Fibro and relationships.

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Fibro and relationships.

Postby shoog » Sat May 17, 2014 12:40 am

How do you guys manage in your romantic relationships/marriages? Do you have a partner who " understands" fibro? Are they supportive? Have they always been? I'm asking because I'm new to this. My partner and I have been together for a couple of years. I've been ill for all of that time, but in various intensities. I'm feeling a bit frustrated at the moment because it's really hard to communicate to someone that is always well gets it feels like to have chronic ill health. It's not even that healthy people are unwilling to understand, it's just that it's fairly impossible to truly "get it". It's not major things that are causing me upset, more just things like insensitive suggestions "maybe you should get out for a walk if you're stiff " and things like "it'll get better". It's not like these statements are nasty, just ignorant and insensitive and I don't really know how to handle it without being all "woe is me" which just isn't my style!

So how did you help your partner/husband /wife understand?
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Re: Fibro and relationships.

Postby denys » Sat May 17, 2014 5:49 am

Hi Lauren, for me it was printing out the 'one for the non-believers' and the 'spoon theory' and getting the family to read it, I am very lucky that my husband and kids have never disbelieved anything, though the same cant be said for certain other family members. So I showed them it seems to work as it explains in everyday language what its like on a certain day. Shaz wrote the one for non-believers and she has always said she doesnt mind people using it just give the credit for writing it to her :-D :-D :-D
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Re: Fibro and relationships.

Postby daisyp59 » Sat May 17, 2014 7:48 am

I am very lucky that my partner does understand about fibro. I was diagnosed about 3½ years ago and have only been with my partner about 10 months. I was really worried that he didn't know what he was taking on, but has embraced the whole thing. He reads up on the condition which, if your partner is willing to do this, really helps. There is plenty of information on the internet and there are some good books around which are helpful for both of us.
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Re: Fibro and relationships.

Postby libbiek30 » Sat May 17, 2014 8:56 am

Hi my husband finds it difficult to understand cause he can't see it. I have also used the 'spoon theory' which helps but also got a book 'fibro for
Dummies' it has a section for family and friends to read. My hubby is really good he knows now when I am really bad and just takes over, he does a lot of house work and washing and ironing. I try and still do as much as I can. So give him time it is very difficult for others to understand because we still look well. Hope this helps :roll:
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Re: Fibro and relationships.

Postby Jeany » Sat May 17, 2014 11:31 am

I am not in a relationship, and I don't think it would be fair to expect any man to put up with my moaning about being ill all time, and I know I have turned into a grumpy sod, so I think it's a life alone for me.

I couldn't commit to a relationship anyway, as I get easily upset, angry and of course the tiredness and pain prevents me from doing very much, so what would a man get out of it ? It's sad really, but most of the time I enjoy the peace, but sometimes it would be nice to have that special someone. It's swings and roundabouts isn't it really, because I listen to friends moaning about their partners and I think thank god I don't have to put up with that.
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Re: Fibro and relationships.

Postby shoog » Sat May 17, 2014 12:45 pm

That's a shame Jeany. A good relationship shouldn't have much to moan about! It should be all about partnership.

My partner is fab, but the issue is just getting across how permanent fibro is. I get a lot of "it'll get better" and I know it's just because my partner thinks that positivity is the best healer. But sometimes realism is much more important.

I think we just need to sit down and have a good chat about it. I just don't want to come across as being too negative.
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Re: Fibro and relationships.

Postby FluppyPuffy » Sat May 17, 2014 3:01 pm

I'm another fortunate one with an OH who just seems to take whatever is thrown at us and deals with it, whatever the outcome may be. He comes with me to all my appts, has done from Day 1, so has learnt about FM in the same way I have. I've needed to explain bits at times along the way, which has also helped me make a bit more sense of things too. He's never once suggested that he doesn't believe me when I mention something that has been particularly bothersome, and at one point even started to question whether he could be the reason behind FM as within a few weeks of moving house, he had lost his job and we were in a position where it was pay the bills OR eat. And as offspring was a toddler then, it all seemed to be doubly :yikes: :yikes: :yikes: :yikes: :yikes: :yikes: :yikes: :yikes:

Anyways, we've just kept :penguin: :penguin: :penguin: :penguin: :penguin: :penguin: along, dealing with whatever may be around each corner. We niggle each other now and again, as well as frustrate, and don't always talk at the right moment, but keep :bear-dancing: :bear-dancing: :bear-dancing: :bear-dancing: :bear-dancing: along.
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Re: Fibro and relationships.

