Given up...

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Given up...

Postby E-Bunny » Wed Jul 30, 2014 1:50 pm

Hi all,

Well i have finally given up.. I have given into the pressure of halving my hours at work as recently the fatigue and pain has become unbearable. each day by 12ish i am so tired that the only way i can focus on the monitor is to cover one eye, otherwise everything is blurry and double :( I feel very weak, and walking is like trying to walk through a pool of thick custard :-?

I am at a really low place. Work has been the only constant thing for me and now even that is falling apart

I have given up, and given in to this awful disability and my epilepsy... They have won
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Re: Given up...

Postby major64 » Wed Jul 30, 2014 2:12 pm

My work could not wait to get rid of me. As soon as they found out FM can last a very long time they paid me off. This just adds to the depression and makes you feel worthless and wonder if be able to work again. More depression. It seems to be a never ending spiral going down all the time. Also am single and think no woman would want to date me in my present situation. Any lights at the end of the tunnel ?
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Re: Given up...

Postby daisyp59 » Wed Jul 30, 2014 2:17 pm

I can fully understand you wanting to give up. I am in the process of my work wanting to get rid of me and I cant' see anyone else employing me. I can only say keep fighting. I am trying to, but it is very difficult. the pain I have from the fibro and arthritis is awful, but I try to keep going as best I can. Just remember there are people out there who understand and can help and support you.
Major64 - I have in a relatively new relationship, just 12 months, and my partner has embraced the whole situation. I don't know what I would do without him. Be positive, there will be someone out there for you!
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Re: Given up...

Postby Tigerbalm » Wed Jul 30, 2014 3:27 pm

What have you given up? Your struggle to do the impossible? Your valiant effort to channel every bit of your precious resources into working full-time so that you were trapped in a vicious cycle of suffering? It’s a huge thing to reduce hours at work. I know from experience, after doing it many times over 21 years and sometimes leave work altogether. It can even feel like failure. But maybe when you’ve given yourself a break, you might hopefully start to see that you’ve (even under duress!) done something constructive and enabling for yourself, to try and manage your pain and your health. Disability isn’t the enemy. It’s the part of us that needs support.

Speaking of support at work, many of us have known some employers to be less than compassionate, to say the least. But there is help out there too. Access To Work, and/or the JobCentre’s Disability Advisors, can help in vital ways, with practicalities such as travel to work, helping you negotiate reasonable adjustments with your employer etc. Citizen’s Advice can be really helpful too, to help you see if you’re accessing everything possible to help you financially, practically etc.
Acceptance of limitations is very different from giving up. It can even be liberating if you see it as learning to approach things in a more realistic way. But it’s important to focus on what’s manageable rather than lament too long over what isn’t. Wishing you well, sending you love and hoping that the days ahead will start to look very different for you. Take care at this wobbly time! xx
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Re: Given up...

Postby momsy05 » Wed Jul 30, 2014 4:59 pm

All i can say is that i have so very much respect for anyone who manages to work while dealing with this awful condition. I find it hard enough just to get through the day at home. I have a very supportive family, but just couldnt face a days work.You really need to be kind to yourself, listen to your body.Don't feel you have given up,applaud yourself for doing as much as you have managed to do.
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Re: Given up...

Postby Beth1012 » Wed Jul 30, 2014 5:47 pm

Sweetheart, :blowkiss:

Don't think of it as "Given Up" maybe think of it as listening to your body...............

Like you I have had to reduce working hours many times over the past 18 months & have had periods when I felt like I'd given up.

Actually what we are doing is being REALLY strong and accepting our limitations and making life adjustments, probably every day, without even realising. Yes it still sucks that we have to do that :cry:

We don't have to be strong every day, you don't have to "push through it" (in my experience that made me a million times worse) if you don't want to / can't.

Take the time you need, to do, or not do what your body is screaming at you. :crazy:

Just always know you are not alone, ever, even if it feels like it. Use this forum. For me it's been the biggest support & motivator to do what I can, when I can.

You are way braver & stronger than you think. But for now it's time for you to say "hold on just gimme some space to recoup" and you never know, it may make a positive difference.

Love & Light & Take Big Care x x xx

fairy_dust

"Most Days I'm Only As Strong As The Coffee I Drink and The Hairspray I Use!!?" :)
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Re: Given up...

Postby redhead » Wed Jul 30, 2014 8:59 pm

I feel like giving up to love!,, on life,, as really I have no life :(
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Re: Given up...

