Had a break down today

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Had a break down today

Postby babymable » Tue Mar 11, 2014 2:41 am

Had a breakdown earlier over something so small and stupid. i got up this morning with my normal leg cramp and stiffness but it was not too bad by 4 so I decided I would get a taxi and get some food shopping done. Partner came with me because I can't go out alone, we were out for maybe 2 hours tops. As soon as I got home the pain hit, it felt like I pulled something in my back along with my normal sever back pain from bulging discs. Then the pains in my feet started and throbbing shooting pains in my arms. A few hours passed and the pain was the same, decided to come on the forum and my internet was down. So I went over to the router and tried to re set it. I was just so sore and in so much pain and trying to move the little shelf the router was on to restart it. I lost it, I got angry, upset, fed up all different emotions just because I couldn't get the router re started because I couldn't move the shelf. Such a stupid small thing like that set me off. I just started crying and couldn't stop I felt so fed up and sick of the pain and started feeling sorry for my self. I hate being like this and my poor partner just looked at me and asked what was wrong but I was crying so hard I couldn't even speak or think. I thought to myself is this what my life is coming to, having a break down over not being able to re start the router lol. But I knew it was much more then that. It's a build up of the pain and frustration but it just feels like I am having more breakdowns more often. I feel like I can't cope with the pain anymore. I am on Butrans patchs 20 mg because of my bulging discs but I will be calling my pain clinic in the morning and letting them know they are just not helping. They don't know I have been diagnosed with Fibro yet so I will let them know tomorrow. Has anyone else ever had breakdowns over something so minor ? And how do you deal with it ?
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Re: Had a break down today

Postby Ploppy » Tue Mar 11, 2014 5:49 am

That deep grief crying I think we all know. Hugs to you. It sometimes is when we can't get the simplistic things done that tips us over. 2 hours of shopping was a great achievement so focus on that. I at the moment am wishing I had an off button. When you are overloaded with pain and negative emotion it is unbearable. I went out for a nice birthdya lunch for a friend and it wrote me off for 2 days! What kind of life is that. But somehow we wake up trying again in the morning. I really don't have the answers but if I can reach out to you at 4am in The morning because nerve pain won't let me sleep, and tell you that you are very brave and not alone then I guess I can get through another day too xx
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Re: Had a break down today

Postby whoami » Tue Mar 11, 2014 10:59 am

babymable.....this sounds crazy but good for you having a good cry. You obviously needed it. Sometimes we hold everything inside and the silliest thing sets us off. If you hadn't broke down then it could have been a lot worse.

I am sorry you are in so much pain. Your Dr should be able to help you with that. I am on Fentanyl 125mcg and sometimes I need something extra. Your Dr needs to know about the fibro so that you are being treated properly and all Dr's are on the same page.
Are you on an antidepressant? it may be something to discuss with your Dr. A lot of us take them.

babymable, don't ever feel bad for expressing your feelings. You are blessed that your partner is supporting you.
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Re: Had a break down today

Postby Witchfyre » Tue Mar 11, 2014 2:02 pm

I agree totally about the deep grief crying. I know I go through it with regular monotony! The last time was last Wednesday during my DLA appeal tribunal hearing (which I won! :-P )Fortunately my partner was there to reassure me and I managed to calm down enough to answer their questions. Soon as I was out of there I started all over again. Sometimes it does all of us good to let out all the frustrations and it's certainly nothing to be ashamed of. Just explain to your partner that when it does happen all he can do is stay quietly by your side and support you til it's over.

Gentle hugs x
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Re: Had a break down today

Postby denys » Tue Mar 11, 2014 4:09 pm

Go and see your doc and explain how things are getting to you they can help maybe you just need some help whether it be one of the talking therapies or meds for a short while. Talking to someone who can give you ways to cope can help to deal with the pain and the helpless feelings :hugs: :hugs: :hugs:
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Re: Had a break down today

Postby roo » Tue Mar 11, 2014 7:13 pm

I understand how you feel, I lost the plot today went into the lounge to do something but couldn't remember what went back to kitchen and remembered went to lounge forgot again, it's only 4 pigging steps between rooms 3rd time just sat down and cried, hating myself for feeling pathetic but can't seem to get myself together! sending you good wishes and hope we all have a better day tomorrow!
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Re: Had a break down today

Postby babymable » Tue Mar 11, 2014 7:28 pm

Thanks everyone I have been diagnosed with depression for about 6 years now but for the life of me I cannot remember to take my tablets everyday. I know I really should but I just can't remember. I even had to get a coil to replace my pills as I was forgetting so much. But 2 days ago I bought a daily pill reminder box and I am hoping that helps me. My partner is great and he is so amazing I feel so bad when I snap at him but he knows it's not him it's the pain. I am going to speak to my doctor and let her know how I am feeling. I am now keeping a daily diary so they can see how I feel on a day to day basis, let's just say last nigh't entry was a full page lol.

Well I had written the above a few hours ago in and the middle of writing in I had a very mean message from m ex husband on facebook. One of our so called mutual friends have apparently went back and told him that I was blaming him for our divorce on facebook which is not the case. Anyway he got very angry with me and said some words that hurt very much and this man knows how to hurt me with words, I think I would rather get hit then hear the stuff he use to say to me if that makes sense. Anyway he said what he had to say and before I could write back and defend myself an say what wanted to say he was blocked me like the coward that he is. That really p :swear1: d me off because he was able to say how he felt and made me feel crap in the process then denied me to be able to say how I feel. I lost it again, this time was really bad. I cried uncontrollably and got to the point where I considered just ending it. I am so fed up with everything, the pain, the life, him.
Last edited by FluppyPuffy on Tue Mar 11, 2014 9:00 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Reason: Removal of expletive and replacement with emoticon.
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Re: Had a break down today

Postby littlemac0191 » Tue Mar 11, 2014 7:39 pm

Hiya, so sorry to hear you lost it, I am in need of a good cry,. Two hours shopping was your trigger, no more than half an hour at a time, without a break. Try a pacing class, it will help. Your local NHS pain management team should be able to help. I struggle every day and have my husband to look after, he has ME. I get lost somewhere inbetween. Coping on my own is hard, I dont seem to have the support I need. But like someone else said I still try again the next day and just keep on going. We all live in hope. take care karen
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Re: Had a break down today

Postby denys » Wed Mar 12, 2014 6:35 pm

babymable FB and other social media sites can leave you open for some nasty comments and criticism if I were you I would delete your ex and the so called mutual friend who started the whole thing by using a big mouth.

Dont let others make you feel this bad, you have a new partner so you dont need contact with your ex :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs:
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Re: Had a break down today

Postby babymable » Wed Mar 12, 2014 7:01 pm

Hi, I never had my ex as a friend in the first place, you can still message people if your not friends unless they are blocked. But we have been going through a divorce would only contact me through facebook as he didn't want me having his number which is fair enough. After yesterday I want nothing to do with him but he blocked me before I got a chance to block him. So now I can't block him because he has blocked me. The coward is doing what he as doing when we were married and that is emotionally and verbally abusing me and he knows that. As for the so called friend he won't tell me who it was so now I am stuck not trusting everyone I knew when we were together which is not nice. But after my breakdown yesterday my partner has helped me through it and I will not let my ex do it to me anymore. I will try and be strong.
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