Postby Theresa34 » Sat May 17, 2014 4:52 pm

shoog wrote:How do you guys manage in your romantic relationships/marriages? Do you have a partner who " understands" fibro? Are they supportive? Have they always been? I'm asking because I'm new to this. My partner and I have been together for a couple of years. I've been ill for all of that time, but in various intensities. I'm feeling a bit frustrated at the moment because it's really hard to communicate to someone that is always well gets it feels like to have chronic ill health. It's not even that healthy people are unwilling to understand, it's just that it's fairly impossible to truly "get it". It's not major things that are causing me upset, more just things like insensitive suggestions "maybe you should get out for a walk if you're stiff " and things like "it'll get better". It's not like these statements are nasty, just ignorant and insensitive and I don't really know how to handle it without being all "woe is me" which just isn't my style!

So how did you help your partner/husband /wife understand?


Well, I tell myself that it will get better and if sore or stiff then go for a walk. It does truly help. And I am one who feels better for movement. Today I slept in and havent done much as I am trying to rest after a busy week, so I am suffering for it a bit. But I am much better than I used to be by pushing myself and having a positive mind. My relationship has suffered becaue of this. It was extremely difficult this past year as last year I was diagnosed with arthritis aged 33 and had pain on and off since then. Turns out my arthritis is under control and its the fibro causing me problems. Anyway, because of the pain the house became a tip and I was really struggling. I was throwing pity parties all the time and felt like I was digging a deep hole for myself. Now it might be the Amitriptyline I am on for sleep and the vitamin D boost but I don't feel like that anymore. And I also came to realise, the more I rested the more pain I was in. I am going to start home Pilates as soon as I can as my nurse highly recommends it plus I've read about someone not having any more morning stiffness due to the Pilates.

Keep your chin up. You will get better if you allow yourself to. Small steps forward xxx
I am a fibro fighter not a fibro sufferer. I will keep fighting from the minute I get up til the minute I go to bed.
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Re: Fibro and relationships.

Postby Theresa34 » Sat May 17, 2014 4:56 pm

shoog wrote:That's a shame Jeany. A good relationship shouldn't have much to moan about! It should be all about partnership.

My partner is fab, but the issue is just getting across how permanent fibro is. I get a lot of "it'll get better" and I know it's just because my partner thinks that positivity is the best healer. But sometimes realism is much more important.

I think we just need to sit down and have a good chat about it. I just don't want to come across as being too negative.


I am with him about the positivity. It is really helping me cope better with this. It might never go away permanently, but it can get better x
I am a fibro fighter not a fibro sufferer. I will keep fighting from the minute I get up til the minute I go to bed.
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Re: Fibro and relationships.

Postby Theresa34 » Sat May 17, 2014 4:58 pm

Fluppy we always seem to be in that situation, pay the bills or eat. Hubby is the breadwinner, while I've been looking after the house and kids. He's really been feeling low since my diagnosis a few months ago as he doesn't think I will be able to work once the kids are old enough not to need childcare. So yes, lots of negativity being thrown around. I hope to be able to work at least part time in the future. Who knows what will happen :-D
I am a fibro fighter not a fibro sufferer. I will keep fighting from the minute I get up til the minute I go to bed.
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Re: Fibro and relationships.

Postby Carrie Nourse » Sat May 17, 2014 10:32 pm

Hi, My Husband is very good and does understand how this does affect me from day to day as he always does the cooking and I wash up and he does anything else if I cannot do it but if I can I will do it myself. I will say though that I cannot have the intimate side of things as I always find I am in a lot of pain the next day no matter what we do so I do tend to stay away from it if I can and my husband does understand that so I do think I am lucky on that count.
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Re: Fibro and relationships.

Postby Theresa34 » Sun May 18, 2014 2:26 pm

Carrie Nourse wrote:Hi, My Husband is very good and does understand how this does affect me from day to day as he always does the cooking and I wash up and he does anything else if I cannot do it but if I can I will do it myself. I will say though that I cannot have the intimate side of things as I always find I am in a lot of pain the next day no matter what we do so I do tend to stay away from it if I can and my husband does understand that so I do think I am lucky on that count.


I know its not great having to plan it, but can you have a hot bath beforehand so your muscles are a bit looser? I dont have to do that as yet and I do have to sometimes find more comfortable positions at the moment. I have also noticed that my sex drive is lower than usual, not sure if its fibro or meds or what. But sometimes it take a real effort from this side! :lol:
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