Pregnancy

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Pregnancy

Postby lotts » Mon Oct 20, 2014 10:41 am

Hello everyone,

I've been a member of this site for a while but generally just read what people are saying rather than write anything. I wasn't sure whereabouts to post this so sorry if it's in the wrong section.

So, i'm 26 and a lot of my friends are starting to have children and i'm absolutely petrified of both the pain of pregnancy (being unable to take pain relief) and the actual childbirth (i get pains in my belly just thinking about it). I'm also really concerned about coping with the exhaustion when the baby is born having seen a couple of my perfectly healthy outgoing mates barely able to cope with being so tired. I'm not planning on having any of a good couple of years yet but it's been really playing on my mind for a while now and i'm wondering if i'm going to be able to do it and it's scaring me to the point i get panicky which then panics me because i think once i'm pregnant that's it the baby's got to come out and i just get dead freaked out about it all.

I am in okay health, i work full time and don't need assistance walking or anything, i generally have a flare up for about 5 days once a month where i feel terrible and that's eased with wrist supports, tramadol and generally taking it easy..

I don't know if i'm just being stupid but yeah, or if maybe even people without fibro have these thoughts too, i just thought i'd see if anyone maybe felt like this and did have a baby and if they coped?

Anyways, i feel better just getting it off my chest but any advice would be really welcome!

Thanks in advance,

Lottie
x
Last edited by lotts on Mon Oct 20, 2014 2:51 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: Pregnancy

Postby Paula200 » Mon Oct 20, 2014 12:29 pm

Hi
I was diagnosed about 15 years ago with fibro and other things I waited till I was 38 to have our beautiful little girl because I was at the stage were I could cope without drugs went part time the pregnancy was good I had a few complications caused by sjogrens as well as fibro but it was good I took my time at the night feeds slept till 10 if baby did hubby fed at night at the weekends which helped it was ok hite hard about 8 weeks but then evened out it is hard but worth every minute I can't always go to the park after school she is know 7 and would not change a thing

You will be good it is ok and on bad days during bad days she watched a film in bed with me till I can get up life good xxxxx
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Re: Pregnancy

Postby Theresa34 » Mon Oct 20, 2014 2:27 pm

Its a rough one really. I've had 3 children and finished having any more (decided pre diagnosis). If I had the choice I wouldn't have another one. I honestly dont think that I would be able to cope. Especially with the night feeds. My first child was up every hour on the hour and she had colic. My other two were every two and three hours feeds respectively. I have flares a few times a month but generally able to get on with things. I am on drugs to keep me going, dont think I can live without their help! Dont think I've been too helpful but this is my personal view on myself not able to cope should I have a pregnancy. It's got to be personal choice x
I am a fibro fighter not a fibro sufferer. I will keep fighting from the minute I get up til the minute I go to bed.
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Re: Pregnancy

Postby Hannah24 » Mon Oct 20, 2014 3:45 pm

Hi,

It is all about personal choice and how determined you are to have children. Fibro constantly affects our lives in negative ways and I think it's important to try our best to not let it stand in the way of the things that really matter to us.

I have 2 children who were born previous to me getting fibro and my pregnancies were horrendous but it didn't stop us wanting more. We always wanted more but with my health being so poor we knew that something would have to change before we could consider it. However, we ended up finding ourselves pregnant this year (very bad timing) which was really hard to deal with because my health is at an all time low and we are really not in the position. Despite this we felt that it must have happened for a reason (esepcially because we had been told that I probably wouldn't be able to even get pregnant again) and I am now 32 weeks pregnant. It is scary and I have no idea how we will cope but I know we will just have to. As pregnancies go this was hasn't been that bad so we have been lucky there. You also seem to be coping really well with your fibro (from what you say) so that is a real positive.

Pregnancy varys and if I can have two bad ones without fibro or any health problems, then a not so bad one with fibro and lots of other health problems then you can't assume how it is going to be. A friend of mine with fibro found that it went away when she fell pregnant.

The one thing I could not do without regardless of fibro is the support of my husband. He is a rock which really makes a difference.

I hope this helps and even gives you some reassurance.
Hannah x
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Re: Pregnancy

Postby dazzleship » Mon Oct 20, 2014 3:49 pm

I think the biggest question is do you actually want kids? You say that all your friends are having babies but I haven't seen anything in your post where you say that you actually want one. just because everyone around you seems to be going into that 'life plan' does not mean that's what you need or indeed have to do.

if it is something you actually want then I guess you'll find a way around the problems you're worrying about - there's plenty of time. but I really think you should be working out the reason why you want kids - I don't think it's a good idea to have them just because "everyone else is".

so basically don't feel pressurised into doing something that you feel would cause you pain and discomfort unless it's what you really and truly want.
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Re: Pregnancy

Postby lotts » Mon Oct 20, 2014 4:14 pm

Thank you all for your comments. I guess it's the same with any female (fibro or not) that you just don't know how it will go or how your body will react until it happens.

Paula200 - Thanks for the encouraging advice.

