Sick of canceling social plans

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Sick of canceling social plans

Postby Storm » Sat Jul 12, 2014 12:46 pm

Today I'm going to a friend's BBQ at her house, but I am so exhausted, my back hurts, it was a struggle to even wash some clothes and put them on the line to wait for them to dry, but now that's gonna make me late waiting for them to dry.

I shouldn't go really, but I'm always canceling plans, I'm so sick of it, so today I'm really pushing myself, and I know I'll pay for it later, but I don't want to always be stuck at home because of this invisible disability.

I am 23 and I haven't even lived my life yet. I've developed Fibromyalgia since 1999 when a year or 2 after that, symptoms really started to kick in at primary school, so I barely attended any of my school years.

I wish people would believe it affects young people just as much as old people.

I'm stuck living as an old fuddy duddy that can't go anywhere and can't go out and have fun.

I want to be able to go out on a whim and have a couple of beers with my mates, but I can't drink beer because of IBS, and I can't make spontaneous social plans like I used to.

Moral of the story, sick of feeling sorry for myself and having to tell people I'm unable to make social plans, when it's a genuine reason.
This takes over my life.
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Re: Sick of canceling social plans

Postby Annie54 » Sat Jul 12, 2014 1:52 pm

I so know how you feel. It's interesting to hear that you suffered when you were a child too. So did I but back in the day, it fibromyalgia hadn't been heard of. When I was 5 years old (in 1959) I spent some time in hospital and missed most of my first year in school with something that the doctors couldn't name. They thought it might have been polio or rheumatic fever. I am now sure that it was fibromyalgia.

I am not sure what the answer is to the social life problems. All I can say is pace yourself and try not to get frustrated when you have miss out on something as I think that makes the pain etc. worse. It is hard but I do hope that you have friends that who understand and will help you to socialise without having to exhaust yourself. Keep going and know you're not alone.
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Re: Sick of canceling social plans

Postby FluppyPuffy » Sat Jul 12, 2014 2:47 pm

It does get frustrating and annoying, esp when it's something you were really wanting to do and had been looking forward to. Unfortunately, it doesn't stop no matter how long you have been part of the family :facepalm: :facepalm: :facepalm: There have been a couple of recent things that I had wanted to go to, but even tho I had done all I could to try and minimise the chances of me having to cancel, Kevin found another round things and floored me in double~quick time with everything he could turned all the way up to 11 :swear1: :swear1: :swear1: :swear1: {Kevin is what I call my FM and other health things. He's actually one of the purple chomper minion from Despicable Me 2 :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: }

These days I'm super~selective about what I do, where I go, and when it happens. If not, it doesn't take long for Kevin to start booting me up my :girl_moon: :girl_moon: :girl_moon: :girl_moon: :girl_moon: Altho it means that not an awful lot happens on impulse, planning things does at least mean I can enjoy a little socialising and fun along the way.
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Re: Sick of canceling social plans

Postby rubes » Sat Jul 12, 2014 4:51 pm

My husbands family don't even bother to ask us anymore, I don't mind me but her Son, disgusting.
I have accepted the way FM makes me which has helped tremendously when I feel ok I make the most of it, but yes pay the next day.
My family aren't much better, to add insult to injury, I rarely go out, I have severe panic attacks which with the FM adds insult to injury, it does upset me sometimes but accepting helps.
If it weren't for my husband, he works, does all the housework, ironing etc my life would not be worth living, I also have a superb GP.
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Re: Sick of canceling social plans

Postby LibbyWick » Sat Jul 12, 2014 6:04 pm

There are so many of us who know exactly how you feel. it's upsetting and embarrassing. :cry: I think of all the wasted time missing out on so much. Even being admitted to hospital with panic/anxiety attacks. Abandoning shopping trips. Avoiding anywhere that may be busy.
But you know what? For me I've found it helps to say to myself "I don't care how bad i feel, I'm going." Make sure I rest well before hand and eat well and make sure to remember my meds and sometimes I really have to force myself to go to functions. I usually do enjoy myself now, even if I do have to take myself off to a quiet corner for 10 -20 minutes and do some relaxation/meditation and know that for the next few days I will take it as easily as I possibly can. Plan nothing, make sure there are easy ready to eat foods in the fridge.

