tried a wheelchair today... now feeling upset. and angry.

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tried a wheelchair today... now feeling upset. and angry.

Postby dazzleship » Sat Oct 11, 2014 1:02 pm

hi all :grouphug:

I'm feeling a bit down today so I hope you don't mind a new thread. I'll try to make this as short as possible.

basically hubby and I went out shopping today, we had to go to B&Q and then Morrisons. After walking around B&Q with my crutches I was exhausted.

When we got to Morrisons, we saw there were wheelchairs available for customers. I thought the wheelchair would help rest my legs, and how hard can it be to wheel it anyway? I thought.

Well. After about one aisle I just wanted to get out of the thing but I'd already struggled with feeling embarrassed getting into it, and I thought it would just be more embarrassing getting out of it too soon. So I struggled on but my arms and shoulders were in agony. Nice rest for my legs though, but maybe not worth the shoulder pain.

At one point I had to just rest and hubby told me to "wait there". Long story short, I felt like a spare part. Hubby walked on with the trolley, never waiting for me, I had no idea what we bought cos I didn't see any of it, I felt like I might as well have stayed in the car. Which was exactly what I wanted to avoid.

We argued on the way home. My hubby, who I thought was understanding, said he doesn't like having to walk so slowly (hence why, when I'm on my crutches, we can never walk side by side anymore, he's always off ahead, periodically stopping to wait for me :roll: ). I told him exactly what I thought of sitting in the wheelchair, not getting any help from him when I couldn't steer it around the corner, and not knowing what we'd bought.

And then thre was the inevitable problem getting in the car when we got back and found there was someone parked so close that I couldn't get in. So I had to stand there, exhausted and in pain, while hubby moved the car to a space where I could get in. I hate that so much, but all he said, as usual was "it's okay, you got in it eventually". :roll: :evil:

When we got home I thought about scooters - I've seen them mentioned here. Looked up on on Lloyds Pharmacy website and showed it to hubby. And you know what he said?

"Do you think you're at the stage where you need that?"


I have no words. He was with me today, he saw how much I struggled. :evil:

So, I don't know what to do. We're supposed to be going for a day out in the city next weekend, get some clothes and stuff. And unusually for me, I'm simply dreading it because I know how tired and exhausted I'll be and all I'll do is spend my time asking hubby to "wait for me" and wishing I hadn't bothered going out.

All I want to do is enjoy life with my hubby like we used to. But that just seems impossible nowadays.

Really sorry for the long post. If you got this far, thanks for reading.
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Re: tried a wheelchair today... now feeling upset. and angry

Postby Pootle24 » Sat Oct 11, 2014 1:57 pm

Hi I understand you completely, I too was in a wheelchair but have relearnt to walk and am on crutches, however i have a scooter so that when there is a lot of walking involved or am having a bad day I can still go out and enjoy some normality was the best thing I ever brought to be honest, people can try to understand but unless they have experienced it they never will, don't look at it like I'm giving in look at it like I'm enhancing my life to make it easier, hope this helps xx
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Re: tried a wheelchair today... now feeling upset. and angry

Postby macca » Sat Oct 11, 2014 2:05 pm

Have you tried applying for a blue parking badge to at least make getting in and out of the car a touch easier? If not, then give it a go, you've nothing to lose
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Re: tried a wheelchair today... now feeling upset. and angry

Postby Karen14 » Sat Oct 11, 2014 2:26 pm

I can understand how you feel, being in a wheelchair isn't much fun but it does serve its purpose. I have my own wheelchair and I use it for days out like zoos, museums or shopping etc. I couldn't do these events if I didn't have one and would miss out on family events. I don't push myself though, not capable. Hubby or my kids are my chauffeurs. I also have a blue badge which helps the parking problem.
Try not to see using a wheelchair as a failure, see it as another tool to make your life easier. Pick your battles.

I think it's hard for our partners to understand, they aren't feeling what we are. Teach him the spoon theory!
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Re: tried a wheelchair today... now feeling upset. and angry

Postby moomoos » Sat Oct 11, 2014 2:53 pm

Most supermarkets have scooters for disabled customers to use. You have to register at Customer Services and they give you a number or a card. I don't know if that's same in all areas.

