I surrender

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I surrender

Postby galio » Tue May 26, 2015 11:15 pm

last week i had to give in and take time off work I slept for 36 of the next 48 hours I made a decision to take off a week in the hope i could get back to some sort of normalcy, well today I surrendered phoned the doc and am now signed off for another 2 weeks due to a combination of fibro HMS and depression, after having a breakdown a good few years back I know the signs and it got to a point yesterday that I could no longer ignore them so after a phone chat with my gp he said 2 weeks initially, the depression is mostly caused by me slowly coming to terms with having lost my daughter, I told everyone that it would be at least a year before it started to hit me properly and here I am just over a year after her death and coming up to 2 years to the anniversary of her diagnosis, I think not only my work but the realisation of losing her is causing a major flare, unfortunately I cannot take any antidepressants due to sever reactions to them, and my past way of beating it to submission in the gym is no longer an option, so I have this time to try and start from scratch again pacing myself back to some sort of half decent level of walking, and dragging myself out of bed to potter in the garden and take photos with my camera which over night seems to have put on about 5 stone in weight!
but tomorrow I WILL bake a cake, I love baking but my fibro dont, but I am going to be kind to me and do things I like doing and to hell with my fibro I will suffer the consequences while eating the cake!!!
tomorow in smilies lol
:shooting:
:cake:
:sick:
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Re: I surrender

Postby FionaG » Tue May 26, 2015 11:40 pm

Hi,

I'm so sorry to hear about your daughter and that you're going through such a hard time. It sounds like you've done the right thing by noticing the signs and taking time off work. I hope the time off really helps you. :) I really enjoy baking too, but it makes me sore too! I think we have to say to hell with the consequences sometimes though, as you said, & do what we enjoy so we don't go totally mad! & yes, the resulting cakey yummyness definitely makes baking all the more worthwhile, heehee! :p

Sending you gentle hugs & prayers... :) xx

(Oh, & I love your day-in-smilies, haha!!)
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Re: I surrender

Postby Jeany » Wed May 27, 2015 6:45 am

Galio you are doing exactly the right thing. I too had a very bad breakdown approx 3 years ago, and then was diagnosed with ME & fibro the following year.

You like me know the signs, and also know that having 1 breakdown means you are always at high risk of having another. I haven't been able to work for 3 1/2 years, and I struggle to accept that my body and brain won't allow me to be the active person I used to be, but I have learnt that this is my time and the best medicine in the world is being kind to myself. Doing even small things that make you feel good such as baking your cakes and going into the garden pottering are just what you need. Being aware of small pleasures, sights, sounds, smells and appreciating the good things in life we sometimes forget because we are too busy dashing around.

Your health is the most important thing, so don't feel guilty just take your time to recover to a level where you may return to work.

I wish you all the best. x
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Re: I surrender

Postby TheHud » Wed May 27, 2015 10:49 am

Galio

you go girl. I used to fight and fight and ignore as much as I can the fact I will stop functioning not long after 8-)

Your post has made me realise that lately I have been doing far too much wallowing. I have managed to hold everyone and everything together for the last 10 years, I can do it again. Fair to self things are pretty bad currently and yes, the dreaded tearfulness is bubbling anytime it feels like it, mostly in private, public personna must be maintained at all cost, stiff upper lip and all that!

Seriously I feel for you, having a daughter myself and can't imagine the pain of losing her, just can't try and think about it.

So I need to get on, paint the doors, seal the window I have been looking at for days, hoover the house,basically just go for it today (with plenty of lyrica and painkillers) and accept that tomorrow I must try and do the same. I have an advantage over most of you, I can't sleep and staying in bed is not an option although I wish it was, I am constantly on the move, arthritis, cramps etc. So instead of wandering around looking at stuff that needs doing, getting angry, b.gger the pain and daily repercussion's, I am going to do what I bloomin well want to do regardless of this disgraceful disease. Other people are worse off than me :-D

Thank you again Galio for giving me a kick up the backside.

