Turning into a hermit

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Turning into a hermit

Postby katherine244 » Thu Nov 20, 2014 6:05 pm

I think I'm becoming a hermit. My partner and i have a wedding to go to this weekend and I'm dreadudreading it. The effort to socialise with people whilst feeling crap and the time it will take to recover from the experience afterwards.....
And we have to stay away for two nights with it being hundreds of miles away so less sleep because it's a strange bed! And many people will be staying so the social thing will be a whole weekend and not just the wedding.
Ah, too much moaning but can't say it anywhere else so I'm getting it out of the way here before we go!!
Oh yes, and the bride has leukemia so my moan is nothing in comparison..... :cry:
Still dreading it though.....
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Re: Turning into a hermit

Postby Zia2014 » Thu Nov 20, 2014 6:31 pm

I am a hermit. We should form a club :mrgreen:

Most of my friends don't want to know and aren't interested if I can't go to them. So I plan in lots of stuff to do, support groups, courses, exercise (gentle!) classes, that sort of thing. If I didn't I would stay in all week and go out of my mind with boredom, although I do then feel bad if I have to cancel.

I think what you've described sounds like a lot of effort! Can you plan to go to your room for rests in-between stuff? I would be craving a quiet dark lie down tbh!

Do your friends know you have fibro?
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Re: Turning into a hermit

Postby jules50 » Thu Nov 20, 2014 8:15 pm

Hello I'm new to the forums but can sympathise as I have missed a close relatives funeral as the journey and arrangements involved meant I couldn't manage it. Very disappointed.
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Re: Turning into a hermit

Postby carolad » Thu Nov 20, 2014 8:35 pm

katherine244 wrote:I think I'm becoming a hermit. My partner and i have a wedding to go to this weekend and I'm dreadudreading it. The effort to socialise with people whilst feeling crap and the time it will take to recover from the experience afterwards.....
And we have to stay away for two nights with it being hundreds of miles away so less sleep because it's a strange bed! And many people will be staying so the social thing will be a whole weekend and not just the wedding.
Ah, too much moaning but can't say it anywhere else so I'm getting it out of the way here before we go!!
Oh yes, and the bride has leukemia so my moan is nothing in comparison..... :cry:
Still dreading it though.....


I'm not surprised you are dreading it - sounds exhausting! Not sure what to suggest, other than what Zia has said. Are you staying where the reception is? If you are, you could go for a lie down during the day and keep your socialising to short bursts? I know that may not be possible though :( Other than that...extra meds to help you sleep? And make sure you
have nothing planned for a few days afterwards.

This probably hasn't been at all helpful - no doubt you've already thought of these things! I hope you manage ok and you can get some enjoyment out of it when you are there x
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Re: Turning into a hermit

Postby kazza65 » Thu Nov 20, 2014 9:51 pm

Like the other lady said think we should form a club...


i used to be very active and would go here there and everywhere on my own. Now i don't want to venture out on my own or even when there is somebody with me. My daughter asks me to go places and i try and make an excuses so i don't have to go. I running out of excuses as not to go. I would rather stay in my safe haven were nobody will look at me or even talk to me.
I used to go to a support group for my fibro but because my daughter was working i wouldn't go so i've lost touch with group. I just wish i could grow the courage to go again. I also have found that i don't like been in the house on my own. So now when everybody has gone to work i go and stay the morning with my father in law home from work.
Live life to the full as you don't know when it will end xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
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Re: Turning into a hermit

Postby dazzleship » Thu Nov 20, 2014 11:15 pm

another one for the hermit club here :snowgrumpy:

as carolad said, that does sound like a tiring day (I'm exhausted just reading about it). :sleep:

I guess you have to weigh up whether it will actually be worth it - will the enjoyment you will get from the day outweigh the pain and exhaustion you'll feel at the time and afterwards?

me and hubby had quite a tiring weekend a few weeks ago for a special trip out but it was most definitely worth it and although I was tired afterwards I wouldn't have missed it for the world. do you feel the same about this wedding? does it mean a lot to you?

the problem is that fibro can be emotionally exhausting as I'm sure others will agree.. it's not just physical movement which is tiring, but anything that is emotionally 'heavy' such as a lot of social interaction, stress, etc. etc.

and as for the bride having leukaemia - although that of course is sad and is more serious than fibro, that does not in itself mean that your worries and problems are not important. you have your own issues which are very real and very valid, and you shouldn't let anyone or anything make you feel guilty for that. :-)

good luck whatever you decide to do.
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Re: Turning into a hermit

Postby Hannah24 » Thu Nov 20, 2014 11:44 pm

Hi,
I too feel like I've become a hermit. Two weekends ago it was my friend's daughters christening but I just couldn't go. Even if we had paid £100 to stay in the hotel I couldn't bare the thought of her friends and family seeing me in a wheelchair. These people used to know me before the fibro and even after explaining the condition it's never really understood. The though of judgement just sets my anxiety into overdrive.
I couldn't tell her the truth (which makes me feel like a s******* friend) as I hated the thought of her knowing the truth.

