Am I just lazy?

All your fibromyalgia experiences, questions and answers.

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Am I just lazy?

Postby Lazyass » Sat Jun 13, 2015 8:15 pm

Hi guys just wondering how you all cope with waking up in the morning.
I really struggle as I find it hard to get to sleep then by the morning I'm gone and nothing is waking me up.
I've had trouble with my children's school as they have missed days when I was unable to wake up or I was just in too much pain to move.
I have sent an email to the school explaining fibromyalgia and I got a really snotty email back saying I shouldn't let my problems affect my children. Also she has 3 friends who have fibromyalgia so she knows all about it!
What are your thoughts?
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Re: Am I just lazy?

Postby Garyl » Sat Jun 13, 2015 8:25 pm

who ever sent that from school needs sacking. Fibromyalgia is a go damn awful illness and they should realise you are suffering and make allowances.I suffer from it and have started having bad falls as i am losing cntrol if my legs more
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Re: Am I just lazy?

Postby Lazyass » Sat Jun 13, 2015 8:34 pm

That email was from the head teacher! I honestly felt like I'd been punched in the gut.
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Re: Am I just lazy?

Postby Lazyass » Sat Jun 13, 2015 8:38 pm

This is the email I got sent
Hi Emily,

I understand your illness is very difficult for you to deal with and it must be incredibly hard coping with it. I I am aware of the illness as I know 3 people with it. It's very important though that it does not affect your children's education. Your children are of great concern to me at the moment. They need to be in school daily to provide them with the education they are entitled to and it is your responsibility as their mum (the adult) to do this. You have had the offer of a neighbour to help you with the children and lifts and further support may be needed which you need to discuss with all agencies you are involved with. The children are not presenting well at school they are sometimes tired, dirty and hungry and emotionally very unstable. I have suggested you all visit the doctor for extra support and counselling. I'm sure you agree this is not how you want your children to be. Contact with yourself is very difficult because you will not return phone calls and other agencies find this difficult too. Your condition should not be a reason to make your children suffer.
Emily your children need to be in school daily, having eaten breakfast and be well presented (washed, clean clothes, with socks etc) , you have had time to put this into place, support from agencies and this can't continue. I understand life is very hard for you all and very upsetting but as a school we can't sit back and watch your children suffer. We need the children in daily or the Education Welfare Officer will be paying you visits to fine you and social care will be informed. I am happy to meet and discuss any of the above information
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Re: Am I just lazy?

Postby Hannah24 » Sat Jun 13, 2015 8:39 pm

Hi,

Just a word of warning, but be careful, as your school may refer you to social services if your children are unable to attend school because of your disability. Although I have heard that some schools can be really supportive the last thing you need is children's services breathing down your neck and being subject to child protection proceedings....

No your not lazy - you suffer with a chronic condition and you are probably doing the best you can. It might be worth trying to access some support to help you get the children to school - although again this is not easy and it can sometimes cause more problems then help. Is there any parents local to you that might be able to help?

I hope you find a way to improve your situation.
Good luck
Hannah x
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Re: Am I just lazy?

Postby Cjalex » Sat Jun 13, 2015 9:09 pm

Please do not warn against children's services I know that they can be a pain and cause worry . But there also there to help contact them ask for help adult services can help u with support or funds for support x and children's services can help with the children there is a organisation that I can't remember name of but you need to ask for help x or that will look bad on u in the long run xx you are not lazy I'm lucky to have hubby to look after kids xxx
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Re: Am I just lazy?

Postby Susan Stokes » Sun Jun 14, 2015 9:19 am

Hi, notlazyass, Reading the email from school I am not surprised that you feel you've been punched. Maybe your GP could help with a change of medication or something. No matter how many people she knows with fibro, every one of us is different, with different abilities and challenges. Try to stay positive, look after yourself and try not to let this extra stress drag you down.
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Re: Am I just lazy?

Postby Zia2014 » Mon Jun 15, 2015 1:52 pm

Oh wow that email really is something. I can see she's trying to tactful but she keeps pressing her points and in all honesty it comes across as slightly threatening. As for "emotionally very unstable" - wtf? Not her place to say that, it's really not.

Having said that from what she's said there is obviously some background to this - she mentions the neighbour and you are already involved with agencies - can you elaborate on what's happened so far so we can try and help you appropriately?
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Re: Am I just lazy?

Postby MPSGuy » Mon Jun 15, 2015 5:41 pm

Zia2014 wrote:Oh wow that email really is something. I can see she's trying to tactful but she keeps pressing her points and in all honesty it comes across as slightly threatening. As for "emotionally very unstable" - wtf? Not her place to say that, it's really not.

Having said that from what she's said there is obviously some background to this - she mentions the neighbour and you are already involved with agencies - can you elaborate on what's happened so far so we can try and help you appropriately?