Yvonne
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Re: I surrender

Postby galio » Wed May 27, 2015 8:42 pm

well the cake was lovely I put more lemon in that the recipe said cos the last one i made was ok but i like a lemon cake to be cheek sucking lol Im glad my post has encouraged some of you to have ago for it day I just hope you dont suffer too much because of it, I have jsut started on Lyrica last week and don't know if its doing anything for me as yet, but will keep going with it for now. my way forward now is setting daily and weekly challenges, my weekly one is to get up by 10am regardless of how I feel daily was cake today if its dry some gardening tomorrow if its wet scones! I took my sick note to work with half the cake (trying to watch the weight and its too moreish to leave in the kitchen for long) My new (as in only worked there a year) head teacher was realy suportive and has encouraged me to get out ad about not just stick to the house, and not to worry about what anyone says as many dont realise that that is a huge challenge for someone with depression, she has also said take as long as i need and when i feel up to it to just pop in at break time and have a cuppa with them and that I dont have to go back full time straight off i can go in for an hour now and then and build it up again.
i think the cake did it lol so tomorow in smilies


:sleep:

:face-slap:
:bricks:
:cow-wave:

:sick:


realy need more smilies with gardening but the ton of bricks it to represent the raised bed Im hopoing to get built very soon once i have cleared the plot for it
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Re: I surrender

Postby TheHud » Thu May 28, 2015 9:12 am

I think alot of us go mad, then suffer. I went to bed last night at 8, woke up at 11, took tablets and did eye drops, went back to bed, woke up at 12, came down and went back at 2, slept again til 4, then again til 6am. This is an amazing sleep for me and I feel 'possible' (never gone to bed before 11 before or the night is a longer torture).

However I was ill before bed and I will let you into a little secret. On monday, I laid a carpet, properly, put in a load of plants and dug up a patch ready for new fruit bushes arriving today. On tuesday I painted 3 doors and anything else that did not move, on wednesday more doors and a window sill. So last night I crashed in an almighty way, everything had kicked off including total exhaustion, my left eye would not open and I had my body trapped by cushions to try and stop the spasms. It also felt like my heart was coming out from behind my ears, skin burning all over, had wet flannels everywhere and 3 of my toes were buzzing, not tingling, buzzing like many bees were trying to get out. The small animal (it usually visits at night) was gnawing at my insides and I could not stand. Cracker! Only option loads of tabs (added an anti histamine) and bed.

I call this kind of attack, body tourette's, especially the head and shoulder spasm thing, ooh and the legs, you have to laugh or you......

So today I will prepare for the decorator ;) And carry on regardless, good song that :crazy:
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Re: I surrender

Postby galio » Fri May 29, 2015 12:25 am

the Hud your putting me to shame lol, todays challenge was a walk, well the first one was short with my son to the recycling carrying a bag of glass bottles, forgot I had put map my walk on and we stood outside discussing my plans for raised beds, we moved a few very heavy blocks about looking at options on how to overlap without cutting some, so the 10 min walk took 35 according to my app lol , then we wandered up and down every aisle in our local asda, next tiem im doing that im gonna map my walk and see how far we actualy walk lol
I also walked round the local street to bank and cafe and back to car, neither of them was a walk in my eyes so after drivng hubbie to the pub I went for a walk with my camera, now that was a nice walk just over a mile in half an hour with lots of stops to shoot things. I am working my way up to decorating, last autum I papered and painted 2 rooms for my son well I did one coat he did one coat, but i did all the glossing, now I am desperate to start on my house but dont know what I want to do lol so the garden it wil be. we are thinking of getting on and building the beds ourselves as we know what we want to do and hubbie will :- a take ages to get round to it. b not listen and do it wrong. c get fed up and stop half way through! just need to get him out the way for a few days while we do it and then its fate acomplie lol
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Re: I surrender

Postby TheHud » Fri May 29, 2015 7:16 am

You know what Galio

We are both bonkers, long may we reign :lol:

I am a mad camera shooter too. I tend to take most in my garden (Asda and walking is a problem for me past about 10 meters currently), which is my guilty secret, it's designed for taking pics. I have a super digital SLR style camera, chosen for being light and having a good shape for holding. Still I am finding more often than not that I can now only hold it for a few seconds. Just as well it has the flip screen but I prefer to look through the lens.

My garden last June ish
(please contact via personal message for link)

So Camera's and gardens, walking plus decorating are the things we challenge ourselves with.