I can't even go into my current home town as I fear the thought of my in-laws (with whom we don't have contact anymore) seeing me with a walking stick or wheelchair as I fear their judgement and opinions. They are not the most sympathetic people and my fibro (and their lack of understanding) is part of the reason why my husband, children and I don't have contact with them. I don't think I could even go back to the town where I grew up as I can't stand the thought of people I once knew seeing me as the person I am today.

When people ask am I agoraphobic, it's hard to answer as it feels like I becoming that way. I can only go out with my kids and husband, to places where I don't know people, providing I don't have to travel too far and I have the right equipment, that I can get home easily, on the right sort of day, in the right sort of mood, and when I know that I can spend the next day or two (even week or two at times) recovering.

It's shocking to think that this is my life!
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Re: Turning into a hermit

Postby Mandyunicorns » Fri Nov 21, 2014 3:13 am

Hi all,
I have all these feelings & fears but all my family say is you can't let it rule you! I wish I could make people understand-there is so much ignorance out there.

I had never experienced anxiety before I was diagnosed,I ran my own business, was so active and busy. Now I have a panic attack about going food shopping!!!!!! Getting ready exhausts me & then I end up not going out. I have missed family events Christenings etc...

I was harassed into going on a family holiday in caravans-as their was a dozen of us!!!! :yikes: :nono: NEVER EVER AGAIN. I felt like a pain in the butt,the younger fit ones including my OH went sea kayaking and i was left to babysit there 80yr old grandad. I tried so hard to socialise but again all I did was feel in the way(wheelchair etc in hol night club) :nono: :nono: NEVER AGAIN :crazy:

I am so GLAD for these forums at least I know I'm not :crazy: now. GREAT BIG THANK YOU TO ALL ADMINS AND ANYONE ELSE WHO HELPS RUN THEM :-D :-) I don't know where I would be without them! Especially at this time in morn when I can't sleep because of pain :roll:

Mandy Unicorn Blessings :-D
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Re: Turning into a hermit

Postby moomoos » Fri Nov 21, 2014 3:55 am

I'll join the club too.

Never go anywhere. No one to go with even if I wanted to go anywhere. :-|
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Re: Turning into a hermit

Postby dazzleship » Fri Nov 21, 2014 7:37 am

isn't it sad how so many of us feel we can't go anywhere because of worrying how people who know us will react, or because it's too hard for us to explain to friends/family that we can't do certain things, etc. :(

it shouldn't be that way, and my gut feeling says "ignore them, to heck with them all, just do what you want to do" but - and I know I'm not alone here - it's just not that easy for some of us, is it?

:hugs: to all going through this. hopefully we will find the confidence we need someday.
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Re: Turning into a hermit

Postby Mandyunicorns » Fri Nov 21, 2014 9:50 am

I personally feel sad that the Fibro is doing this to us, believe me it's not about confidence for me or people i know seeing me. It's the constant pain and how that makes me feel on a daily basis. Having no energy to do anything, even showering is exhausting! That's the physical pain causing me to mentally feel down and so the anxiety & panic attack kick in (i assume-i'm no dr but I never had them before Fibro) I want to go out but my body/Fibro stops me!
I don't know if this is the correct place to ask but does anyone suffer from there face swelling up with Fibro?
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Re: Turning into a hermit

Postby katherine244 » Fri Nov 21, 2014 3:40 pm

I am sure that on this occasion the pain will far outweigh the enjoyment, however I have attended all of my families weddings over the last few years so i don't feel I can miss this one as it is a member of my partner's family this time.

Fortunately we are staying in the same place that the whole event takes place, including the ceremony so it will be guilt that keeps me from going for a rest rather than anything else. I'm normally in bed really early but tonight we won't arrive until about 10 so that's not really an option, but hopefully I can go to bed as soon as we arrive and miss the socialising until tomorrow.

My pills don't seem to be having any effect at the moment, probably because of the change in weather and restless legs are terrible. Also seem to have a constant headache and ibs too.

I just want the weekend to be over already. The only bonus is I am not working right now so next week I have until Wednesday to recover before my next interview.....

We should definitely form a hermit club though!!!

I think the thought of going to places out of the ordinary is almost as exhausting as actually going to them. Just the apprehension for weeks beforehand xx
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Re: Turning into a hermit

Postby carolad » Fri Nov 21, 2014 11:09 pm

Aw Katherine, you shouldn't feel guilty :( Look after yourself, first and foremost, so if you can go for a lie down for periods throughout the day, do it. I'm sure your family and friends would rather see you for less time, while you are feeling (comparatively) well, rather than see you for the whole time and have you in pain and exhausted.

I hope you get through it ok xx
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Re: Turning into a hermit

Postby madchickenlady » Sat Nov 22, 2014 12:12 am

Is the wedding being held at a hotel and if so do they have any spa type treatments on offer, I'm thinking of jacuzzi type bath or hot tub,maybe if they do you could factor in some relaxing spa time,there is also no shame in going off for a rest at some point during the day of the wedding or in not staying up until the bitter end, you need to work some rest periods into the weekend so that you can enjoy it and also not pay for it for days afterwards :-)
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