Lol, never been happier in my life, you just need to find that one person that understands everything, similar to you!!! if you know what i mean.... :-)
Hope everything gets sorted for you. K X
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Re: Never needed my fibro friends more than NOW!!Suicidal

Postby mand1 » Mon Mar 03, 2014 8:32 pm

Sending you very much needed hugs.
This is my first reply ....ever !

I am not in the same situation as you but similar my journey began 4 years ago when i was getting chest pains (my mum died at 40 of heart attacks) :cry: so the doctors were very concerned i had various tests and was rushed to hospital on numerous occasions extremely stressful and scary!! I owned my own business and was in the process of looking into employing my first member staff exciting times..only to be told i had to give it up there and then until they could rule out a heart problem, which over 6 months i lost all my clients and with further symptoms had to give it up as was struggling to get out of bed let alone go to work.

the tests went on for about 6 months very thorough heart tests variuos hospitals including a heart specialist unit in london.
all tests were clear :-D .. but during those 6 months i got other symptoms like extreme headaches, fatigue, dizziness, getting numbness and tingling in limbs , and over the next year i had other tests MRI bloods doctors were baffled, i then gave up as i hit a brick wall plus started to feel better 6 months passed and then BANG the symptoms were back with vengeance so back to the gp explained all my sympstoms sent for blood tests and i was by this point researching for myself i also kept a diary and everything pointed to fibro, finally last March got referred to rheumatology who confirmed it is indeed fibro :( in the time i felt better i got a part time job to test the water and get foot in door to look to going full time but then fell ill again so stayed part time but also studied to become a beauctician so i could do my own hours from home, now i havnt been able to give the time to my business so it is a massive failure and my symptoms are so much worse than ever i now have to use a wheelchair which im slowly accepting and awaiting the dreaded PIP claim since NOV 2013 with not a word yet so kinda in the same situation that i want to get on with my business but everytime i try somthin im ill for a week and then im back to square one but dont seem to be getting the support i need and i have been very suicidal luckily i have a great husband who was very concerned and called nhs direct who told him he had to take me to A&E and be with me a t all times im now gettin the mental health support i need but not financial which then makes the depression worse its a ll a big vicious circle so i totally get where your coming from, thinking of you stay strong, keep plugging away with the gp tell them u need more support. sorry long winded story :oops: best wishes :) Gentle Hugs
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Re: Never needed my fibro friends more than NOW!!Suicidal

Postby Libby28 » Mon Mar 03, 2014 8:38 pm

OMG! This has made me so mad as your line manager should know better!! I really feel for you, stay strong, you are doing the right thing by taking a rep along even better would be a union rep. Please tell me you have kept a note of times & dates your boss has been stressing/harrassing you?? As your employer has a duty of care to their employee's & even tho have assisted by cutting your hours you should never be constantly reminded of this. This is bullying!! take it higher if they try to lay you off! you should be completly supported during your recovery including in you 18 hours of work & if was agreed that was for a specific period of time is up to your employer to bring in temp job share - should not be your worry. If has been agreed for a peroid of time there is no resaon can't be reviewed & extended after all is more benificical to have an expereince staff member even for 18 hours. I work in homeless & due to my illness am allowed to work from base only & also involves lot of desk work so know how draining it can be. Have you had full workplace assessment by an OT through healthy working lives or just standard desk assessment? As there is also voice regognition software that can be obtained to assist. A full report can advise that you also need breaks. My coleague was allowed to cut her hours & was allowed initally cut hers to 18hours at 6 monthly intervals & kept her FT position opend whilst temp job share was brought.