Theresa34 - I understand you are saying you wouldn't have any more babies, but if you didn't have children would you go through a pregnancy now? (if that makes sense)

Hannah24 - Thanks for your positive advice and Congratulations/ Good luck! :)

Dazzleship - with regards to wanting kids, yes i have always wanted them, as i mentioned, i certainly am not thinking of having any for a while yet but with a few of my friends going through the experience it has made me see what is really involved in being pregnant/giving birth/ raising a child. I certainly don't feel pressure or have just decided to have one on a whim because everyone else is. The reason it is concerning me is because if i don't think i will be able to cope with it all then it would completely alter the kind of life i imagine having so would need to come to terms with that/ look at alternatives (adoption etc). The whole thing has just been playing on my mind, i think bought to the forefront of it by being surrounded by babies and knackered mothers lol!
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Re: Pregnancy

Postby Theresa34 » Tue Oct 21, 2014 8:33 am

It's a hard question to answer. I probably would have one if I didn't have any. BUT back then I didn't realise how bad the sleepless nights would be, the constant crying of a baby, the constant care it needed. I was completely naive. Plus with two babies I had post natal depression.
I am a fibro fighter not a fibro sufferer. I will keep fighting from the minute I get up til the minute I go to bed.
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Re: Pregnancy

Postby csangel » Tue Oct 21, 2014 5:27 pm

Hi Lotts.

Not posted here in ages but pop by occasionally, and couldn't ignore your thread! I'm currently 36 weeks pregnant with my first. I'm 25, married and was in just your position about a year ago. Here is my story, see what you think:

We'd already decided we wanted children soon, but it was extremely daunting. How would I cope physically? I'd been on the same meds for a year and had just got things under control, how could I face coming off them? The decision was actually due to me feeling reasonably good, and I weaned off all my meds over Christmas and we started trying in the January. Fell pregnant in the second cycle trying and went from there!

We've had problems along the way, there have been major concerns with the baby and at one point we're close to having to make the worst decision possible, but things are looking up now and I'm due in 4 weeks! It's been really tough, and I haven't enjoyed it much. I was still working full time (started maternity leave last week) and the tiredness was a struggle but I battled through. I've struggled mentally more, with anxiety, and am starting counselling next week actually.

It still worries me how I'll cope with a newborn, but don't have much choice now! There is never a right time, whether you're completely fit and healthy or not, and I know it will be hard when I have flare ups and the baby needs me, but we will cope, and I am so so pleased to be near the end of this part of the journey so hubby can share some of the work!

Oh, to add, the hormones have been great for my fibro. Still struggle a bit, but my stamina is better and flare ups aren't so major. Worried about the lack of hormones after birth, but will face that when it comes to it!

What I'm trying to say is if it's what you really want you'll find a way to make it work. It's daunting and scary and you need lots of support around you, but its completely possible and I can't wait to meet the little person that is about to change my life forever!

Lucy xxx
Health is not valued until sickness comes. ~Thomas Fuller
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Re: Pregnancy

Postby stodgers » Thu Oct 23, 2014 3:53 pm

I've had 2 babies since having fibro
I wasn't diagnosed when i had the first one but was with my second who is now 16 months.
The thought of it terrified me second time around and i worried so much about how i would cope with pregnancy and a newborn. I didn't have the best pregnancy but it was no worse than lots of other women. As for coping with a newborn i just did! He had reflux and colic and cried no stop but i managed as well as anyone else and got through it. Hormones made my fibro improve massively which helped! I took painkillers though and was monitored throughout and all was fine!

You will be fine it's built in to us i think and u just manage :)
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Re: Pregnancy

Postby lotts » Tue Nov 04, 2014 10:23 am

Thanks everyone for your advice! Sorry i haven't been on here for a while.

Lottie
xx
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Re: Pregnancy

Postby Duirra » Wed Nov 05, 2014 10:34 pm

I'm 29 and planning to get married some time next year and starting on children a year or so after that with a man I've known for over a decade. That is the plan. My significant other and I both want children, but I worry. I worry if I'll be able to cope. I worry about the pain, about my children having fibro, about post partem depression, about miscarriage, and so much more. Sure, I might have fibro-y things to worry about, but I have plenty of worries that I think anyone would have. It reassures me, those normal worries. While we both want three we've both agreed to see how we handle just the one before we make any more decisions.

I know he'll do his best and I know I'll do my best. That my best may likely be less than his doesn't change that. For me, the choice is clear. I'm sick, but that's no reason not to have as full a life as I can grab with both hands. I have seriously considered adoption, though. He is strongly opposed to the idea. I think I want the whole life experience, you know? Touch my own belly and feel the life inside. I want to participate in the family stories around the table about this person's pregnancy and that one. I think, if it were just me, I'd birth one child and adopt the other two (to reach the somehow magical number of three children XP ). The knowledge that with my man against adoption I'll have to bare all the children we want...Well...It makes me hesitate a bit, that's for sure. And I may decide after the first one that that is all I can do. But I'm willing to try.

I worry about losing my shape! I worry about stretch marks! Oh vanity, must your rear your head now? Those simply worries actually comfort me. I focus on those worries to give me normalcy. Instead of worrying about not be able to get up when the baby is crying. But I don't forget those worries. Fibro worries and normal ones. In the end we must all make our own choices and live with results. For me, I ask myself "Can I live with this choice?" If my children have fibro can I live with the guilt of that? Fibro is riddled through both sides of my family. It's a possibility. Can I live with the choice of not baring my own children when I have a man who loves me, takes care of me, understands that a lot of the weight will be on his shoulders, and still wants children with me? When I want them, too? I spent many years asking myself those sorts of questions. Only in asking yourself and others can you come to your own decision on such an emotional subject.

And now that I am done with my block of text -quickly adds some paragraph shapes in there- I think I'll leave you to your own thinking. No matter your choice, it will be the right one for you. :)
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Re: Pregnancy

Postby lotts » Thu Nov 20, 2014 11:57 am

Thanks Duirra, That reply really helped, your situation sounds pretty similar to mine! I've decided to just chill out about it for now and deal with it step by step when it happens.

Lottie
xx
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