Postby JanetLeslie » Wed Jul 30, 2014 9:26 pm

Been there, done that and bought the teeshirt. Life is so much better now, ok, it hasn't been easy but I'm coping. I have a wonderful husband and my Mum and brother's are all there to catch me when I fall.
If you have to stop working then do as your body tells you, it won't always be doom and gloom,please believe me. All the best with your next step :-) ;-) :sleep:
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Re: Given up...

Postby denys » Wed Jul 30, 2014 9:32 pm

You have not given up, you have just lost one battle not the war. Now you will be able to function better at work for the hours you are there as you can rest up and recharge when you arent.

Its a detour in your plans and it might let you visit places you hadnt thought of going so try to see it as a step forward, you have taken control of the situation and cut your hours work havent done it for you so definitely a positive in my book :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs:

Major, there are women out there who will love you for yourself not the material things in life, you just have to start looking. Have you thought of internet dating, there are some sites that deal with people with disabilities, is there a support group near you???? maybe they can help with getting you back out socialising :goodluck1: :goodluck1:

Redhead, it is very difficult, have you spoken to your GP about the way you are feeling, maybe one of the talking therapies could help you see things a little more positively and give you some extra tools to help you cope with your situation :hugs: :hugs: :hugs:
Denys

As a Public Moderator of this forum my opinions/views expressed are personal and are no more valid than those of other members and not necessarily those of UKFibromyalgia.
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Re: Given up...

Postby carolad » Wed Jul 30, 2014 9:43 pm

I reduced my hours at work earlier this year and I was really upset about it. I felt like I had failed, that I had 'given in' and let my health problems take over my life..

But now that I have adjusted to my new hours, I can honestly say it was the best thing I could have done. I can cope with work so much better now I'm working shorter days. And I get home a bit earlier so can make and eat a proper dinner before going to bed - a small thing, but I'm sure it helps. When I was working full time, there were days I was so exhausted when I got home that I just had a bowl of cereal and went straight to bed.

So please don't think that this is the end of anything. Try and think of it as a new start - it will take some pressure off you and you can have more time at home to rest. And hopefully this will make you feel better and make things easier for you when you are at work.
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Re: Given up...

Postby pennysparkles » Thu Jul 31, 2014 1:14 am

I am another who has had to leave my career due to Fibromyalgia, arthritis etc and I am alone and terrified. How am to live? My payoff from work might last till Xmas...then what? I look at the phone, I know I need to apply for Pip but I can't handle the phone call, I stay home, scared and in pain. I am 49 and see no future. :-|
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Re: Given up...

Postby migrembe » Thu Jul 31, 2014 10:23 am

when big things change in our lives we grieve for what was and that is normal, but you haven't really given up you have accepted that something has changed and you need to move on. as for the fatigue, i've heard a lot of people, including myself struggling with fatigue but i think it is a combination of the hot weather and our desire to want to be out and about more. Don't get down, just carry on and see what happens.

Beverley x
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Re: Given up...

Postby fletch » Thu Jul 31, 2014 10:33 am

I was self employed motor mechanic and just could do it any more it was killing me so had to stop before I had a bad accident

But I still have a good hobby you must keep fighting I do as much as possible to keep going

It's not giving up it's delegating what your body can and cannot do if you do your best that's good enough
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Re: Given up...

Postby mrselizabeth » Thu Jul 31, 2014 12:53 pm

I know all about not working. I last worked as a carer for my 90 yr old neighbour, he passed away in Feb this year. And now, trying to get a few hours work a week just to keep me occupied and get me out of this house is a nightmare. No one wants to know, mention Fibro, and its like saying you have committed a crime. I did not volunteer for it, it just caught hold of me somehow. I would give anything for a few hours out and earn a few bob...
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Re: Given up...

Postby E-Bunny » Thu Jul 31, 2014 3:30 pm

Thank you for your replies,

Redhead, I am also in that dark place right now. All i have ever known is work, and tbh its the only reason i leave the house. At evenings/weekends i sleep. I don't leave the house at all though it is as much to do with my uncontrolled epilepsy as the Fibro !

I am a single mum, with no family support :( and most of my friends vanished after being dx with E just over 3 years ago. My kids are both early teens now, so thankfully they do a lot themselves, although they don't have much choice really :-?

Major64, I know where you are coming from ! I have recently tried to have a relationship.... It lasted 2 weeks :-| He was an old friend, but just couldn't understand that i am not the same person i used to be...

They are putting me on a trial period of reduced hours, but want to reduce them even more... Im thinking they want rid of me :cry:

This forum has been a great help, and glad that i am not alone... Just wish i had the support and understanding from ppl around me, even just a hug ( when not having a flareup :shock: )

Tina x
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