What does everyone else do?
Last edited by *Lisa* on Sun May 31, 2015 12:57 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Reason: deleted facebook link for security reasons
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Re: I surrender

Postby galio » Fri May 29, 2015 11:18 am

that's not a garden its a jungle lol, my garden is not very big and since moving in 8 years ago I have slowly been making it mine but at that time I was still able to do a lot more walking so most weekends were took up with exploring our new locality and finding lovely wee 5/6 mile wanders lol, so its not changed too much, the front has been going to be done but 5 years ago the council said they were taking 1/3 to 1/2 of it to put in a parking bay and foot path, so I left it half cleared. I got fed up waiting and last year started on the bit next tothe house, well along came the council saying they were going to do the work, so by November and no word of them buying my land I just gon on and did the hare landscaping on one part of it, guess what? neighbour in council house says she was told there coming to do it this year, well I ant holding my breath! I shoot with a nikon D5000 DLSR I moved up gradually over the last 10 years from a basic point and shoot through a fuji with some control on settings to a sony A2000 that got frustrating as it didn't have a bulb setting so I could do long exposures to the nikon which I bought 2nd hand from a friend, I love it but honestly it needs to go on a diet, Im sure its put on about 2 stone in the last week!!!! I love shooting flowers but I challenged myself a few years ago to do more different subjects so now shoot anything if it stays still long enoiugh for me to get it in focus, well no that a lie long enough for me to get the camera on and up to my eye lol.
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Re: I surrender

Postby bandj » Fri May 29, 2015 6:55 pm

I'm no good with a camera but love looking at my friend's photos as she takes amazing photos. I potter in the garden, when I can concentrate I make jewellery, do knitting or cross stitch. I've also just finished my first year of an open uni course. So even though I'm signed off work I keep busy. My hubby has loads of health issues so I look after his medication and appointments. We also have a lovely german shepherd dog who is autistic so I take him to training once a week. :dogrun1: which is great fun. :-D
There are these three things that remain: faith, hope and love. And the greatest of these is LOVE.
1 Corinthians 13:13
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Re: I surrender

Postby galio » Fri May 29, 2015 10:46 pm

oh my an autistic dog lol and a shep at that, my son would love a shep, he would like to be able to train it to help him do stuff liek empty the washing machine and pick stuff up for him, we had one when i was growing up and when she died my parents kindly got another while I was away from home introducing my beloved to family, came back to the biggest one ever jumping up and barking at the door, had to go down to bar (we lived in a british legion club ) i thought it may belong to one of the band who were playing that day and with it being hot that they had put it in the flat, well no it was ours and she wasn't full grown either. oh just take her a walk says they, not telling me it loved the water so when i took her along the river I ended up in it with her lol . I worked for 15 years in a unit for severely autistic children before moving further north in Scotland. I am still working alibet on the sick for mental health issues just now, but hope to keep working as long as i can, i was so pleased that i did a whole term from oct to xmas with out a day off but not been so fortunate this side of that!
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Re: I surrender

Postby galio » Fri May 29, 2015 10:52 pm

tomorrows challenge is going to this event and trying to control the panic attacks that I have started having.

http://www.nts.org.uk/Events/Drum-Castl ... um-Castle/


:f1-car:
:too-upset:
:scream-1:
[chocolate] [chocolate] [chocolate]
galio
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Re: I surrender

Postby bandj » Sat May 30, 2015 7:08 pm

Sounds like fun, Galio, how did you get on?
There are these three things that remain: faith, hope and love. And the greatest of these is LOVE.
1 Corinthians 13:13
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Re: I surrender

Postby galio » Sat May 30, 2015 10:39 pm

was a great day cost a bomb lol, they had a grow a bag of herbs stall bring your own bag they filled it with compost and you got to choose 8 herbs for £12 to put in it, bloody cheap way to get herbs they're bout £2 a pot in the garden centres! then we went to a garden centre near by and spent another £40 on liners and plants for our hanging baskets!! oops!but finished off our day by son getting pallets for his raised beds delivered free and I ended up in the pub with a few mini bottles of wine, to hell with the lyrica saying do not drink alcohol, been there with my daughter and doc said it would do 1 of 2 things either make you sick or make the alcohol more effective well I haven't been sick lol



:wine: :wine: :wine:

:cake: :cake: [chocolate] [chocolate]

ah well bye bye diet tonight lol
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Re: I surrender

Postby galio » Sat May 30, 2015 11:02 pm

(please contact via personal message for link)

dont know if it will let you see it hud but you can always add me as a friend if you wish.
Last edited by *Lisa* on Sun May 31, 2015 12:58 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Reason: deleted facebook link for security reasons
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