I agree about applying for a Blue Badge as it makes life easier with parking closer to where you want to be (doesn't always work, but mostly does), and there's more room each side of the car.

You are being really brave by carrying on going out and trying to live as normal a life as possible.

Like someone else said on here, unless a person has experienced it (what ever 'it' may be, as this applies to everything) they cant understand. They can only sympathise, or not... as the case may be.

I think you re doing great tho.... take care and try to be kind to yourself x
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Re: tried a wheelchair today... now feeling upset. and angry

Postby Zia2014 » Sat Oct 11, 2014 4:31 pm

Oh Dazzle. I don't know what I can add to what has been said already, but wanted to send you online hugs :grouphug:
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Re: tried a wheelchair today... now feeling upset. and angry

Postby Siouxiem » Sat Oct 11, 2014 4:49 pm

Dazzle, please show this to your hubby. Make him read it out aloud to you - it seems to sink in better that way. Sometimes those closest to us find it hard to accept how ill fibro makes you, so they try to pretend all is well. I suspect this may be part of the problem with your other half. They don't want you to be ill and try to pretend you aren't. Why not try renting a scooter for a week or two instead of buying one straight away. That way you can judge whether that is what you need. And yes, you must get hold of a blue badge - just contact social services. That will be a huge help to you.
Talk to your hubby. Tell him how you feel, and how upset it makes you when he leaves you behind, if he didn't get the message from your letter. If he doesn't get it, read him the riot act! :nono: Or there is always divorce! :twisted: :lol:
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Re: tried a wheelchair today... now feeling upset. and angry

Postby Theresa34 » Sat Oct 11, 2014 5:12 pm

Could you not do online grocery shopping? Its so much easier! I have been doing this for a few years pre diagnosis. I can still go grocery shopping but I do end up exhausted and hurting when I do. I'm not at the wheelchair or scooter stage and hope I never will be. It sounds awful for you. Don't be too mad at your hubby. Its hard for other people to understand properly what you're going through. They may or may not be able to see for themselves but they still don't know how you feel ie muscles, legs, back etc.
I am a fibro fighter not a fibro sufferer. I will keep fighting from the minute I get up til the minute I go to bed.
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Re: tried a wheelchair today... now feeling upset. and angry

Postby Paisleyjane » Sat Oct 11, 2014 5:44 pm

Hi, so sorry you had such a bad day. I agree see the wheelchair/scooter option as allowing you to do things you can enjoy, so you don't miss out. Why does hubby not push you? Or use the scooters, all supermarkets have them.
Look at the mobility outlet where you want to go shopping and look at reserving a scooter, then see hubby trotting to keep up as you zoom along.
I refuse to miss out and this is the only way I can do it. I prebooked a scooter at the city centre in Wales on holiday and had a good time. Hope you get on OK and enjoy days out. Xx
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Re: tried a wheelchair today... now feeling upset. and angry

Postby TheDorsetDestroyers » Sat Oct 11, 2014 6:58 pm

Use it to your advantage. I did, okay well I had to our else go down the road of yet another breakdown.

These babes can work really well and forget all the old cliches. Get yourself fitter with it, use it and abuse it.

The world will become your Oyster once again, slightly different this time, but don't let it win. FM will win battles, there is no doubt about that, but you can win the war 8-) :-D

This is my story ... estroyers/

Don't worry I'm not saying join a Wheelchair Rugby Club, but why not Wheelchair Basketball or sitting volleyball?
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Re: tried a wheelchair today... now feeling upset. and angry

Postby dazzleship » Mon Oct 13, 2014 11:08 am

wow.. I am stunned by all the kind responses here. thank you all so much, it really meant a lot and it really helped.

I'm afraid this is going to be another long post as I have much to say. I hope you don't mind.

well I took the advice of letting hubby read my post. it was good advice, thank you! He read it and all the replies as well and he said afterwards that it helped him to understand.