They should be damm shamed - get times & dates fight back x
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Re: Never needed my fibro friends more than NOW!!Suicidal

Postby kaykendall » Mon Mar 03, 2014 9:43 pm

Hi coco
so sorry ur feeling like this. you have been through so much and it doesnt sound like ur wrks bein very supportive or understanding. i know it is difficult to see a different life but mayb coming away from this job will help u take some stress off urself. i know its a job u love but if theyr goin to b like this with u u mite b better off wivout it u dont need the added stress every time u get ill.
I know its soppy sayin but everything happens for a reason and as hard as ut is rite now u have to think the end result will b a positive one and ul b in a better place than u are now.
Please please see ur gp get some help for the suicidal thoughts and get some councelling uv been thru alot and sounds like uv not had much chance to sort thru ur feelings about it all.
Much lv and soft hugs
kay x
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Re: Never needed my fibro friends more than NOW!!Suicidal

Postby Paula200 » Mon Mar 03, 2014 10:35 pm

Coco honey you are not alone please don't ever think that. You have proved what a strong independent woman you are to have survived everything you have been through recently please don't let such an insignificant person do this. 2 years ago my company decided I needed to work 40 hours instead on 20 even though they have a letter from my Dr saying I should not work more hours as I have fibro, shojrans and possible lupus. They investigated me from May to end of August and people in to check my work read all my emails both personal and professional my Dr signed me off foe 2 months due to fibro flare up the first one I have had were I couldn't work in 15 years of diagnosis. When I was signed of my company decided to relocate me to an unknown dealership so I phoned ACAS they were amazing and I am back to working my 20 hours ACAS said they would represent me if I felt to bullied to do it my self but I did it and they backed down, don't let them bully you remember you are stronger than most people hang in xxxxxxxxxx
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Re: Never needed my fibro friends more than NOW!!Suicidal

Postby Kiara » Mon Mar 03, 2014 11:02 pm

Hi Coco , all i can offer you is a hug. I'm in Scotland too, and was dismissed from my job because of my health. I could have taken it to a tribunal but to be honest i just couldn't take the stress. Realistically thinking now about my situation i can't work and i don't see me ever returning to work. But its been a long sad journey for me to eventually accept it.

I hope that things work out fine for you , take care xx
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Re: Never needed my fibro friends more than NOW!!Suicidal

Postby whoami » Tue Mar 04, 2014 8:21 am

Coco, hun, remember when we chatted when you were dealing with your thyroid? We talked because I have thyroid cancer. You were so scared, terrified about the unknown. I remember at the time you were having issues with work then. You were so down.

Coco, the surgery came, the biopsy was great, the unknown came and went. It left you a much stronger woman. You faced your fear head on, you fought, you won.

Coco, I know nothing about the systems to do with work or benefits in Scotland. I do know you are stronger than the feelings that are trying to take over you. You can pull on that strength you have and fight. Coco, I am holding your hand and the others here are all holding hands and gathering strength.

Coco, right now your financial situation is in the hands of others. Make sure you lean on the representative you have. Don't give up and don't stres over things you can't change right now.

Coco, go and talk to your Dr. Take the post you wrote and let him, no insist he reads it. You need his help right now, take all he offers. I have been where you are. I will not say I know how you feel, I can't possibly know. This is your journey. Please, ask to see a councilor, if for nothing else but to vent.

Coco, hun, take hold, talk away. Don't ever apologize and think that your situation is any less than others. It is to you, the absolute worst it could be. Don't dismiss yourself.

Coco, I wish I could be there, hold your hand, cry together but fight together. You are a strong woman. You will win this part of the journey. No matter how this unfolds you will be ok. I have been in that dark hole, no money , no job, almost no home. The thing is, I still had life, love and self respect , all that gave me strength. You have all of those things.

Here for you, Lorraine x
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Expect the worst in life you won't be disapointed and you'll be prepared!
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Re: Never needed my fibro friends more than NOW!!Suicidal

Postby Jenkins12 » Tue Mar 04, 2014 8:31 am

The nhs have systems in place that they will have to re peploy you first unless you are found not fit to work in any capacity they offer.. Having gone through this as an nhs ex employee it s scary to think you can loose your job.
Call cap hristians against poverty it's free and you don't have to be religious the will help sort your finances ..they did me and its a huge burden lifted .
If ESA isn't enough there is dla , housing and council tax benefit it's all there.. Make calls be prepared before I got the sack I called cap and got the financials sorted ...
You can do this !
Regards
Ex nhs worker xxxxxxx
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