I feel sorry for the OP but the teacher's job is to look after the children. If the children are arriving at school hungry, dirty and poorly dressed this raises a child protection issue for the school. They have a moral and legal duty to keen an eye on those kids. The email suggests they have tried to phone and have more informal conversations with her but she is not replying to them.... that is probably why the email is so blunt.

OP I do NOT think you are lazy but you are clearly struggling badly at the moment and need some support ASAP.

Please seek immediate help from family, friends, the GP or social services, or any other people you know that might help you. Having Fibro is terrible but it is not an excuse for not getting your children to school on time, clean, well dressed, fed and ready to learn.
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Re: Am I just lazy?

Postby carolad » Mon Jun 15, 2015 9:54 pm

I can understand you being upset, but I agree with MPSguy - I think the teacher is just doing her job in looking out for the children's welfare and education. It sounds like you aren't coping so please don't struggle on alone. There is no shame in admitting you need some assistance, even just in the short term until you feel more on top of things.
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Re: Am I just lazy?

Postby Zia2014 » Tue Jun 16, 2015 3:16 pm

I do agree and know full well about teachers responsibilities having worked in a school. But I still think her email is out of line. Think we'll have to agree to disagree on that :)

Anyway I did ask questions in my second paragraph that would help clarify things when the OP comes back.
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Re: Am I just lazy?

Postby divingforPearls » Wed Jun 17, 2015 9:34 am

Hi,

Practicalities; lay out all their clothes the night before, even put cereal and bowls out ready too; set your alarm on a radio channel that you like, quite loudly, even invest in alarm clock radios for the kids, no matter how young they are!; get all their bags ready the night before. Maybe write yourself a list of things to do the night before and stick it to the wall; make sure you have enough spare hair brushes as I can spend precious fraught minutes in the morning looking for one! If your kids have long hair, get them short hair cuts. Speak to your children so they know what they have to do, draw pictures together of what they need to do - a picture list. In my opinion, emails are a nightmare for miscommunication and you'd be better off speaking to the school in person. Keep the lines of communications open, school want the best for your children. Accept the neighbours help. You can do this, just find a half an hour during the evening when you have some energy, to prepare. Perhaps you need to be even more organized than a person who doesn't suffer like you do. When it has got to the stage of talk of social services, you need to put in some structures for coping. And no matter how young your children are, they can be educated to do more things for themselves in the morning, if you have prepared the night before. I am not this organized by the way, but I have little trouble getting up in the mornings + a husband + older children. Focus all your energies on the morning school run, it is critical now. Make sure you eat well too! There are lots of dietary changes you can make to give you even just a little more energy. Oats, bananas, Vitamin C rich food. I wish you well, school does demand a lot from us parents, but I imagine that they will notice even small improvements, as they are watching closely. (I must take mine for a haircut......)
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Re: Am I just lazy?

Postby carolad » Wed Jun 17, 2015 11:22 am

divingforPearls wrote:Hi,

Practicalities; lay out all their clothes the night before, even put cereal and bowls out ready too; set your alarm on a radio channel that you like, quite loudly, even invest in alarm clock radios for the kids, no matter how young they are!; get all their bags ready the night before. Maybe write yourself a list of things to do the night before and stick it to the wall; make sure you have enough spare hair brushes as I can spend precious fraught minutes in the morning looking for one! If your kids have long hair, get them short hair cuts. Speak to your children so they know what they have to do, draw pictures together of what they need to do - a picture list. In my opinion, emails are a nightmare for miscommunication and you'd be better off speaking to the school in person. Keep the lines of communications open, school want the best for your children. Accept the neighbours help. You can do this, just find a half an hour during the evening when you have some energy, to prepare. Perhaps you need to be even more organized than a person who doesn't suffer like you do. When it has got to the stage of talk of social services, you need to put in some structures for coping. And no matter how young your children are, they can be educated to do more things for themselves in the morning, if you have prepared the night before. I am not this organized by the way, but I have little trouble getting up in the mornings + a husband + older children. Focus all your energies on the morning school run, it is critical now. Make sure you eat well too! There are lots of dietary changes you can make to give you even just a little more energy. Oats, bananas, Vitamin C rich food. I wish you well, school does demand a lot from us parents, but I imagine that they will notice even small improvements, as they are watching closely. (I must take mine for a haircut......)


Excellent advice :-) Also if you have problems waking up, it is good to have a second alarm clock (with a very loud, annoying alarm that you can't ignore!) on the other side of your bedroom so you HAVE to get out of bed to turn it off.
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Re: Am I just lazy?

Postby SchroedingersCat » Wed Jun 17, 2015 12:07 pm

carolad wrote:Also if you have problems waking up, it is good to have a second alarm clock (with a very loud, annoying alarm that you can't ignore!) on the other side of your bedroom so you HAVE to get out of bed to turn it off.


I have 3 of those - they're called cats. Once the actual alarm clock has sounded, I am danced on, trampled on, nibbled, scratched and yowled at until kitty breakfast is served. I haven't properly overslept in 10 years (though now I have said that, I'll probably manage it)
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