He also pointed out that I'd got a bit of what I said wrong - which I must point out because I really don't want you all to think I don't have a caring husband. I do, but he's finding it hard to cope with what's happening to me, and what happened this weekend has brought it home to both of us that things are changing and we need to talk about it more.

the bit I got wrong was when I said that he said he doesn't like walking slow. what he'd actually said was that he finds it hard to walk slow. when I wrote the post I was in tears and tried to write it as best I could. I got that bit wrong and I'm sorry. I've apologised to hubby about it too. also I didn't make it clear enough (it's hard to write when you're crying!) that the reason he didn't push me in the supermarket was because he was pushing the trolley.

but the rest of it - he agreed it was how it had happened and he realises that I had a very hard time of it.

we spent the rest of Saturday just talking and we've both realised that we need to be more aware of what the other is feeling. I've realised that I need to make sure hubby is ok with everything that's going on with me, and he knows he needs to be more aware of how I'm feeling and not make me feel unwanted.

so.. things have changed dramatically and very quickly for us this weekend. if I try to explain here I'll end up making this post even longer so when I'm up to it I'll start a new thread and tell you all about it.

but for now I just wanted to say thank you. :grouphug: to each and every one of you who took the time to reply and offer advice or hugs. I really appreciate it, and so does my hubby. you've all helped a lot.
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Re: tried a wheelchair today... now feeling upset. and angry

Postby FluppyPuffy » Mon Oct 13, 2014 1:21 pm

I don't think anyone will have thought that hubby was uncaring dazzle, when you have mentioned him in previous posts there has always been that warmth there that tends to be missing when someone has an unsupportive partner. It's good to hear that you've both benefited from something being shared on here, hopefully the happenings from this weekend will help shape even brighter times ahead for you.

Wrt to wheelchairs, supermarkets and trolleys, most supermarkets have special trolleys that can attach to the front of a wheelchair so that the person pushing the wheelchair can carry on doing so without having to juggle with a separate trolley. Plus, theses trolleys tend to be at the right level for the person in the wheelchair to see what is being put in to make sure it's all the right stuff :f1-car:
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Re: tried a wheelchair today... now feeling upset. and angry

Postby Helhit » Mon Oct 13, 2014 6:16 pm

Hi Dazzle
I've been following this post, as I've been using a scooter on the odd occasion and am now a fully signed up member of Morrison's motability club!!!

This condition sets off so many other problems doesn't it? When I use the scooters I started off feeling upset and guilty, but mainly for my other half having to walk alongside me. Now I'm isn't this fab, look what I can achieve. I've never been so excited about reaching the milk section!!!

I also mishear what people have said and forget what's said. I've lost count of how many times I've had to apologise. Take today for example, I am in bed as not having a good day. My daughter texted me from college to ask if it's her dentist appt. I looked on calendar and said yes, but I'm too tired to take her, as couldn't possibly drive. So I asked her dad if he'd take her, leaving work early. Turns out the appt was for next month and I'd written it down wrong. :face-slap: luckily I didn't get in too much trouble.

It sounds like you've got a goodun there. Like you say it's all about communication. Take care and use the scooters whenever you need em. You'll be joining the I might feel a Burke but I'm here club :chicken-dance:
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Re: tried a wheelchair today... now feeling upset. and angry

Postby Gillian Jane » Tue Oct 14, 2014 10:56 am

Hi a tip on using a wheel chair - get the hubby to push it and you push the trolley in front of you a bit like a train this is not ideal but better than being stuck in a corner. i have invested in a mobility scooter which breaks up and fits in the car a tiny "Smart". i feel freed from the restrictions of either a wheelchair or stick. OK it dosnt go everwhere but at last i can get into the shops and do my grocery shopping myself.
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Re: tried a wheelchair today... now feeling upset. and angry

Postby dazzleship » Tue Oct 14, 2014 1:09 pm

thanks Fluppy. nice to know hubby didn't come across as an ogre then :lol: thanks for the tip about the trolley that attaches.

Helhit - you're right about the communication. that's definitely important and me and hubby are now making a concerted effort to make sure we're both ok about everything and not just assuming what the other is thinking. oops about your appointment, glad it didn't cause too much trouble. it;s easy to mix up dates and numbers and stuff isn't it.

Gillian - thanks for the 'train' idea again I wasn't aware of that sort of trolley.
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