It was really difficult to do .... I spent years saying, "yes, I'll be there" and then cancelling last minute, until I didn't get invited any more. :oops: But with a huge effort; getting organised and planning the rest of the week and starting off with little outings - say meeting a friend in a lovely coffee shop at a time I knew it would be quiet. Things have gotten easier. Yes, I still occasionally have to cancel. Many "friends" have fallen by the wayside. However, the true friends are still there and usually say, "I'd love it if you can make it but don't worry if you can't, we'll catch up another time", because they understand the difficulties.

So don't despair. I have to say I didn't do it all by myself.... I had a wonderful psychotherapist to work with and met a lovely group of people at an IAPT course on Coping with Depression and my GP is very supportive too. Don't be afraid to ask for help. You may be surprised by the help there is available to you.

Fingers crossed you'll be able to attend more functions in future. All the best.
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Re: Sick of canceling social plans

Postby migrembe » Sat Jul 12, 2014 8:10 pm

I find that if i want to go to a social event i do not have enough energy to do anything else and so i try and make sure that things like washing, cleaning, including personal care is done the day or even days before or i just leave it until after whatever i wanted to do.
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Re: Sick of canceling social plans

Postby kuls » Sat Jul 12, 2014 9:48 pm

I'm so sorry to hear that because it's ongoing and never lets up.. I was the same 1 year ago but then I realized that I was not going to live my whole life like this. I decided to take control of my health instead of letting it control me and I found a way . I have been free of symptoms and meditate everday. It's like my happy pill. It safe, natural and free and it helps my body to kick in and heal itself. I wish more people would try it because it really helps. I was in pain and agony with fibro for over 5yrs and could barely move and now I can do anything I want.
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Re: Sick of canceling social plans

Postby MichelleJ » Sat Jul 12, 2014 10:03 pm

This is all too familiar for me too. I really struggle to go to things and to then be able to join I when I get there. Usually what I do is rest completely the day before (literally stay in bed other than to go the toilet and eat). Or if its a night out then I will rest completely the day we are going, sleep in the day and do nothing until its time to get ready to go. I also always ask my carer to come with me if its anywhere not within 10/15 mins of my house and sometimes even then I will take her along. It helps that she's a really close friend too so we do enjoy going out together and would do so even If I didn't need her to be there.

It's not easy to do that though with resting as I'm a single mum but I always ask family to help with my son.

Last weekend I went to a hen party but my son also started football that day and so I was up all day taking him to football, getting him ready to go for his overnight stay and then travelling up to the venue after lunch, being active once there with my friends then in the club at night (it was a hotel with club attached). Well I didn't cope at all. Enjoyed myself but had to spend the entire night sat and in pain not being able to join in and needing to go to bed as so exhausted, I stuck it out though till 2 am and then had no sleep due to extreme pain and spasms then the next morning I locked up completely and had to be almost carried to the car by my friends as could barely walk and then spent the rest of this last week on crutches and in my wheelchair till my physio was able to release it all yesterday. So I managed to prove that only way I can do it is with total rest before hand and on the day until I go.

Don't really know what else to suggest to you other than rest rest and more rest before hand. Fibro don't care what age you are, I too had symptoms of it right from the age of 5 but went severe 4 years ago when I finally got a diagnosis. That's when everything clicked into place and all the little niggles, pain sensitivity, achiness etc thati'd lived with all my life suddenly made sense
migrembe wrote:I find that if i want to go to a social event i do not have enough energy to do anything else and so i try and make sure that things like washing, cleaning, including personal care is done the day or even days before or i just leave it until after whatever i wanted to do.
Dx with fibromyalgia m.e/Cfs and asthma
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