disgruntled carer

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disgruntled carer

Postby jules50 » Mon Dec 08, 2014 4:33 pm

What do you do when however hard you try to let them have hobbies time away from you you still feel as if you are a burden to them because you have fibromyalgia?
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Re: disgruntled carer

Postby Theresa34 » Mon Dec 08, 2014 4:51 pm

Who's the carer and how do they feel about caring for you? Open lines of communication and tell them how you feel x
I am a fibro fighter not a fibro sufferer. I will keep fighting from the minute I get up til the minute I go to bed.
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Re: disgruntled carer

Postby Timelordess » Mon Dec 08, 2014 5:02 pm

My husband is my carer, I'm forever asking him to go out, do something, go somewhere....he won't. It upsets me as I need time away from him, as much as he really needs some breather time. I love him, and am very thankful for everything he does for me and my/our children.
Hope you have more luck than me, just wanted you to know that I have the same problem.
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Re: disgruntled carer

Postby MilYvieMum » Mon Dec 08, 2014 5:58 pm

My hubby is also my main carer, along with my kids. I make sure they have a life away from me. My hubby goes to a writing group twice a month and my kids have lots of hobbies including dance and drama. They're also supported by young carers and school, via counselling.

Why not look at it in a different way. How about you getting a hobby that hubby won't do, knit and natter or a book club and get him to drop you off, or how about going with him to the gym or pool and you could read a book, have a cuppa while he swims or something. He is probably terrified of leaving you just in case..... If you do something where you're both doing something he might feel better about it.
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Re: disgruntled carer

Postby Duirra » Mon Dec 08, 2014 7:52 pm

MilYvieMum wrote:He is probably terrified of leaving you just in case..... If you do something where you're both doing something he might feel better about it.

This. My significant other has always been clear about this. When I'm having a good day and doing lots he worries less, though he still worries. He's just scared of leaving me to fend for myself if I can't. He thinks I'll starve, go cold, be attacked by burglars (who knows what goes through that mans head! lol!) if he isn't right there with me. Never mind that I can get up and get myself my own darn snacks and perfectly capable of getting an other blanket or turn on the heater. He worries. He loves me. It's normal.

I worry about him, too. Slipping on the ice when he goes out to get me something from the store. Stupid, but true.

What's important is communication. He's always clear that yes, he worries about me, but he feels useful and helpful doing things for e and taking care of me. He assures me it's not too much and he's not feeling pressured or stressed or overwhelmed. And I ask him. If I'm feeling insecure and burdensome because I haven't been up to doing anything I ask him about it and he tells me and vise versa. As long as we're open about things we do just fine.
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Re: disgruntled carer

Postby dazzleship » Mon Dec 08, 2014 10:01 pm

jules50 wrote:What do you do when however hard you try to let them have hobbies time away from you you still feel as if you are a burden to them because you have fibromyalgia?

first of all, as others have said, talk. that's the most important thing because if you don't discuss what your worries and fears are, and let this other person (whoever it is?) discuss their worries and fears then things will just build up and that's never a good thing.

but ultimately, the problem is that you have to learn to stop feeling like a burden. easier said than done I know, but you have to let go of feeling like the fibro is everything, because you can't let it overwhelm you and be the be-all-and-end-all of your life.

other people will not be seeing you as a burden, so neither should you. focus on what you can still do, not what you can't.

:hugs:
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Re: disgruntled carer

Postby jules50 » Mon Dec 08, 2014 11:03 pm

Thank you for all the kind replies lots for me to think about there.
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